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do you ever look at your relationship and get the sense that just something is off that this is beyond just normal relationship challenges I mean it maybe you're even at a point where you're wondering is it them is it me well in today's episode I want to dive into the warning signs that God may be trying to reveal to you that your relationship actually is toxic and as always we are going to evaluate this under the uncompromising truth of God's word because my hope is to help you find your path to peace and resolution and

while the Bible doesn't specifically use the term toxic it certainly does offer principles that can help us to recognize healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns so no matter who it is parent partner Pastor coworker or friend my friend you're going to want to watch for these signs are you ready let me know in the chat say I am ready sign number one is a lack of love and respect now the Bible emphasizes the importance of love and respect in relationships and a toxic relationship often is void of these and what I'd like to do is to

make reference to Ephesians 2 uh Ephesians 4 2 through3 and here's what it says be completely humble and gentle be patient bearing with one another in love making every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of Peace here's where I want us to be careful because a lot of the scriptures that we are going to go through today and these points people in toxic relationships are trying to abide by these scriptures and you should be but they're also a gauge sometimes to show whether or not that other person is healthy or

unhealthy Godly or ungodly so I want you to keep that in mind as well it isn't just the responsibility of us to be abiding by these scriptures although I'm going to kind of keep bouncing back and forth a little bit although we're only responsible for us I am not saying in any way guys do not hear what I'm not saying I am not saying that it is your responsibility to take this scripture and now start throwing it out other people and making them abide by these that is not your job it is our job to

be humble to the Holy Spirit and say Where am I falling short in this however we are going to use these scriptures as a gauge as a guide to say hey wait a minute am I getting this from this person as well so we are called to be humble we are called to be gentle um this whole concept of love and respect uh there was a book out uh quite some time ago maybe somebody can jog my memory in the chat where it talked about the crazy cycle and this love and respect where women want

love men want respect and I agree of course but I disagree I want respect too and my husband wants love too so it's not just that men want respect and women want love the love and respect should be going both ways so this doesn't mean that now in order for you to comply with this scripture that you now have to go along to get along um it doesn't mean that you just keep the peace at all costs but it does mean that we speak to one another with love and humility and even those in authority

over you so when a mother comes to you thinking that she can still talk to you like you're 11 my friend you have to recognize that you have a problem here and it is not your job to go throwing scripture at her and telling her what she should or shouldn't be doing it's your job to recognize that she clearly is not showing you the love and respect that is biblically laid out but it also doesn't mean that you go and you retaliate but it does mean that you have to recognize that this person does not

have the love and respect for you and we're going to get into what do I do with this in just a little bit so sign number one is a lack of love and respect that is a clear sign of toxicity guys as we're going along just please let me know in the chat just kind of pop in the number and say yep that's me number one that's me all right because I'd love to be curious as to what the biggest problem is that you're recognizing in toxic relationships okay number two is manipulation in and control

so in talk toxic relationships one partner may try to exert control or manipulate the other partner which is contrary to the biblical principle of mutual submission ladies hear me gentlemen hear me it's not just woman submit to man we are supposed to have mutual submission for one another let's jump on over to Ephesians 5:21 submit to one another out of reverence for Christ submit to one another I can't say that this is just a a guy thing where they exert manipulation and control over women because believe me I've seen my fair share of manipulative and

controlling women but no title no responsibility no biblical verse ever gives us permission to be manipulative and controlling over someone so there's a few things that can fall into this category one would be gaslighting gaslighting is classic manipulation you don't know what you're talking about you don't know what you're saying you didn't hear me right that's not important um you know we're not dealing with that because I'm the one who's in charge I'm the one who's in control that's manipulation and now you sprinkle a little bit of control on top of that and you've got

yourself a recipe for a very unhealthy relationship so these are some of the signs that you're going to be want to be looking for in a potentially toxic relationship so does this mean that if somebody says something a little manipulative like oh you didn't hear me right or somebody says you know I'd really prefer that you didn't go out with that group of friends does that mean that this person is manipulative and controlling no of course not what we're looking at here are patterns we're looking at patterns of these toxic behaviors and that is now

what's going to label your relationship toxic or not so when you're dealing with manipulation you could have one person that is trying to isolate you keeping you away from your family keeping you away from your friends maybe even keeping you away from church so these are the things that you really want to watch out for um a lot of jealous Partners will um use manipul and control but they'll disguise it as love they'll disguise it as protection and caring and these are the things that you have to watch out for because and we're going to

