A Counterintuitive Approach to True Happiness - What's Your Mission?

welcome friends to the being human podcast my name's scott st marie thank you for joining on youtube hitting the notification bell thing thank you for joining on spotify and itunes wherever you are we're talking about happiness today a huge part about being human is that we chase moods isn't that a strange thing now we need to focus on ourselves with food water shelter you know maslow's hierarchy but then we begin to sculpt and mold our life so a mood fits a mood something so movable emotion something so in motion that we try to create a

life that fits something that moves that's strange isn't that so strange that the things we do the things we think about the actions that we take surrounded by this idea that it better make me happy i'm doing this so i feel a certain way oh that's strange now it kind of makes sense to a degree where okay i want to go get this jaw because you know i think it'll fulfill me and i'll be good at it i'm going to get in this relationship i'm going to buy this car i'm going to move to this

house i'm going to cut off my genitalia because it'll make me feel happier now of course there's balance in all this and we as human beings need to realize but we have trouble holding two truths at the same time that i can focus on myself and i can't chase a feeling to a degree and certain things in my life will help me be my true authentic self i need to remove things from my life and i do need to chase and pursue things right of course of course but at the same time in order for

you to be happy we need to forget about ourselves and that's what i'd like to talk about today look around man look at your rectangle of pixels that we walk around with look at gen zed look at millennials like myself so completely consumed with our own identity with our own thoughts consumed by our own feelings it's all about what i want it's about what i feel how will they perceive me what will they think of me how will i fit in what will i do what am i feeling those that deal with anxiety and depression

in their vocabulary they use the words i and me more because this is so self-consuming and the world is so heavy and everything we think is about us like a black hole that consumes all light and nothing can then escape from it in grade six i did a speech about black holes i remember it like it was yesterday in grade six i was thinking about space and this idea that nothing can escape from this area in space if you deal with anxiety or or some low moods at times you're probably a very conscious and very

awake person at times so you probably had these big thoughts as a kid welcome to the club so like a black holt in today's generation we're so consumed with ourselves where does that lead us it leads us to a tick tock generation it leads us to completely being narcissistic it leads us to using other people only to fuel our own self-interest that is a slippery slope to the gates of hell to the devil's penis what do we do about that since the 1950s when the self-help thing started man we've just been so consumed with ourselves

it's about me it's about me expressing myself i want to wear the speedo to work and get both my nipples pierced and if my boss doesn't like it that's discrimination come on man let's be real with ourselves we're not that important i'm not that important i have a freaking youtube channel i look at myself on a screen and talk about stuff i'm not that important even when i get on stage and do a talk it's very easy for me to say this is all about me look at all the eyes on me this feels good

but you know what stops me there and this is the key that i'd like to talk about to remove ourselves from ourselves we be of service to others this is the key to happiness my friends it only took me 33 years to realize you don't have to go to costa rica and do an ayahuasca trip you don't need to take psilocybin and do a huge trip you don't need to take lsd to deflate your ego be of service to others that's the fastest way actually no that's not the fastest way i would say it's the

most rewarding way the way to heaven is a very very very long staircase it's not even an escalator it's definitely not an elevator it's the stairway to heaven maybe that's why they wrote it that way it's long man it's step by step it's intimidating there's steps that are missing you gotta jump over a slippery banana peel there's gum on the stairs it gets stuck in your shoe it's not an easy road up there it's not an easy case if you want to reach this idea of happiness whatever that means to you fulfillment contentment we need

two things to forget about yourself to be of service and to have a mission what is the mission when we have a mission i feel like my mission is to help people and guide them to see the good in themselves yeah it hit me the other day when i was coaching i'm like i think that's the thing because we beat ourselves up so much it's so the self-critic is so strong in today's culture because we compare ourselves with others it's my job to help people see the good in what they do and who they are

if you have a mission if you have a way to serve others well this focus on yourself has an outlet it's not self-consuming and self-interested the cyclical thoughts that drive us a little anxious you have something to barf on we all need something to barf on not disgusting barf beautiful barf creative barf there's those artists that do barf art you know they pu they eat all this food coloring stuff and they barf on a canvas and that's art they sell it for like 50 grand use your use use your mission for bar fart i'm serious

though if we're all consumed and we do all of the work just for ourselves like i'm doing this so i can get the tv so i can get the car so then i can buy this and do this and go on vacation for myself and i'm gonna do this to pleasure this and this you know where that leads i know where that leads it's so unsatisfying it's the most hollow experience a human being can have it's so hollow all i want to do with money if i had all the money in the world it would

make me so happy to give it away not all of it i'd love a yacht i'd love a yacht but i'd take you all with me what's the point of having everything if you don't share what good does it profit a man to gain the world but lose his soul happiness isn't about you it's the byproduct of when you are of service to others and by service i don't mean you need to start a non-profit and do stuff for free no because that's the way into poverty as well we need to make money we need

