Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Reprogram Your Mind for More Positive Thinking

you've tuned in an incredible episode with your friend Mel Robbins because today you're gonna evict The Jerk that lives in your head that negative selft talk has got to go I mean you wouldn't talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself I used to be the exact same way I got serious about changing the way that I spoke to myself and I'm not just talking about the way that I spoke out loud I'm talking about all the ugly stuff that I was saying to myself in my mind I don't belong here here it

seems like nobody likes me that person over they seem like they're mad what did I do wrong I'll tell you what taking on my selft talk completely changeed my life and today I'm teaching you this exact same process step by step you can transform your mind if I can do it you can do it today you and I are going to talk about mindset and I want to start by telling you a little bit about how Mel Robbins used to go about her life see in the background of my mind there was always this annoying

pesky voice that was running on a loop and you want to know what I was saying some pretty nasty stuff you'll never be happy you'll never get what you want why do you always screw things up there you go you did it again why can't you figure this out what the hell is wrong with you it's always your fault they're mad at you I can tell they're mad at you and I know you're nodding along as I'm listing these horrible things that I used to say to myself because you say this stuff to yourself too

but I got some good news today you do not have to live like this you may be used to listening to this garbage just like I was but your friend Mel is here to say it is time to take the trash out and clean up your mind a number of years ago I went to war against the disgusting annoying destructive and sometimes abusive voice that was in my head and I survived and I'm here to tell you you can win the war with your own mind and you can have peace and even if you're thinking

well you know I don't really hate myself but I am kind of negative you're going to learn something so cool you can train your brain to help you get what you want in life and today I'm going to teach you how to do it it is time to clean up your mind and make it a beautiful and positive place to live you deserve that and today you're going to learn how to do it that negative selft talk has got to go admit it you're downright abusive to yourself sometimes I mean you wouldn't talk to a

friend the way you talk to yourself you know how you are constantly saying you're never good enough and how you're always focused on what's going wrong and you're beating yourself down I used to be the exact same way it didn't matter how many good things were going on in my life I was always waiting for the next shoe to drop the selft talk it felt like a Beatdown if you have you ever felt that way you're like can I just escape this for a minute can I ever feel like I'm good enough well several years

ago I got serious about changing the way that I spoke to myself and I'm not just talking about the way that I spoke out loud I'm talking about all the ugly stuff that I was saying to myself in my mind I mean the old Mel you might have seen me and I would have had a smile on my face and you would have thought to yourself oh that Mel Robin she's the happiest most positive person on the planet but at the exact same moment I would be thinking and talking to myself I don't belong here

it seems like nobody likes me like that person over they seem like they're mad what did I do wrong I'll tell you what taking on my selft talk completely changed my life and the fact is you can transform your mind if I can do it you can do it and I did it through therapy through studying and researching mindset and reading book after book after book after book and trying all kinds of stuff and I turn my mindset around and I learned how to make my mind work for me instead of constantly working against me

and the result I'm way more loving encouraging and I see the things that are going right the person that you kind of think oh I know Mel Robin she's positive person that's how I am on the inside now and I've learned how to tap into momentum and confidence and self trust by changing my selft talk and today I'm teaching you this exact same process step by step and here's my hope my hope is that not only will you do this for yourself My Hope Is that you will share this master class and mindset with everyone

you know because we all need to know how to do this and even the most positive and seemingly successful people in your life guess what they are hypercritical they beat the heck out of themselves internally they may not show it but they do and they need this information too this is so important because you don't live your life on the outside your life is determined by what it's like to be on the inside of your mind and the fact is you deserve a mindset reset I see something so much bigger for you so on behalf

of the future you the positive you the Kinder you I want to thank you for being here for yourself I have taught these same strategies and tools on stages around the world to my corporate Partners I have Incorporated them into online courses that I've created and taught to hundreds of thousands of students around the world and today you're going to be the one learning them the fact is you can absolutely reprogram your mind and the criticism that's been part of your life story is not the whole story today it is my honor to teach you

how to write a new story and I want to start off with a question from one of your fellow podcasts listeners that I know you're going to relate to and that listener's name is Brandy check this out hi there Mel my name is Brandy how do I stop the spiral of negative thoughts and feelings I really want to reset and start embracing a happier life I just don't know where to start I hope you can help Brandy I am so happy that you asked this question because we have received thousands of versions of this question