get into this in just a little bit but let's dive into it now right if you come from any form of trauma in your past you're going to have a difficult time Discerning whether their lies are lies or their truth or there's a little bit of Truth in their lies or there's a little bit of lie in their truth you're going to have a very difficult time and that's why discernment is key that's why having a close personal relationship with your lord and savior is going to be crucial because I want to hear from the

holy spirit because one of the things that they get you into is complete and utter confusion and please let me know in the chat if you've experienced that you're just like wow wait a minute like what you're saying kind of makes sense a little bit but it's just not sitting well with me and I'm not talking about just going by a feeling or your Intuition or your gut that's your discernment trying to kick in and trying to work through the pain of this confusion so you want to be able to we Wade through what's manipulation

what's truth what is control and what is just somebody's troubled way of trying to to communicate something because a lot of these signs that we're going to go through today actually can come out every once in a while if you're dealing with just a troubled person who didn't learn how to communicate properly and say hey you know what I see that that's bothering you do you want to talk about it but instead they're going to be like no that's not it and just completely blow you off now their intent is not to gas light but

they're still doing it so what's the difference well the difference is now going to be in whether or not this person receives what you're trying to communicate with them and that is going to be the Clincher on whether or not you're dealing with a toxic relationship so you're looking for these signs but now we're going to also start to talk about how do I communicate this to them and then I want to watch for their response because that is going to lock it in on whether they are or whether you've got a relationship that has

some potential here because at the end of the day I mean let's be honest we've all got some toxic narcissistic traits um hopefully we have less today than we did yesterday and certainly less today than we did two years ago but my point is that we're all learning we're all growing but toxic people they don't want to learn they don't want to grow they just want to bounce it all onto you okay so number two is manipulation and control I'm losing control of my buttons here number three is constant conflict and strife look disagreements are

going to be expected they're normal but what we're looking at here is consistent constant unresolved conflict that leads to this hostile envir environment these this constant conflict completely goes against the biblical teachings of striving for peace and Reconciliation so let's dive into Proverbs 1518 and here's what it says a hot-tempered person stir up conflict but the one who is patient calms a quarrel feel like I need to just step back just a little bit here we're called to do our part we don't want to be the hot-tempered one we want to be responsible for our

response their toxicity does not mean that I now have permission to be toxic in turn their toxic reactions don't justify my toxic reactions we are responsible for our response so if my friend you are struggling with any type of anger if you're struggling with frustration and losing your patience and and losing your cool I want you to own that because it's not their responsibility don't get me wrong yes they are triggering it I get that and yes they can prompt it but it's yours that you now need to deal with now here's where I want

to kind of go over and a lot of Christians will take this just a little bit too far they think it's their responsibility if I remain calm and in control then so will they uh-uh I very rarely see that happen and then when it doesn't happen and they act inappropriately now you feel it's your responsibility or you're justified in reacting resp irresponsible so I'm kind of going around in circles but it's not really a circle it's just different paths that we want to be careful we don't go down too far your response is your responsibility

but your response doesn't automatically guarantee that they're now going to be healthy and I see that so often in codependent cases where the less toxic one I don't want to say the healthy one versus the the toxic is often times if you're in a relationship with a toxic person I'm venturing to guess you've got some toxic traits that go along with it so the less toxic person now is their eyes are open they're like I am going to change I'm going to be the better person and then they're completely disoriented when their behavior changes don't

prompt the other person to change do you see how c-dependent that is so my response my responsibility their response is their responsibility so you need to be obedient in what you're called to do but not be responsible for the outcome okay I know we went down just a little bit of rabbit trails and for anybody that's been with me on this channel long enough you know how much I love my rabbit Trail so let me know if you guys are still tracking with me okay let me know in the comments number four is a lack

of forgiveness and holding grudges does this person hold on to the Past holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness and an unwillingness to let go is often a sign of a toxic relationship now I am not talking about still struggling with some of the pain of what somebody did to you I am not talking about trust I am talking about the unforgiveness so when we go to Colossians 3 Colossians 313 it says bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against against someone forgive as the Lord forgave you now

we're going to sit here for just a moment because this is the scripture that often will get thrown in your face you're supposed to forgive me now this is coming from the toxic person mind you you're called to forgive you're bringing up the past you don't let things go how interesting it is that the toxic person accuses you of the very same things that they're doing let me know in the chat that that's what you've experienced so a toxic person now we're going to talk about this from two sides a toxic person is themselves very

unforgiving so you'll often hear them referring to what somebody did to them five months ago five years ago and maybe even 35 years ago they're just constantly drudging that up and they're always using that they seem to almost like to nurse those grudges and unforgiving person is going to be a toxic person period now here's also what happens is they're now going to accuse you of being unforgiving because you want to bring something up now I'm not saying that if you are the type of person who's Now using their past to throw something in their