to have a job we need to offer something to the world that aligns with our mission what's your mission this is the homework for today's episode i've never given you homework ever when we have that mission the moods drip on us lightly like rains rain on an umbrella like when we're walking the rain it drips off our shoulders and lands in puddles when we have that mission when it's not just about us we aren't so consumed with feeling we aren't so consumed with thought because we wake up with direction forget about yourself that's the path

to happiness forget it you know on youtube all i ever wanted was a big audience all i ever wanted was a lot of subscribers all i ever wanted was to talk in front of a lot of people so they could see me i wanted people to see me i wanted to be heard i wanted to be understood the mission wasn't about the crowd at the beginning the mission wasn't about the audience and the listeners the mission was about me that leads to burnout that leads it leads to the fire dude we get burnt up that's

why it's called burnout we go and we experience hell for a little bit we're like holy jeez it's hot down here obviously this self-serving stuff isn't working and you see this in culture everywhere you see this on social media everywhere people are building a business they're doing this they're giving advice but it's all for them it's all for them it's all self-serving with video metrics and likes and validation and attention and admiration cut it out forget about yourself and you will be one with the universe you will give shade to all people listen man you'll

be the light that when you when you when you light up a lantern right remember this verse and i forget mark or john or whatever you put it people don't light a lantern and put it under the bed you light it and you put it on the lampstand so then the light sheds to other people you can be a tree and a tree doesn't offer shade to only a few people a tree so big and so wondrous and so confident in itself grows regardless but offers shade to anyone that comes by i feel like a

tree doesn't think about itself it just is and offers shade to those who come by you can offer light to those who come by be selfish in your needs in your psychological needs and self-care take care of yourself start to really love yourself offer yourself compassion there's all the free videos in the description you can talk to me you can join our zoom groups you can do that do that kind of work it's very important it's taken me a long long time but that's not the end this is the fuel for then the outlet and

where do you put your energy love and attention then you put it to other people you put it to something you really like that will benefit and be something bigger than you forget about yourself and you'll be the happiest person in the world i'd like to thank you all for listening to today's episode and what do you call these we'll just call them episodes rants and thoughts lectures whatever you call it i'd like to thank you so much for joining take this with you today your homework think about a mission now scott what is a

mission just put down a few words man put down one word what's your mission i remember my time with the jesuits he said he brought me uh we were in a room together talking about the heaviness of existence and i was i'm struggling sometimes man it's heavy stuff and he says my mission is empowerment because whether i'm a custodian or either i'm a teacher whether i'm a jesuit whether i'm uh um you know an account manager account coordinator whether i'm a salesman whether i'm a nurse that mission follows me everywhere whatever i do what's your

mission and think of that when life gets heavy forget about yourself forget about yourself put your energy towards something outside of you and i promise you life will get a little lighter let me tell you one more story hey let's keep talking one more story actually this is important i was at an event a few days ago and uh it was like bring a plus one and i'm like i don't have a plus one whatever so there's like 40 people and i'm alone but i'm in pain like i got some physical stuff going on that

i've been working through but i mean i'm in some pain man now what would be better i was thinking okay i can sit and think about the pain and i can sit and just eat the food get through the night and i can be consumed with the pain consumed with the sensation of pain consumed with the thoughts of why is this still here doctors suck they don't know anything what does 7-10 years of med school even give you i've helped myself more than i can get into it what is going on with this medical system

i could get into that or what did i do i forgot about myself by seeking interest and introducing myself to everybody that night forget about yourself i was asking questions i was volunteering some information i was intrigued and looking to learn things about other people's work making the rounds having terrible conversations i was awkward at times but forgetting about it putting yourself out there to release yourself from the cage that we pace in bruce coburn pace in the cage it helped so much i forgot about the pain because the energy is moved away from you

and it feels good to ask people questions feels good to learn more it's not self-serving although it helped with the pain this is the two truths that we need to talk about it's self-serving and selfish because i needed to do this for me to forget about the pain but it was also serving other people at the same time because i asked questions i was intrigued and they got to talk about their work too forget about yourself this is the 17th time i've said it let go a little bit about your own expectation about your own

thinking about what would be always good for you all the time about your own feelings about your own emotions about your own thoughts forget a little bit and see what happens because when we forget about ourselves and we release the black hole stuff we're open to possibility we're open to more things we're open to opinions we're open to more ideas we're open to more options and choices and different paths we can go down where we're not so focused and consumed with our heads down when your head's down on the path you don't even know where

you're going you can look up a little bit when you forget about yourself take a glance around oh look at all of this cool stuff i forgot about all this cool stuff wow this isn't really about me after all i think it's about a little bit more it's not only about me it's with a lot of other things cool thanks for listening everyone links in the description if you want to join zoom calls with me link in the description if you want to support this ad free podcast because sponsors email me every day and i'd

love to earn some big bucks but i also like when i listen to podcasts an ad free environment is very pleasing so if you'd like to support the podcast and get a bunch of freebies check out the patreon link in the description i'd like to thank you all for listening take care see you next time bye