I picked your question in particular because you use the word reset and today I am going to teach you how to give yourself a mindset reset so let's just start with a definition so we're all using the same terminology and let's define you and I what is a mindset well your mindset is your beliefs and your opinions about the way that the world works that's the definition when you look it up however you know that I prefer metaphors Mel Robbins is dyslexic so she likes to be able to visualize something especially when we're talking about

this intell ual stuff okay so the metaphor that I love when it comes to mindset and the sciencey psychological neurological aspect of mindset and brain programming is I use the metaphor sunglasses I think about your mindset like a pair of sunglasses so stop and think right now about your favorite pair of sunglasses I have these sunglasses that I have had for almost 15 years I bought them because we were going on this rafting trip and I had forgot to pack my sunglasses and so I bought the only cool pair of sunglasses that they had on

that Turn Style thing on the counter they were like 15 bucks and they are these huge black buge eyed glasses I feel like Jackie O when I wear them so think about your favorite pair of sunglasses for just a minute now I want you to think about the lens color and think about how when you put on that pair of sunglasses that lens on your favorite sunglasses it colors and filters what you see and it gives it a tin right I mean if you put on rose-colored sunglasses the world has a Rosy bright tint to

it if you put on Amber sunglasses same thing gray same thing my big black buge eyed glasses that I just love I Feel So Glamorous in these $15 plastic things everything looks crazy dark just really blocks everything out let's go back to the written definition of your mindset your mindset is made up of your beliefs and your opinion Ops and just like the lens on a pair of sunglasses those beliefs and opinions that you have they create a mindset through which you filter the world and I'm going to give you a couple examples let's say

you're a pessimistic person if that's your mindset if that's your outlook you will filter the world through pessimism just like a dark pair of sunglasses skews the outside world with this black and darker shade and if you're not pessimistic let's just think about the most pessimistic person you know someone who is always negative they could be sitting on the beach in the Bahamas with a beautiful fabulous tropical drink in their hand sun is shining Crystal Clear ocean and they're annoyed because lunch hasn't come out yet you know that kind of person you've sat next to

them at a wedding where the band is awesome the couple is so cute and happy families together and what is this person doing they're bitching about something some relative that's sitting all the way on the other side of the room all they notice is the one thing that's wrong or irritating them they don't even notice all of the amazing things that are going on around them isn't it interesting when I describe this negative pessimistic person you know exactly who I'm talking about and you're probably thinking dear God do not sit them next to me at

the next family wedding and here's the craziest thing about mindset you know that pessimistic person you and I were just thinking about they have no idea that they have dirt classes on this is just the way they see the world I'm going to give you another example of mindset and how important this is I want you to think about someone you work with or maybe you go to school with this person who has a can do attitude no matter how tight the deadline or how rude the customer is that you guys are waiting on or

how much other team members are slacking off this one person with a can do attitude they always see the bright side or they have this unbelievable ability to just shrug off the rudeness of other people or the laziness of the students that are on your group project and they literally can just flip it and turn to you and go H well you know they probably have something going on in their personal life it's as if they always see any situation or any relationship from the positive they see possibility they give people the benefit of the

doubt they assume good intent this too is a mindset it's just like putting on a Rosy pair of sunglasses everything is sharper clearer brighter when you have this kind of mindset even a cloudy crappy day looks like a beautiful sunrise in fact there's a really cool study from the University of Toronto about rose-colored glasses this isn't just a saying when you wear rose-colored glasses your attitude is better it shapes the way you view the world and that determines how and what you think about it also determines how you feel about the present moment about your

past and about the future and most importantly this is where it gets really important your mindset determines what actions you take and what actions you don't take so why is mindset and getting intentional about Chang Ching your mindset why is this so important why do you need to know what color the lens is that you view the world through and more importantly why it's time to pop those lenses out if they don't serve you and put in different lenses so that you can see things differently I'll tell you why your mindset is so important because

so much of your potential is either limited or expanded by your mindset when you feel more hopeful or when you see options and you start to tell yourself well why not why don't I just try it that Rosier mindset it inspires you to take the actions that change your life and it's the actions that matter there are areas in your life where your own mindset is blocking you from taking action and before we jump into the filter in your brain and changing your mindset I want to be very clear about something this conversation today it's

not about positive thinking you and I are talking about training your mind to work for you that's very different this is not toxic positivity I'm not asking you to put a positive spin on a shitty situation I'm also very clear that thinking nice thoughts it's not going to get your bills paid however if you can get serious and intentional and strategic about training your mind to have a Rosier and more optimistic and empowered attitude you my friend will be able to say to yourself I can do this you will be able to say you know

what I know my student debt is piled from the floor to the ceiling and I have not opened those bills in approximately 10 months but I believe in my ability to figure out how to pay this off when you take off the dark glasses you know what you'll see you'll see you're not stuck in the job you're not stuck in the relationship you're not stuck with the unhealthy habits that you have if you're the kind of person that constantly shrugs your shoulders and it's like well it is what it is got this college debt it

