do you have social anxiety? watch this video

if you're like me your social skills resemble that of a rock in this video I will share with you 10 tips that completely transformed how I communicate now this is not just a generic guide telling you to just not be introverted or how to make small talk because like it or not when you can't share ideas interact with others and just be friendly and well-liked it's like playing the game on Hardcore versus normal mode so without any further Ado let's head right into number one number one how to easily make a killer first impression why

does a first impression even matter I understand as an introvert myself I simply cannot be comfortable with someone unless I've spent a significant amount of time with them well surprisingly enough the first impression has a massive impact on how you and others perceive people consider the following study by behavioral psychologist Vanessa W Edwards so in this study they showed participants ranging from from 15 seconds to 5 minutes of a TED Talk for context a TED Talk is an event where a speaker comes in and presents about a topic that they're an expert in now you'd

think that a TED Talk would depend on what the speakers say right I mean the lecture content is literally the whole point of a TED talk but interestingly enough the study found that participants that watched the TED talks for 15 seconds versus 5 minutes rated them almost the same now how is this possible well it's all because of the speaker's first impression on the audience so enough back story how can you make a first impression well from what I found it's actually really simple it takes just three steps it's called The Triple Threat method now

I learned this method in an amazing book by the same author who did the study the book is called Captivate by Vanessa van Edwards the first part of a great impression is your hands now I want you to do this keep your hands out keep them visible I know this sounds silly because you know what effect could our hands possibly have on how people view us well it turns out that we associate our hands with trust if someone is hiding their hands you know you don't know if they're just cold or if they're hiding a

Glock in prehistoric times the only way like a caveman could be assured that their fellow caveman wasn't an OP was by seeing if their hands had weapons or not okay now for number two in the triple threat method is your eye when you meet someone for the first time seek out and make eye contact with them now I know what you're probably feeling for me too making eye contact is really uncomfortable I was either focusing on the conversation or focusing on making eye contact the good thing is for a first impression you don't need to

think it's all nonverbal now why do we make eye contact well it shows the other person that you are engaged and paying attention to only them it's another aspect that builds trust think about it only untrustworthy people would Dart their eyes around you like as if they're hiding something so if you aren't hiding anything then it shouldn't be an issue the final aspect of the Triple Threat first impression method your posture now if you're a gamer like me you probably have a posture resembling a Fresh Ocean prawn okay like we're in our gaming chairs dude

we look crustation as hell all right however this is not the posture of a winner now what do I mean well when you see an athlete winning a race take notice of their posture how do they stand well they stand tall they widen their body they take up more physical space and why wouldn't they they just won something amazing I want you to assume a similar posture meaning Stand Tall keep your shoulders wide and back and keep your back straight here is a super easy trick I learned for resuming a great posture here's what I

want you to do and do this with me pretend there is an apple just above your head now you have to bite into this apple without reaching for it with your hands you can only bite down on it with like your with your teeth now do this with me try to reach the Apple okay the apple is just above your head try to reach it now what you'll find is that as you try and reach this apple your shoulders will go back you'll puff out your chest and you'll make your back straight there you go

if you've done this with me you now have perfect posture The Stance of a winner and and that's it we're done those are the three steps and you will make a great first first impression now how do we know this how do we know that these three steps are the keys to making a great first impression well this takes me back to the Ted Talk experiment I mentioned earlier in that very experiment it was only the speakers that used all three of these techniques that were rated the best regardless of whether they talked for 15

seconds or 5 minutes so now we're on to tip number two so now that you have learned to make a great first impression what's next I don't know about you but I really dislike small talk as they call it right like just talking about generic things the weather how someone's weekend was to me it feels really artificial in genuine and it honestly feels like I'm having the same conversation over and over again so this is the technique that I learned that helps me talk with people and genuinely learn more about their interests okay because as

an introvert myself I want to genuinely know people I value quality over quantity and this helps me get these quality relationships with almost anyone I call it the interview technique if you really think about it most conversations are really like an interview right unless you're discussing an idea with a person which is pretty unlikely with someone that you newly meet then most of our conversations at heart are just exchanging questions so why don't you use this to your advantage after you make your first impression I want you to just do a nice common intro don't

