What really makes a man desirable?

before we get into this conversation about male desirability I want to give a shout out to today's sponsor Adam and Eve you know who Adam and Eve is at this point and I'm sure I don't have to explain what they do but what I will make sure you know is that by using the promo code fd50 you can get 50 off a purchase along with free shipping and handling to the United States and Canada further they've been a great support of the channel so please give them support and support Yourself by checking them out at

adamandeve.com remember use promo code fd50 and now let's start the video thanks sexy is an all-day job and for some of us the end of the day is just the beginning [Music] you've got to see your relationships with women your ability your skill of dating like a skill so remember the video games that we used to play we used to have our characters and skills that you could level up if I were truly caught in you I would not need flowers okay five minutes how does it feel to be on The Cutting Edge of changing

the way that we view black masculinity I don't feel like I'm on The Cutting Edge of [ __ ] you are on The Cutting Edge of waking your [ __ ] ass up and smelling the coffee do women want feminine men now the answer to this guys despite who says what what political agenda ABC parties have the answer is an outstanding absolute Undisputed no Undisputed no [Music] together so being a content creator is great I have zero complaints zero whatsoever however if our words to complain about something uh it would be that the process of

like doing this and editing and watching your videos over Etc it forces you to look at yourself a lot and for anything that you don't like about yourself that you want to change about yourself or anything that has changed maybe for the negative it is impossible not to notice and so one thing that I've noticed since before I had a hundred thousand subscribers is that I've I may have gained a little bit away at my age with my health background and my family's health background this is just not healthy to keep doing so I have

gotten back into exercising and while I've never been a stranger to working out in the traditional sense I just find myself completely bored doing cardio and lifting weights and curls or deadlifts or whatever the new [ __ ] is so going into the end of 2022 I figured I'd trade in my traditional gym membership for a dojo in the world of kickboxing so for two days a week for the past few months barring a break for the holidays covet or fighting YouTube to get a video done on time I've been trying to learn the basics

while getting healthy I've always been interested in martial arts and while it's not fun kicking a hard ass bag with my shins it is a new challenge and the feeling of learning a skill helps drive me through any and all feelings of how bored I might get exercising or the ways I would often feel running on a treadmill for 30 minutes and it can't hurt that I'm hopefully shrinking this fupa down a little bit even if my wife likes it I'm not the biggest fan of it she likes me she likes my big arms she

likes my big legs I am an older black man and outside of being maybe a little bit taller or having a beard that connects [Music] I feel pretty confident that I embody a pretty desirable body however this doesn't mean I am immune to the insecurities of how I look and an easy reminder of how insecure you can sometimes get is when I first got in the presence of my kickboxing coat now again I feel pretty good about the way I look but please believe when looking at coach hey I'm I may have been a bit

envious my coach looks like Idris elba's older brother he is a nigerian-born Brit who plays some basketball in the UK and then switched to kickboxing later in his life and a lifetime of Athletics has built him into what most people imagine when they think of idealized physical black masculinity it's impossible not to measure yourself up with other men I think that's just a part of being human and often when I run into men like my coach I feel that pain of insecurity but I also find comfort in thinking well you know my wit and intelligence

are the things that make me special and make me stand out but then I heard my coach talk your value isn't premised on the way you look no matter what Society teaches you no matter what the feedback you get back from uh people in society man and women you must understand that basic truth that my value my intrinsic value as a human being as a man it really isn't dependent on How I Live because at the end of that is something I remind myself of all the time that this is just a shell and it's

just like yeah like some brothers got it it is what it is so there's a minor intimidation Factor when in the presence of guys who either through nature or immense effort both look and maybe sound like my coach that said I've never let it affect my opinion on who I am and what I'm capable of people that know me know that while I was a late bloomer once I started figuring things out I was more than capable of attracting women I married a beautiful talented amazing woman and we have a fulfilling life together regardless of

the fact that I've never had a six-pack I've never been over six feet tall and before YouTube I never really made a lot of money I was successful and respected in my career path before YouTube but that did not define who I was nor did my looks it was the entirety of who I was that made my life fulfilling in the ways it was before micro celebrity on YouTube I say this to point out that I did not need the commercialized image of the alpha male to find happiness as a man or Security in my

own masculinity the commodified image of the alpha male is mythological and really has never been a real thing it's actually quite funny in fact to look at the current landscape of so-called self-help for men and see how bizarre some of the images are of what constitutes an alpha male and what constitutes desirability and then when you weigh them against reality and history it gets even more weird it makes sense that many of the audience members that consume this type of content are boys and young men who just really don't know any better and probably haven't

had much luck attracting women because if they did then they would probably know that the things that they're consuming that are supposed to help them attract women aren't really all that helpful guys like Myron Gaines and Andrew Tate and snico will definitely be able to attract women and are in some way desirable but what does that mean and is Young douchebag who works out a lot the only way to be to attract women if you are not a child then you know of course that's not the case the reality is that desirability for men is

a complex and deep concept that doesn't have one specific art type or look anyone telling you that you have to look and be a specific way a way that they also just so happen to be selling you is lying and one of the reason I wanted to talk to you because you remind me of one of my homeboys it's so funny you just said your slam poetry era so like now I know you as a hoe hey yo but like man he would get stopped every 10 by a woman to say hey his name was

hey what's going on hey I saw your performance hey you know and I would be like [ __ ] what are you doing you see yes I'm crying sometimes it's just be like that though uh no no there's a specific energy and uh persona that I think some dudes have that is absent from any type of like explicit physical presentation that attracts women I want to say it's soft boy non-derogatory if that makes sense like when when you give off a Vibe somehow you know maybe it's the shortness maybe it is the like being a

little broader maybe it is the soft-spokenness or the the uh the wanting to be in touch with something as feminine as writing which like is kind of a misnomer anyway but like that profiling like makes women I feel more inclined to engage the app that I most prefer is called hinge and hinge is just an app like Tinder or Bumble where it allows you to put specific uh prompts and answers like you can you can select a prompt that'll be asking you a question you can answer it in a funny way or whatever or you

can answer it by adding a photo with a caption and you can do that like a few different things like that and but the most matches I have ever it was like a voice prompt where it said it it asks you a question you can answer with a voice message right and by far the most matches I've ever gotten is from that prompt of me just I'm like kind of just joking around making up some situation I don't remember what the prompt is about because I've experimented with different photos like you know uh photos of

me looking you know of my body photos of me look what I feel like is most attractive photo other photos uh that that I don't feel like are as good but I just put up there because you have to have a certain number um and you can tell that which thing on the profile that they specifically like but for the people that for the people that are like in that headspace of like this nothing I'm doing is working I think the jaw maxing Chad stuff doesn't really translate like as as cleanly as you think because

you can just be creative with it like like I said a voice prompt is what people I've matched with for the most for me that's just been my experience and that's something that's not you know innate or that you have to train you know right five years in the gym to get it's just something you have to kind of think outside the box about we don't wake up and I don't like she does I've robbed her also of the pleasure and the joy of waking up next to the apartment also that I could assume this

physique and everything that if you ask her properly she doesn't necessarily need like it's not it's it's a standard that I put upon myself right you know and a lot of these things are internalized to the point like where we're no longer doing it to cater to the demands of people itself like or to be desired we're doing it to cater to an avatar that we believe people desire but if you as you probably know like if you talk to people that don't fit this mold this Avatar of desirability they still they still hidden skins

they still got they've still got Partners they're still you know they in fact a lot of them are getting a lot more you know sex and things like that then fellas like me um I was when I grew up I had a very like unstable sense of self-esteem and like self-worth and um I was very hard on myself and very perfectionistic and I kind of had the mindset of like I need to live life like perfectly um and there was just various experiences through high school where I kind of came to realize it's more about

living like the most of Life instead of like the best life possible so it was a bit of a slight mindset shift um and it made me take myself less seriously I started to you know practice like mindfulness I got really into philosophy um I was traveling I was kind of just doing things out of like their intrinsic like worth instead of you know anything else and uh and you know for a while before this I was going on those like uh like forums and like um you know just very like you know looking back