is what it is I always date these losers it is what it is my grandfather was Heavy my mother was Heavy I guess I'll just be heavy and no no you can look at something differently and when you look at it differently you see different options and I also want to say one more thing before we jump into the filter in your brain and its connection to your mindset there are are things in life that you are not going to change or at least you're not going to change them overnight for example you and I

cannot change that there is discrimination in this world there is bias that a lot of people experience we cannot change the fact that poverty and mental health issues impact people for real but here's what you can do you can train yourself to look at the future and decide how you're going to react to and respond to the things that you're facing in your life you can decide how you're going to heal and what you're going to do about those things for yourself and your community and I'm going to tell you something a positive mindset is

not going to change the reality of what is going on around you here's what it does and this is why it's important it empowers you to face it to deal with it that's what a mindset does and that's why it's important to get serious about training your mind to work for you this is so important that I want to give you one more example about how your mindset either inspires action or it discourages it so let's just say that you are in a job and you hate it you feel stuck you feel like you're kind

of dead in inside you're not excited about anything it's day in day out the same thing or if you're not working right now and let's say you've taken time off to raise your kids and you're sitting there going I want to get back in the workforce but I don't have any skills and I've got a 20-year hold in my resume nobody's going to hire me I don't have any experience I don't even know how to write a resume how the hell am I going to get into interior design when I went to college for accounting

and I work in a big accounting firm and I don't even know how to be begin doing this I can't make this happen if that is the way that you look at the future if that's your mindset if you color what's possible through that dark lens if you keep telling yourself those things you will see a world where you can't change so are you going to feel inspired to work on your resume of course not because your mindset has stopped you before you even started and that's why it's critical for you to realize this is

not just a conversation about your thoughts at the end of the day if you don't have a positive mindset you and I can talk about actions and habits all day long till we're blue in the face but you won't do [ __ ] about it I got to get you to have the kind of mindset that also says hey it's worth it hey I can do something about this because if I can get you to be more optimistic if I can get you to take the dark lens off and put on a lighter one if

I can get you to start believing it is worth it for you to apply it is worth it for you to put your dating app back up yeah it is worth it for you to pick up the pen and start working on that book you've always wanted to write hell yes it's worth it for you to take 10 minutes today and lay down on the floor and do those stretching exercises that the doctor told you you should do because you threw your back out instead of sitting on the couch and bitching about it of course

it's worth it if I can get you to start to flip from H easy for you to say Mel works out for you doesn't work out for me it's not going to help I've had anxiety for years if I can get you into hey hey maybe it will work hey maybe I'm ready maybe I should try this maybe I do deserve this that singular switch in your mindset motivates you encourages you to take action and that's critical because without action your problems are not going away without action those dreams are not coming true without action

you are not healing the crap that's giving you pain when you change your mindset it doesn't make those challenges disappear it changes your ability to face them so now that you know what a mindset is and the fact that it impacts the actions that you do or don't take I now want to prove to you that your mind is super flexible it is so easily programmed I mean I can't even work my television remote and I can teach you how to change the filter in your brain and when you start to realize holy cow Mel's

right my mind is easier to program than a television remote just you buckle up and wait because your mind has been dying for you to learn what you're about to learn so let's prove to you that your mind is at the ready to change to help you okay have you ever had an experience where you either were looking or shopping for a new car I am personally in this boat right now I drive a 9-year-old car I love this car but it's time it seems like the engine light is on every other week and every

time I take it to get fixed it's like a $500 bill and so the thing is paid off but I'm like you know nine years maybe it's time and the truth is I'm not really a car person I just want the car to be comfortable I want it to work I want it to be reliable I want the seats to have heaters in them and the steering wheel to be a heater seat heater thingy I always mix those words up but I that's kind of what I care about so I don't really think about cars

but you want to know what the second I started truly considering maybe it's time to get a new car and then as I started to hone in on the new Bronco does everybody and their mother Drive the new Bronco it's like it's the only car on the road the two door the four-door the soft top the hard top the gray one the red one the green one like they're everywhere now here's the thing a couple months ago I had never seen a Bronco up here in southern Vermont but now that I'm interested in Broncos I

see them everywhere and I want you to think about a time that this has happened to you where you started to get interested in something and then it's like whmo overnight you see it everywhere maybe it was a handbag that you were really interested in or a certain style of shoe you you know the Birkenstocks that have the covered toe it's like those were popular 30 years ago and now every single college student and 20-some is wearing them uh bangs uh the second I wanted curtain bangs it's like does everybody have curtain bangs suddenly never