face or you just kind of bringing stuff in in a very passive aggressive manner that my friend is toxic too but if you have something with where you were hurt by it and it really hasn't been dealt with or you're still struggling a little bit under it and you try to bring it up because you have some unresolved trust and now they're saying oh well you're not forgiving me you're an unforgiving person you hold on to grudges you're likely dealing with some toxicity there and that you're going to want to watch out for because what

you want to look for in relationship is conflict resolution and it's not always easy but what you're looking for is a willingness is this person willing to walk through this with me even though they don't understand even though they don't get it even though they don't agree are they willing to walk through this with me yes or no and then you have a decision to make because again we go back to this codependency I got to get this person to see I got to get them to understand I got to get them to to get

it because if they get it then we're good and the problem lies in the fact that I'm not okay if we're not okay so I need you to get it so we can be okay so I can feel okay okay my friend I need you to be okay even if they're not okay okay okay guys if you are being blessed by our time together would you do me a favor and go ahead and hit that like button I also want to invite you to grab a copy of our free toxic people Survival Guide this is

my free gift to you to help you identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life we will go ahead and include a link in the chat Zoe if you could pop that in there or if you're watching on the replay we'll go ahead and include it in the links in the description section below let's go ahead and dive into number five is dishonesty and deceit this is a Hallmark for toxic relationships a relationship lacking in honesty and truthfulness can automatically be labeled boom toxic because the Bible values truth and integrity in fact

let's jump on over to Proverbs 1222 the Lord detests lying lips but he Delights in people who are trustworthy dishonest and deceitful people are toxic period now there can be some debate as to whether a person is talk is dishonest and deceitful out of malice or out of fear and I can certainly understand where there'd be a little bit of Grace for the fear part but we've got to be careful that that Grace doesn't cross over into enabling that okay I understand you had a very you know traumatic past or you know you you were

accused of doing this before and now you're being dishonest because you're afraid of how I'm going to react it's not okay it's it's okay to the extent that that's happening and you're recognizing that it's happening and I will gladly walk through that that with you but it's not okay that it can it's it can't stay so dishonesty and deceit comes in so many different forms it could be just straight up lying lying about the friendship that they're having with their co-worker who's of the opposite sex lying about money that they're hiding lying about where they

are and what they're doing um it could even be as you know they're saying one thing one minute and something else the next minute what happens here is it breaks your trust and we're going to get into that in just a few minutes so anytime you're dealing with dishonesty and deceit whether it's on a high level or a low level you're dealing with some toxicity here and unless someone allows the Lord to intervene and they recognize the error of their ways and where where they're going wrong my friend this doesn't resolve itself it doesn't get

better people don't grow out of their sins they typically grow into them the Holy Spirit delivers us out of our sins otherwise we just grow more and more comfortable in them and if again if you're a codependent person and you're going back to them and you're challenging them on the lies and you're you're saying well if you had only said this or well you could have said that then here's what you're doing you're actually teaching them how to be better at being dishonest now they know how to get over on you next time now now

they know what to say to deceive you better you tracking with me guys let me know if you're following number six is a lack of boundaries and personal freedom if one partner dominates or restricts the freedom of another my friend this is a sign of a toxic relationship Christian teachings biblical teachings will advocate for the respect and freedom within relationships let's jump over to Galatians 513 let me find it and it says you my brothers and sisters were called to be free but do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh rather serve one another

humbly in love when we talk about a lack of boundaries and personal freedom we have two sides to it one is they are not respecting your boundaries meaning if you have a toxic mother who decides that she believes it is her her right to just call you whenever she wants come over whenever she wants demand whatever she wants and then if she doesn't get her way now somehow she's throwing out scriptures that you are supposed to obey your parents okay if we haven't established that on this channel already that is toxic we've got a problem

there so she's not respecting your personal boundaries yes you do want to be careful in how you communicate those yes you do want to speak the truth in love yes you still want to honor her but you don't have to obey every command of A Dysfunctional mother so a lot of times these toxic people are now going to disrespect those boundaries you've got a clear sign of toxicity when somebody is just overriding your requests simply because they don't agree with it and now maybe you're even experiencing that now especially at this time of year around

the holidays where the the parent par they expect you to come over their house they expect you over for Christmas dinner they expect you to to do whatever it is that they're asking and you know maybe you've got if you're like many you're already much older you've got a family of your own and you're just like I am so tired of running around complying with Mom or Dad's requests and it's just not sitting well with them so you're you're dealing with some some toxicity there because while it is difficult that you know a child doesn't