I'm gonna cringe everybody does this I guess when they're younger but I read the uh the the pickup artist book I don't remember her name off my head the game I read the game yeah yeah and nowadays it's even more like you know like the manosphere and stuff like that people could find like Andrew Tate or you know sneako or even you know Peterson kind of to kind of tell you like you need to these are the correct ways to be a man so so my idea of what the right way of living life was

was specifically how can I be like a good man so it was very gendered from the beginning um so then when I adapted more of this kind of like where I got into Camu a lot where it was this kind of absurdist uh kind of existentialist take of just kind of not taking things so seriously um that ironically like is is what allowed me to then achieve a lot of the stuff that I was like valuing beforehand like you do become more desirable if you don't wreak of desperation like if you just genuinely talk to

other people because you want to um you go do things because you genuinely want to that is a very attractive quality for this video I'm defining desirability as a mass presenting person's ability to embody and perform traits that though those who are attracted to men find appealing this is a somewhat nebulous and flexible definition because the reality is attraction and masculinity is a nebulous and complex thing but in general basically it's you're a dude and what is it that you do that makes people that are attracted to dudes attracted to you right makes sense now

you might want to write this broad definition off as Lefty overthinking to Pander to my audience of gen Z they films but then you'd be an idiot and probably not even watch this video in the first place so I'm not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you otherwise but it does bring up the first major thing that I want everyone who's watching to consider which is how warped and inaccurate our understanding of male desirability tends to be greatly because of the things we see and are told as boys and men namely

that it's almost always those types of reactionary conservative men that are dictating the conversation when they are not the people that you're trying to be desirable for or are they and I don't say that to insinuate like this homoerotic nature of some of these spaces but to consider why is it that it's other single men that are giving you all the secrets and information that you're supposed to have on how to attract women that just genuinely doesn't make a lot of sense first and foremost understand that gender presentation and what is considered masculine and attractive

for men has constantly changed throughout history I don't care what's your alpha male podcast folks told you 10 years ago 20 years ago 40 50 years ago they would have told you something completely different I could go back centuries to show you no shortage of images and art for men in a variety of presentations being depicted as being desirable while wearing what we consider today to be dresses and skin type pantaloons and even high heels fast forward just a few years ago in Reggie Paige Jean embodied this desirability from that Old Time completely driving the

girls wild just by licking a spoon and then just 30 years ago in my childhood we saw a persistent image of gender non-conforming men being seen as the height of desirable whether it was the gland up images of Aerosmith or poison or maybe it was Tupac A hip-hop icon and a sex symbol but if you look at the way Tupac was presenting from today's sensibilities you see that Tupac wasn't giving you this classic super thugged out image it was actually I'm just saying I'm just saying when you when you put your hands like this that

means something there's a lot of leather involved there so that may be a reach but one undeniable example of transgressive sex appeal for men by women is Prince for those two young or too uncool to know Prince is an icon in like a half a dozen different spaces he's an icon of black music he's an icon of rock music he's got to date the greatest Super Bowl halftime performance of all time he's something of a queer icon as well despite being completely straight and with that probably most interestingly he's a sexual icon and mostly for

women If Prince had come out today in the current political climate he would be so polarizing that we might not even get the great music we got in the 80s and 90s because people would call him a woke or too soft or some [ __ ] which is still a bunch of BS cause even today men are embodying desirability while completely flouncing the normative images of what traditional masculinity is so guys like lakeith Stanfield Nick Jonas Lil Uzi vert Machine Gun Kelly and others have significant fan bases while queering masculinity I also just sort of

say I think um my experience with masculinity and um trying to be um I guess it is what it is it's like trying to be more masculinized has been something that I've run into all the time it's like this big wall of like you know I've been a huge fan of hip-hop since a very early age I think part of it was like man those guys are cool and maybe I can do that you know I like words so maybe that could be a way that I can get there like like maybe I like sports

maybe I could do that you know and trying to find these paths to where I could avoid this feeling like that was some sort of thing that people didn't understand and didn't really want any part of my first three years of high school I actually did in Santo Domingo which was a huge culture shock change for me and a lot of things and there was just you know I guess puberty you know like you go through puberty and then 11th grade shows up and you're all of a sudden you're like hey I'm not that bad

looking right I'm like yeah you just you know I have tall like there's some things going on what made it sort of clear to me was when I started um when I came back to New York and Senior year and uh I just saw that I was being perceived a certain way a bit more um without any of my input really I mean there were certain things I like you know I learned how to get a haircut and things like that but you know yeah there was a huge there's definitely a transformation um that was

mostly unwitting and then at some point you know one of my friends that I'm still cool with to this day um when I came in the senior year she told me later that when she saw me she was like oh great another [ __ ] boy in this high school or whatever I was like really you thought that and she's like no yeah yeah and you know you look a certain way and then I talk to you and I was like oh he's actually cool and I was like oh wow so tell me what the

[ __ ] boy thing again like what did you what was it specifically when I was sort of in a situation where I was you know kind of engaged with a woman and flirting with a woman my awareness of certain traits were a lot more pronounced like for example my height like I'm I'm five foot six totally fine with that perfectly average for a gymnast but it's not it's not very tall I know I know that I'm like a pretty short guy women love a tall man like it's it's surprising how important that is for

a lot of them and I did run into some issues with that like there would be a woman that you know I was kind of interested in maybe hitting it off with or you know like reading a bio and like wow she seems really cool and then it's like you know those above like below 510 don't apply kind of stuff right yeah and so you know there's a lot of that with men not so much in fact a lot of gay men who are bigger like a short guy because of the height difference for me

dating women and and men and like I mean multiple genders really it it was really you know kind of figuring out that no one was going to be interested in me if I was pretending to be something I'm not and even if I could pretend to the point where I could convince them which like as a trans person I have a whole lifetime of experience doing that but even if I could play this role in such a way that they that it was like really believable that I'm in a situation where I have to keep

playing a role and again I spend most of my life doing that I'm not going to do it again so my trans experience was really liberating in that sense because I had to perform like perform the wrong gender for so long I'm not going to do a performance of the right one I'm just gonna be like who I am still while Prince was being a major sex symbol so was Burt Reynolds Denzel Washington Billy D Williams Mel Gibson I don't want to insinuate that traditional masculinity as we see it today did not exist then but

the overall prominent ways that men and boys tend to think about being desirable has always been a spectrum and if you focus only in on one area then you're gonna miss a lot of the picture like everybody knows the Giga chat meme right this meme is kind of a Cryptid so I don't know exactly who this is It's said to be based on a Russian model but I can't quite confirm that he exists maybe he does I've seen pictures but everything looks fake and it's hard to find either way he is called Giga Chad because

he is supposed to be the epitome of what idealized desirable masculinity should look like at least according to straight men the absurdly strong jawline the lean almost grotesquely muscles physique Etc but here's the thing that's going to be challenging for many people watching this video this image is idealized to who exactly I know this is a joke that people don't actually think this is attractive but the joke is still based in an idea that people think that this is somewhat attractive and it's it's really not and it greatly illustrates a gap in how men understand

