Buddha - How To Deal With FOMO (The Fear Of Missing Out) (Buddhism)

This is a sand mandala. The entire  structure is made of coloured sand. The creation of sand mandalas is a cherished  practice among Tibetan Buddhist monks.

These mandalas are usually enormous in  size, incredibly complex in design, and stunning to look at. When they’re finished,  the monks then ritually destroy the mandalas. The making of such a sand mandala usually  takes a number of monks - sometimes up to twenty - and anything from days to  months to complete.

While the monks put their heart and soul into creating  the mandala, they miss out on everything else they could be doing with their time. And  yet they never feel like they’re missing out. In other words: why don’t the monks  ever experience the fear of missing out or FOMO?

And how can we be more like them? FOMO is a phenomenon that many - if  not all - people experience when they try to plan their time. When all your  friends go to a party but you stay home, when you didn’t get those concert tickets and  now regret it, when a family member goes to a certain country but you’re too busy with work  to join… in all those cases you might feel as if you’ve missed out.

And if there’s a feeling most  people hate, it’s missing out, or worse, being left out. As a result, we often overstimulate  ourselves by saying yes to too many activities, spending too much money, and staying too busy  in order to avoid ever missing out on anything. The title "Buddha" means "the awakened one"  or "the enlightened one.

" It was originally assigned to Siddhartha Gautama, a spiritual  teacher and philosopher whose teachings founded Buddhism. Unlike many religions that focus  on a God or afterlife, Buddhism emphasizes self-improvement and living a meaningful life on  Earth. Following Buddhist principles encourages qualities such as gratitude, humility, and living  in the present, all of which help prevent FOMO.

Those who truly incorporate buddhism into their  lives will find that there is JOY in missing out, rather than negativity. In this video you will  learn how to deal with fear of missing out and instead start feeling the Joy Of Missing  Out all according to Buddhist frameworks. 1, Embrace Solitude Buddha says “Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except yourself.

” One of the key aspects of missing out - an  aspect that most people absolutely hate - is being alone. Imagine, for a moment, that there’s  a big concert in town. If all your friends went except for you, you would feel lonelier.

You  know they’ll be talking about it afterwards, and that you will be left out of  that conversation. They’ll have all experienced something together that  didn’t include you, and that feels lonely. Even if none of your friends go, the internet can  perfectly simulate this feeling of loneliness and missing out.

Seeing posts from those who attended  the concert, whether they’re acquaintances or strangers, can make you feel completely left out.  People will go onto social media to share the best videos of that night, praise how amazing it  was, and seeing this will make you feel bad about your decision not to go. And how could you  not, if seemingly everyone in the world shared this amazing experience that you missed out on? 

Again, it feels incredibly lonely. Now imagine that you didn’t go to see the concert, but nobody  you know went, and those who did go did not post about it online. You don’t see or hear anything  about the concert anywhere.

Would you still feel just as bad? Or would you just forget about  it and move on? For most people, the answer is probably the latter.

Our fear of missing out  is incredibly close to our fear of being alone. Shared experiences often bond people, so  missing out on those makes you feel less connected with those around you. You only  feel bad about your choices when you know others did something different  and seem happier than you are.

But now think about the Buddhists, working on  a sand mandala for weeks while others in their community go to festivities and have fun. Why  didn’t they feel lonely? Why didn’t they feel like they missed out?

Because Buddhists know  that no company can truly make you happy, except your own. Buddhists understand  that true happiness comes from within. If you quit looking at social media, fostering  jealousy, and truly think about what would make you happy as an individual - you find the  key to living your best life.

You don’t need concerts or experiences to be happy;  you need the right mindset. And you need to start seeing yourself as a unique human  being, rather than as part of a group. Buddhism recommends that rather than seeking  validation through external experiences.

If you don’t seek out what others have done, you won’t  feel bad in comparison. And when you find joy in your own life, you will find that you don’t  need to copy their behavior to feel connected. In other words: when you realize your solitude  can be your strength, fear of missing out will lose its grasp on you.

2. Trust Your Own Plans In the words of Buddha “When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt  your head back and laugh at the sky. ” FOMO is not just something one feels when  everybody goes to a party except you, or when people get an afternoon off and you  still have to work.

It can also occur when all your friends are getting married but you,  when they start buying houses or having kids, when they progress in their careers  and you don’t… When the people around you start taking big steps in life and  you don’t feel like you’re there yet, FOMO can be a frightening feeling: the feeling  that you’re falling behind or stagnating. It is almost impossible to convince yourself  that those who have everything you want are not more successful than you are, but in the end,  no matter how counterintuitive it might seem, it is the truth. Imagine, for a moment, a friend  of yours.

This friend has their dream job, is married, has bought a house - and meanwhile,  you’re still struggling to keep up with your career, your love life, and your home life. It  might feel that if you had your friend’s life, you would be happy and fulfilled. In fact,  you might feel like you could have had your friend’s life, had you just tried a little  harder and been a little smarter.