want to spend Christmas with you or or doesn't want to spend some time with you it can be disappointing and difficult but we don't have to make it destructive now we don't have to lay on the guilt trip we don't have to try to find solutions to figure it all out for them you guys are adults so clear sign of toxicity again I'm starting to go down a little bit of a rabid Trail here's another thing toxic people it's very ironic a lot of toxic people don't have personal boundaries either and here's where it can

throw you off so again we'll go back to this codependency piece which by the way let me take down another Rabbit Trail here if you are struggling with codependency guys you're not alone this is something that is such a prevalent problem in the body of Christ that I created a course an online course called conquering codependency bibl it is a self-paced course we'll go ahead and include a link in the chat and in the description section below it is such a problem if you're struggling with codependency when dealing with toxic people because we could talk

about all of the signs in the world but if you have an unhealthy attachment to this person you're going to have a problem you're going to have a problem setting boundaries you're going to have a problem letting go you're going to have a problem I'm going to use the word disconnecting from them you don't I I don't mean disconnect in in that you have to leave the relationship but in some ways there needs to be a chord cutting taking place so if that's you if you are struggling with feeling okay if these people are not

okay with you codependency may be a problem and I want to invite you to check out that online course again we'll include a link in the chat or in the description section below so going back down my rabbit Trail a little bit people who struggle with codependency are often now another side Rabbit Trail to that Rabbit Trail I want you to think of codependency if you're in a relationship and you're codependent they are too codependency you're feeling a need for them they're feeling a need for you and I'm not talking about healthy interdependency I'm talking

about dysfunctional needs that are taking place so often times somebody who is in a is codependent with a codependent person and that toxic person has difficulty setting personal boundaries it can almost appear as if that person is self-sacrificing they're very giving they'll respond to whatever request I have they'll drop everything for me well no they have no boundaries themselves so now what happens is when you try to set a boundary well now that's used against you oh I've never denied you oh for the number of times I did this for you do you see the

dynamic that's taking place because if they don't have boundaries then how dare you so that could be taking place I'm not saying that all toxic people struggle with personal boundaries but a lot of them do let's move on to number seven is selfishness oh in toxic relationships there is always going to be that one person that exhibits selfishness they prioritize their own needs their own wants their own desires and now here's what happens here's where the pot starts to get a little stirred right we start to pull maybe number two maybe we start to pull

in some manipulation and control well because I've got to selfishly me meet my needs and maybe now I pull in the deceit and the dishonesty well because I've got to do whatever I got to do to get my needs met this is a Hallmark of toxicity and I've said this before on this channel and I want you guys to finish this s this statement guess what givers attract go ahead pop it in the chat takers givers often attract takers which is why it is so crucial that you one have a personal relationship with Jesus so

you can grow in that discernment to know when somebody's being deceptive and two you've got to have your personal boundaries because a lot of times what I hear all the time is this person's doing this this person's demanding this this person won't take no for an answer this for and it's all outward it's all this person I want to know where are your boundaries where are you saying no I'm not getting in the car with you no I'm not going to that party no I don't want to come over on Christmas it's not about getting

the other person to stop being selfish it's about you putting up your boundaries to say no you're not taking this from me guys tracking with me so what does the what does the scripture say about selfishness well let's jump on over to Philippians 2 3-4 it says do nothing out of selfish ambition or or vain conceit rather in humility value others above yourselves not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others do you remember what I talked about before when I said sometimes these scriptures can apply to us but

we also want to use them as a gauge to evaluate our relationships scriptures like this are the ones that are often used against victims of toxic people and even if it's not used we use it against ourselves please let me know in the chat how many times have you used scriptures like this against yourself I guess in essence we Gaslight ourselves with scripture so we want to do things not out of selfish ambition we want to Value someone else above ourselves we want to look to the interest of others above our own of course we

do but we also need to look and say is this other person doing it for me as well and I don't mean like oh I'm doing it for you you need to do it for me but just having an honest assessment of yourself Lord test me know my heart test my anxious thoughts but I also want to test and see what this other person is doing so we want to be very careful that we're not just jumping in and constantly giving I just want to keep giving I just want to keep giving scripture tells me

just to keep giving just to look to their interest keep looking to their interest keep looking to their interest well guess what it's always going to be about their interest so we don't take this scripture and distort it to a degree that we actually perpetuate evil okay I know I said that we were going over seven but if it's okay with you guys I got two more would that be okay please let me know in the chat I got two more the next one because I I just couldn't pass these up I couldn't just walk

away and say these weren't a problem number eight is they are abusive verbally physically or emotionally hurtful demeaning or abusive language is a clear sign of a toxic relationship now this also goes without saying physical abuse the Bible emphasizes the Power of Words and the importance of using them wisely and kindly so let's go ahead and find out what it says we're going to jump on over to Proverbs 15:1 a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger again we are responsible for our part but my friends I want you to