their own desirability versus how women perceive it and I guarantee that's who most women a man with this type of Zeke is not really ideal the idea for this video came from a tick tock I saw a while back where a guy was trying to figure out why he wasn't getting matches on online dating a simple answer is because their photos suck they may think they have good photos in fact quite often they do maybe they were taking professional photographer but it doesn't mean the photos don't actually suck like this guy so he emailed me

and he was like dude I am convinced that Tinder doesn't work for anyone who's not a giga Chad because I'm not getting your nachos so we took a look at his photos and this is what we saw we have one photo where he looks like a Hitman the second one we can barely see his face the third one where the lighting is insanely creepy and he looks superposed and the fourth one which has the same exact issue now this guy is definitely above the average looking but he's getting zero results again because his photos are

bad so here's where we have the first major disconnect a lot of men and boys Center their a perception of masculine desirability on what other men Define as such this guy in this picture looks like an Ax Murderer the Giga chat meme is grotesque looking to be honest it feels like something from the darkest sectors of deviantART but clearly this guy took this pose from his image of what the gigachad would get on Tinder and he's not getting it there is an overvaluing of certain types of bodies and physical features and presentations of those bodies

of being the most desirable when data in research tells us that women show interest in a variety of men's bodies and often find the typical ideal as understood by men to be not nearly as appealing as we think at least in isolation again to be clear having a fit body for a man is going to make you more attractive to more women in a specific way and that way is often for explicitly seeking sexual partners there is a wide body of research that shows that men who are more muscular and or taller are seen as

more desired by women having a greater sense of body image and have more sex partners than non-muscular men I will not be gaslighting you in this video and telling you that that is not the case however much of that same research also indicates that these men that look closer to the Giga Chad are also less likely to be seen as viable partners for long-term relationships when it comes to being taken seriously and building connection looking like this can get in the way and I'd argue that it kind of goes both way and this kind of

sucks for multiple reasons firstly male body image dissatisfaction is a significant indicator of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety possibly even drug abuse in young men yet pursuing that ideal body image while it may lead to some more opportunities for short-term partnering could also hinder one's capacity for more meaningful long-term partnering it's a really awful Paradox that a lot of men are putting in a ton of effort to look like the ideal for seeking out Partners but that Ideal Image ends up working against them for seeking out actual long-term partnership so basically from

like grade 10 so I'm like 16ish I start to work out consistently like three times a week let's say and I pretty much have done that ever since like there's times when I'm not as much and sometimes we're a bit more but basically being able to actually be of decent like physical fitness I was definitely just super skinny that's what I mean like I was just very skinny right um I still am generally pretty skinny but now I work out to where it's like noticeable that I have some degree of muscle so that just generally

definitely made me feel more confident I wouldn't say it was like truly low like to the weird like I think I was definitely quite privileged in the sense like I don't think my my self-image my regular image sorry even growing up uh was ever that objectively by traditional standards that bad or considered ugly but at the same time I was quite scrawny and I grew up like obviously like Indian in a very white community in Ottawa my community was extremely white so just feeling different for that sense but overall like I grew up with pretty

low confidence I'd say like it's only until really last year where I could say I definitely had more confidence but I could actually look in the mirror and be like I actually think I'm pretty attractive like that's a a hard thing for me to even say they will spend time trying to reach that point with the hopes that it will provide something um and some people do this like I kind of make it their life like like I think gym culture as as important as I recognize it is for health like people that do it

for health very rarely do I do I feel like do I get the sense that the primary sort of adherence to gym culture are doing it for that reasons they're doing it for Aesthetics they're doing it they look at themselves in the mirror they take photos they compare themselves to the people around them it's it's the pursuit of this body that when when it is tied to that value um will never be it will never be enough it will never be you'll never get to a point where what you've worked for is satisfactory in all

the ways that one might think like for some people it's like they like being ripped and that's fine but you know what I'm talking about about yeah there's the guys that like enjoy working out in like doing stuff to their bodies and then there's the guys that are like once I get ripped that'll show them then if you go back and consider the proposition of what it takes to look like the Chad combined with the actual benefits in terms of desirability to me it it doesn't seem like it's all that worth it unless you are

really that much into fitness which if you are awesome keep doing that if you're into being fit and working out for that reason for actual passion for Fitness that's actually a really great thing for your desirability which I'll get to later however if you're a skinnier guy or a fatter guy looking to look smacks I don't know if it's worth the effort to go super hard in this area because when you listen to women and observe how desirability is often communicated in women's media you see a very different story than what we understand from the

perspective of men the group of men with the most body image issues tend to be gay men for every negative element about body image that I mentioned earlier gay men have it worse and if you think about it it makes a lot of sense gay men have the deadly one-two punch of having both the societal pressure of presenting ideally for the male gaze and having that idealized image be embodied by the masculine ideal so they have the Press pressure of wanting to be desirable to men and then that image of desirability is explicitly defined through

a masculine lens and I'm bringing this up not to like again do some weird you guys are actually gay stuff but to kind of point out that the image of masculinity that men most see as appealing is actually one that's most appealing to other men whether they be straight or gay and what that should tell you is that straight men on the other hand might want to be the masculine ideal but as I explained here what that ideal looks like from the perspective of women can be very far from what the ideal looks like from

the perspective of men I already mentioned the they them mass desirability that has always been around a low-level analysis of the images of men created for and by women is a huge hint as to what women actually desire in men the annual sexiest man alive issues of People magazine while not a perfect indication of what women like clearly seeks to present an image of men that is warm and caring and engaged these are still traditionally masculine men who are attractive and handsome in any traditional sense but what they're presenting to be seen is actually desirable

is not these chisel physiques but those chisels physiques that they're presenting as desirable are hidden behind comfortable clothing and Gentle Smiles not flexed out muscles with sweat and veins popping out their necks if you tie that to gender it's from my argument is that you can be super masculine if you want to be aesthetically you can perform that way because yes some women are attracted to a rugged guy who's like really muscular and stoic and stuff but you can't be that that can't be your end-all be-all there has to be a little bit of emptiness

a little bit of space for growth or Nuance adaptability because you know taken to its extreme that sort of gender fundamentalism or identity fundamentalism especially with masculinity could be harmful to other people if you overtly want to prove that you were innately masculine you could end up you know causing some form of domestic abuse you could end up you know pathologically sleeping with a lot of people becoming like a [ __ ] boy kind of not outliers we want at least for that first interaction we want somebody that's pretty like plain pretty like safe and

secure especially um and then I think you pair that with guys are probably not great with taking photos because they're not socialized to rely on pure Aesthetics they're supposed to rely on kind of competence and performance and women are socialized who rely on Aesthetics so you're engaging in a platform that uh really favors people that are good right Sisyphus makes a really good point here about how boys and girls are socialized differently when it comes to Aesthetics and Beauty there are many more consequences for not being physically attractive for women versus men and thus women

and girls begin to figure out Aesthetics and Beauty at a very early age and entire Industries are built around Aesthetics for women while men are are openly discouraged to learn these skills and thus many go through life never having had a great grasp on how to assess the thighs assess how to make things look pretty it's not some high-minded philosophical thing to say that women want men that make them feel safe and also seem safe as in not a creep or a weirdo or someone who is operating with a lack of emotional intelligence and what

is desirable to women isn't always conveying dominance and strength and power but conveying those features of being safe and being a provider or being a companion now look at them and patriarchy mean that women will be more likely to attach those features to Attractive people but it's a complex bell curve and Hyper focusing explicitly on looks is a good way to one completely misunderstand what women are looking for and to exert energy and personal resources in the wrong thing lots of women are looking for lots of different body types yes being shorter or larger or