sweat this okay so for example suppose you're at a club meeting and you meet someone from your grade during an ice break oh no you know the ice of Breakers are always the worst now what I would probably say in my case is hey my name is Tran and I'm in 12th grade I mean I graduated now but let's just assume then let the other person say a similarly generic intro right then they'd probably say hey my name is Steve for example and I'm in 11th grade now at this point what most of us would

do is would try to think of something clever or interesting to say about ourselves and then this conversation would soon fade into this awkward silence and then it would have an equally awkward goodbye okay if you have experienced this you know what I'm talking about let's fix this now in going back to this example with Steve right Steve just told me that he's in 11th grade what questions can we ask Steve to genuinely learn more about him here's what I'd say for example I'd say 11th grade nice what classes that you're taking right then they'

probably say oh I'm taking AP Bio AP US History etc etc right now when when you've learned about their classes now what would you do you guessed it you would ask another question continue the interview really get some depth here after as introverts and I don't know about you but I hate surface level relationships this is how you break past that surface level and actually know someone so suppose I mentioned their classes then I might say oh Steve that's cool AP Bio I took that last year what's been your favorite chapter so far and on

and on look at that in just two questions we went from complete strangers to fellow AP Bio survivors that have an common ground to talk about and see if you're the one controlling the questions you can almost always steer the conversation to to a common ground that you know a lot about and from there you can really spark a genuine conversation with the person all right now here is number three now this one is pretty close to number two so let's dive right into it suppose you're doing great with the interview technique you're asking great

questions and really learning a lot about the other person but what if you just can't think of a non awkward question for the life of you this is where I introduce the parenting technique now I learned this technique from another fantastic book I read called 92 tips and tricks for great success in relationships by Le louns to learn the parading technique let's bring back the AP Bio example so you guys are talking about the chapter on cellular respiration you find the person that you're talking to really interesting but you can't think of any follow-up conversations

and you don't want to have this awkward goodbye that you're used to so for example let's say Steve here says the following so yeah after that chapter 9 quiz I never want to look at another KB cycle again right suppose Steve just said this now you can't think of a question no problem you The Parting technique just choose anything that the person said and parrot it back to them as a question so for example Steve here mentioned the chapter 9 quiz what I would say is just simply chapter 9 quiz it's a question right boom

the conversation has just been reignited now I will say don't use this technique more than three to four times in a row as then the person will likely catch on to it however it's a great way to give your conversation some life again and stop these awkward endings and pauses with equally awkward goodby bues speaking of awkward goodbyes if this is your first time watching my channel I would hate for us to also have an awkward goodbye when this video ends so how about you subscribe subscribe because that way I'll know that these tips are

helpful and I should keep making more content like this thank you so much now for number four here is an invaluable tip for giving any public speech now you guys have probably had your fair share of class speeches and performances now I'm not going to lie I have always loved presenting I mean I literally present to all 31.8k of your Legends each time I upload however even if you do have presentation anxiety here's a excellent tip I've learned for you now one of the main issues with presenting is that you have not memorized your speech

properly it's obvious right you can't give a good speech if you don't know your speech however memorizing is annoying and takes forever well that was until you watched this video with this method I have memorized speeches so fast it's insane here's how you do it now you take your speech and I want you to write the first letter of each word on your paper now I want you to go sentence by sentence read each sentence of your speech three to four times then cover that sentence and use your sheet of first letters to guide you

now most of the time you only need the first letters of a speech as a set of like rails for the speech right now I learned this method when I was performing a skit of McBeth in my British literature class now apparently this method is used a lot in stagecraft if you did theater you guys can confirm in the comments and this method Works insanely well after you work through your entire speech try reading it with just the first letters as a guide and you'll find that it's actually really easy then after you can read

it with the first letters very naturally take away the letters now instead of having to memorize the entire speech you just have to memorize the first letter of each word easy and you know with this method I learned my entire lines for MC Beth in one afternoon with my friend it's actually overpowered and when it comes time for your speech use the first impression technique again stand like a winner keep your hands out make eye contact and say you're perfectly memorize speech I understand it's a lot easier said than done but I really haven't heard

anyone talk about this and I really think that if you know your speech by heart even if you have Parable presentation anxiety you can just go on autopilot and say your speech and you'll get through it so try this out now here for number five is an amazing and easy technique to be more convincing I present here another EXP experiment now in this experiment they had a test subject stand in line at a copy machine now in trial number one the subject simply asked the person in front can I cut in front of you now

