My Birth Defect

[Music] we've got new merch a Bryson Elf on the Shelf plushy with a reindeer ham ham socks and ham pajamas or as I like to call them pajamas get it they're all super comfy and make for great stocking stuffers all of these are available separately and in cool bundles with limited edition Black Friday discounts go check out the store using the link in the description and get yours in time for the holidays hey Bryson look over here I've got a toy for you no look over here I've got a snack for you wo he's looking

at both of us should we get him checked out he's probably fine hi I'm Bryson and today I'm finally going to fulfill a promise I made 6 years ago also my eyes are kind of messed up I'll talk about it in a future video but anyways okay that's enough of that now I know what you must be thinking why did it take you 6 years to finally talk about this and to that I say I don't know get off my case dude you're not my dad or Story begins 23 years ago my mom was pregnant

and she my dad and all my siblings were hoping for a girl since she had had two boys in a row then much to everyone's disappointment she had another boy me little did they know the disappointments were just getting started before I could even speak my parents noticed some issues why do his eyes look like that my left eye would drift sometimes I'd be walleyed and sometimes I'd be crosseyed I think this baby is a dud send it back and get a new one there's even a family photo of me wearing Mr Potato Head glasses

H I think he's trying to tell us something in fact there are a lot of goofy pictures of little me look at that not a thought behind those eyes eventually my parents took me to the eye doctor and ran some tests look here buddy follow the pen yep just like that okay all done have a lollipop yeah his left looking a little lazy there's a few things we can do to try and fix it unfortunately there's nothing we can do to fix his critically low IQ though they tried putting a patch over my good eye

so that the left one would pick up the slack and they tried prescription glasses with a stronger lens on the left side neither worked very well plus I didn't like wearing them cuz I'm not a nerd welcome back to top 10 things that aren't true number one Bryson claiming to not be a nerd number two me claiming that I'm fine I'm not plus the iPad temporarily turned me into a pirate so they decided to try eye surgery instead as you might expect I have no idea how this surgery works but here's my [Applause] [Music] interpretation

here you go my eye was good as new or was it I can see fine out of both eyes now but my right eye is very very dominant so when I'm tired my right eye takes the wheel and my left eye wanders my left eye is just a slacker I guess he's just like me since my right eye is usually in charge sometimes in the middle of doing something I'll close my right eye and realize that my left eye was looking at something else entirely the whole time jeez what a jerk I'm going to pull

up next to him and stare him down and then maybe even share a rude hand gesture with him but Bryson how can you stare him down while also keeping your eyes safely on the road trust me I got this a disadvantage of my eyes being weird is that the floating finger illusion has never worked for me apparently for normal people with normal eyes if they hover their fingers in front of their face and focus on something in the distance it looks like there's a magic floating sausage in between their fingers but I'm not like other

guys it doesn't work for me it just makes me look stupid in public when I try to do it maybe the illusion doesn't even exist what I'm just supposed to take your word for it I've never seen it therefore it's probably not real just like the curvature of the Earth get out I think part of the reason that my left eye is lazy is that since I have blue eyes I'm more sensitive to sunlight and as a kid I developed a nasty habit of going outside and closing my left eye to avoid the sun I

should have just used sunglasses but my critical thinking skills hadn't developed yet still waiting on that actually some people have noticed my lazy eye before because it wanders when I zone out and being the goofy little airhead that I am I zone out a lot my eyes unfocus and I begin to imagine whatever my silly brain can come up with a shark with legs a button that magically kills every mosquito a Lego spaceship food I want to eat and sometimes I think about absolutely nothing at all then I Zone back into reality only to realize

that I've been staring intensely into a stranger's eyes and making them very uncomfortable or potentially making them fall in love with me as they get lost in my dreamy blue eyes that look like the sea after a storm that's never happened before but a guy can dream wait do you have any gum what did you say sorry I'm all eyes I mean ears a weird ability that my eyes have developed is that I can unfocus them at will whenever I'm bored boom I can just make everything go blurry it's great for when I don't want

to pay attention to something or for when a movie goes too long without a fight scene but a side effect of unfocusing my eyes is that I look really stupid while doing it look okay here's my special talent I'm focused on the camera now I'm not now I am now I'm not now I am now I'm not anyway I try my best to hide my Affliction from the world but sometimes I forget about my curse despite my efforts I zoned out in high school once and when I zoned back in I was staring at a

girl I knew and I could see in her face that my cover was blown wait are your eyes yes they're weird and disgusting I know we laughed it off and talked as many of you know I'm a very late bloomer I looked way younger than a normal high school boy then as we talked the girl said I just had a vision of you in the future it's a glow up and her prediction still hasn't come true I've been waiting all this time about time wait was that girl flirting with me I guess my stormy eyes

have gotten someone to fall in love with me too bad I realized this 5 years too late anyway back to my weird eyes I looked it up and apparently being able to unfocus your eyes manually comes from the ability to relax the ciliary muscle and not everyone can do it so yay we all learned something today look at these pictures I can do this with my eyes whenever I want it's great it's dissociation on command oh no I'm bored in class boom welcome to the blurry realm my family and friends definitely make fun of me

though cuz they can tell when I'm not listening to them so the other day I was repainting the guest bathroom for the sixth time and then I decided that I didn't like any of the door knobs in the house so I had to replace those and hey are you listening to me use both your eyes as I was saying I think I want to rearrange the furniture and go for a more rustic style and and you can also tell when I'm tired uh-oh looks like it's past someone's bedtime what makes you say that and because

of my wonky eye my depth perception isn't great and you guessed it that means I'm terrible at sports honestly I'd probably suck at sports even with perfect eyes because of my bad reflexes but it's nice to have something to blame I'm seriously scared to play basketball because I feel like there's a 50% chance that I'll get crossed up so bad that I break both my ankles and then get my nose broken by the ball my physical form ain't built for that my physical form is good enough to draw silly little pictures though at the end

of the day I love my silly little eyes they're a perfect match for my silly little brain and by that I mean the doctors can't fully fix either one of them but they make me unique and I can look to people in the eyes at the same time can you do that no welcome to street magic with Bryson you there come here and I'll show you a magic trick what no thanks I'm just trying to get to work trust me you're going to love this what what's happening let me go look into my eyes oh

they actually are very striking eyes they remind me of a stormy sea I'm getting lost in um can't look away uh-huh now check this out hi guys it's me your favorite Bryson don't forget to check out the merch before you leave the plush is super high quality and the pajama pants are so comfortable link below honestly I still don't believe in that finger illusion I think you guys made it up to mess with me it's kind of tasteless to use my birth defect as the butt of your your joke but whatever I'll let it slide

I guess anyway thanks so much for watching and thanks to my amazing team for using their talent to help bring my Creative Visions to life also subscribe and like the video if you want to and maybe check out the patreon or don't I'm not the boss of you I will now vanish off the face of the internet until the next video is done bye