super skinny will affect how you perceive but it doesn't preclude an absence of possible Partners again I'm not going to Gaslight anyone to think that looks are not important but you should consider how you assess what looks is as a man like that's that's verbatim What Happens so like a lot of people think that okay like when I do this big glow up like you know like I'm gonna get all kind of not really like a lot of people actually to like a certain extent may feel as though like you're so attractive now that you

probably get this a lot and therefore I am not going to add to that like you have like almost like an ironic uh reaction to it like a backlash to an extent so like you're gonna be mad at me but like I really ain't had a whole face like that oh because keep in mind coming from being fat and like being unattractive being Unworthy of affection I still even though like I was in this body like I was still a fat guy like I was still I was still a little fat chubby kid from high

school people I love meeting new people I love first date so I'm like not the type that doesn't yeah I find them fun um but I do wonder how much of that is me like compensating for all those years where I never felt capable right you know because and I think that may have came up in uh recent relationship bro seeing someone right I regret that I think I think I just it's hard to sometimes when you're when I because I still think I'm in that process where I'm not feeling super in touch with uh

and super truly confident where I'm able to be myself and not scared of losing people and all that um sometimes it's hard to even read how you feel about situations and you're start to be like present and like absorb other people and be like oh I like this I don't like that it's hard to trust what you see basically it's just like a fog my wife loves my legs you know what I'm saying she like we're in bed and she'll literally like put your leg on me and it sounds weird to tell another person when

like you say it out loud but you also I know you know what I'm talking about I know exactly what you're talking about yeah like 100 exactly this weekend exactly what you're talking about so it's like and that and that's why I'm glad you're like you're making this video and also like talking about it in this particular way because if we could I do believe it may maybe not as simple but let's say a great first step to just let boys not even men boys know that like your body shape has people that like it

like there are there are already women who like you for a for a their own selfish reasons like my this sounds weird to say out loud but yeah like my girlfriend likes my personality and my body for like selfish reasons that like I don't necessarily have to always understand is what she told me she's like don't worry about that I you keep doing you I I'm with you because I like what you're doing and that is what a lot of boys are trying to get to right how can I be so girls will like me

yes I don't want to just yeah I'm not being you is cool I'm saying be you because someone else is gonna is already gonna like that they're already into that [ __ ] you're not that weird CJ the x is a friend of the channel and one of the best people making content on this platform you should check them out in one of their videos they made the following comment that has lived rent-free in my head ever since capitalism apologists claim that money shows you where value is if everyone works hard and everyone gives their

money to the best goods and services and the market is free then profit will end up where the best values are cool Theory didn't work out profit isn't value value is value don't let them convince you they're the same thing value equals value I will avoid getting too deep into my leftist bag to break down why this statement is so profound but I will point out that at least in the west we have been conditioned to conflate value a rather nebulous and Abstract thing with explicit concrete things like money possessing an ideal body having nice

material possessions and from that we have developed the concept of being a high value man I don't really know when this term became popularized but I first heard it from now deceased manosphere Juggernaut Kevin Samuels our value has been with us forever there's always been a ranking system irrespective race culture period of time you will see higher value men higher value individuals separate or be separated from the pack that is how this works if you want more options or more favorable outcomes you need to increase your overall value I don't think it's hard to imagine

my opinion on Kevin Samuels but if you would like to know it more explicitly you can check out my video on the black manosphere the that said in brief I would often hear Samuels discuss this concept of a man's value in response to men watching his content who sought certain types of women but lacked the perceived value to get them and since then I feel like that phrase has been a staple of certain self-help oriented parts of male interest media to purportedly teach young men and boys how to really be high value men so some

of this is in physical appearance and how you dress but a lot of it deals with economic hustles which are often basically get rich quick schemes or outright scams or pyramid schemes and other times it's dubious Ventures into cryptocurrency and nfts or Amazon Drop Shipping or some other alternative method for non-traditional work and all of this in some rare cases I'm sure will make a guy rich and maybe in combination with some looks maxing and some fashion advice make them definitely more viable on The Dating Market that is a plausible outcome but it's very very

rare having money will again make you more appealing to women this is not some secret red pill true this is just the reality for numerous reasons but having money doesn't make you valuable more importantly that won't guarantee having more access to women or more importantly that having this access to women will give you the feelings of self-worth that you were seeking out in the first place the whole the idea of like how they've commodified sex like it's very similar to money it's in the same sense and I think it it contextualizes this conversation of you

know a poor guy um who happens on to a lot of money all of a sudden and then part of how they keep making money is like they tell people other poor people how to make money and they're all kind of deceptive get rich quick schemes like that's why people pay so much for these like programs and stuff like that similarly it's like to tell somebody like um I you know like you should be healthy you should you know treat people a certain way you should focus on your passions and stuff like that it's like

yeah but what I want to hear specifically is like what color shirt should I wear in the club and this is all beside the fact that again this [ __ ] usually doesn't work this type of hustle culture has far far far more losers than winners and you mostly end up making the person who made up the hustle Rich that is what they're really designed to do RIP to all the cryptocurrency commercials that weren't in the Super Bowl this year because that [ __ ] was gone and I'm never wrong about this stuff never [Music]

but more importantly even if you did make it big doing Drop Shipping or whatever hyper focusing or maximizing your economic status as a man for the sake of being more desirable is basically like investing in obsolete technology when I was at the age of a lot of you watching the number one smartphone in the market was something called a BlackBerry iPhones barely existed Androids didn't exist at all there were other smartphones but the Blackberry was the smartphone for serious business people and that was their brand they basically like you guys with your little cameras and

your apps and your music players all cute and whatever but when it's time for real serious business You're Gonna Wanna own a BlackBerry and look at this thing it is hideous and this is like in the 2010s it still looked like this it didn't even come up with a touch screen until the 2010s and by then serious business people realized that it was much better and more convenient to have one device that could do multiple things and not just send an email people got used to using touch screens and the Blackberry could never reclaim its

dominance over the cell phone market it went the way of the dinosaur in a word it was Evolution and to adopt some language from the manosphere types it was Survivor of the fittest and you know what else is going the way of the dinosaur the idealized high value breadwinning man who can support a wife and a family all by himself off one job buy a house retire with the pension and live a good simple life that [ __ ] is very very rare again I'll avoid using phrases like late capitalism and workers rights and all

that good stuff but I'll just say say if you do want your trat wife consider Maybe unionizing the way the time where one man could support a whole household with one job is over and even for those few high-value men with high paying tech jobs or even entrepreneurial Ventures those features are simply less desirable than they were 50 or 60 years ago the idea of the trophy wife is a myth and has always been a myth Beauty and attractiveness is always important when picking a partner but people tend to mostly partner with people within the

same education and socioeconomic bracket that they're in as I said before doctors marry doctors techies Mary techies lawyers Mary lawyers and so on the over investment for men into archaic images of status and economic viability ignores the actual Trends in human relationships and the way that things are moving into the future namely that women don't care as much how much money you make and whether or not you have a good job like they did 40 or 50 years ago the biggest factor in the change in dating dynamics that seems to be actively avoided or more

accurate really attacked by manosphere folks is the fact that women need men less today than they ever have and they will need men Less in the future and if you pay attention to a lot of the undertones of manosphere rhetoric a significant portion of what they're saying is basically crying and whining over the fact that now that a woman can get a job he has to take more showers and learn a skill and maybe read some books which is why other parts of their rhetoric are prophesying on the cold scary future where women will finally

need men like they used to back in the good old days when men went out to hunt and women stayed home and all that [ __ ] winter is coming is something that they say a lot in their circles they've been saying it for decades now when the Winter's coming though ladies and what does it mean well whenever Ned Stark or anybody from house Stark would say winter is coming they're not wrong hot girl summer is about to be over and like it or not everything is coming to an end they said it in the