start evaluating the people that you're in relationship with parent partner Pastor coworker or friend a title does not give somebody a pass at their behavior and again I want to preface this by saying this doesn't mean that if just because somebody has one angry Outburst or they say one foul word or you know they have a misstep here or there that's not what I'm talking about I am talking about a persistent persistent and pervasive pattern of these toxic behaviors you're are dealing with a toxic person I want to address this I do have a video

coming out on this soon because I feel like it's something that really needs to get addressed more in depth but my friends if you are in a physically abusive relationship please get out there is no scripture that you are going to be able to provide for me that is going to support you staying in a physically abusive relationship there is none so whatever this physical abuser has convinced you of they're lying whatever you're convincing yourself of your mind is lying to you get yourself to safety now if we back up just a little bit and

we don't have time to go fully in depth in this I do have a video coming out on it the verbal or emotional abuse that can be a little bit more gray than physical abuse physical abuse it's clear you're touching me you're laying hands on me you're hurting me not acceptable no way no how ever acceptable and I feel like I need to speak to somebody today who's really struggling with this maybe you've convinced yourself that well he just has a bad temper once in a while or you know he doesn't really mean it I

don't care if he means it or not he needs to stop and it's not your job to get him to stop my friend it is not your job to get him to stop it is not your job it is not your responsibility to see him through this he needs to come to himself he needs to come to the Holy Spirit now I'm saying he because it's usually the pattern of abuse my friends I've seen my fair share of female physical abusers the same rules apply stop covering for them stop protecting them you need to protect

yourself now I I don't mean to say that as in we don't trust in God of course God is going to protect you but he's not calling you to stay in that situation please hear my heart heart in this this is not your responsibility if he is going to change then let him get with the Lord and let him do his turnaround and maybe in a year or two yes I said a year or two you can reconnect and see where he is in that process but my friend this is not turning around overnight even

if he has a Damascus Road experience tomorrow I do not want you stepping back into that the next day these people take time now don't get me wrong I've seen I've seen my fair share of physical abusers turn their life around they've stopped they've repented they've changed praise God hallelujah all things are possible with the Lord but it is not excuse me it is not your responsibility [Music] and there's something that God needs to reveal within you something damaged something broken within you if you feel like I've got to hurry up back into this relationship

my friend okay I feel like I could just keep hanging on this for a little while but we're going to move on now we get into the verbal and the physical uh the the emotional and mental abuse are they grounds for leaving no and yes so a little too much for our time today because I do want to dive in to your questions gaslighting is emotional abuse emotional abuse is abuse and God does not take kindly to it and I am hoping that you guys will make sure that you're subscribed for when that video comes

out because we we're going to dive a lot deeper into this but here's where I want us to be very careful is most people if you are being verbally and emotionally abused yes my friend get out even if it's just some separation to get some distance to have this person come to themselves male or female parent Pastor doesn't matter get some distance there you don't have to file for a divorce if it is a spouse but you may want to get some separation there and again please don't hear what I'm not saying I do not

want to be Mis quoted I am not encouraging you to leave your spouse I am not encouraging you to divorce but I am encouraging you to stop letting evil Prevail but here's where we run into a problem most people that claim emotional and mental abuse aren't actually being abused they just don't like the way they're being spoken to maybe their traumatic past triggered 's any type of assertiveness not even aggression just any type of assertiveness is now interpreted as abusive and here's where I want you to be careful so again too much to dive into

for our time today so please be on the lookout for that video but verbal mental emotional physical abuse yes clear signs clear signs of a toxic relationship hi I think I just drove that one home right okay so let's go over number nine and that is a lack of trust and insecurity a foundational aspect of a healthy relationship is trust I have to be able to trust you now in toxic relationships there may just be this continuous suspicion and a lack of trust on both parts so you could have the toxic person who's now always

is very suspicious because you have to remember that if you're dealing with a narcissist a lot of them are paranoid they always think that you're out to get them somebody's always jealous of them somebody's always looking to hurt them somebody's always looking to steal something Rob something take something away from them they're very paranoid people and they don't have trust now this could be over little things or big things but the trust part on your end now is maybe I I I really can't trust you and that also goes back to the dishonesty and the

deceit you know you say one thing one day but then something else the next day I'm struggling to trust you here um and then they'll throw in well you're unforgiving oh you hold on to things oh you're such a nitpicker these are the things that you're going to want to watch out for so in First Corinthians 13 7 yes 137 says love always protects always trusts always hopes always perseveres here's where we get trapped as Christians watch my logic here if love always trusts and I'm always supposed to love then I'm always supposed to trust