Neither of these statements, however, are true. When people compare themselves to others and worry about missing out, they  often overlook the nuances involved. You are not a copy of another person;  you are unique and entirely different, with a distinct life, tempo, and even - believe it  or not - desires, and wishes.

Your friend’s life would not make you happy because you are unique.  Their partner might not be a great fit for you, their dream house is probably not your dream  house, and their job, even in the same field, might well be entirely unsuitable for you.  True happiness comes from the things you have actively chosen and worked for yourself. 

And so it can only happen by working towards something and then achieving that yourself  just like creating a beautiful sand mandala. Of course, many people don’t want the actual  specifics of the lives they are jealous of, but rather an abstract version of it. You  want a partner, a house, a well-paying and well-respected job.

So why does your friend  have all of this already, and you don’t? Buddhists are very outspoken in the  idea that your life is yours alone, and the way it is going is the way it is meant to  be. When you want something and you want it now, you fail to appreciate what you already  have and enjoy the small things in your own life.

While ambition is good, those who  get lost in it always become miserable. Think of married people who get bored and cheat or  of rich people who still overwork themselves. Life is not a matter of achieving something  and then clinging onto it for the rest of time.

In fact, Buddhists stress that nothing is  permanent and everything always changes. But if that’s the case, why would you  need what you want to achieve right now specifically? When you allow yourself  to find pleasure in the small things in life and trust that what it is you want will  come to you in due time, you will find that when this finally becomes true, you have the peace  and rest in yourself to truly enjoy it, as well.

Even though your friend has a  lot of things you also want, that does not mean they are necessarily  happier or more fulfilled. In fact, fulfillment often comes from the effort and  motivation of working towards something, rather than the end results. And if you’re  working towards something for a little while longer than those around you, you should feel  blessed with your drive and opportunities, rather than left out.

The real secret to happiness  and fulfillment is in your ability to appreciate them, and you will only have this ability if you  foster it from day one. It is not achievements or material possessions that you are missing out  on, but merely something within your own soul. 3.

Train Your Mind To quote Buddha “Nothing can harm you  as much as your own thoughts unguarded. " In today’s society, with distraction around  every corner and boredom almost extinct, it is very hard to clear your mind. But  clearing your mind is essential to finding peace and happiness.

Buddhists are particularly  focused on it; one of their biggest practices, after all, is that of mindfulness. It is a way  of focusing on the present without any regrets, disappointments, or distractions,  and appreciating what you have. Mindfulness comes from the Buddhist term  ‘sati’ or ‘smṛti’.

A more direct translation, according to some, would be ‘pay attention  to’, ‘to bear in mind,’ or ‘to remember. ’ So what is it you should bear in mind  and remember? There are a few things: The body.

Pay attention to your physical  sensations, such as your posture, your skin, your breathing, and how you  change positions over time. Emotions. What do you feel right  now, and is it positive or negative?

Thoughts. What are you thinking about, and  why are you thinking about this? And finally Surroundings.

What is real to you, and what  isn’t? How are the things in your life connected? Mindfulness is best practiced by  practicing yoga or meditation.

Sit in a quiet space where you know you  won’t get interrupted. Focus on your body, like the first step describes, and try  not to think of anything else. After a certain point, your breathing will be  automatic, your body fully relaxed, and your thoughts will start to flow like a river. 

Let them. Observe without judgment or evaluation. However, mindfulness is more than that. 

More casually, it can be brought into any kind of everyday activity. When you  eat, drive to work, take a shower, or do anything mundane like that, try to  be fully present in the activity. Don’t think about anything else, don’t let  yourself get distracted, and just do.

Negative feelings like the fear of missing out  and the accompanying jealousy and loneliness often rear their ugly heads when your mind is  too busy to challenge them. When you practice focusing on the moment and clearing your mind,  though, you will find that unhelpful feelings have a much smaller chance to pop up, and that  they are very easily defeated when they do. It is important to remember that, as most things,  mindfulness is something you practice and get better at with time.

You have to do it often and  consistently to truly start internalizing it. Before we move on, here is a small mindfulness  practice you can do when you’re feeling left out. Take a moment to close your eyes and  practice your breathing.

When you feel in sync, start to focus on your surroundings.  Where are you? In bed?

In the kitchen, washing dishes? At your desk, doing work? No  matter your environment and current task, try to focus on it.

What have you been doing? Why? How  does it make you feel?

And how could you make this more enjoyable for you? And why is it important  to be doing the things you’re doing at this current moment? Let any thoughts of what you’re  missing out on pass by without engaging with them, and try to answer the questions at hand, letting  all other sensations pass you by.

Eventually, you will feel the idea of missing  out disappear into the background. 4. Fight Your Fear According to Buddha “The whole secret  of existence is to have no fear.

” We often know fear to be an emotion that paralyzes  and stops us from doing the things we want. The fear in FOMO, however, works in the opposite  way: it is a fear that forces us to do things we do not necessarily want to do, or makes us feel  miserable when we don’t do those things. With FOMO, you start doubting your decision not to buy  that thing, your decision to stay home and rest, your decision to focus on something  important rather than temporary.