recession of the late 2000s they said it in the presidency of Donald Trump they said it during covet they said it through War they said it during egg shortages the reality is that winter has been here for well over a decade and y'all still aren't getting any ironically but sadly unsurprisingly the people suffering the most in these Hard Times under winter are men who still have not learned to adapt there's all these podcasts complaining about modern women and not enough teaching you how to be a modern man not trying to teach you that the way

a man was 40 years ago is the way you should be now that is do you hear that out loud the sad scary truth revealed through this is how many men are either incapable or uninterested in adjusting to the new reality of what it takes and what it means to be desirable specifically they seem hell-bent or reclaiming a world when men had almost absolute power to dictate the dating Market This Modern alpha male content is ironically incredibly beta because it's mostly operating off of outdated perspectives on what an alpha male is it's basically trying to

reproduce the image of desirability for men that peaked in the 1970s and has been dwindling ever since it's why as you look at the landscape of so many men in these manosphere and alpha male Creator spaces the vast majority of them are single orange shallow exploitative relationships that most of their viewers wouldn't want to be if being an alpha male was real which it is what that would mean is that said alpha males or high value men would have their choice of the most optimal mates in a given space Not Just attention hungry wannabe models

who don't mind a little misogyny as long as they can get paid and they would display this awfulness this value via whatever means is most desired by those optimal mates and the thing is without getting too far into rating skills for women the most desirable female partners are not going to be as interested in the guy following Gary Vee's dopamine detox garage sale course look at the men who are presented as desirable in the media produced by women sure there is still a valuing of certain bodies and certain physical features but the social and psychological

features tend to vary and the guys that act and present more like your our typical alpha male influencer are more likely to be the villain or the guy that gets left behind than the main love interest or furthermore in media that's not necessarily made for women but features a lot of different types of men you'll notice the male characters that women thirst over aren't the ideal lies hyper masculine characters that the boys are there for but they're the more sensitive interesting or complex men that the women actually end up being drawn to it calls into

question what we mean when we say high value if you level yourself up in the way that these guys tend to promote and create personas along the lines of the way these guys advise it is true you will become more appealing to some women but again the uncomfortable question is what type of women I don't want to encroach upon the idea that specific types of women are Unworthy of partnering or don't deserve love but I don't think it's controversial to say that some 20 year old shy guy just trying to figure out how to talk

to women from fresh and fit probably wouldn't be a good match for the type of women that would come on a fresh and fit show like did you see what happened when they were faced with Brittany Renner this is who they really are well I think first of all let's bring it back a couple notches Okay so there's really a lot to unpack here because my first question to you is what do you gain from telling girls that they're not special how does that make you feel I mean I know everything I know everything is

I'm asking you a real question so how does it make you feel because if I say you're that does something for me right if I insult you or if I tell you're not special you're forgettable what does that do for me no that doesn't that's what I'm saying what I'm saying what if I call you if I just say that again you're forgettable that's why I don't do you guys a podcast forgetable hate the setup uh the name is underwhelming I didn't really see the value in it right yes I feel right right so that's

fine but for me that's okay if it wasn't a fit for me but I also don't need to you know in a way kind of try to devalue what this is probably who you really are you are not built to handle Brittany winner and that's okay find something else to do money isn't value clout isn't value good looks aren't value value is value and value differs across time age race Regional affiliation Community Etc and despite what folks will tell you being this explicit singular regressive image of masculinity is not what it's all about in 2023

and hasn't been since 2003 if it actually ever was but this brings us to another concerning question why do we as men have such a narrow vision of desirability about ourselves why do we consistently ignore or misunderstand the information that women give us freely about what they desire who is to blame for our obliviousness in this area and why are so many guys getting rich off giving bad advice while so many other men are suffering in an epidemic of loneliness if men have a warped essentially bad sense of what women find desirable the pressing question

is why why are so many men taking bad Tinder pictures and scaring away women with alpha male talking points why have women been depicting in media exactly who they find most attractive for decades yet men still keep missing the mark there's a joke about finding the [ __ ] somewhere in there I'm sure but I'm just gonna I'm not gonna do it this time masculinity to in in an effort to be attracted or to be courted um it has changed over time like I said I looked and felt and was different before when I was

younger when I was like involved in sports I was it was very much like things are pretty easy because you're you're you're just constantly involved in in like the social dynamics of like being in community like you're talking about like a fraternity or something like that it's a similar thing over time though I think what's come to be part of my identity is is things like like humor like just being funny in a context where you're meeting people and hanging out and that becomes a part of the way that like you attract people some people

think like they just aren't naturally funny or or they that they're like introverted and everything like that and I get that there's like different situations and stuff but for me that's that's kind of how I identify with attractiveness and and I think there's certain things that that like is allow that build confidence confidence in sort of trying and failing to like Court someone and she really don't care in fact actively she would wish that you didn't do that as much like she would wish that like you would be home with her or something to that

regard and I think that like the personality aspect especially what you were talking about is something that people don't realize that often that sexiness is a state of mind like being attractive is a state of mind it's it's a it's an ineffable quality uh that can't necessarily be reproduced Pete Davidson and fellas like that I mean like we're all rumors and everything around them but regardless on like the reason why he's able to date at that level and to get our proximity to the women that he has isn't due to his looks totally I mean

of course there's money you have to bring in capitalism and everything in right in like that um equation but it's also because he looks like a chill funny dude like he looks like like if I talk to him like he may be he'll I'll be happy around here women that seems happy around him yeah I mean Ariana you look at that that picture is so iconic the the but she's got like the the lollipop in her mouth because she looks like she's just really happy to be there the culprit behind this culture of misinformation is

not just the manosphere the manosphere are a symptom of a larger problem in the way that men and boys are socialized to illustrate this I want to talk about a man who never let having a weak jawline keep him down Andrew Tate at the top of the year in the wake of Andrew Tate being arrested for sex trafficking a lot of people kept asking how is it that he ever got so big in the first place for one he's clearly a dork and obviously unserious figure just saying ridiculous things for the sake of getting attention

I would argue that a large portion of his viewers are people who genuinely just find him funny to see and look at and find his Antics amusing and are not taking any of his so-called advice seriously but others that do take him seriously say that he wanted to help man and was inspirational but it's just as obvious that he was often incredibly demeaning and abusive to the boys and men who followed him he was exposed countless times for being a grifter and abuser and he often talked about sex and happiness in a way like that

doesn't sound like anything anyone should want he is truly a bizarre creature but on the internet for young men and boys who spend too much time there he's kind of par for the course cartoon bonus male figures have always done well here relying on emotionally underdeveloped vulnerable boys and men to fill up Their audience but still none have done as well as Tate in such a short time so why would he ever amass such a large following the reason isn't because he was a positive figure for boys he clearly wasn't the ugly and scary reality

is that boys and men brought up under patriarchy are groomed from pretty much birth to be predisposed to find this type of toxic absurd misogyny empowering and appealing I finally said the word that I know you guys have been conditioned to not take seriously good old patriarchy but before you click off and close your ears just follow me for a second if you've made it this far you might as well hear me out to Define it simply patriarchy is a social system that seeks to enfranchise and privilege men often via the marginalization of women but

also in actuality a lot of men too and not just queer disabled black or poor men but all men in general the thing that is often missing from the conversation around patriarchy is that while all men benefit from patriarchy in some way only a small percentage of men actually control and benefit from patriarchy without out the consequences what patriarchy gives back to men and this is not to undermine the fact that it does affect men differently based on gender race and economic status for example historically Asian men have been marginalized in a unique way in

the Western World in her book Asian sexual politics a book I suggest for everyone but especially Southeast or Eastern Asian people who are seeking an analysis explicitly on Asian sexuality Dr Rosalind child talks about the caricatures of Asian men being hypomasculine which is the opposite of hyper masculine as in being emasculated solely based on race ethnicity or phenotype of being Asian again it's not like a all these stereotypes have like a lot of negative stuff some of them quote-unquote are good stereotypes I don't want to get into that but right with South Asian with South