in this scenario the test subject was allowed to cut roughly 60% of the time in trial number two the subject asked the following question can I cut in front of you because I'm in a hurry now in this case the success rate increased to 95% a 35% increase but here's where it gets even more interesting finally in trial number three the subject asked this question can I cut in front of you because I need to make copies now if you didn't catch it this is a ridiculous question everyone in the line for the copy machine

needs to make copies however interestingly enough for this trial the success rate was 94% just 1% lower than the person with an actual reason for cutting the line now what does this show us well it shows us that the key to being more convincing is to Simply use the word because as humans we love hearing justifications for anything we love hearing why we should do something however on the contrary when we ask for things for people we very rarely actually give the reason why now personally I believe the reason is because often our justification is

implied right you think that yeah of course you know this person understands why I'm asking this however as we saw by this experiment mentioning the reason does have an impact let's use an example that you might have faced in the past you asking your teacher to round your grade now the strategy you guys might be using is to go up to your teacher and say hi Mrs whatever right would you mind runting my grade now the reasons are implied right you probably are close to the next grade it implies your GPA and you know of

course your teacher understands this but what I want you to do next time is say it say can you round my grade because I'm only 1% off from an A and I really believe my effort in this class is deserving of an a I know this sounds really obvious in hindsight right like you're probably going to type in the comments wow this guy's so stupid this is the most obvious thing ever but believe it or not if you don't consciously do this you don't say it trust me okay the next time you just walk into

conversation you realize that you don't naturally say justifications to things so it's very important to be aware of this fact now for number six avoid talking about other people I'm taking it a step further with this one I'm not just saying oh don't be mean of course don't be mean right but there's an underlying reason to this you might not be aware of and it seriously impacts how people perceive you here's another example for you guys so suppose we got Walter I'm using Breaking Bad here as an example Walter is talking some smack about his

friend Jesse to his other friend Gus now Walt is going off on Jesse you know calling him all kinds of names and profanities now interestingly enough Gus cannot help but associate exactly what Walt is saying about Jesse back onto Walter this is what I call the law of negative association this is a real studied phenomenon so the way this relates to you is that by talking about someone behind their back to everyone around you you are actually saying the same things about yourself and especially if you do this constantly it has a drastic effect on

the way people view you obviously sometimes there will be a scenario where you need to criticize someone for example you're telling your boss about your Troublesome coworker now in these situations yeah it's unavoidable right you got to say like oh my coworker is crap he doesn't do anything what I'm more focused on in this example is this constant ranting about other people to your friends and and those around you okay it's so common it's so easy especially in high school to fall into this trap like a lot of people do it right just whenever you

meet up with someone you just spend your whole time talking about other people it's very damaging to everyone's relationship in this scenario so seriously avoid this like the plague cuz it's destroying your relationships talk about something more constructive than other people okay I'm not sure where I heard it but it's very true there's three levels of conversation level one which is the lowest intelligence and easiest is talking about other people right but it doesn't produce anything in society in fact it brings you down now level two is talking about things right just things that are

happening in the world like sure you know that's fair enough and then finally number three which is high intelligence High effort But ultimately impactful conversation is talking about ideas try and talk as much as possible at level three talk about ideas talk about actual tangible things that make a difference in your life and certainly don't spend all your time talking about other people it's easy to do but it doesn't get you anywhere so really I mean that's a bit of a rant sorry about that but but seriously it does make a big difference all right

number seven now if you're watching this video a lot of your communication is likely through the internet so here's how to be better conversations online now literally one of the simplest things is just using good grammar sentence structure and friendly Emoji now again right this one comes across as obvious but if you don't believe me just look at your current online chats okay that stuff would give an aneurysm to a 17th century Pilgrim if you know the person it's your best friend then you know what whatever right I don't care but especially if you're getting

to meet someone new or someone you like something like that really it makes the difference it's not like edgy or cool to use a bunch of abbreviations you're better off actually typing in complete sentences in addition to that we also have emojis see even a simple smiley face emoticon goes a long way there a difference between this message coming across as dull and hostile or coming across as a perfectly innocent happy message by the way if you do want to practice these online interactions a great place to do so is my Discord server consider joining

because I'm really active there and of course it's also the easiest way to reach me the link is also in the pin comments all right now for number eight here's a helpful tip to help you win any argument or discussion this is a tip I learned from a fantastic book and it's called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale carnegi when you're trying to convince someone of anything always speak from their point of view view let's consider another example suppose you're trying to convince Steve to come study with you because you need his

help understanding the material however Steve is more interested in playing Minecraft now what most of us would do is tell Steve all the reasons why studying is beneficial we would say you can get a better score on the test or oh you'll feel good about yourself etc etc while these reasons are true they're simply voicing our own reasons for studying we need to genuinely consider Steve's side in this scenario Steve doesn't want to study he wants to play Minecraft we need to show Steve that studying with us will help him play more Minecraft here's what

