Why It Sucks to Be Born as an Emperor Penguin

you come into the world with a small crack a crack in the egg you've been packed into for the last two months and you're reward for all that effort a face full of Antarctic wind so cold it feels like mother nature herself just slapped you forget warmth or soft cuddles this is the Antarctic where your first big life lesson is get used to it your dad's been sitting on your egg for weeks now no food no Netflix just standing there keeping you warm while occasionally staring into the void questioning his life choices but let's not

romanticize it you're basically a footwarmer he's been dragging around while braving gusts that could probably knock over a truck now that you've hatched he gives you a quick glance lets out a tired sigh and Waddles off to finally get some food because let's face it he deserves a break and you well you're on your own now welcome to life as an emperor penguin chick congratulations you're now 2 days old and here you are stuck on the iciest bleakest place on Earth surrounded by thousands of penguins who are just as cold and miserable as you food

you'll get some eventually dad's out there sliding across the ice like a feathered bowling pin tracking miles just to reach the open ocean once he gets there he'll dive into water so cold it would make most creatures faint all to bring back some pre-wed fish for you meanwhile you're stuck here doing your best impression of a fluffy snowball in a never-ending blizzard luckily you're not entirely alone you've got your fellow chick Pals to keep you company sure they're just as clueless as you but at least you can huddle together for warmth a few weeks in

you've learned that the Huddle isn't just about warmth it's about survival stray too far from the group and you'll quickly find out that skuas those giant menacing seabirds have a thing for baby penguin snacks let's just say you're not eager to end up as lunch so you stay close and waddle awkwardly to keep up inside the Huddle things are fine sure it's warm but it's also cramped loud and smells like a penguin convention after taco night the adults take turns rotating positions so everyone gets a chance in the warm Center which sounds nice until you

realize the middle is also where you're most likely to get pooped on small price to pay for not freezing to death I guess just when you think you can't handle another minute of shivering Dad finally returns and guess what he's brought food granted it's partially digested fish that he spits directly into your beak but hey it's better than nothing you slurp it up like it's a five-star meal because let's face it you're starving of course as soon as you're starting to feel full dad's off again to fetch more the cycle repeats waiting eating and trying

not to freeze over time you start to grow and your fluff thickens you're waddling more confidently now but the storms are still Relentless one wrong gust of wind and you could find yourself sliding across the ice like a hockey puck fun for spectators not so much for you now that you're a few weeks old it's time to start testing your balance or at least trying to walk without immediately face planting walking on ice is tricky when you've got feet that are way too big for your body but hey you're a penguin awkward waddling is kind

of your thing the cold is still unbearable but you're getting used to it this is your life now endless snow biting wind and absolutely no chance of a warm beach vacation but at least you're getting better at moving without falling over small winds by summer it's time to take the plunge literally you're leaving the colony and heading to the ocean for the first time this is your big moment a chance to prove you've got what it takes to survive but as soon as you hit the water reality smacks you in the face it's freezing like

brain numbingly cold and as if that wasn't bad enough there are leopard seals lurking beneath the surface waiting to make a snack out of you the good news you're a natural swimmer your flippers which made walking a nightmare turn you into a Sleek Speedy little torpedo underwater the bad news leopard seals are faster out here it's eat or be eaten and you've got no intention of becoming someone else's lunch after a few months of dodging predators and chasing fish you're starting to feel like you've got this whole penguin thing figured out well sort of you're

no longer the clueless fluff ball you used to be but you're not exactly a seasoned Pro either you're in that awkward teenage phase of life just big enough to handle yourself but still dumb enough to make some bad decisions life at Sea isn't exactly relaxing sure you've got freedom now but it comes with a catch you're completely on your own your days are spent hunting for fish which sounds fun until you realize fish don't just sit there waiting for you you have to dive Chase and occasionally miss all while keeping an eye out for Predators

oh and speaking of predators guess who's still around that's right leopard seals they're bigger faster and sneakier than you and that they're not interested in friendly conversation the moment you spot one your only option is to hight tail it out of there like your life depends on it because well it does and then there's the plastic it drifts around the ocean like some kind of underwater junkyard a plastic bag floats by and for a second you think it might be food it's shiny it's wiggling how bad could it be but no something deep in your

penguin brain tells you to stay away and honestly you should listen one bite of that stuff and you'll be regretting it long after it gets stuck in your stomach survival is hard enough without adding human trash to the mix loneliness yeah that's a thing too you spend months swimming solo only occasionally bumping into other juvenile penguins and when you do it's not exactly a heartfelt reunion they're too busy trying to catch fish or avoid becoming seal snacks to stop and chat but hey at least you're still alive out here that's an accomplish all by itself

after a few years of the solo ocean life something inside you says it's time to head back to where it all began maybe it's instinct or maybe you've just had enough of dodging Predators on your own either way you're going back to the Colony and oh boy it's just as noisy and chaotic as you remember but this time you're not here to shiver and beg for food you're here to find a mate easy right wrong the place is packed with penguins all trying to impress each other with their Waddles and calls you'd better hope your

waddle game is strong because the competition is fierce the Stakes a lifetime of raising chicks sharing body heat and regurgitating fish for someone else romantic eventually you find a match someone who tolerates your awkwardness and agrees to partner up together you take on the next big challenge raising a chick your first job is to take turns guarding the egg which means standing there for weeks keeping it warm and trying not to lose your mind you think back to your dad doing the same thing all those years ago and finally get why he always looked so

tired as an adult emperor penguin you've reached the top of the Antarctic food chain which sounds impressive Until you realize that just means you're less likely to get eaten than most things you've seen it all the storms the Predators the endless hunger and somehow you've survived but don't get too comfortable time has a funny way of slowing you down your flippers once powerful and fast feel a little heavier these days hunting takes more effort and you're not as sharp as you used to be the cold seems colder and even your trusty waddle isn't as reliable

one day as you dive for fish you spot a leopard seal it's a familiar dance you've done this a hundred times before but this time something feels different you're just a little too slow maybe you make it out alive or maybe you don't either way you know you're not Invincible anymore life as an emperor penguin doesn't end with a big dramatic moment most don't die in some epic battle with a predator they just get old slow and tired one day the ice or the ocean takes them back and the cycle starts all over again