Asian men it's not it's not flattering and I like there's no way to twist it it's like basically how I could put it in one little nugget it's I hate the show Big Bang Theory let's say I watched a few episodes but man the like it's basically like that brown guy that is played he's just the Classic Brown guy that you see in most of Western media which is he's a nerd he's sexually repressed repressed physically useless probably smells and has no skills or no ability to attract a woman and he's just like a scrawny

little loser and again these are all very negative ways I'm putting it but that's kind of like as a child that's kind of like all I saw especially in like Canada and like where I and I personally grew up with like a for my own doing for my family's doing whatever I grew up pretty like whitewashed and actively avoiding my own culture so I never even saw like a lot of Bollywood or a lot of like even that media early on so it was really just that and I always felt like I was fighting against

that yeah no I actually I play sports I play football I played hockey but but you see oftentimes um and I will never say like K-pop fandom can only be sort of defined by people's like desires yeah just like oh they really like Asian people they want a nice Asian boy to like fetishize um there's so many Asian like there's so many K-pop fans that are like have a much deeper connection with the artist but a lot of what you see commonly like what's socialized and what's normalized in part by the industry's efforts is this

idea of here's this cute guy like here's this like this fetishizable person it's like a self-orientalism i i explore this um and I get into sort of this this character that I bring around sometimes that is uh sort of this uh subversion commentary on the um on the the sort of K-pop boy Asian and boy idea that I'm all like like it's part of the conflict within me because it's like partially like I see what you see in me and a lot of what I see that you see in me it's not cool but I

also like this like I also like makeup I also like being accepted I also like that these things are here a lot of this is cool to me and I'm parsing it um and so that's sort of the the way that the the dynamic works as well you know we sometimes like like I mean it's a very common experience honestly for any Asian East Asian person let's say to be on for instance a dating app and everybody that you match with is like I'm really into anime this is historically relevant in Western media where Asian

men were always presented as weak sneaky effeminate Etc these types of issues often inform how Asian men see themselves in response to their perceived value on The Dating Market on the flip side black men are perceived to enjoy a Perpetual state of fetishization men like myself or foreign men or my kickboxing coach are expected to adhere to this Mandingo masculinity which is around black men sexual behavior I've already made a video about this so I won't rehash everything but I do want to point out that this severely stifles how black men are expected to show

up to the rest of the world in order to be seen as desirable trans men and other queer men also find themselves relegated to marginalized statuses because patriarch asserts that they are are not real men thus trans men sometimes struggle to find Partnerships with CIS women and bisexual men are often either forced to deny their bisexuality or risk being invisibilized in the dating market so yes while patriarchy tends to privilege men in a variety of ways and yes this does include all those previously mentioned marginalized men it does not privilege all men equally nor does

it give more than it takes from almost any man that isn't on the top of that hierarchy yet all men are beholden to the standards and expectations of patriarchy thus any man who isn't man enough under patriarchy can be punished through social sanction bullying violence sexual assault Etc I cover all of this more in depth in my first to Manchester videos but one main takeaway that I want people to get is that patriarchy has boys and men convinced that performing masculinity in a specific way means they will attain a level of status and respect and

possibly even desirability this is the bar that men and boys are sold when we're very little a bargain that many of us realize isn't real by the time we hit puberty in fact if we were to lend Credence to the concept of getting red pilled I'd argue that the real red pill is becoming aware of how Society lies to Boys in order to convince them to self-mutilate their Humanity in the hopes that this will allow them to be better stronger men the real wake-up moment is recognizing that adhering to and reproducing patriarchy really only serves

a few in our society and the energy we spend attacking and blaming women is exactly what the so-called Matrix wants you to do because as long as you are attacking and blaming women for the things you don't have in your life you will never turn your anger to the actual system doing you harm but it's hard to get that message across because everything that men and boys will learn about masculinity from the time that they're little tells them the opposite but a before home again like Andrew Tate can take advantage of this preconditioning and literally

sell men and boys anything based greatly on the imagery and Promises of patriarchy by giving them the exact lies that they were told when they were young he can tell them brand new lies as they get older to be fair it's clear that in between the Ridiculousness Tate has a bombastic charismatic Persona and he seems to be highly intelligent in calculating about his image and he is successful and lives a successful lifestyle but that still doesn't really explain why he was able to convince grown men to pay him five thousand dollars to be forced into

a cage fight with professional fighters to prove that they're really top G's when you see the young nature of many of Tate's fans who don't know the difference between a cool guy and a buffoon you realize it comes down to a term that many conservatives often ironically employed to attack the lgbtq community but in reality what we're really dealing with is something that's been happening to Children especially boys for Generations that word is grooming as in grooming little boys to accept and reinforce certain Norms around how a real man is supposed to act so I'm

going to try something a little different I'm going to try something I saw off Tick Tock but add my spin to it and I want you to put five fingers up and follow along put a finger down if your children's toys or bedroom or favorite TV shows or whatever things that you liked as a kid were strictly police to be appropriate for boys put a finger down if you've ever been shamed for doing something like a girl such as showing emotions liking aesthetic things being nurturing showing genuine affection not enjoying sports or having the wrong

hobby put a finger down if you've ever acted gay with the homies or engaged in homoerotic humor with your heterosexual male friends put a finger down if you've ever felt like you had to respond to some form of conflict with violence or risk being seen as weak put a finger down if you were told not to cry as a child because Boys Don't Cry especially if this came from an actual adult and you were like four I could go on forever with this game about how boys are pressured into becoming sexually active before they are

ready and how when boys are molested by adult women no one ever sees those boys as victims I can go on about how boys are conditioned to push down their emotions for fear of being seen as weak and hold all that negative energy in until it explodes hell there's even an unspoken set of etiquette for how men are expected to enter a bathroom and use urinals something is wrong with us I guarantee you that the majority of young men and boys playing alone have their hands bald in a fist probably shaking it in Fury as

some painful maybe intrusive memories come watching over them right now so if you have any issue with some of the things I just mentioned there I want to ask you gentlemen was this a choice or were you groomed did you choose not to cry when you were four years old because you got hurt or pushed down or bullied or dropped your [ __ ] ice cream or was there an adult there a man or a woman yelling at you as a child not to cry punishing you for having a very normal human emotion watching adults

tell young boys not to cry is one of the most horrifyingly abusive things that you will still see done in public and the whole goal of this is to groom that child that young men to begin to distrust and dislike his natural human emotions so that he can be a real man later in life and then we wonder why all these real men are unaliving themselves later in life because they lack effective emotional development and Regulation and the thing that frustrates me to no end is I will see manosphere types and mid-tow types and in

cells talk about this stuff in even blame women this is patriarchy feminism did not create patriarchy it only named it and yes there is a very obnoxious very white pop feminism that has existed since the late 2010s and was on Tumblr and you can't objectively ignore how pop girl boss feminism has been weaponized to dunk on men regardless of the situation and essentialize an inherent evil into men as if we were somehow born with this emotional disability that many of us are groomed to have this does not help I understand why you bought your male