even noticed them before or you hear a song and you tune in you're like oh I love that song that song is so cool and suddenly you hear the song playing in every restaurant maybe you haven't shopped for a car but I bet when you were looking at colleges it's like wait a minute does everybody have a Michigan sweatshirt does is there a sticker that says University of Michigan on every car is it just me or is that the only College in town it's the same thing if you want to have a baby as soon

as you are trying to get pregnant you know what happens you see kids and pregnant women everywhere it's like there were only adults on the planet and people that weren't pregnant and then you want a baby and boom it's in your face or how about this one you want to fall in love what do you see you see couples in love it's so annoying it happens instantaneously you know what that is that phenomenon where all of a sudden overnight you see something everywhere that is your mind changing in real time that is a filter in

your brain paying attention to what it thinks you are excited about or interested in and here's the crazy thing about your mind and this is why this science is so exciting when you understand it oh my God here's the crazy part you ready the Broncos the bangs the Birkenstocks the babies they were always there all around you you just didn't notice them you want to know why because they were not important to you you the fact that you suddenly see those things everywhere that is an example and it is proof that your brain wiring is

changing in real time and your mind is trying to help you your mind is showing you the Broncos that have always been there it's like it's highlighting it with a highlighter why because it became important to you why would your mind let you see things some times but not others why are you suddenly seeing the covered toe Birkin stocks now but you didn't see them for the last 5 years that's a great question and this brings us to the topic of the filter in your mind oh I'm so excited for you to learn this so

there is a filter in your mind it is called the reticular activating system the reticular activating system I'm going to call this the r okay here here's the visual because you know your friend Mel loves visuals and metaphors to make this stuff easy I want you to imagine that there is a hairnet over your brain this hair net is a live network of neurons and it is constantly changing in real time and this R this network of neuron hair nut that sits over your brain as a filter it has one job a very important job

mind you the r has to determine in real time I'm talking nanoseconds what information it should allow into your conscious mind for you to see and register and what information it will block out from your conscious mind another way that you can think about the RAS is think about it like a bouncer in your brain and the reason why you need a bouncer is because life is sort of like a very popular night Club everybody wants to get in and you need a bouncer who is deciding who gets in and who has to stand in

that long line freezing their ass off in an outfit that is not appropriate for winter trying to get in okay the RAS is the bouncer it determines what is it that is important enough to Mel Robbins that we are going to let it right in and have her think about it this is how the bouncer in your mind works it literally has a guest list and you're the one that writes the guest list out what is on the guest list of your mind anything that is important to you okay all the other yahoos that are

not on the list all the other colleges that are on stickers on every other card Dartmouth Harvard Brown uh University of Wittenberg not even noticing those why because you're thinking about University of Michigan so all those other college stickers they're waiting in line they're not getting in that bouncer won't let them in but boom there's a University of Michigan come on you're going in that's how it works and so this is super super important and it's really exciting okay it's really exciting because when you understand that there's this electric hairnet on your brain called the

RS that works like a bouncer at a popular nightclub we can tell that bouncer what you want who you want to let in it's that simple when you get intentional about purposefully telling this bouncer what you want to see the RAS reprograms itself in real time it changes the filter this is a live Network in your brain it changes in real time to help you see those things that are important to you that's what you're experiencing when you suddenly see the car that you're interested in all over the road and today you're going to learn

how to use that scientific neurological fact to your advantage because you're going to give yourself a mindset reset so we've been talking about your mindset and we've also started to scratch a surface at this thing called the reticular activating system this is that live filter in your brain that is flexible and capable of changing in a nanc to help you so let's start with this question from a listener named Peter hey this is Peter from Washington uh I was just wondering how do I get past my doubts and maintain a positive mindset thanks Mel thanks

Peter so I want to focus on one aspect of your question and that is where you said getting past your doubts this is where the science gets really interesting because your belief about yourself is a mindset you use the word Peter self-doubt if you have a lot of self-doubt you question yourself you criticize yourself you hold yourself back what color do you think the lenses on your sunglasses are I'm not trying to be silly here I'm trying to make this intellectual topic very tangible and understandable if you doubt yourself right you put a lot of

energy into doubting yourself it's not just one thought you probably do it all day long your thoughts are critical you hesitate you don't speak up you hold yourself back all of that is energy that makes your Ras think that doubting yourself is important if you doubt yourself and you go into work you know what happens to you at work you don't see the 15 things that you do right you know what you obsess over the one thing you've done wrong this is where the RAS starts to make it worse because you're already s sees you

spending so much energy and mental fuel in criticizing doubting and hesitating and so your Ras thinks oh my gosh ding ding ding Peter thinks it's important for him to see what's wrong and so your R blocks the 15 things that you did right you know what you did today Peter you sent 32 emails great job you didn't see it though you did a great job with those five customers you're not giving yourself credit though you were amazing in that meeting earlier not getting credit for that either but the one email the one email that bouncer