so if I don't trust then I'm the problem did you follow my math there that's not true because if this person is untrustworthy you would be very foolish to trust them this scripture is not saying that trust above all else that no matter what you just got to trust and that's where a lot of people really struggle because they're like well you know how do I enter back into then okay all right I guess all right I just have to trust him no you don't you don't if you've been given evidence that you can't trust

him if you've been shown that she's not trustworthy you would be foolish to trust forgive yes trust no forgiveness is given trust is earned so I want to make sure that I am giving trust to somebody who has earned my trust and unfortunately if somebody's broken your trust you're not just starting from Ground Zero you're starting from a lower level and it's going to take even longer to actually rebuild that trust so if this person is not willing number one to acknowledge that they've broken your trust well my friend we've got a problem I mean

there there's no going to there's not going to be any rebuilding of the trust if they don't recognize where they've gone wrong does that make sense so they have to recognize where they've gone wrong and then have a willingness to say this relationship means so much much to me that I am willing to rebuild this and I am willing to regain your trust and I don't just mean the narcissistic love bombing I'm going to do everything to gain your trust again nonsense that is here today and gone tomorrow I am talking about the person that

is truly repentant and recognizes oh boy I really messed this up I'm in a hole and I need to dig myself out of this and I would give anything if you would walk alongside of me in this but if you're not I'm still going to do everything I can to regain your trust and then here's the next step you ready they do it and they do it consistently they may slip a little bit here and there but they do it consistently a toxic person unfortunately cannot be trusted they have a lack of trust they won't

trust anybody including you but they expect you to trust them without having to prove it my friend clear sign of a toxic relationship my friend I want to dive into our questions but I want to pray with you I know so many of you are struggling under the weight of toxic relationship and it runs the gamut the biggest ones I see are parents and partners they cause the most damage because a lot of friendships can be discontinued a lot of co-workers you can find another job a little bit easier maybe not in this economy but

walking away from a parent or a partner is very challenging and I want to pray with you I want to pray that our Lord gives you the discernment that you need I I want to pray that you are going to receive the healing that you so desperately need from these relationships so father we come before you in the mighty matchless name of Jesus and Lord we just give you thanks we thank you Lord not only for the sacrifice that you made on Calvary for us but father we thank you that you will not allow evil

to Prevail in our lives we thank you that you have conquered sin you have conquered Satan and he has no hold over us and that includes the people that he's trying to use against us father I pray right now for that one listening who's come from such a hurtful and traumatizing past they don't know what to trust and what to believe they're even having a hard time believing your truth right now they're in your word but it's not in them Father I ask that you would cover them with your discernment give them wisdom beyond their

years give them wisdom and knowledge beyond their understanding and father I pray right now that when that Spirit of confusion enters in that they would rebuke it in the mighty name of Jesus that they would put aside all rationalization all logic and they would stop trying to figure this out and embrace your truth father give them wisdom give them wisdom to know when to walk away Lord I ask that you would heal their hearts so many times we respond in such callousness and we call it a guarding of our heart father I just pray that

you would teach your child how to truly guard their heart that heart heart that is that is new in you that heart of Flesh that one that that hurts so easily it gets wounded please reveal to them Lord that this is not only okay that it's good it's good it's showing that their heart of Flesh has not turned into a Heart of Stone but Lord I pray that you would give them the strength to resist putting up walls that create this Heart of Stone just so they feel protected Lord I pray that they would rely

upon you completely lean on rely upon and Trust in Lord be their Vindicator Lord be their Shield Lord protect them from the fiery darts of the enemy I pray father that they would take up their Shield of Faith walk forward in confidence not callousness walk forward in boldness not brass Lord strengthen them to speak your truth in love Lord I trust you and I know that you who have begun a good work will bring it to completion so father we pray that you would have your way in the mighty name of Jesus my friend if

you agree with me can you say amen I just love our time in the Lord I would love to dive into some of your questions I know Zoe is going to go ahead and shoot those over to me I think she's having some problem with the email so bear with me okay Melissa is asking how do you respond SL deal with when abusing narc husband tells you that you are the narc and they get all victim mode accusing you of everything they do oh Alissa if I had a nickel for every time so narcissists are

classic victims um they they are the abuser that plays the victim when things don't go their way so you're asking me how do you respond and deal with this oh Melissa unfortunately you're probably not going to like my answer because most people that ask me this question are almost looking for I'm not saying that you're doing this they're almost looking for the magic words teach me what to say to get them to get it and we go back to that codependency teach me what to say and do to get them to say and do something