tears mug but it's not very helpful you should probably put that away boys and men are not born to become Andrew Tate or Andrew take fans we are groomed and a perfect example of that is Andrew Tate himself Tate is a product of a lifetime of psychological grooming to produce the toxic misogynist that we know today take cary's traumas from his experiences with being bullied growing up as a biracial kid in the U.S and then a biracial American kid in the UK more significantly takes father seems to be a horrible guy a prideful emotionally abusive

man that believed pathologically and severing Tate from any type of emotional balance when he was a child much like all of us have been except with Tate it was much worse and much more effective first time I've seen my dad in a year he gets in the house he's in the house for about five minutes and my mom's like yeah I took him for a haircut Emery but I didn't like the way they cut their hair and my I was like well and then I'm like yeah I don't like how they've cut it and my

dad went nuts my dad went you're raising my [ __ ] boys talking about how their hair looks they're 10 years old you got them looking in the mirror like girls talk about their what's wrong with you woman they're gonna [ __ ] my boys up and he lost his temper big I'm all scared and so tell Emery it's the first time I've seen you in a year this is why we couldn't be together anymore you're crazy you're crazy called the police and told my dad to leave the house because my dad's saying look you

can't raise my boys gonna raise them [ __ ] it's wild when you hear Tate talk about his father as a great man and all you hear from the stories that Tate tells about his father is the exact same rhetoric that Tate is giving back to boys and men now he's clearly describing all the things not to do if you want to raise a boy into a healthy functioning man you follow that up with the exploitative experiences in professional Combat Sports and you see how all of it is relevant to the allegedly violent pimp grifter

that we see and know now this is not to say that Tate doesn't have agency the irony of patriarchy is that it teaches boys and men that we have agency and we're supposed to be honorable and respectful we're all taught not to abuse women Tate himself has said that men who beat women should be put to death despite having tons of evidence that he is a man who beats women but performing masculinity is full of contradictions it doesn't make sense that we are expected to be leaders and providers and fathers and partners but also to

not have emotions and not care about things and always be alone like again something is wrong and so many boys and men know that something is wrong but they've had this same grooming experience under patriarchy and they are desperate and lost and depressed and in need of help another aspect of grooming is in the media that these boys consume whether it be anime or superhero movies even in media that's more subversive it's easy to see how strength and power are glamorized for boys which then translates to how they think they need to appear to be

desirable for women and going back to body image it doesn't help that male physiques in the media are just as unrealistic and unhealthy for boys as women's bodies are for girls it's just unfortunate that we don't have the same level of scrutiny on that harm because that will require us to actually unpack the patriarchal forces behind it and I've seen manuscript types talk about how shitty it is that male actors will achieve impossible bodies likely through steroids or other methods that aren't accessible to regular men and it's incredibly obvious that these men are not natural

and their bodies are are not maintained through exercise or lots of water fish or whatever the rock says he does like the rock is bigger now in his 50s than he was in his 20s and he expects us to think that it's all natural meanwhile women in the media at least kind of openly talk about their bbls and plastic surgeries and wigs and stuff like that and although this still probably has a very unhealthy effect on girls at least it's somewhat honest I wake up at like 4 15 in the morning every morning um and

I'm at the gym I open up the gym like I'm there five o'clock and I finish at six and that of course this time I could be using sleeping but also I don't wake up to my to my wife no more I can't imagine like the things that like I miss out on um because like I'm fasting like this long like dinners I don't have dinner like I don't have dinner and I don't have breakfast like I only have lunch because like a 20 20 hour fast four hour eating window that's really all I could

do really it'd be 22 most times so I'll eat one meal and that's lunch there are boys out here that think they can look like the rock through hard work and that is destructive so insults get this right they recognize how this double standard affects men but they blame women as if women control Hollywood they think the pressure for these men to look like this comes from men trying to appeal desirable to women but I feel like it should be clear by now that these images aren't for women and girls they're for young boys not

in a sexual nature but in an aspirational one because these are the images that boys are groomed to believe are ideal and shall be pursued but who do you think is really in charge of these images who makes a decision on what images get promoted the most who consumes most of these images like do you imagine Bell Hooks and Judith Butler in a room saying okay let's make sure Captain America's chess glistens when he gets up from the table and make sure to zoom in on that bicep when he grabs the helicopter no that's for

us first and foremost because we think that's cool it speaks to our ideals as men and sure I'm sure there are lots of fans of that imagery who are women but it's not designed with them in mind it's designed with us in mind think about how rare it is to see short or fat men's bodies be depicted as desirable and then think about how many short or fat guys you know with girlfriends with attractive girlfriends and wives it clearly doesn't match up to the media and when we do get images of men who are fat

or short or both in romantic situations it's almost always played for Laughs as if it's laughable that any woman would actually desire to be with a man who wasn't ideally the masculine image and the irony is that no it's not women making this stuff up it's short fat guys directing producing and green lighting these images to be put on our screen the psychology of patriarchy is so entrenched that even when given the power to shape the images is these men still default to images that patriarchy says are good that they themselves don't even belong to

it is interesting to study where this fat guy Trope comes from right I was watching Mina Lay's video on like the history of dieting and weight loss and you know how we go through these times in which like being a heftier man was seen as a status symbol then we went through you know uh David Bowie and going okay steny and now we're sort of at this like Chris Hemsworth Iron Man type impossible uh basically the male uh slim thick right right um right but like who's thank you for that that's definitely going in the

video right and the reason why I bring that up for like they presented for who who are they presenting it for because like I talked to my I talk to my firm friends and they're like you know like even though they like Idris Elba they don't like all the muscular Marvel Superheroes they're like he like he's too big he seems hard it feels like if I like like put my head on it it'd be like cold it put a head on it has to be cold you know like who is who started this Trope Association

of the fat of the chubbier guy the heftier guy not pulling women what's that even ever true but it has been men I feel like right who were in these writer rooms who are saying like no actually I kind of want to make fun of the fat guy because like we have right because we have our own thing whereas like in our own locker room culture like you the fat guys the fat boy if it's not uh football he's the water boy he can't run he sweats he plays video games he doesn't get girls when

Jack black stars in a whole movie where the whole joke is that he's chubby and short and shouldn't be with a beautiful woman it's two dudes that look just like Jack Black in the riding chair laughing at themselves and it's those same type of men directing Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pratt through their obligatory no shirt scenes in a Marvel movie and so fast forward and we have men and boys growing up with massive body image issues contributing to the massive Mental Health crisis for men and boys that we're dealing with today and

yes that crisis is greatly being ignored but it's not being ignored at the behest of women is being ignored this it's so funny as I watch this manosphere in quasimanosphere content not all of them try to blame this crisis of loneliness for men on women but so few have the [ __ ] balls to point out that the people in control of all the things that cause men the most harm are other men if you're really serious about addressing those problems and you're not talking about patriarchy then you're not serious the media doesn't take this

issue serious because this is patriarchy working as design the truth of the matter is there's a crisis of loneliness and unaliving for men because that's what's supposed to happen I want to again be clear the dating world has changed the era where men completely decided the terms of relationships and could attract viable Partners based solely off their income from from a union-backed factory job are over and more importantly please understand this those days are not coming back we will never again live in that world the quicker you understand that the quicker you can actually start

making yourself more viable as a prospective partner any dating advice that treats you like a main character in a role-playing game trying to get you to level up artificial stats to be viable in the dating meta is not good dating advice because it's not treating you or the people you're trying to partner with as full human beings so you might be asking then what is good dating advice and you're not gonna like what I have to offer my advice is be yourself okay so let me explain I'm reading I rewrote this section like a bunch