is like come to the front of the line I'll take the email that is negative and that email is getting in when you doubt yourself it Shades your mindset toward self-doubt and then your brain gets involved when the email from your boss comes in hey can you stop by my office before you leave today how do you think Peter's Ras interprets that email if he doubts himself I'll tell you how when he reads can you stop by my office before you leave today his R goes oh [ __ ] because you've trained it to look

for things that aren't right by putting so much time and energy into focusing on your self-doubt you are also training the filter in your brain to filter out everything that's going right and to focus only on the one thing that's going wrong thereby magnifying the self out let's go back to an earlier example remember that pessimistic friend sitting on the beach that's bitching that lunch hasn't come or that pessimistic relative that is bitching about the family member that's halfway across the tent it's all they see they can't even see the beautiful water or the happy

couple or anything else good why because their pessimism is what has programmed their reticular activating system this is how mindset and the filter in your brain get linked they become fused together so first it starts with a mindset you're thinking negative thoughts and then your filter gets involved and next thing you know you're just seeing more and more and more and more reasons to doubt yourself this is the good news okay if you get intentional about searching for reasons to feel proud or for the small wins the 15 32 emails that you sent the good

things that you did the places where you're showing up your mind will spin like a top and all of a sudden just like you saw Broncos and babies and Birkenstocks instead of seeing the one thing that you did wrong you will see the 15 things that you did right this is not a joke it's hard science this also by the way ties right back into the endless science about the power of a gratitude practice a gratitude practice is a way to train your mind a gratitude practice is teaching the RAS that being grateful and taking

times to savor Beautiful Moments and focusing on things that you're really proud of and you appreciate that that's important to you so you see more of it that's how this all works hand in hand and I want to give you one more example okay because I think this is challenging at times to see in ourselves because we're so used to seeing the world through a c certain lens that we don't even realize we're wearing sunglasses but it is kind of easy to spot in other people so here's one more example about how your own beliefs

and mindset about yourself or a situation that you're in can become paralyzing because the filter in your brain keeps the mindset in place okay so think about somebody that you love who's single and they are desperate to meet the right person and the longer they stay single the more and more insecure they get by the day and when you see them you see a person who is smart who's awesome who's hilarious who's loyal who's sexy who's amazing who would be the most incredible person to be in a relationship with but I want you to just

imagine that the color of the lens on your glasses when you look through your belief about them it's completely different than the color of the lens on their glasses when day in and day out all this person can think is why can't I find somebody why does everybody else have somebody I see all my friends getting approached at the bars I see my friends getting asked out why am I not getting asked out what you've now learned about the mindset and belief about yourself and the way your filter responds in real time is the more

energy you put into a negative narrative like this it's never going to work out for me nobody's ever going to love me I am unlovable everybody else has a date I'm never going to have a date the more that mindset and that belief becomes a self-fulfilling situation why because you're putting so much energy into the negative that the filter in your brain is now going to filter the world in a way to reinforce the negative story when you walk into a bar are all you're going to see are all the couples you're not even going

to focus on all the other people that are single that you should walk up and talk to this also explains why you as the friend see the opposite and you can tell the person over and over and over again you need to calm down you're amazing you are going to find an amazing person you're it's not that you're not going to meet somebody you just haven't met the right person yet it's the exact same situation but because both of you have different mindsets and beliefs about the situation you see it through a different lens and

you both Believe by the way that your belief is the truth the more that this carries on for your friend the less your friend is going to put themselves out there because they're slowly convincing themselves that this is never going to happen so why bother see the filter in your brain it's either going to make the situation worse or and this is what I want to teach you it can make it better but that depends on your ability to get serious about programming it and if you can stay positive if you can stay optimistic if

you can keep saying to yourself there is nothing wrong with me I just haven't met the right person yet but one of these days the right person will walk in and in the meantime I'm just going to keep being me if they can get intentional about creating that mindset a number of things are going to happen they're not going to become insecure they're not going to start acting all weird around people and they are not going to latch on to some loser just because they're starting to convince themselves that they're desperate and this is is

their only option and I'm going to give you one more example if you are somebody that loves social media if you've ever seen the Instagram explore page or the Tik Tock discover page you'll notice that it changes in real time because those pages are filters and they respond to what it thinks is important to you so if you click on a puppy all of a sudden that discover page it's going to be all puppy videos I went through this phase where I was really into like long nails and suddenly that discover page went from puppies

to long nails and it doesn't matter if you accidentally click on beyon videos or on some other thing wedding videos the algorithm is going to think that that's what you want to see so suddenly that's all that you see and it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy your brain's the same way once you focus on something your brain starts showing you more my daughter had this huge breakthrough about how she felt about herself based on social media and on her brain because she realized oh my God my explore page it's all fitness models and it's fitness models

