Test her: how to screen women

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psych Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is test her my dudes it is absolutely essential that you test women before you enter into sexual relationships with them women have figured this out a long time ago women test men all the time unfortunately due to their poor optionality the average guy doesn't think to test a woman who shows interest in him he's just happy to be there unfortunately this attitude significantly increases the likelihood that he will get involved with a dangerous difficult or disordered woman

on a long enough time frame and I'm here today to teach guys on how to go about avoiding that to be honest I'll probably have to do several episodes on the subject but hey you got to start somewhere now there are many different kinds of women you're going to want to avoid getting involved with and one of these kinds I call a bomb what do bombs do they explode sometimes at the slightest touch bombs are women who are going to explode at you the first time you don't do something right or the first time you

do something wrong and I'm putting those words in quotes because they're notion of right and wrong is almost never connected to some kind of extrapolated morality and is almost always based on their own subjective interests and goals that is right is what she wants and wrong is what she doesn't those who give her what she wants are good those who don't are bad or unhealthy or toxic or sexist and so on when you touch a bomb the wrong way and boy are some of these bombs touchy they're going to explode and they're going to explode

with all the force of being convicted in their own self-righteousness she might yell or pout or call you names or throw things or threaten the continued basis of the relationship these are all forms of immaturity and emotional disregulation at best and may be signs of more significant personality dysfunction at worst it should go without saying but here it is this is a type of woman that you absolutely do not want to have a relationship with why because only one of two outcomes is inevitable here either she's going to keep exploding and you're either going to

spend a significant portion of your relationship fighting or conducting damage control or you're going to end up tiptoeing around her trigger points and walking on eggshells in either case your life is going to be stressful and unnecessarily complicated much better to just not get involved in the first place now the good news is that this type of woman is actually very easy to avoid indeed in the majority of cases you can identify them before you even meet them which will save you a good deal of time energy and money so how do you do that

well what does the bomb squad do when they encounter a suspicious package they take it to a safe location and they perform a controlled detonation they set it off this renders the bomb if it is a bomb safe and harmless and if it isn't a bomb they can move forward with their business but you know better safe than sorry right to understand why this works let's briefly consider the professional equivalent given that the same economic principles govern behavior in the dating market and in the job market they're actually eerily similar to one another as I've

said before dating is really an extended hiring process and men are the employers because they're in a position to extend a relationship opportunity to a woman and in the context of a job market one of the functions of an interview is to weed out problematic or difficult characters as early in the process as as possible one way to do that is to question the applicant with respect to their willingness to perform certain tasks especially those that the applicant might not be keen on performing but are nevertheless associated with that position for example this job might

require you to work on Saturdays is that going to be an issue assuming that most people would in fact prefer not to work on Saturdays this request is a bit of an imposition and that's why it's a useful indication of the applicant's interest in the role irrespective of whether working Saturdays is actually necessary like it's still useful to ask the question Eng gauge the response because if it's not working Saturdays per se it will be working late or redoing a project or taking on an unpreferred role or some other impositions you get me uh the

response will not only provide useful indirect information on the applicant's interest but also on the applicant's character think about it if an applicant really wanted the job how would she respond absolutely that's not a problem you can count on me or if she really wanted the job and were somewhat clever how would she answer you know that's not something I would ordinarily do but but since I really care about this company and its Mission I'm willing to make an exception here that's a very smart response because it's going to make that interviewer feel special about

something she was apparently willing to do anyway so it's a simple way of conjuring additional value out of nothing clever in any case both of those responses indicate a high level of Interest now if the applicant is only somewhat interested in the role she's going to negotiate this is a sign that she believes that she is on equal footing with the prospective employer because negotiation is really something that only occurs between perceived equals the response might be something like I can work Saturdays if you pay me double now this might not fly with the prospective

employer however she's apparently willing to rock the boat and risk losing the opportunity because either a it has consequently become less attractive to her and or B she has other more attractive options that she is more interested in in any case this does not indicate a high level of Interest lastly consider the applicant who chooses to become offended at the suggestion what how dare you ask me to work Saturdays that wasn't in the job description do I need to report you to the Better Business Bureau who do you think you are etc etc this person

