THIAGO VENTURA - TIGAS E O BEACH PARK l Legendado - STAND UP COMEDY

Thiago Ventura's voice, sending us a shout-out. Yo, the stretch you're about to see now is just a slice of the cake that is my special "Só Agradece". I hope that you watch it and later also watch all of my special, word?

The link is at the end of the video and now you're going to watch the history of Tigas and the water slide. Good video, everyone! The best story I have for you, happened in Brazil.

I went to a place called “Fortaleza”. I went to a park called “Beach Park”. It was me and three more friends.

So, I’m going to introduce them for you. First of all, it was me, Thiago Ventura. Second, Wagner Carroça.

Supporter of the Torcida Jovem do Santos. Frontline of the brawl. Jump kicked coach Emerson Leão.

How do I know that? It made the papers. He cut it out and framed it!

It’s him like this and Leão on the floor. I got to his place, I found it absurd, I said: “Wagner, what is this? ” He said: “Days of glory.

" Those are my friends. . .

The next one: Renan. Bodybuilder. Physical Education teacher.

Do you know those big guys? Lots of muscle. .

. Small dick energy… The next one: Tigas. Calm down!

Calm down, dammit! You are wonderful. The next one: Tigas.

Which is the friend everybody has. You know those friends that are good for nothing? But, when they’re missing, we fucking miss them?

Do you know those friends who don’t have quality or flaw, they’re in life to survive? Do you know those friends who never had money for shit, because they never worked and, out of nowhere, they appear with 50 bucks? You say: “Tigas, what the fuck?

”, he answers: “It was in my backpack! Then I took it and bought churros! ” Tigas is that guy.

It’s just that Tigas, my friends, he has a differential, his mouth is like forwards. Do you know those people who have a mouth forwards? We never talk about it because it’s normal, it’s not ugly nor pretty, it’s just forwards.

The person who’s like this, look: Everybody knows someone who has a mouth forwards, like this: Alright, then. Now you know all of my friends. I want you to pay attention so you don’t miss out the details, ok?

We got inside the van, going to the Beach Park. Everyone in the van, my friends already sleepy, because they had drunk the previous night, behold the Beach Park lady starts explaining about the park. She says like this: “Good morning!

Be very welcome to Fortaleza! Here, we like to start off our day with an excellent good morning, therefore, GOOD MORNING! Yahoo!

Our excursion to the Beach Park takes about 45 minutes. Getting there, it’s noteworthy that we have an attraction called "Insano", which is one of the biggest water slides from Latin America. It is 14 floors high and you get down from there at 60 miles per hour.

Oh, without any protection. Be careful not to fall from up there, or you won’t have a good day! Yahoo!

Another thing worth mentioning: if you don’t know how to swim, please, do not go to that slide. The pool is really deep and you won’t have a good day. Also: if, by chance, you climb up 14 floors and, for being afraid of heights, you decide to climb down the stairs, we have the tradition of booing you until the last step”.

So, dude, look at this: climbed up, are you scared? Every time you come through, there’s someone in your face like this. .

. Then, you climb down, there’s another crowd: “Go suck your mom’s tits, baby! ” When she said that, I said: “What?

! Of course I’m going! So, Carroça, let’s go?

” “Yo, dude, for reals, I face any crowd, you think I’m not going? ” “What up, Renan, let’s go? ” “I lift 180lbs each side on the bench press, you think I’m not going?

” “What up, Tigas, let’s go? ” “Yo, I wanna see if I’m not going to that shit, son! ” We went to the slide, stopped in front of it, looked up, what a fucking high slide!

If you fall from up there, you end up in this city, I swear to you. Kid, I looked up high, there’s the kind of person I love the most in my life which is fat people. I love fat people!

If you’re chubby, fat, really fat, be aware: I love you. Because you have a life philosophy that looks a lot like mine, you know what it is? I don’t give a shit to your opinion.

It’s my life, it’s my body, and I eat as many lasagnas as I want. My father is really fat, he has a great catchphrase which is: Life is only one, bring meatballs! Have you realized that fat people also have a good sense of humor?

You know why? Because if they have a health problem, they can lose weight. What about you, born with a stick up your ass?

Then, alright. I look up there, there’s a beautiful fatty, I got excited, I said: “Hey, fatty…” A pink fatty, damnit. .

. . How I love pink fat people!

Beautiful fatty, no neck, nice tit… Pink! PINK! I said: “Get down, Majin Boo!

” That joke is for few! The fatty starts swinging. He throws himself.

[Babidi's sound] The fatty starts to go down, knocking the head on the slide, the tit hit his face, his belly hits his tit. His deep belly button full of water, it looks like the pipe from which the girl of "The Ring" comes out! The fatty hits the water, doesn’t even sink, he goes out overturning, like this!

He gets up and says: “Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

” Renan looks at Carroça and says: “I’m not going. . .

If a strong man like that is drying, we are going to be ripped apart! ” I asked: “No one’s coming? ” Tigas said: “I’m going!

I told you I’m going, I’m going, son! Are you kidding me? ” Then we’re there, Tigas and I climbing up to go.

. . Y’all liked Tigas, huh?

Then, alright. We’re climbing up 14 floors, me and Tigas. I started talking to Tigas, I said: “Yo, Tigas, for real, can I tell you something?

Oh, you’re crazy, dude. The guys messed up, right? They said they were coming and didn’t!

You’re crazy, the guys, fuck, chickened out, I’m mad! ” “Hey, Big Big, I’m with you, son! If you want me to stop talking to them, I will!

” I said: “No, Tigas, you’re my real ally. You know what I think? That the boys are afraid of the height.

You aren’t afraid of heights, right, Tigas? ” “Oh, afraid of heights my ass! How can I be afraid of heights if I’ve already filled slabs?

Also, Big Big, why am I going to be afraid of heights, how many floors does this have, 6? ” I said: “14”. “Screw me, right?

Shit, 14 floors. dude! Where did you find that out?

” I said: “They said it in the van. " “Fuck, I slept, mofo… 14 floors… Damn, 14 floors…” I said: “What’s going on, Tigas? ” “No, it’s just that 14 is after 13, right?

Fuck, 14 floors… Yo, Big Big, can I tell you something? We will go up, then we’ll get down, I’m gonna look at the guys’ faces and say: 'Yo, your loss, huh? ’.

. . 14 floors.

. . It’s like those people have nothing to do!

14 floors, do some dishes, damn it! Yo, Big Big, I’m gonna tell you something: those guys are morons for not coming. Shit, they’re down there, dry, eating ice cream… We’re the smart ones, 14 floors.

. . 14 floors.

. . But hey, Big Big, leaving here will give me a new life.

. . You’re crazy, man, I’m going to stop saying yes to stuff right away!

” I said: “Tigas, are you sorry you came? ” “No, I’m upset actually. .

. Shit, I didn’t even notice, out of nowhere I’m here! Are you kidding me?

You’re crazy… These wooden structures, it would take them no time to fall. Also good wood for the fucking termites! Big Big, if my mom’s here, I wouldn’t fucking go!

You’re crazy, it’s so fucking high! 14 floors! Yo Big Big, let me ask you something: when you’re feeling dizzy, it’s because you’re going to faint, right?

” I said: “Tigas, are you going to faint? ” “No, it’s because my legs are tingly, yeah, dude? The kill switch can go off real quick!

” I said: “Tigas, are you shitting me that you waited until we climbed all of this to give up? ! ” “Big Big, I won’t give up!

I just don’t agree that being booed is as bad as you say! ” We arrived to the top floor, an endless sky. There was this time when Goku and Piccolo flew through us, like this.

. . This joke is for few.

When I look to the side, there’s a father and a son. The father, clearly upset with the kid and the son so fucking thrilled. You know those happy kids that are like: “My dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad is the best, my dad brought me here, my dad, my dad, my dad, I don’t like my mom, I only like my dad, my dad, my, my, my, my, my dad!

" And you could see on the dad’s face that he never meant to cum inside. That child is a mistake! He boned the fucking annoying mom, blew up the champagne, satan was born!

Then, I looked at the upset father, I said: “Dad, is everything alright? ” He said: “Dude, sorry to unload on you, fuck, dude, look at my son. .

. Super happy, right? It’s just that it’s the third time we come up here and he gives up.

We’ve been booed three times! ” Tigas said: “I only wanted one! ” “But, you want what you can’t have, right, Big Big?

But, look, I’m gonna get to the guys and say: ‘Yo, you missed it, huh? ’ Are you kidding me? ” I said: “Dude, you’ve been booed three times?

” He said like: “Dude, and by the look of it, it’s going to be the fourth… Because he gets excited, when it comes to it, he freezes. " I said: “You know what? I’m going to talk to the kid.

I know how to beat box, I’m going to distract that kid. " I approached the kid, he was agitated, I said: “Lucifer, look what yout uncle can do, check it out. " [beat box] I did the beat box for two minutes.

The kid was like this, look. . .

I said: “So badass, I calmed and distracted the child, I’m going to tell the father. " When I turn to the dad. .

. Can you believe that the father went down the slide and left the kid with me? What a son of a bitch, bro!

I looked down, it was him and the fatty like this, look: “Holy shit! Holy shit! ” Then I hear his son saying: “Where’s my dad, where’s my dad, where’s my dad?

” When I look at the kid, Tigas is all over him like: “I’m your father. . .

If you want to go down the stairs, daddy will go with you…” I gave them both an earful, I said: "You’re going down the slide! ” I did. Never do it.

Shit, water with chloride in your asshole burns like a motherfucker, brother. I miss Japan. Then, I went down the slide, left saying: “Holy shit!

” And, behold: who comes down after me? The kid! The kid did it!

When the kid went down the slide, something in my head clicked. Bro, look what happened. The father have the kid three chances to go down.

Gave him choices. When, on the fourth time, he didn’t give the option to the kid, he went down. The son looked at the alive reference down there and said: “I’m not dying!

” He turned fear into bravery. In an indirect way, the father educated the child. So badass!

I admired that moment. Until I see the son getting out of the pool and going into his father’s direction to hug him with a phlegm on his face! It was a slug!

The father hugged the child, the child hugged the father, I hugged them both, the fatty hugged us all. . .

Everyone was saying: “Holy shit! ” And, Curitiba, for two minutes, I forgot Tigas up there! When I come to my senses, I start to listen… “Go suck your mom’s tits, baby!

” But no, it wasn’t Tigas. It was someone else going down. When I look to the slide, Tigas was there frozen.

You know when the person tries to do the thing, but freezes? Because the slide is like this, man. He froze.

Froze the leg. . .

Froze the arm… The instructor said: “Sir, you have to go down. " “I’m not going! You can tell everyone that the slide is closed!

” “Sir, you have to go down! ” “I’m not going down, sir, how am I going to do it if I don’t feel my legs? ” “Sir, but the line is booing!

” “You have a mouth, you’re supposed to use it, son! I’m not going down, no, I’m not going down! What does it have down there?

” “Sir, there’s a deep pool. " “I don’t know how to swim, brother…” “But, sir, said it in the van! ” “I slept!

Shit, you cannot sleep in this place! I’m not going down. " “Sir, it’s best if you go down, or else I’ll be calling security and you will be booed with security!

” He said: “No, you can’t! I can’t go down through the stairs, instructor. Shit, are you crazy?

If I go down… You don’t know my friends… I want to have a good day! If I go down through the stairs… No, no I can’t! I’d rather die once than dying everyday piece by piece… How do you go down on this shit?

” Then, the guy said: “Cross your legs. " Tigas did. “Cross your arms.

” When it was time to cross the arms, Tigas got nervous and, instead of doing it like this, he crossed them over his head. Tigas, since he was a child, has a little problem on his shoulder. On the impact, at 60 miles per hour, Tigas’ shoulder was dislocated.

He’s myopic, his contact lenses fell off. He doesn’t know how to swim, the pool is deep. In a nutshell, best day of my life!

Dude, when I saw Tigas in the pool, trying to swim without the arm, he looked like Nemo! He was trying to swim, when you resurface, the correct thing is to say: “HELP! ”, Tigas was so confused that, when he resurfaced, he said: “I’m myopic!

” And sank again! The person is drowning and wanting an appointment to the eye doctor! Two lifeguards jump in and save Tigas.

And I’m laughing my ass off. Tigas comes out of the pool, throws up. .

. The fatty says: “Holy shit! ”, the kid: “I didn’t throw up, I didn’t throw up!

”, Tigas gets up, looks at the gang and says: “Yo, y’all missed it, huh? ” Awesome, Curitiba, thank you so much! In the beginning of this concert, I told you there are three reasons this concert is called “<i>Só Agradece</i>”.

The first one is because “<i>só agradece</i>” means. . .