Letting Go of Shame as an HSP Highly Sensitive Person - Breaking the Anxiety Cycle 9/30

[Music] The moment I started to see my  own sensitivity as a gift, not a flaw, my world changed. Now, you may have anxiety and  not be an HSP, but many people with anxiety are. You've probably been told you're too sensitive.

I  have been. I've been shamed for crying in class as a kid about all those dumb books where dogs die.  I've been shamed for taking things personally, for reading too much into situations, or even just  thinking too much about a problem.

I've been told that my flaw was caring or being too considerate.  Sensitive has been a bad word, an insult, a sign of weakness. The idealized personality for  our western society was to be tough, unfeeling, unaffected by the world around them.

And it's easy  for us sensitive people to hear this message and to internalize it, to believe that we are weak  or too fragile or that something's wrong with us. So how is your relationship with yourself, with  with your sensitivity? Do you hate that part of you?

Are you ashamed of your deeply feeling  heart? Do you wish that you weren't the way that you are? Or do you despise your own feelings? 

Do you compare yourself with others and wish that you were different, that you could somehow  turn on that loud "I don't care what anyone else thinks" type of attitude? What does that war with  yourself cost you? Let me ask you something else: How many people wish that their parents didn't  care so much or didn't listen to their feelings or say "I love you?

" Would the world be a better  place if it was led by people who are insensitive and unworried about the lives of the people around  them? Who wants to be married to someone who is simply unworried about your concerns and isn't  anxious or sensitive to you when you're upset or hurt? The world needs empathy for kids to grow  up feeling loved.

The world needs sensitive, alert people who sound the alarm before we've gone  too far. The world needs healers and dreamers, observers and thinkers, lovers and feelers. The  world needs people who are so attuned with their feelings that they can express them through art  and through words and help others feel something too.

It's not that we don't need adventurers  and politicians, extroverts and celebrities, people who thrive in loud environments and are  unbothered by novelty, who who aren't weighed down by thinking too much. We - like the competitors  and the fighters. In a healthy society, they're balanced out by the pastors and the  advisors, the analysts and the peace activists, people who think deeply, people who take quiet  and careful considerations of the nuanced factors in a situation.

Our society thrives on a wide  spectrum of sensitivity. Seems to be a trait that 15 to 30 percent of people are born with. You  see, sensitivity is something that you came into the world with, and whether you believe in God  or evolution or both, if you're highly sensitive there's a reason you are this way.

Our ancestors  needed fearless adventurers and explorers and hunters and fighters to maintain territory  and bring home the bacon, but they also needed sensitive strivers to not die and keep the gene  pool alive and to protect the children and to plan for winter, to create beauty in the caves. They  needed light sleepers to hear danger coming and warriors to prepare enough food for the winter,  vigilant caregivers to keep children from getting eaten by crocodiles or falling into the fire.  Now, of course, in our society we need easy-going, impervious, heavy-sleeping warriors, but they are  no more vital to our society than the cautious and the careful, the thoughtful and the sensitive. 

It's just that in our western society, the extroverts are more popular. I used to be ashamed  of my deep feelings, of my sensitivity, but now I see them as one of my greatest assets. My ability  to feel directly relates to my ability to do my work in therapy and on YouTube, right, to love my  children, to influence the environment of my home, and to write a 31-part series on how to process  emotions that has been seen by millions of people.

So being highly sensitive doesn't mean necessarily  that you take things personally or that you're fragile. It means that your nervous system  processes information more deeply and intensely than the average person. You are more impacted  by lights, smells, sounds, body language, facial expressions, and emotions than the average person. 

And while the sensitivity may require some extra time to rest or recharge or process information,  being an HSP is a difference, not a weakness. It's not a disability. It's something you're  born with.

And when you let go of the cultural shame around it, it can be one of your greatest  strengths. One of my great-grandfathers used his gift as an HSP to detect subtle gas leaks with  his sense of smell. That's what he did for work.

My father uses his deep and thoughtful  approach to coach CEOs to excel by being more in tune with their teams and  more sensitive as they solve problems. So let's talk about four of the gifts of  HSPs. Number one is emotional sensitivity.

Highly sensitive people often experience intense  emotions, and they might be deeply affected by the emotions of others. They might also be more  empathetic and compassionate towards others. They can read others' emotions more clearly and be  able to sense when others need help or support.

And they can use these skills to carefully manage  conflict or in creative artistic expression. So think of some of the best musicians, artists,  writers, or movies you've seen. HSPs help you connect with your emotions, whether that's  in the Avengers or Pride and Prejudice.

Okay. Number two is sensory sensitivity.  HSPs may be more sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or other sensory  stimuli.

They might be more alert to danger or notice problems early on. We do this loud. We  do this as a family.

And never not be afraid. But they also might feel overwhelmed in crowded or  chaotic environments. They may need time alone to recharge and recover.

And this gift can help them  pay attention to detail. They may thrive in quiet environments where they can solve complex and  nuanced problems. So one example of this might be like engineers in the Apollo program.

Okay.  Number three: depth of processing. HSPs tend to process information deeply and thoroughly.

They  might reflect on experiences or situations for longer periods of time, and they often have rich  inner world of thoughts and feelings. And this can help them discover unique solutions to problems.  They also tend to benefit a lot from self-work or therapy.

Okay. Number four is they're intuitive.  HSPs may have a strong sense of intuition, and they might be able to pick up on subtle  cues from their environments or other people.

And this can help them make good decisions and  navigate complex situations. HSPs often have a strong sense of ethics, and they may be guided  by a deep commitment to justice and fairness. They can also often read a room quickly.

So  here's what's important to me: Have you been told by your parents or your teachers or your  boss that you're too sensitive or not tough enough? Or do you beat yourself up for having big  feelings or getting overwhelmed or needing breaks? Have you internalized the cultural shame around  having feelings?

What has this war with your innate gifts cost you? What does it feel like to  be constantly fighting yourself or your feelings or stuffing them down or trying to hide them? What  would it feel like to drop that struggle, to make peace with your sensitivity?

So this section on  anxiety and understanding anxiety is all about your relationship with yourself. Sometimes it  helps to think of each of these parts of ourselves as being people, like they're members of our  internal family. Some of our parts are easy to get along with.

Others might be loud, uncomfortable,  or hard to get along with. Being highly sensitive isn't always comfortable or popular, but it does  serve a function for you, and it's an important role in our society. You have a gift that the  world needs.

Don't hide it under a bushel. So if you find that you've internalized a sense of shame  for your sensitive nature, I want to encourage you to make peace with your sensitivity. So this this  video is day nine from my 30-day course on how to break the cycle of anxiety.

In the course workbook  you'll find a test from Elaine Aaron's book, and then I want you to spend some time exploring  how your sensitive nature has been a gift to you or others. And then I want you to write a letter  to your sensitivity or your anxiety. And in the full course I'm going to give you an example of  how to write that letter to yourself.

Now, I just want to say, if you are a highly sensitive person,  you are beautifully and wonderfully made. This is a awesome part of who you are. And as you get  better at feeling, hopefully you can embrace that part of you and use it as one of your superpowers. 

So thank you for watching, and take care.