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well welcome to another Friday night I thought since we've been doing a lot of heavy topics lately that I take tonight to just do something that's not as heavy that hopefully is a bit more hopeg giving um positive for people encouraging for people and I want to look at some of the things that I look for as signs of healing in people I think for for many people as they listen to these talks week after week they appreciate the fact that they're getting lots of very detailed information about what's wrong with them and so part

of what they really really need at times is just what's right what am I doing right am I doing anything right and often we don't see it first in oursel others see change in us before we do and so I hope this talk does encourage you one of the things that I get off asked frequently ly when I'm training people to coach or facilitate with complex trauma is what are what are the signs that you look for what are the indicators that you look for that a person is healing or changing or growing and I

that took me back when I first started 20 years ago I started in a treatment center where there was a team um counselor approach and so every day we would meet as as staff for case conference and we would talk about how the day had gone we'd talk about the different clients and so often what would happen is how do you think this person's doing or if they were coming to grad how do you how do you think they're going to do after they graduate and almost unanimously all the different counselors would say not doing

very good or I don't think they're going to make it very long after they graduate because they and you go because of what well because and everybody would sense they're missing a piece or they haven't changed in this critical area and so we got a new boss and and he would come to our staff meetings and he would hear us talking he go whoa whoa whoa what is this thing that everybody here is sensing that this person doesn't have put it into words for me quantify it or when they're coming to a graduation and and

nobody's feeling confident that they're they're quite ready what is it that you're sensing is missing put it into words for me and that at first was frustrating because it was I don't know if we can put it into words we just all sense it there's a deep core issue that hasn't been addressed or that they gu they're starting to heal that's what we're sensing but how do you put that into words and so over time gradually began to put words to some of the stuff that we sense so what I hope you realize is s

when a person is changing and growing It's tricky because often the first change is not happening at an external Behavior level you're starting to see deep core changes and beliefs and attitudes towards them towards life it's something that's hard to quantify but you sense it and so keep that in mind as we go through this because what I want to do is to go okay once a person started to change at a deep core level eventually it's going to show up in their behavior and I want to identify 12 different things that you're going to

begin to see but often before you see those things the change has already started to happen though it's not visible yet and that's the key piece for people to understand that when you're dealing with complex trauma that often the first signs of change aren't visible in external actions there's something deep in the core of the person so I want to give you the 12 signs of healing that I've kind of come to understand and look for as I work with people I hope that you as you go through this you're going to go oh I

see that in myself and it's going to give you a lot of Hope and so that's part of why I actually chose to wear this shirt today as something that's just more positive and more encouraging that hopefully just brings a lightness to you and a hope to you so the first five that I'm going to give come out of the research of Mary Harvey and she she's really focused on the healing from PTSD and so what are the things that you look for as indicators that a person is healing from PTSD and the focus is

mainly around physical things and just the the main PTSD symptoms and then I'm going to go on from that into complex trauma stuff so the but the first five also apply to complex trauma and so the first is the phys phys physiological symptoms of trauma have been brought within manageable limits this is so important for many people because of their trauma they don't sleep well their five senses are highly over sensitive um they have lots of pain they have some health issues all of those things are just there as part of their trauma and so

once their trauma begins to heal all of a sudden they're sleeping better they're not as sensitive to light or to noise they have less physical pain their headaches improved they're not clenching their jaw all the time and then they begin to notice that they start getting triggered but the triggers are becoming not as intense as they used to be they're not emotionally disregulated this the same way that they used to be there there's something now that they're managing much better and so that's a a important thing to realize is that when people are healing from

this trauma which is an emotional psychological event it does have physical symptoms and you'll start to see those physical symptoms improving the second thing that Mary Harvey identifies which is so important is that the person is able to Bear the feelings associated with trauma traumatic memory so now when they remember the trauma they're able to allow the feelings to come and not immediately want to stuff them down or run away from them or medicate them or dissociate from them because now they can tolerate the feelings they're still not super comfortable they still don't like them

