How To Stop Being Boring In Conversation

in today's video you'll learn six habits that will make people love being around you with examples from a celebrity that is almost universally loved Ryan Gosling most people go in a conversation wanting to be liked this can massively backfire if done wrong making you look needy and insecure so instead of going into a conversation thinking I hope they like me go into it with the intention to have fun this mindset shift can completely change your social life if you want a specific technique to make conversation more fun play around with absurd analogies here's an example

from Ryan talking about a dog he rescued while filming nice guys there's a little dog it's minus it's below zero and I thought oh what can it what harm can it do and I've let it in the house when I came back from work it was like a fecal Jackson Pollock you might think this is hard to do but it's actually easier than it looks for instance in this next clip Ryan is embarrassed by a dish towel covered in pictures of his face he doesn't want to look at it what's the first analogy that comes

to your mind when you think of something that hurts to look at for too long hey girl bet you'd rather be doing these dishes that's what this woman thinks you say it's like looking at the sun it is one trick to get the biggest laugh possible is the Mind's Eye method create a ridiculous mental image in the person's mind for example listen to how Ryan describes Emma Stone's reaction after being lifted over his head for a dance scene in their movie Crazy Stupid Love Ryan lifts me over his head and I what did I do

Ryan I've never had this happen but I imagine if a possum fell out of a tree scratch your eyes something similar if you're on the quieter side there's another easy way you can use absurdity to make your conversations fun dead pain humor the danger of deadpan humor is if people don't get that you're joking it can create awkwardness so a good general rule with deadpan delivery is to be absurd enough to make it obvious that you're joking based just on your words what's your favorite children's book to read to your kids The Grapes of Wrath

just talk to me about friends and family receiving this new look are they supportive how are you feeling on set when you're in the costume put me in your headspace right now and this thing's cathartic yeah you know because there's always been a can inside of me it's the role I was born to play yeah you know you saw there that even though Ryan starts out deadpan he'll often transition to showing a smirk or a smile to let people in on the joke I've had this kennergy no you will no that's beneath you and the

energy is is alive in me now you're better than that I feel a can in you smirking or smiling makes it easier for people to recognize that you're being playful it lets you do stuff like this next clip and get a laugh all right I'll go with you you're my man you're my man today get out here you guys need help the camera that's another easy low effort way to get a laugh a fake walk off Ryan loves this joke and uses it repeatedly but there is also a Triumph of the human spirit all right

what can you add to that is there a mic I can drop [Laughter] now being fun is a great start to a conversation but it won't automatically make people admire you one reason Ryan is so admired is because he's a good looking famous actor that's tough for the rest of us to copy but Ryan is also admired for his confidence and that is something we can all massively improve if we train it the right way this might seem counter-intuitive but one of the best ways to both look and feel more confident is by telling funny

embarrassing stories from your past you look confident because you're willing to share parts of yourself that many people would try to hide and you feel more confident because you start to internalize that you don't have to be perfect for people to like you as an example of this listen to Ryan lean into the embarrassment after Graham Norton shows a video of him in a dance contest as a kid I wish I could say someone said here you have to wear this that was my idea I thought I have a vision for this number foreign Silver

Hammer pants you probably noticed there when you emphasize that you're aware it was embarrassing that's what invites people to laugh with you the best embarrassing stories are lighthearted cringy moments from the past stories where no one is deeply harmed and the laugh comes at your expense once you find a story you like you can make this a go-to story that you use frequently with new people most great storytellers have these go-to stories here's one of Ryan's about a massage gone wrong this guy's idea of massage was to like take my one leg and and the

other arm and try and connect it behind my back and he's trying to connect them like this and I'm in such pain I go I like that and then I well his belly went in my mouth you know how when you eat something weird your brain sends your tongue to investigate a conscious thought it's just like is that a bone figure that out goes in to Figure It Out handling embarrassment from the past is easy after all you've grown and changed you're no longer that same person but how do you handle embarrassment the moment it

happens most people try to pretend The Awkward Moment isn't happening but you can actually display confidence if you call attention to your awkward moments and laugh at them I have to admit something oh uh yeah okay I didn't try this suit on before I came out and I realized that it's it's so tight so next time you catch yourself making a small mistake in conversation invite people to laugh with you by calling it out Ryan's frequent co-star Emma Stone has the same Habit in this next clip listen to how she saves a bad story after

realizing she's sharing unnecessary details I had a cast and all that you know I was just it was miserable um it was the day before the last day of school anyway I had internalized this again that's really important it's an important detail know how to tell a story calling yourself out with a smile can turn a boring or Awkward Moment into a moment where everyone is laughing sharing embarrassing stories and calling out awkward moments also helps create authenticity in your conversations when you and the person you're talking to feel that the other one is being

authentic that is what creates a deep connection you've done a little on your end already with the advice in this video and you can also do this with how you react to the other person for example watch how Ryan creates a more authentic conversation by gently calling out this reporter for how she describes his co-star but your daughter what was it like working alongside uh her she's a just a star in the making yeah you said it that because you didn't know how to pronounce her name I don't it's angori rice and gallery right and

they say it so well I read that I have similar fear in my eyes too I can see it this doesn't mean you need to do the authenticity police and call it out all the time in fact an easier way to create authenticity in the conversation is to complement it when you do see it for an example watch Ryan in this interview for his movie Blade Runner 2049 notice how he reacts when the interviewer says something most people wouldn't have shared because these were from the original Blade Runner this is what they used so I