we have to get rid of that notion we have to get rid of the notion that we can potentially change them now Melissa I know that wasn't your question that may not be necessarily what you're going through but I know a lot of people people are so I hope you'll bear with me as I as I address that so how do I deal with them well the first thing is to recognize that you are dealing with somebody who number one is not interested in hearing your heart they're not interested and this is the most challenging

part for people to get to is that place of acceptance they don't care and you're trying to say something in a way to get them to care and it's not going to work they don't care you have to accept the fact that they don't care that's one level the second level that it sounds like he's taking it up a notch is not only does he not care about resolving it with you well now you're getting blamed for things so here's what I would do in those cases this is is challenging this is definitely a mark

of maturity and you want to get to this place I want to take everything that he's saying and I want to bring it all to the Lord and say Lord show me what's truth here because even in their verbal attacks and all those things there's typically some truth in there it may be minute it may be pretty large but Lord cleanse me Lord do a work in me Lord Purge me of whatever you need to Holy Spirit do a sanctifying surgery within me and use this narcissistic person to reveal what is going on within me

that I need to deal with okay so now we put that aside I want to get better right and if I have to use a narcissist I'll do it right I'm going to take whatever you've got and I'm going to now bring this to the Lord so I can walk out of this a better person that's going to take some maturity because two things that could potentially go wrong is one um we assume too much responsibility I'm not saying that just because the narcissist accused me of being a narcissist well now okay I must be

a narcissist now I've got to go heal from my narcissism no that's not what I'm saying I'm I'm saying take the the accusations and now bring that to the Lord Lord reveal to me if there's any truth within here with any reveal to me any truth in what he or she is saying how do you deal with somebody who doesn't care and is looking to make you the problem unfortunately you don't you have to recognize that there's not a healthy relationship Dynamic going on there there's there's nothing I'm going to be able to advise you

to say or do that is going to change that how would I deal with it I would number one keep my boundaries strong again still communicating them in love but keeping them strong I personally would probably emotionally have to I'm going to use this very carefully because boy am I going to get slammed by the Christian Community um I'd probably have to have more of a guarding of my heart so initially I was going to say I'd have to emotionally disconnect emotionally distance myself but sometimes that gets taken the wrong way meaning that I'm kind

of checking out of the marriage that's not what I mean but I'm not going to continue to put myself out there so you can just beat the snot out of it right so I have to guard my heart a little bit so Melissa I need you to guard your heart I need you to only communicate the things that are actually going to get received well and if this person has already shown you that there they're not getting it they don't care to get it and by the way you're the problem you've got to come to

some serious acceptance here that this person is not interested in relationship growth with you so you guard your heart you continue to set your boundaries and every single thing that you've been trying to get him to change on I want you to turn that into your prayer list give it to the Lord let him do it and I'm pray that your husband's heart is open Melissa I hope that helps please let me know in the chat okay Clancy is asking how do you know if God is telling you to get out of a partner partership

well Clancy some of the signs can be very clear some of them can be a little bit more subtle and we also have to establish what type of partnership are we dealing with are we dealing with a Business Partnership are we dealing with a relationship partnership or are we dealing with a marriage so let's deal with the most difficult one if we're talking about a marriage it's going to be little bit more challenging um rarely if you're dealing with infidelity any form of abuse or abandonment those are your signs that this marriage let's call that

a marriage not a partnership this marriage is in serious trouble and it probably requires a separation now when I say separation I don't mean I don't mean it like the world means it where you know that's just the next step to divorce when I say separation I mean with the intent of both Partners to strive for reconciliation but some space needs to take place because maybe one person is just not seeing the destructive nature of their behaviors and a separation needs to take place I mean we go back in scripture and if you remember there

was there was a guy in the church who was sleeping with his stepmother and what did the Apostle Paul have them do they said he said get get him out kick him out hand him over to Satan is actually the words that he used so the whole purpose was not H that's it we're done with you we're kicking you to the curb get out want nothing to do with you the whole purpose was he wants to behave this way good go let him behave this way hope ful he's now going to experience what Satan's got

to offer and as a result turn and repent and that would be the whole purpose is we're striving for reconciliation we're we're striving for repentance here so I hope that answers your question now if you're dealing with other Partnerships whether this is a um a relationship like a romantic relationship but you're not married or a Business Partnership you're looking for of these signs that we just talked about today and what you're doing is you want to have the conversations you want to start setting the boundaries and when and maybe even reach out for some help