a whole lot but they're able to bear with them and so memories now aren't this this scary thing I have to avoid because it brings up too much feelings it's I can go do these memories and tolerate the feelings the next one is that the person has authority over their memories so when the memories come they can go you know what I don't have time to think about this right now I'm going to put it aside and I'll come back to it later so they can choose to think about it or they can just set

it aside for a while whereas in the past when a memory came it took over they couldn't get it out of their mind they couldn't stay present they couldn't focus on what they were doing it just hijacked their brain but now they're able to say no you know what appreciate the memory I don't need to think about it right now I'm going to come back to it when I'm able to think about it the fourth one is the traumatic event is a cohesive event linked with the feeling so in the past due to what cortisol

does in the brain with the memory the person was able to remember the details of the memory without any feelings or they would have an emotional flashback they get all the emotions but they wouldn't remember why the details so what begins to happen as their healing because they've been in a safe place with Safe People is that now when the memory comes back it's the details beginning to be linked with the emotions they're getting both and it's not just itemizing like they're reading a dictionary this happened to me this happened to me they're getting all

of the memory and the emotion and so that's a a huge sign of healing as well the fifth one is that the person has reconstructed a coherent system of meaning and belief that encompasses their story they have a clear sense of what is important and what isn't so let me explain this one if a child was sexually abused at 345 they see today that trauma still Through The Eyes of a 3 four fivey old and so what they don't realize often is that they don't see the whole picture they see a distorted picture they see

a picture where they're missing some important details that they need those details in order to process it properly and so their memory of that event is very real to them but it's Through The Eyes of a 3 four fivey old and so part of the healing journey is that as they now go to the memory they're able to see it through different eyes eyes that see it more accurately eyes that factor in all of the issues eyes that see some of the distortions that might happen so let me give you some examples of that so

the first is from that 3 four 5y- old who's sexually abused there are distortions in that memory and so some of that might be it's my fault Grandpa told me he was doing it because I dressed up pretty so I must want it so it must be my fault I did something wrong now today they can go no that wasn't my fault it's never the fault of a child to be sexually abused a child dresses up pretty not cuz they want sex but out of Innocence so it's not my fault and so they can reprocess

all of that and get rid of the false guilt or the child could go I cried afterwards and then I got punished badly for that um I got yelled at I got beaten I'm weak that's why I cried I guess I'm just a weak person that's a distortion too you you're not weak you're being real and then when you go to survival tools when you're getting yelled at and and and beaten it's not CU you're weak it's because you're trying to survive and so you're able to again realize wow to to me as a child

it was very real that problem is I'm weak now I can go that's a distortion the next thing is that little child was helpless they weren't able to to do anything to improve the situation to resolve the situation they tried they talked to people but people shut them down people denied what they were saying and so they just felt this helplessness in a real way now what they can begin to realize today is okay I was helpless then but I'm not helpless now I'm able to now resolve this issue whereas I couldn't resolve it as

a child so they're able to figure that out the other thing that the child felt which was a distortion is nobody's helping me nobody's hearing me nobody's doing anything about my problem I'm I'm all alone I feel abandoned I feel all alone I feel nobody cares and so now today they can go that's how that child felt but I know today I have people that care I know I have support and so you're able to work through the distortions that came out of of the original trauma there's another piece that has to be seen and

that is am I missing some significant parts so one of the things that happens for a lot of children who've been sexually abused is that they did get some pleasure it aroused them they had tingly feelings inside of them that felt good and so they begin to feel guilty that I must have wanted it I must have enjoyed it so I would I'm complicit in all of this without realizing the important fact that hey our bodies are made to respond to sexual stimulation so that child wasn't pursuing it wanting it to enjoy it the the

child's body was just responding so you're missing an understanding of kind of how our bodies work physically that has caused you to have this misunderstanding about what was going on inside inside of you and the pleasure you were feeling another one that many children have is they felt mom was never there for them mom didn't care about them mom was always in her room and so they just live with all the feelings of neglect and shame that come out of that but now as they get bigger they go oh mom had major serious depression major

mental health issues she she wasn't neglecting me on purpose she just couldn't cope with life and so they can now bring that into the whole picture and that helps them expose some of the lies of shame that came out of that neglect some had a dad who was in the war and he came back and and so he was angry he was Sullen he was withdrawn and and they just blamed thems I must not be good enough it must be my fault but now they can look back and realize no it wasn't my fault dad

had PTSD dad had major issues that he hadn't dealt with they can begin to reprocess the memory and now the story of what happened to them is accurate it's not just the perspective of a three-year-old or a 5-year-old and that is a huge indication that there's growth and healing beginning to happen so those are the first five by Mary Harvey now let me go on to to the complex trauma ones that I've seen over the years and as I've worked with other counselors we we've talked about and and and so here's to me what I

am looking for as signs of healing from complex trauma number one and this could be maybe the biggest one is just that shame will see evidence that shame is healing that the person's shame which is usually ma massive is getting less and less so here's what I'm looking for first of all often you'll just see something begins to change in their eyes that there's more at peace with themsel more that they accept who they are there's a joy in their eyes you just start to see a change in their eyes of just there's a pieace

an acceptance of Joy there and that's often a sign that they feel different abouts that the shame is healing second one with this is they begin to be more authentic they're able to be open and vulnerable they're not wearing the masks that they usually wear the people pleasing and all of those different things that they have done the comedian and so you begin to see a greater authenticity starting to happen the next one with shame is huge they begin to confront their inner critic so most people coming out of complex trauma have this inner critic

that's negative about everything they do that's harsh against everything they do that's judging themselves constantly putting themselves down now you begin to see a self-compassion you begin to see a change in the way that they speak to themsel internally so they're not saying all those nasty things TOS you're a fool you're stupid there's a change that and that goes to the next one is that now there's curiosity instead of judgment and so whenever they feel a negative emotion fear anger anxiety they don't just judge them themselves oh you're failed again you're a terrible person they

go wonder why where's this anger coming from what's going on here so that old judgment inner critic is now replaced with self-compassion and curiosity if they get triggered instead of going oh you're a loser you got triggered again you're not growing at all they go oh I got triggered everybody gets triggered wonder why self-compassion and curiosity and then if they fail and they will instead of beating themsel up for days that you you can't do this you're a terrible failure wonder why I failed what let's look at the last few weeks to see what was

going on let's see what tools I haven't learned yet compassion and curiosity if they find themselves starting to slide into Old behaviors instead of going oh I'm starting to binge again and beats up they go wonder why I've been Jing what's going on inside of me that's causing me to go back to that old tool compassion and curiosity it's a huge sign of growth the next next piece with this shame healing is that they now begin to stand up fors so what can happen with shame is I don't respect myself so I let others disrespect

me I let others walk all over me I let others use me I I've been a people pleaser I I need people to like me so I just say yes to them all the time I give them whatever they want I give up my needs um and take care of their needs all of that is part of complex trauma when I see that beginning to change it's a huge sign of growth so they will now begin to express their needs I need some time alone I need a hug I need to be able to talk

about this important topic so they're able to express their needs but then they don't allow others to disrespect them so if their mom gets on the phone and starts to put them down they go mom not allowed if you keep doing I'm going to hang up they stand up for themselves it is huge to do that but then it goes even further they're willing to enter into conflict with a safe person that is super scary because in the past conflict has always ended in somebody getting hurt usually them it has never resulted in resolution and

so conflict has always resulted in bad guaranteed now to enter into conflict and say hey you said something it hurt me I need to talk about it that is huge for them to be willing to enter into those risky Waters then I'm looking for that they're not fawning anymore they're not telling people what they think the people want to hear they're not being what the person want they think think the person wants them to be they're being authentic and so the fawning begins to stop they stand up and say no this is what I need

this is my boundary and they're not just in that people pleasing constantly mode and then they're willing to ask for help and that's a scary thing because they're always been afraid they're a burden and a pain now that takes us to the next part of kind of healing shame standing up for thems is I start to see signs that they're doing healthy self-care and what I mean by that is that they they're beginning to be aware of the 12 needs and to consistently meet their 12 needs when I see that happening I go okay some

great wonderful growth is happening here but part of that is that they're learning to be balanced and that means they pace thems and so they go you know what I've been really intense in my working on myself here and I'm getting really tired I just need to take a bit of time to take some rest to take a break to take care of my other needs and so it's not 110% 247 it's go pause take a break rest and they learn the right Rhythm for them that is so important and then with that they're learning

to balance their sympathetic nervous system their energy system with their parasympathetic their rest relaxation Rejuvenation healing system complex trauma sympathetic is going pretty much all the time parasympathetic is way out of balance it's hardly used it's easy to come into recovery and just that's been your default setting for so long you just continue to go go go and you don't use your par sympathetic properly and you gradually burn out and so when I see people beginning to realize I got to take time to get back into my parasympathetic because I've been in my sympathetic too

long I've been going too much I got to get the balance right and not feel guilty about relaxing not feel guilty or selfish for resting that is a huge part of growth so with that comes the next piece of this shame and that is they're now willing to set boundaries they're now willing to say no to people and to say hey you know what I can't take that on sorry I know you would like me to help you out but I I can't I got too much on my plate I need to be with my

kids that's my higher priority right now and so this other service work of helping others is going to have to wait for now you know what I can't have you phoning me every day it's just too much for me right now so I need to ask you not to phone me every day so they're starting to to set boundaries and so they realize if I'm going to meet my needs and fulfill my priorities I have to set boundaries which means saying no and if I'm going to keep myself safe from toxic people from people that

want to just use me I got to set boundaries to protect myself that is huge that is one of the hardest parts of recovery but to me it's where the rubber meets the Rope when I see people starting to set boundaries especially with toxic family and toxic old friends when they're finally able to say sorry I can't come over sorry I can't talk to you um sorry I can't go to that family gathering because it's just too unsafe for me it's too disrespectful and destructive to me that is huge cuz that is hard that takes

a lot of guts to be able to set and enforce those kind of boundaries because those kind of boundaries usually always get opposition and so it's not just that you set the boundary but to enforce it means that you got to fight against all of the opposition that's going to come so when a person is able to do that that is huge so that takes us to the next piece they're able to break codependency patterns so many people coming out of complex trauma basically try to fill the emptiness try to get their needs met try

to F the Longing For Love through another person and so they're constantly looking for somebody else to fix them to meet all their needs to make them whole and so that's codependency and so what begins to happen is they come into recovery and they fall into a relationship and it goes back to codependent patterns and it's like an addiction to them and pretty soon they're not working on their own needs and their own issues they're back to all of the old tools of codependency and it keeps them stuck it keeps them from growing and so

when I see a person who's starting to recognize that and change that that is huge now that is hard because you got to heal a lot of shame in order to say I don't need somebody else to show me positive attention to feel good about myself I feel good about myself the way I am I can be alone I don't need a relationship many people are in toxic relationships as they come into recovery and they need to get out of it but that other person has so much control they have so much shame that they

I'd rather have a few crumbs of love than no love at all and they just can't get the strength the backbone to stand up to that person and say it's over and walk away from it when I see a person begin to grow a backbone and stand up to that person now they may not walk away right away because that's takes a lot of strength but they may start to set little boundaries they may start to express their needs they may start to say no to the other person in little ways when I see that

I go some good growth is happening here and if they keep doing that eventually they're going to be strong enough to walk away from that toxic relationship that is a huge indicator that growth is happening so that's just the shame piece now the next piece is dissociation to see healing happen in dis Association so what happens in complex trauma is I can't be present in the present because it's too painful so I need to dissociate I need to avoid I need to distract myself from the pain I need to retreat into an internal world into

a fantasy world I need to Splinter off but I can't be present in the present so I dissociate from myself I dissociate from others and I and I go into this little cocoon that I create for myself that is the dissociative stuff so what I'm looking for is signs that that is healing that that is changing so what happens when a person dissociates is they disconnect from themsel their emotions their internal thought world because it's all painful they just don't want to feel they don't want to think so they don't have self-awareness they just run

on autopilot they just do what they do and they don't even analyze it or think about it they just do it and so they don't have lots of self-awareness about why they do what they do to really understand triggers and patterns of behavior and how it affects them emotionally and their thinking and all of that and so one of the first signs that there starting to heal from dissociation is they start connecting with thems they start to notice their trigger their patterns their warning signs all of those different things so that growth and self-awareness is

a wonderful first step and then with that comes a lot of tools they'll start to go oh okay I need to change this I need to figure out how to change this and so it's a it's a sign of wonderful growth but then they connect to their emotions they they start to feel and a big part part of dissociation was to not feel because it's too painful I can't resolve it so I don't even want to feel and so now when I see a person starting to allow themsel to feel emotions that's a huge sign

of growth it's not a fun part of growth for them initially it's a lot of pain but it does eventually lead to a joy with that they're able to stay with the emotion longer and longer so initially they connect oh it's too painful I can't tolerate it for very long I got to take a break but gradually they develop a greater capacity to tolerate those distressful emotions to sit in them and as I see them have that ability to sit in them and not go to fight flight or freeze I go growth is happening also

with that there's a greater mindfulness of how they're doing emotionally so they develop tools to be able to go where's my stress at where's my depression at where's my anxiety at how am I doing physically how am I doing emotionally how am I doing spiritually and so they just develop a greater mindfulness of how they're doing in all parts of their life whether the 12 needs are being met then for most people they start to connect to the wounded part of thems so someone might call that their wounded inner child their internal family and the

and all the parts but there's a connection not just to themsel in general but to the wound and that when they're willing to go there and actually connect with that part of themsel that's a sign of healing with that usually is there's a willingness then to connect to Memories they they're kind of afraid of the memories but they go I got enough support and resources and tools now that I can go to these memories and reprocess them and grow through them I don't need to be afraid of them anymore and so there's that bit of

a shift starting to happen inside of them so that's just connecting with self then I begin to look to are they connecting with others because you can't heal trauma just by being alone you need connection you need connection with safe people and are they beginning to develop connection with Safe People this is just such a huge sign of growth are they beginning to open up at a deep level with people who care who are safe when I see that happening that gives me a lot of Hope now what you realize izes that doesn't just happen

overnight that requires some growth gradually in trust that's going to happen that's going to go along with this connection and so that's what I'm looking for then are they able to be more present with people so when people are sharing with them are they fully present giving them their full attention or is their mind kind of bouncing all over the place they're half listening is their ability to be present growing and often a way to check that is to see how they interact with their kids and then many people coming out of complex trauma they're

great at sharing but they only share from their head it's all academic it's just information I am looking for they're connecting with people not just at an intellectual level but now they're sharing from their heart they're sharing from a vulnerable place they're opening themsel up and letting others know about their fears and flaws and weaknesses and struggles are they willing to start sharing from their heart that is a huge sign of growth the next number eight is honesty I am looking for a person to become honest now that sounds that should be easy to identify

but let me give you some of the subtleties that where people are often dishonest um and so the things that I am looking for so the first would be have they honestly diagnosed why they are an addict why they struggle in their marriage why they struggle as a parent why they don't keep jobs have they honestly diagnosed their problem or are they just trying to say oh yeah it's just because I'm having a lot of stress right now in my life that's all it is I just need to fix that up if they're not honestly

saying I have deep complex trauma shame fear of abandonment issues that's what's driving all of this stuff then I go okay without an honest diagnosis of a problem you cannot heal with that honest diagnosis do they accept yes I'm very broken yes the core of me has been distorted and filled with lies and bad tools of my trauma I've got a lot of work to do and that leads to the second area of honesty do they honestly evaluate or diagnose what it's going to take to recover and accept that do they honestly say this is

going to take years it's going to take a lot of hard work I'm going to have to learn a thousand new tools I'm going to have to learn learn a new default setting which is going to take a ton of work I got to rewire my brain I've got to rewire my central nervous system I have to stay connected with people on a regular basis I have to keep learning it's going to be up down it's going to have some times of failure it's going to be slow it's going to be messy but I accept

it and I'm willing to do the work so here's what I'm looking for do they still deny anything oh it wasn't that bad uh yeah my trauma yeah it wasn't as bad as other people so I don't really think I had much trauma so if there's any Deni then I'm going they're not willing to face and honestly diagnose and accept their issues if they minimize stuff then then we got a problem and then when it comes to the recovery journey and healing are they still kind of into magic solution fantasy solution oh I'll just take

this course and it'll fix me or oh I just got religion and God's going to take all my problems away or if I just do this one thing then I I'll be all better if there's any magic thinking going on or anything where I can bypass dealing with painful emotions just by this one little thing any bypass type Solutions then I go this person's chance of recovering isn't very high when they get honest when they get to the point where they go no bypass Solutions no magic fixes no fantasy Solutions this is going to be

hard work and I'm honestly facing my wounds I'm honestly facing what happened to me I'm honestly facing the work it's going to take then I have hope but for a person to go there it often feels very overwhelming to them but once they've done got honest and begun to do the work very quickly they begin to get more positive another thing I'm looking for is a lot of people come into recovery and they say I want to change I want to change I want to change but what you realize that their motivation isn't correct so

they want to change just cuz their partner is threatened if you don't go to treatment I'm going to divorce you so they're just trying to manage the crisis and get their partner off their back or they just want to please someone who said you really should take this and and so they're going to take it just to please somebody I want to see them doing recovery for them having the right motives and they're not doing it to please somebody else or try to avert a crisis number nine self autonomy so if you think of trauma

this way it's disempowerment and disconnection so it always results in the child feeling helpless and disconnected all alone that's basically one way to understand trauma so what does recovery then have to include empowerment and connection and we've talked about the connection the empowerment piece now what I am looking for in people people is that they are moving away from any victim mentality so yes they were a victim as a child but they're not a victim now they didn't have autonomy at that point to make decisions for thems to improve the situation to resolve issues they

do now they have tools they have the autonomy to do that and so I am looking for a person who's going to take ownership and respons responsibility for their life that they're going to now make choices and those choices are but what's best for me that I get healthy the choices aren't about pleasing others the choices aren't about making others happy the choices are what do I need to do healthy to get healthy and if others don't like it and I lose those relationships I still have to do what's best for me one of the

things that's very common for people in early recovery is their focus Fus is on what's wrong with everybody else in their life and all their negative circumstances and so basically I'm struggling because I got crappy people and crappy circumstances what I'm looking for is a person who starts to go yes I got crappy people and crappy circumstances but how do I need to respond to that because I can respond and I should respond I can set boundaries I can do things to keep me safe and I'm going to do it and they they have the

courage to do that and then with that there's also a piece where they're getting to know who they are and what are my passions what are my drives I want to begin to discover who I am so I can be who I was meant to be and that's an important piece as well number 10 they're living now more and more from their cortex not from their lyic brain so complex trauma because you're in danger puts you into the lyic brain the survival part of the brain the emotion part where the focus is instant gratification instant

safety getting away from Pain instantly I don't want to be here I got to escape I got to escape and so what happens if a person has fear or stress they go into their limic brain and they just go back to Old tools fight flight freeze I gotta get out of here they emotionally disregulated what I am looking for as a huge sign of growth is that when they get triggered in their lyic brain and are emotionally disregulated they're able to catch thems and go let's ground ourselves let's get back into our cortex where we

can think this through let's not just react out of emotion and instant avoidance so it's so important to understand everybody in recovery is going to go through times of being triggered you can't prevent that part what I am looking for is not that they're being triggered what I'm looking for is how are they responding to their triggers is that changing are they more quickly able to get to their cortex because the more they do that then you're just going to see tremendous growth beginning to happen but there's another sign that they're getting into their cortex

the limic brain the brain of a child basically does stuff only if it feels like it only if it's going to make them feel good now so I don't feel like cleaning my room I don't feel like exercising today what I am looking for is a person doing recovery out of their cortex not out of the lyic brain so they begin to set up a routine and a structure things that they need to do every day to meet their 12 needs and they're going to do it it regardless of how they feel on that day

they may not feel like doing those things but they're still doing it because they're living out of their cortex that is so critical and then the next piece to all of this is that living out of the limbic brain is a very distorted place where you don't see truth you don't see things accurately and so I am looking for cortex growth where they're able now to reason things through they're able to look at different options when they're making a decision they're able to look at other people's perspective it's not just this rigid thinking that many

people have that's just black and white it's not all or nothing thinking they're able to reason stuff through better from their cortex and then if they're triggered and they start to go into that distorted emotional reasing place they catch the himself and they get back to their cortex to a more objective accurate place they don't just jump to worst case scenario when something happens and they don't slide back into fantasy magic thinking all the time so they're catching a lot of the old tricks their brain played to cope that were unhealthy and they're starting to

think out of their cortex in more accurate truthful ways and that's the other piece and this is the huge one they're starting to catch the lies they've been believing about life about thems that they're not good enough that their needs don't matter that others are going to reject them if they get to see what they're really like there's hundreds and hundreds of lies and as I see people starting to catch the lies that they've been believing all their life without even realizing it and start to change those lies and replace them with the truth huge

huge sign of growth two more and these are kind of the results of seeing these 10 things changing number 11 is there's just going to be a greater calm more at peace so they don't have the need for chaos they now just all develop an aversion to chaos not an attraction to chaos they're not drawn g into other people's chaos like they used to be and then they don't need constant distractions that was a characteristic for most in their life is just always having to be busy always having to be doing something not being able

to sit still for very long they just don't need those distractions now there's more of a peace there another part to this is that for many people with shame out of complex trauma all of their value came from external from image from performance from doing certain things from their body and so they had to be going all the time to maintain this external world now they're able to go no I have value I don't need to be doing something to have value I can relax and it increases this calm and so usually what people begin

to see is slight improvements in their anxiety slight Improvement mement in depression not always but in many cases they're going to start to see wow I'm just not struggling as much with anxiety and depression so there's just this ripple effect that begins to happen which is a greater calm the final one is they begin to have hope most people come into recovery with very little Hope just a flicker of a flame of Hope or they piggybacking off some somebody else's hope and have no hope thems what I see begin to happen and it's a wonderful

sign of heal that healing is happening as I start to see hope in their eyes again they're starting to have a sense of hope that they can have a good life they can heal they can have a future they're starting to realize that the trauma from their past do not have to be a life sentence that keeps them stuck in this painful place but it actually they can have resilience they can heal they can grow they can transform their trauma into positive strengths that is such a beautiful thing to begin to see happen in people

so that's very quickly 12 signs of growth 12 signs that healing is happening now let me just add this this is not a linear process this is not okay all of a sudden you're you're going to just see these things happen this step this step this step this step this is up and down you're you're going to see some signs of growth and then people hit circumstances and and it looks like they regress for a little bit because they're their stress levels increased and they've gone back to Old tools that doesn't mean they're failing that

just means they're going to a new level of growth because of increased stress levels they're now going to have to grow a bit more and use some more tools and then they're going to grow again and so it's up down but it overall they're continuing to see growth so it's not just a linear process know that and also know that all of these 12 things are interconnected as you're growing on your shame you're also growing on your dissociation you're also becoming calmer you're also gaining hope they're all connected and so just working on that deep

complex trauma stuff is bringing ramifications in multiple areas of your life so I hope this has helped you I HED you've been able to listen to this and go wow I am growing I see that in myself and you're starting to feel a Greater Hope in yourself greater sense that this is possible you're encouraged that is my hope well that's the end of another Friday night have a