thought you know attention to details for fans will probably like that that's so cool that you did that are you a fan of The Originals never seen it I appreciate your candy complimenting authenticity is a great way to encourage more of it it'll also make people feel good around you too often people think of conversation simply as an exchange of information a huge part of someone wanting to see you again is their emotional experience when they're around you an important cab out here do not be fake but if you see something in someone that you

genuinely admire tell them show that you like who they are thank you so much thanks for having me it's a nice guy the nice guy a funny guy oh that's a nice way to oh isn't it you see how I did that you like how I did that okay you shouldn't do this professionally you're good at this oh you can come back tomorrow I believe you're going to be the Best Host ever that well thank you well I hope if you're worried this will make you seem like a suck up you can mix some good

natured teasing into the same conversation here's an example from Ryan a minute later in that last clip who hosted the Oscars of the year you were nominated for Ellen Ellen okay and yeah she did a fantastic job she did a great job yeah that I'm not going to be as good as her definitely but not with that attitude come on man for more light-hearted compliments you can combine the compliment with a joke Ryan does this in this next flip complimenting Conan on his iconic string dance seem like such a fan of a string dance have

you ever tried it in the comfort the privacy of your own home you know you know I can't do the string dance nobody can I have a friend who died trying to do this one important note here truly charismatic people make everyone feel good about themselves not just people they are trying to impress so take time to acknowledge and appreciate everyone especially the people who normally get ignored for instance most guests on a talk show just walk in greet the host and start promoting their project but watch what Ryan does we got some sweet moves

my friend thank you my brother it is so great to see you bud it is it should have that experience once in their life walk into a room with the roots playing exactly yeah there's nothing like that how does that feel to be if you build this habit it's very likely that some people will reciprocate and start complimenting you one charismatic way to respond is to be playfully humble is it Overkill you think it's a little too much I think you're Overexposed everything I'm sick of myself really really wow yeah wow I can't imagine how

everyone else feels I saw the Applause sign I know there are um like married like 53 year old men whistling that's the kind of effect you're having on these people foreign [Laughter] don't respond like this to every compliment but mixing in some playful humility along with genuinely appreciating compliments is a powerful combination now obviously Ryan isn't thinking about all of this while he's in conversation he does it without thinking that's your ultimate goal too to be charismatic effortlessly without even trying one way to do that is to build these habits one at a time so

you pick just one thing you like from this video and make it a point to try in your next conversation stick with that one charismatic habit until it's something you do naturally then move on to another the second faster way to do this without thinking is to internalize The Confident mindsets that naturally create Charisma one of those confident mindsets that you can learn from Ryan is self-validation you don't get the sense from watching Ryan that his main goal is to get the approval of other people no moment captures that better than his reaction at the

Oscars after his movie La La Land was initially announced for Best Picture only to have it taken away and given to the real winner Moonlight the actors in the audience should be much less invested in this award than Ryan since he's the one in the movie but look at their reaction compared to his well did you see uh what the crowd looked like oh we've got a picture of that the crowd are amazing Matt Damon looks like he's swallowed his own teeth hey I mean it was like they were watching their uh childhood homes catch

fire this spiral moment was something many people found extremely admirable in a situation where most people would be upset he's totally unfazed and can even find humor in it this calm-centered lighthearted attitude is something that draws people to you listen to Ryan explain how he's able to stay so cool and calm in that moment I thought someone had been hurt you know the the way everyone was talking amongst themselves it felt like someone had had a heart attack or worse and it felt like some someone was in danger and then I found out that they

just read the wrong name Ryan maintains perspective he realizes that at the end of the day the Oscar is a little 13-inch trophy it's not life or death now you probably aren't an actor going up for an Oscar so what can you learn from this to carry yourself with unshakable confidence in your own life so much of confidence is simply internalizing that the stakes aren't that High people see someone they're attracted to and they freeze up heart racing breath quickening unable to muster the courage to say anything or you have an interview Date Presentation whatever

and you don't present yourself well because you're too nervous to be your best self it is a superpower to go into a conversation and really feel that you don't need anything from it sure you'd like the job the date whatever it might be and that's okay want it don't need it you'll have other opportunities and no matter what happens you'll be okay if you can internalize that belief suddenly you radiate confidence without even trying suddenly things just come easy to you and you're making incredible Impressions wherever you go you might think building this type of

deep confidence will take you a long time or maybe you think it's impossible for you that you could never actually feel this way but building deep unshakable confidence is way easier than you think with the right game plan you can become significantly more confident in just a few weeks if you want the fastest way I know to take your confidence and Charisma to the next level you may like our 30 day video program Charisma University just listen to some of the things our past members have said I had confidence in some areas but not in

others then Charisma University changed that for me since beginning the program I have seen noticeable changes in my life it has helped me unlock the confidence that comes with knowing that I can go into any social situation and crush it I wasn't truly confident I was constantly seeking validation and cared too much about other people's opinions but now my life has improved tremendously because of Cu I find it way easier to connect with people to have great interactions and to be happy even if things don't go the way I wanted them to taking this course

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link on screen now or in the description below either way I really hope you enjoyed this video and I'll see you in the next one