of times because like I had this great analogy about fighting games but I realize it was best to keep it simple and explain that this concept of being yourself isn't the lazy useless advice that we often depicted to be it's actually a really sound and useful starting point the best place to start in fact if you ask me people tend to say Be Yourself knowing that being yourself may not be what you're trying to do in the moment but they say it because the reality of Attraction and desirability is too complicated for anyone to effectively

break it down and tell you exactly what to do at best you'll get this gamified and ethically dubious strategy that makes you treat women like a boss battle that's the type of stuff that gets taught by pickup artists strategies like dialogue trees that will lead you to the result that you desire which I mean I I guess that's a form of success but does that seem like a good thing to you people say be yourself because they understand that the concept of making significant changes to who you are for the sake of dating doesn't seem

like a good thing or an effective thing for anyone to be doing long term innately I think people understand that performing desirability for the sake of dating forces you to be someone you probably are not and that is dangerous you might lose yourself in the process you might become someone really shitty you may lock yourself into a performance of self for the sake of keeping a partner and make yourself miserable in the process but then you will likely ask what if myself gets no maidens what if myself doesn't shower or doesn't groom or doesn't know

how to talk to women Etc these are all very good questions so maybe a better admonishment is be your best self and most importantly seek out organic natural to you ways of self-improvement but not because it will get you more maidens but because it will make you feel better about who you are because if you feel better about yourself as an individual you will be that magic word that I haven't mentioned much this video more confident the guy might kind of signal that he finds salvation or fulfillment or actualization no matter what you want to

call it a sense of emptiness that needs to be filled through sexual validation for example um and that could be like an incredibly toxic thing you can see people become like predatory and aggressive because they feel almost entitled they think like I need to um uh I I deserve this like I I need this this is like literally existentially the only thing that will like make me feel like whole and you see that with like identity and and um just when it comes to I mean it's a it's a typical critique used with like capitalism

that it's always dangling things that are going to be like an advertising like oh this will make you happy this will make you fulfilled it's probably I think maybe the most difficult um process of maturation to to go through is to realize that there isn't going to be some sort of like larger salvation and you know in terms of desirability you kind of put into question the whole idea of why do I need to be desired do I think once I'm desired I'll be you know validated I'll be whole you won't be like you you've

uh not everybody's gonna find you attracted you can be the hottest person in the world and like not everybody's gonna like [ __ ] with you and uh sometimes ironically even if you do almost fulfill something like that you have an insane amount of Partners you know you're always having sex and stuff that can actually be the worst thing ever you can realize that this exact thing you've been chasing is is a nightmare it's not what you wanted it's the idea in psychoanalysis of like the fantasy should never actually be fulfilled I think for me

if I'm being perfectly honest I experienced a more pronounced interest in women than I had normally had when I started transitioning and it took me a little bit to realize that it wasn't necessarily like oh my sexuality is changing maybe I've been like a straight man all along it was I have been told that masculinity is based on how appealing you are to women and how interested women are in you and I was using that as a way to affirm my gender like for sure I was doing that it gave me it did give me

a lot of empathy for assist men like it did it it may have you know I came at it from a different angle but I still experienced that thing where it was like I need not even female validation I need people to see that women like me I need people to see that women are into me because I am a man and it wasn't it wasn't about the women it wasn't about them it wasn't about their interest it wasn't about their comfort and thankfully like I you know sat with that long enough that I realized

what I was doing before I got into a situation where I was objectifying um you know any women that I that I was that I was seeing at the time like it wasn't about I realized you know before I could hurt someone that I was in a position where I was going to use someone to validate myself and I don't want to do that to something right like first of all at the end of the day you have you you know you you have to you have to be best friends with yourself you have to

like who that person is and you have to be able to stand on your own if you're utterly alone in the world who are you without other people to validate you confidence is another tricky and nebulous concept that everyone but a few can describe effectively but if you ask me confidence is about feeling like you have a high likelihood of being successful in whatever it is you're doing or trying to do so to me the key to confidence is to learn how to feel comfortable in more spaces and the key to that is to First

Master a space that's already close to you and master how you feel about yourself and again this is two nebulous too complex of a thing to sit here and teach you with a foolproof plan I could easily make that up and sell it for a hundred dollars on my patreon but I'm not gonna do that but I do have one piece of concrete advice for anyone struggling and looking for something explicit to do to start the process and that is pick up a new hobby all the research on confidence talks about how confidence is a

muscle it's something that can be developed through experience and experiences of success and so one way to do that naturally and organically that won't turn you into a weirdo is to develop a new skill and in developing that new skill you develop experiences and confidence in something that enriches who you are extra points if that new skill lends itself to communal group activities like Fitness or Outdoors or Horticulture or the Arts whatever it is just make sure you enjoy it and that it's something you would do if there were no potential for getting some ads

from it it has to be something you genuinely enrich yourself with doing this will do a few things it will make you just a tad bit more interesting and give you something to talk about not too much hopefully but something that you're passionate about that you can use to connect with others women like seeing men in their bag they like seeing men emote and get excited or be good at something they like knowing that a man has a Persona and Humanity outside of just seeking women another thing is that developing a new skill will make

you feel better about yourself and when you get good at it when you challenge yourself in something and grow yourself a person just that tiny bit that will bleed into other aspects of how you present to the world and help reduce negative self-talk and self-image that is probably hindering your ability to talk to girls right now and lastly if you're smart or lucky whatever new thing you're starting to do who also have some women involved and that will open up an opportunity to organically Bond through a shared interest historically most relationships and couples tend to

share career paths or Hobbies or just you know local community interests sure there are opposites that attract to each other but a big part of finding Partners is just finding people you like as people before you decide you want to date and a lot of that comes from shared interests and shared spaces so in terms of concrete dating advice that's as far as I'm willing to go to be honest for now at least maybe I'll think of something else when this video is over but I like I think a lot of dudes in this space

just find the ethical Gray Zone of teaching strategies to use on another human being not really the thing we like women are not Collectibles they're not Xbox achievements they don't give XP to you to level up your masculinity meter and when they're treated like that they tend not to appreciate it further and here's the key thing if you're lonely a new woman is not the solution to that issue and treating it as such is not a way to develop any type of healthy relationship nor fix whatever it is in you that's making you lonely in

fact you're probably likely to have a pretty shitty experience and be pretty shitty to whoever you're partnered with if that's why you're partnering with them on the flip side regardless of your body type your facial features whether your beard connects or whether it doesn't a familiar faces I guarantee you there is a fan base that is interested in who you are and what you do you probably are already desirable in the eyes of someone you know on some level and increasing your desirability is going to end much more on growing yourself as a person and

building up your confidence organically versus growing your bank account or your biceps I cannot stress this enough women are telling you outright that they want companionship stimulating conversations support and good sex they are not as interested in Bugattis as you think and I'm telling you if a girl is telling you that she really likes a Bugatti you probably need to find another girl to be attracted to this video cannot and does not purport to fix your self-esteem this is not a Surefire way into the heart of the object of your affection I am no expert

in these things and anyone that tells you they have the secret to all of this is lying to you because that secret would be worth way more than what you can afford watching a YouTube video this [ __ ] is complicated and hard and for those with a lot of work to do it will be a slow difficult process but it is possible especially if you stop wasting your time being led by the blind me and my wife met when we were very young and we grew together and the thing that we both had that

made us work there was not some type of true love some type of soulmate nonsense we just both wanted to be the best people possible and found each other in the process of doing that and through that built a good life together that is what you should be pursuing or you could get a Bugatti if that's if you watch this video and you still want your Bugatti go off King that's all I got for today y'all peace [Music] thank you [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music]