that are in photos of waist trainers and wearing body makeup and taking these crazy filtered uh photos and these contorted positions to make themselves look like they have a waist that's 2 inches small I mean of course she felt like [ __ ] about her body why because she was seeing it over and over and over again and so her brain started thinking oh well this must matter to you and then the social media Pages start aggregating it and showing you more and more and more and so as that all starts to happen you start

to believe that everybody on the planet is the size of your pinky finger which then of course invalidates the fact that you have this big beautiful amazing strong body and you look fabulous but it doesn't matter because it doesn't match all this crap that's being shown in your face this is how your brain works too and you got to get on top of this so before we walk through the mind set reset process when these thoughts pop in here's a pro tip get serious about what accounts you follow I mean you definitely want to follow

the Mel Robbins podcast because everything we put up is a way to train your brain to work for you often times I personally find that if somebody just throws a science back tip or exercise or tool or tactic or strategy at me it sounds so dumb on the surface that without the underlying kind of research and mechanics and science that explains why this simple thing works you will literally roll your eyes and not do it so now that you have that background I'm going to reward you with the exercise that I want you to practice

it will sound stupid but I want you to hang in there because there is a really powerful thing going on in your neurop Pathways when you try this and it's also an incredibly cool and fun thing to do with your family with your friends in fact I get texts from people all over the world who are doing it are two adult daughters they constantly text me pictures of what I'm about to ask you to do so I promise you it's worth trying this is an exercise called looking for hearts and this is how you play

it every single day when you wake up you are going to go on a scavenger hunt in your day-to-day life and you are going to try to find a naturally occurring heart shape somewhere in the world it could be a cloud that's shaped like a heart you could look at your coffee and see that the foam on top has made the shape of a heart you might get out of your car and you'll see a stain on the floor or a leaf that's the shape of a heart and here's what's interesting about this what you'll

realize is that there are probably 10,000 heart shapes that are around you in your day-to-day life the stain on the carpet the spot on your dog's back the tear in a pair of pants they're everywhere they're absolutely everywhere and right now you walk right by them why well because they're not important to you you have not told the bouncer of your brain to let the hearts in to the nightclub so you are walking right past all these things and they are actively being blocked out the second you start playing this game find a heart you

will experience something amazing you will experience your brain going to work for for you and so here's how I want you to play this because I do want you to play this every single day this is truly not a game about finding Hearts this is about training your mind this is a game where you are telling your mind I am the freaking boss bouncer of the mind I pay your salary you are going to do what I tell you to do you are going to find me a heart that is your job today find me

a heart so get intentional about that and then I want you to go through your life and just let a heart shape in and when you see it here's what I want you to do and if you're really analytical you're going to think this is the cheesiest damn thing you've ever heard but I want you to do this because there's Neuroscience involved when you see that heart I want you to pause and I want you to really stare at it for a minute you can take a photo of it if it's a rock you can

pick it up or a leaf and take it with with you because I want you to reward your brain for being flexible and for trying to help you I want you to take that moment for real as cheesy as this sounds the foam on the top of your coffee the shadow on the floor I want you to take a minute and really savor it and literally just go holy [ __ ] there it is that's pretty cool yesterday okay I walked right past this and I didn't even see it thank you mind wow you you

you just changed in real time and if you really want to supersize this if you're somebody that's really struggling with a sense of self-worth or hope or really believing that you can turn things around I want you to look at that and tell yourself that that was placed there for you to find that this was placed there because you needed to see evidence that it is in fact possible to change the way you think it is in fact possible to tell your mind what you want to see more evidence of and for your mind to

work for you and once you see one heart you will start seeing Hearts everywhere the more hearts that you see the more that you are connecting into magic the more that you realize that your brain is trying very hard to help you it is going to point out hearts in the Moss it's going to point out hearts on the sidewalk you're going to see hearts on people's clothing you're going to see them in paintings it's weird they're like everywhere it's as if there is this entire world that you and I live in and we walk

by it every single day and I think that's true about everything that you want that there is evidence all around you that things are working out that people are trying to help you if you're willing to see it you know at the end of the day finding Hearts is not about finding Hearts it is about something so much bigger because it's proof that you can change the wiring in your mind you can manipulate and program this filter the RAS to make it work for you and every time you see a heart it is evidence that

it is true this is the first step of a mindset reset and I will say there is something that some of you may experience so this comes from na in Germany and she wrote you know Mel I loved what you said about looking for hearts and I've been trying it and I even saw two hearts within an hour but then I got nervous and was almost afraid to find them so how do you overcome the fear of making things better I relate to this because we're used to the way that things are we're used to

the default programming in our minds even if it makes us miserable and when you start to catch a glimpse of how things could be different I think sometimes if you've experienced a tremendous amount of Heartache or you've tried so many times to put yourself out there the idea of believing again that it's worth trying again that that is what's scary because you've tried and it didn't work out and you felt rejection and you didn't want to feel the rejection again so maybe those dark sunglasses are what you think protects you and it's why you don't

get your hopes up and here's what I want to say to you this is not about hope this is hard science when you start to really play around with this next piece of advice not only about finding Hearts but changing the way you think in real time you're going to start to see reasons why you deserve to be happy yes you can spot wins instead of the reasons why you're losing you can change all of this you can make your mind work for you and just like I explained how when you have a negative outlook

the RAS can make it a self-fulfilling prophecy the same is true about a positive Outlook instead of a negative downward spiral when you start to change your mindset when you change your outlook you create a positive upward spiral because once you start spotting winds and things to be grateful for your Ras Falls right in line and starts showing you more and more you cannot convince me that you can't change I just have way too much evidence on my side and you only have your own experience I mean you are up against Mel Robbins on this

one so you can try to to tell me but you cannot convince me because I have taught this exact same research the science the strategies that I'm teaching you right now to over a quarter of a million students as part of a course I created called mindset reset and everything that you're learning including finding Hearts it is working for people around the world and I have the case studies and testimonials to prove it so you can have your pessimism but I am always going to be optimistic as your friend about your ability to change so

find a heart today because you will do something that allows you to experience the sensation of the RAS filter changing in your mind in real time it's honestly crazy now I want to give you one more tool and I call this tool it's part of the mindset reset thought substitution and the way to kind of visualize this is thought substitution is how you pop out a dark lens when you get a negative thought and you pop in a Rosier lens and you're going to need this strategy in your day-to-day life I use this all day

long because things come up I don't care how Rosy your outlook is there are going to be days that you get triggered and if you're brand new to this idea of a mindset reset and programming your mind to work for you you need thought substitution because it is how you engage in hand-to-hand combat with your own mind and it will address a concern that I'm getting a lot like this question from velvet hey Mel question on mindset what do you do when your mind is spiraling out of control down this dark abyss of negative thoughts

and overthinking um velvet when you feel your mind dragging you into the abyss woman you have got to fight back I know it sounds kind of dumb but you have to fight back you cannot let the negativity drag you down and it does drag you down that's again how mindset either causes action like having you submit to feeling down or it triggers a different action like fighting back and that's where thought substitution comes in and what is thought substitution it's a substitution diet for your mind instead of thinking this you're going to think that I

mean all this negative [ __ ] the abyss that you're talking about we made that up anyway so if you can think bad thoughts if you can spiral out of control down into a dark abyss can't you think good ones you weren't born doing that somebody taught you to do that and so you can teach your mind to spiral upward you can stop and ask yourself is this thought true does it make me happy to tell myself that I suck do I feel good when I go down the abyss of course not and so let's

think this not that that substitution diet that you're going to use to reset one thought at a time and this is the Mel Robins way to describe what researchers call cognitive bias modification it's just catching this crappy thought and substituting something better and here's one of the best examples of this the next time that you start obsessing over what could go wrong just like velvet here's what you're going to substitute instead of thinking what if it goes wrong think this what if it all works out what if it works out you substitute the negative [

__ ] with something positive what if it works out I mean can you argue with me on that one what if it works out I didn't say it will work out I said what if it does because you don't know whether it's going to work out or not do you and when you allow your default wiring to filter the world with the belief and the thought that what if it doesn't work out what if I fail what if this what if that those thoughts filter the world a certain way the thought what if it doesn't

work out makes you not apply it makes you not write that book it makes you not go to the gym it makes you sit home alone those thoughts are filtering your experience of Life a particular way and because the filter in your brain is paying attention to what you care about it believes that's what you want so as you scan the world around you you see reasons why it's not going to work out didn't happen last time I don't want to embarrass myself I feel uncomfortable when you start to engage in thought substitution what if

it all works out what if leaving my house is the best decision I've made in a decade what if I meet the person that I was destined to meet what if going to 90 meetings in 90 days at AA changes my life what if it all works out see how that mindset switch COG nitive bias modification see how that leads you to feeling more encouraged what if I get into my dream school you're more likely to apply if you're like well what if it does work out and this is why this is so important because

your brain is paying attention to what's important to you and I don't think any of us have a clue how much airtime we give to negative thinking to beating ourselves down to assuming that life is going against you to thinking something's wrong to beating yourself up to comparing yourself to other people and when you start to pay attention to two facts number one your mind is trying to help you and number two when you figure out what's important to you and you make it a priority your mind will adjust in real time and help you

see an entirely new world and when when you see that it's possible that you could get into your dream school that's a whole new world when you see that it's possible that you'll make the best friends of your life in the next year of your life a whole new world is possible when you see that you can not only get your dream job A Whole New World Is Possible and it begins with two simple things I want you to do look for hearts so you experience that a whole new world is possible that there's a

world that you're walking by every day this is critical I do this every single day and you know it sounds like such a dumb thing and I often think about you know this moment where a reporters like so what's your secret to success and I'm like look I look for a heart every day I mean it sounds so stupid doesn't it but what I'm actually saying is I am actively engaged in the process of training my brain and every time I see a heart it's a reminder oh yeah my brain will tell me what I

want it to tell me and so I can either let the campaign of misery take control of my Ras or I can tell my brain no it is important to be happy and so the hearts for me is a simple way to explain this profound amount of research out there and put it into practical use that's a simple way for me to explain to you you you're not stuck with the thoughts that you think that idea right there that's everything you are not stuck with the thoughts that you think you can let them rise up

but you don't have to grab them and grip onto them and wrestle them to the ground you be like oh there's that stupid thought that my dad taught me to think bye dad the opportunity of your adult life and the rest of the time that you have is to reclaim your experience of life to see all the places not where you don't fit in but all the places where you can go all the places where you could be all the wins that you have all the strengths that you have all the magic you have to

give I believe that you have huge wins every single day and that I want you to give yourself credit for them I believe that you've survived a ton of crap and you don't even give yourself credit for that I believe that you're pretty awesome and I want you to start to have a brain that filters the world in that direction and that brings me to Molly's question hey Mel how do you get your mindset to a place of Peace a place of being ready to just live your life and go for the things that you

know will make you happy thanks for your help Molly I love this question that's what it feels like to have a mindset and a filter that works for you because this idea of peace is what we're all ultimately after when you're at peace you're okay with everything that is and everything that isn't and you're not chasing something in order to fill a lack and think of even the term Peace of Mind Peace of Mind means you're not in conflict with your own heart and head and desires that's a beautiful thing when you have peace of

mind your mind is working for you and I can really relate to this desire because I've spent most of my life with a sword in my hand arguing with myself in my own head maniacally searching for everything that's going wrong and all I want right now is exactly that I want peace and so here's one suggestion on how you can start to bring peace to this mindset reset process and the tools that we've already discussed so every time you are looking for hearts and you find one consider it a gift from the universe showing you

that peace is possible and as you stand there and you look at that heart that all of a sudden the filter just showed to your conscious mind I want you to feel a sense of peace and this is important because you show up differently in life when you are fueled by optimism and you're fueled by hope and you're fueled by this belief in yourself when you have peace of mind in that that's a very different experience of life than when you're driven by fear and doubt and so that's why I'm telling you this we all

struggle with our mindset and in moments of weakness it's going to be there again but that's okay because you can search your hearts and you can tell yourself what if it all works out you can remind yourself that we're all a work in progress you can look for winds every day instead of the things that went wrong you can spend more time with people that make you feel good instead of chasing places you really don't like all this is possible and I want this for you which is why I hope you'll try this and simple

reframes if you don't feel good enough is you can be like I'm a work in progress I can figure it out I I really hope you take this on and this is the work that you'll do for the rest of your life and it it's worth it because the happiest Days of Our Lives are the red ahead of us truly I want that for both of us and I've spent far too much time beating myself up and looking for what's wrong and searching for reasons to feel tortured or lonely and to stop it's just horseshit

I'm so sick of it and I'm sure you're sick of it too and you know I'm sharing all this because even though I teach this stuff it's easy stuff to listen to or talk about you got to put it into practice and so do I you got to catch yourself when the negativity starts you got to knock this Middle School [ __ ] off and start claiming your adult life because you do deserve to be happy and even if you don't love yourself I'll tell you what I love you even if you don't believe in

yourself that's okay I believe in you and I'm going to keep on saying it till you catch up with me because I do believe that you can take the steps to reprogram your mind you can take the steps to shut up that negativity in your head you can take the steps to filter the world in an entirely new way and see how it's working to help you and it doesn't take a whole lot of time to create a better life now go find a heart I love you and to you thank you thank you thank

you for being here on YouTube and being part of the YouTube family I love you I love you I love you thank you for subscribing it really lets me know that you love this kind of content and it helps me bring you brand new videos every single day and I know you're thinking Mel Mel I'm going to share this with everybody but what about me what do I want to watch next I got something teed up for you right here check this next video out you are going to absolutely love it