I I I really don't understand why more relationships don't go to counseling together why it's just reserved for uh marital Partners I mean I I think there's so many parents and children adult children that should be in counseling there's so many business Partnerships uh when I used to do a lot of Consulting for in in in corporates um I sent a lot of people a lot of relationships to counseling and many of them were actually turned around anytime you're in relationship and you're having conflict there's often times that you need a mediator you need an

objective third party so I would definitely strive for some counseling and then again if you're seeing any of these signs and then the person doesn't have any interest in working on the relationship then yeah it might be time to start taking some steps to consider dissolving that partnership Clancy please let me know if that helped so red pill Matrix is asking how soon to expect hurts to disappear when a man hurts his wife's feelings by not being protective of the family so we have two questions that are taking place there we'll deal with the actual

question and you're asking how soon will the hurt feelings disappear that's almost impossible to say because you're dealing with so many nuances um if you're the type of person now I'm assuming it's you so if it's not just disregard that um if you're the type of person that holds on to hurt feelings and massages them takes them to lunch and really just kind of sits in them all the time and and then yeah there's a good chance it'll never go away and then you have other people who are the extreme that are just like oh

oh well okay I'm just going to ignore that brush it under to the rug and move on and then two months later they trip over it because something triggers them and they never actually dealt with it so there's that Chasm right in between and it you could fall anywhere on there so what you're looking for in in being able to I'm want to get this question you want the hurt to disappear well one of the first steps that you're going to need to take is making sure that it's resolved now hopefully you're able to resolve

it with said husband who's not protecting the family and you two are able to talk this through if that's not the case then you're still going to want to get some help maybe get with a a good Christian counselor maybe get with a pastor or even a Godly friend to try to to begin to resolve this hurt within you because you you can't continue to ruminate on it but you also can't just push it aside I have to come to some resolve here's what I do when I get to a place where I'm not getting

any resolve with the other person and I can't seem to let it go I identify what it is that I need and maybe in this case what you're looking for is protection if I'm not getting it from this person person I I Lord I have to get it from my Lord Lord I'm feeling unprotected I need you to protect me here I need you to protect my family and that's how I begin to resolve that hurt by giving it over to the Lord I'm still hurt but now I've made the conscious choice to say God

here's my hurt feelings and here's why I was hurt and here's what I need so Lord this is on you now I I I really need you to protect my family I need you to heal my heart from this that's those are steps that I would begin to take red pill Matrix please let me know if that helped okay I think we have time whoa look what time it is okay we have let's take one more question Kesha is asking what do you do when the person looks at every disagreement as an argument when your

intentions are just to talk it through Kesha that's a great question and I see that often and a lot of times it can come from one of two places um the first one I'm going to say you I'm not I'm not blaming you I just I just want you to be careful here sometimes if you have more of an assertive or an aggressive personality and you're insistent and we're not always good in our timing like I want to talk about this now and maybe the person's not ready it it can trigger in somebody else this

fight response so just just as a caveat I just want you to be careful again you're not responsible for their response I'm not saying that you caused any of this but we do want to make sure that we strive for the proper timing that we're not using a tone that is intention Ally intimidating um or aggressive assertive okay if that's who you are and somebody interprets that wrong that's different but we do want to be careful with aggression on the flip side in these cases what I've normally found is that it's somebody who's dealing with

trauma from their past they can't they've never learned how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner I don't want to talk it through I either need to argue it which now is is often and I'm not saying this is what this person's doing but it's often a form of domination and bullying you know I got to get you to shut up is basically it so I have to dominate you so if I overpower you with anger and aggression and defensiveness then you'll back down sometimes that's the the the case other times um it just triggers

this fight response within them if they've been through any form of trauma in their past and they've not learned how to properly work through conflict so maybe that's something that you can now bring to the table and say hey I've noticed it seems like when I bring something to you it's met with a lot of defensiveness and my heart is really to to work through these issues I don't I don't mean to to trigger you I don't mean to make you upset but at the same time I also have some things that I'd like to

work through would you consider going to counseling with me you know maybe we can get somebody that's an objective third party that maybe is even seeing things about me that I'm not communicating properly and make it about the two of you facing the problem as opposed to you two facing off with one another okay please let me know if that helped Kesha okay all right guys I think we're kind of low on time today I I do wish we could always get to every single one of your questions um please continue put your questions in

the chat although I won't be able to answer them a lot of times they are inspiration for future videos that we put out so please I hope that you have been blessed by our time as much as I have again I want to invite you to grab a copy of our free toxic people Survival Guide my friend this is my free gift to you to help you learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life I will go ahead and include a link in the description section below and we will

pop one in the chat okay guys if you are not subscribed make sure you hit that subscribe button because we put out videos every week to help you navigate difficult relationships biblically all right my friend until next time remember all things are possible with God bye for now