I would say instead hey Steve I know you're so close to beating the Ender Dragon I was thinking wouldn't it be cool if we could crush this math test so we have more free time to play afterwards by studying now we can raise our grades so we don't have to study as much later and we can get more time to play Minecraft look at the difference now Steve has significantly more incentive to listen to me as it benefits him too you won't always be able to phrase requests as mutually beneficial however when you can it's

insanely effective plus being able to consider the other person's side is a really important skill to navigate people and this technique is a great way to practice it all right number nine never ever deflect praise okay I want this to be the last time you ever receive a compliment or praise and then go I'm actually not that good I'm actually not that smart etc etc I want you to consider it like this suppose you mustered up the courage to genuinely compliment someone right you you considered this person's honorable or impressive action and told them how

you felt now how would you feel if you did this and gave a compliment and the other person basically said no you're wrong right that that's basically what you are saying by deflecting praise now trust me okay I have been through it too for the the longest time I hated receiving praise it made me feel really awkward and I suppose that it's because I gained self- validation through my own work but even still it's very off-putting for other people when you deflect praise simply saying thank you to a compliment isn't really good enough okay think

about it we say thank you as a trivial term we say thanks when someone opens the door for us I mean we say thanks when a cashier hands us an item that we paid for right so why would you provide the same trivial for praise to someone who just gave you sincere praise always always say thank you for if someone praised you on your PVP skills just say thanks for the compliment I'm glad you noticed or suppose your friend dropped you off at home even though it was a long drive say thank you for dropping

me off you really saved me a ton of time right as compared to think about your friend just drove you to your house you didn't have to do that and all you just said was thanks bro and then you just walked back to your house that's so empty right that at least for me I'm not sure how it feels for you but that feels so trivial and this takes just 5 to 10 seconds but trust me it really makes the other person feel appreciate it I think most of the time all that we're looking for

in return for Our Kind acts is acknowledgement right we simply want the other person to tell us genuinely that they appreciated the kind act we did for them so by using this method you are doing that and it's very simple just thank you for X that's it finally for number 10 here's how to make more friends now now for me making friends was honestly never an issue but I feel this is mainly because I use this method I was never afraid to be weird being basic is not a virtue it's a signal that you're hiding

who you truly are I was out here in senior year of high school sharing with anyone that asked that I was a Minecraft Youtuber I had a post celebrating 30k subscribers on my personal Instagram that only my IRL friends see let's be real here my Minecraft Youtuber is not a cool combination I expected most people would make fun of me for it but they didn't 99% of people who heard this found it really cool and it was something memorable I did sure it's a little weird but I was known by this it helped me so

much with making friends and connections listen I could have hidden everything for fear of being weird but that's not what makes you memorable or interesting fitting an aesthetic doesn't make you memorable or interesting you have a strange hobby interest Talent OR skill even if you're just a Minecraft player like me share it I can almost guarantee no one will view this in a negative way and you will be known for something another thing this does is that it goes a long way in making you more confident listen you you got to own who you are

and what you like because if you don't have confidence in yourself you seriously can't expect anyone to have confidence in you so after watching this video I have just one request for you go out and share something interesting you do post it on your Instagram add a note in your Discord bio and if you don't think you do anything interesting I want you to pick something up literally try any hobby or anything to make yourself stand out more be known for something and that wraps up number 10 a final tidbit here I want to emphasize

why do social skills as a whole even matter well it's because they improve your quality of life when you invest time into social skills people go from being like prison bars like obstacles in your way to like doors doors that open up more opportunities love it or hate it we do sometimes have to interact with others introverted or not so hopefully when that opportunity comes by this video will have given you something to talk about or make your conversations arguments negotiations or presentations go a lot smoother that's all for this video join my Discord server

if you want to talk with me and thanks for watching see you