It is important to note that  fearlessness, or bravery, does not mean not feeling any fear. Quite the  reverse! It’s about being able to confront and overcome that fear.

The first thing to do is  analyze your fear. What sort of fear is it? Useful fear is the fear that  alerts you to actual danger: think of being high up in an unsafe building,  or coming across a stranger in an alleyway.

Useless fear is the fear that you feel  when you rationally know you’re safe: when you’re on top of the eiffel tower,  for example, the height poses no threat. The Fear Of Missing Out usually falls into  this second category: there are usually no negative consequences to missing out, except for  the feeling of fear itself. It’s a vicious circle.

According to Buddha, a lot of human suffering  - including fear - stems from attachment. We are so attached to certain things - belongings, an  image, a certain situation, a job - that losing it causes unimaginable suffering. FOMO works in the  same way: we miss out on - or ‘lose’ - something that we feel is or could be incredibly  important.

Something we are attached to. Mindfulness will help you let go of such  an attachment and introduce something else: acceptance. The Tibetan Buddhist monks destroy  their sand mandala after finishing it because they are never attached.

They appreciated  it for what it was in the moment and know when to move on. If you truly think about that  concert or that vacation you’re missing out on, you will see that it has no real impact  on your life, or that your attachment to it has no rational explanation. You, too, can  move on from missing out with no harm done.

In order to deal with that fear of missing  out, you have to get close to it. Confront the moments that draw out this fear. Is it  when you are not invited?

When you have to cancel something? When all your friends  post about an event that you haven’t been able to go to? Or when strangers do so?

What,  exactly, are you scared of? What’s the worst that could result from you having missed  out on this thing? And how could you deal with that?

What could you do in the future  to make yourself feel more included again? Asking yourself these questions in a calm and  safe environment takes away the power useless fear of missing out can have over you, since it  allows you to let your rationality take over. By continuing to train your thoughts with your  fear in mind specifically, you will feel it fade.

5. Find Your Joy In our final quote for this video, Buddha says “Happiness will never come to those  who fail to appreciate what they already have. ” Instead of learning to ‘live with’ missing  out, you will find it can actually bring joy.

There are two ways to practice the Joy Of Missing  Out. Firstly, by recognizing the joy in mundane, daily activities. Secondly, by feeling joy for  others without thinking about yourself at all.

Let’s focus on finding joy for yourself first.  Imagine someone who never misses out. Would they have the happiest, best life ever?

Or  would they be burnt out, overstimulated, and stressed? When you, for example, go  to that concert despite needing rest, or go on that vacation despite being behind on  work, you will not be able to fully enjoy it. You will be in two places at once: your body  in the location you’ve dragged it to, but your mind with your worries and your shortcomings. 

Missing out, it seems, is absolutely necessary for living a healthy life. So missing out is  necessary. But how could it ever bring joy?

Well, think back to the monks making sand  mandalas. Doing so grants them peace, purpose, and time to think and be mindful. They  do not fret about what else they could be doing, because they make sure to get the most  out of making the mandala.

In other words: they focus completely and solely on the activity at hand and learn to appreciate it for  what it is. They practice mindfulness. So the key to learning how to do this is by  practicing mindfulness yourself.

When you stay home to rest, revel in it; think of how you can  maximize this rest and enjoy it the most. When you stay home to catch up on work or school, try  to focus on the relief and satisfaction that being caught up will grant you. When washing the dishes,  listen to music or appreciate the sounds and how it clears your mind.

When you have to clean the  house, use that time to listen to an audiobook or podcast and be grateful for how that can help  you learn and grow. And always take a moment to be grateful for the moment you are in right now. It’s  a small practice that only takes a few minutes a day, but will lift your spirits immensely.

In  other words: take moments and do not define them by what you are not doing, but by what you are  doing. Mindfulness maximizes joy in every moment. Once you’ve mastered this, you will also learn  how to embrace the next step: find joy for others without feeling bad for yourself.

Think of the  unconditional love and happiness a loving parent feels for their child. Whenever their child finds  joy in something - a present, an ice-cream cone, a bouncy castle in the parking lot - their  parent’s happy for them without any thought for themselves. Happiness exists in other situations,  too: when your sibling wins a big prize, when your neighbor gets a new pet, when your  friend gets their dream job.

This is the biggest problem with finding joy in the experiences  of others: our own agony at not being able to experience the same overshadows the situation.  So how do we go from being a jealous friend to being a friend that loves unconditionally?  The answer, once again, is mindfulness.

Whenever a friend has good news, try to truly be  in the moment. Let your thoughts wander without intervening and pay especially close attention to  those that are genuinely positive. Revel in those and let other thoughts wander by.

When jealousy  pops up, imagine their achievements as something completely separated from you; something out of  your reach, not something you should have had, too. In the beginning, doing so might feel forced,  but the more you force yourself to leave yourself out of an equation and truly think of someone  else, the easier it is in the future. When you train finding joy in the moment, you will find  joy for your friend’s experiences more easily; and when you train being happy for your friends,  you’ll be happy for yourself more often, too.

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