is a bomb and you've just performed a controlled detonation congratulations and it's not because she didn't want to work weekends think about it what stopped this applicant from saying unfortunately I wouldn't be willing to do that nothing like there's absolutely no reason to explode on the prospective employer and the fact that she did indicates a a low interest in the position and or B A perceived superiority relative to the prospective employer For Better or Worse people don't talk up power hierarchies in that way but they might talk down them in such a fashion such people

believe that they're doing the employer a favor by interviewing there of course if they had anywhere better to interview we'd have to assume they'd be there instead so this is an arrogant and entitled response now no one has to work Saturdays right some people really value having their weekends free however that value comes at a cost that's why we call them values they're valuable they're costly and one of the costs associated with having such a value might be losing out on certain opportunities like why wouldn't the employer offer the job to the applicant who is

just as qualified and is willing to work work on Saturdays right so anyone who implements such a boundary is functionally communicating that the potential risk of losing this opportunity is less than the potential harm that working a Saturday would cause so far so good if you're interested in taking your understanding to the next level I would encourage you to check out the Captain's Quarters my membersonly self-improvement community your monthly membership will get to access to a Cadre of like-minded supportive individuals bimonthly group consultation sessions hosted by yours truly an exclusive content that you won't find

anywhere else click the link in the description for more information hope to see you aboard now let's shift back to testing women in the context of dating there are many different ways for men to perform controlled detonations on perspective Ive lovers and ideally these tests are conducted before the date even occurs saving both sides a lot of time and energy one easy way to do this is to ask a woman to send you picks prior to a date I understand this is going to be a contentious suggestion for some folks but I think it's a

good idea for a number of reasons let's explore this further first and foremost requesting picks from a woman is kind of a way of making sure that you're both more or less on the same page with respect to the nature of this potential relationship like this isn't going to be a friendly chat or some kind of interview it's a date with all of its attendant sexual associations and possibilities this will not only help prevent men from entering into ambiguous interactions with women but it will give men important information about the woman's level of Attraction and

aspects of her character as well and it's very important for men to gauge both of these components as early in the courtship as possible it should go without saying but you only really want to go out with women who a Express a very high level of attraction for you and B have non-reactive non-explosive characters the risks and costs associated with not doing this are just too high for men in today's day and age so let's run through the various possibilities if a woman is very attracted to you and is interested in a sexual relationship how

is she going to respond you guessed it by sending you some piics maybe with a little note attached let me know if there's anything else you want to see kissy face kissy face and if she's very interested and somewhat clever how would she answer you know I don't usually do this kind of thing but you seem like such a nice guy and I feel like I can trust you smart now not only did she do it but she did it in a way that made that guy feel special effectively Conjuring additional value out of something

she was apparently willing to do anyway well done in any case you can now be fairly confident that the woman in question has a high level of interest in a sexual relationship and you can feel safer about moving forward on the other hand a bomb is absolutely going to explode at such a request what how dare you talk to me like that how disgusting and disrespectful I can't believe you would ask for something like this what kind of a man are you is that all that you're interested in etc etc etc congratulations you've just detonated

a bomb at a safe distance her response communicated in no un certain terms that she had little interest in a sexual relationship with you even though she presumably had no problem with you taking her out and giving her your time energy and money furthermore she demonstrated that she apparently feels justified in punishing men who violate her expectations with respect to how the courtship and presumably the relationship should proceed remember punishment only flows from the high to the low so this is a woman who probably thought she was doing you a favor by allowing you to

take her out in any event she is likely searching for a man to fit into her frame and to provide her a relationship on her terms dating her would be a slow castration now when you successfully detonate a bomb it's important not to argue with her don't try to defend yourself or pressure her into compliance or clap back in a critical spirit remember she did you a favor you should be grateful she showed you who she was before you had to spend dollar one if only it were always this easy just say something like completely

understandable thank you for your time and move on to the next applicant this is just one way that men can test women there are plenty of others but in the interest of time we're going to have to wrap it up here just remember it's not really about the pick there are even ways for women to demonstrate a high level of attraction and good character while acting demure the point is to collect reliable data on these metrics before you engage so that you can make better decisions on how to spend your necessarily limited resources what do

you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message I know you know somebody because it's Word of Mouth referrals like that that really help to make the channel grow and anyone looking to join my free Weekly Newsletter or book a paid one-on-one consultation can do so on my website the links to everything are in the description below as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening