The Unsettling Psychology of Covert Narcissism

deepen your self- understanding and improve your interpersonal skills the creative writing prompts with the pursuit of Wonder guided Journal all the ways things could go the link for it is in the description I'm sorry Talon just 5 years old said in a defeated remorseful tone to his grandmother after he had just finished having a meltdown in a department store I know I'm being annoying no no you're not doing anything wrong his grandmother quickly responded with a soft warm empathetic voice as they walked back out to the car the shopping trip now cut short Talon spent

a lot of time with his grandparents his parents had recently divorced and his mother though she was the one who received primary custody of Talon worked constantly at her executive corporate job she was quite cold and distant and so as an only child most of the attention that Talon received was from his grandparents they were loving and caring grandparents who understood the situation and felt bad for Talon and so they often put Talon on a pedestal no matter what he said or did in their eyes he could do no wrong this praise ju's deposed against

his distant cold controlling mother and largely absent father gave Talon a strange sense of identity a contradiction of unimportance and Central Focus how about we go get some ice cream Talon's grandmother said as they completed the walk to her car okay Talon said excitedly over ice cream Talon's grandmother told him how special he was how unique he was how important he was Talon listened happily as he slurped up his ice cream several months later Talon began Elementary School throughout the first couple of weeks he barely spoke he mostly kept to himself and frequently appeared upset

and overwhelmed during one school day while his classmates were getting up to go to recess Talon got up slower than all the other kids he waited for them to clear out as he dramatically gathered his items on his desk and subtly looked out of the corner of his eye at his teacher Mr GR as if puppeteered by Talon Mr graph noticed and said everything okay buddy Talon looked up with wide eyes yeah why he said in an innocent troubled tone you've just been a little quiet and I just want to make sure you're feeling comfortable

am I being a problem Talon said no of course not Mr graph quickly and assuredly responded changing the tone of the conversation to apologetic you're not causing any problems at all you're doing great just let me know if there's anything I can do to help to make you feel more comfortable I don't know I'm just overwhelmed I guess I'm different from the other kids Talon tilted his head down in this moment he genuinely believed that he and he alone felt that this new environment was hard and overwhelming of course you're different Mr graph said but

that's what makes you special don't ever forget that why don't you stay inside with me today and we can play on the computer for a bit until you're ready to go outside and play with the others okay Talent said smiling Talent continued to stay inside on the computer during recess for many weeks to come slowly however as time passed he began to open up and Branch out a bit more over the subsequent months and years like most kids he found himself a part of a few small friend groups unlike most kids however he had not

shaken those Central feelings of sadness and isolation he was extremely self-critical self-loathing and self- fixated several years later in 8th grade Talon found himself in his first real relationship ship after being introduced to a girl named Stephanie through mutual friends who were dating and wanted their friends to date Talon and Stephanie began dating which they continued to do for just over 2 months things were going relatively well all things considered for an eighth grade relationship until Stephanie was in a terrible car accident with her parents everyone survived but her father was paralyzed which ultimately sent

Stephanie's family into Financial ruin Stephanie suffered life-changing injuries as well and she had to spend several weeks in the hospital her life and physical abilities would never be the same again for financial and family reasons not long after the accident Stephanie moved to a different town and her relationship with Talon ended of course that happens to me in my first relationship Talon said to his friend Maggie as they sat together at lunch several days following Stephanie's move Maggie had just been rejected by her Crush whom one of her friends began dating instead she was having

anything but a good time in the Anarchy of the eighth grade social world and she felt felt an affinity with Talon's situation she wanted to connect with him to help him and have him help her do you still talk to her Maggie asked Talon no she pretty much abandoned me completely Talon responded with disdain oh man I'm so sorry sometimes things go one way for a reason though I'm sure things will work themselves out yeah maybe but probably not I'm just a loser no you're not you're witty and cool and cute Stephanie really liked you

no she didn't why would she do you want to talk about it Maggie asked no I'll just ruin your nice lunch and day with my crap you got everything going for you no you won't ruin my lunch it's fine Maggie said genuinely Maggie spent the rest of her lunch listening to and consoling Talon then lunch ended over the following several days she continued to sit with Talon at lunch and occasionally spend time with him in between classes each day Talon mostly complained to Magie about Stephanie his parents his classes his anxiety his deep impenetrable sadness

and isolation that Maggie nor anyone could possibly understand he still had no idea what Maggie was dealing with or that she was dealing with anything at all in Talon's mind for Maggie everything was great though Talent constantly warned Maggie that he was going to ruin her lunch and then apologized after when he inevitably did she had naively assumed that these statements meant that Talon actually wasn't going to continue to do what he did but self-awareness does not always equate to self-development Maggie learned eventually Maggie stopped she sat elsewhere with other people and mostly ignored Talon

Talon knew why it was because he was so miserable and impossible to [Music] understand throughout High School Talon cycled through many friends he had a few more relationships as well though they were sparse and short-lived throughout this time he continued to feel a deep sense of isolation and sadness of which he now wholly identified with his life revolved around these feelings and these feelings made life largely revolve around him every time anything went wrong anytime a friend friend group or girlfriend moved on from him or didn't include him in something his feelings were further validated

and made worse in 10th Grade when his friend Evan had a small party at his parents lakeh house Talon saw photos and videos from it on social media and immediately felt his feelings of sadness and isolation Spike he knew why he wasn't invited it was because he was so annoying and unfun to be around Talon drafted a text to send to Evan but deleted it and instead just decided to no longer communicate with Evan and his Associated friend group Evan's party was a coming home celebration for one of his relatives who was returning from the

military Evan only invited a couple people who had been close with his family since early childhood he hadn't thought about Talon not because he did or didn't like Talon or did or didn't want Talon there but because because it had nothing to do with Talon Evan knowing how distraught and vulnerable Talon was however never felt comfortable confronting him after the fact about the misunderstanding in general none of Talon's friends ever really got mad at him for the way he acted or the fact that he stopped being friends with them it was more of a relief

than anything following high school and into college most of Talon's remaining friends remained his friends largely because they felt bad for him he regularly made it clear to them how lonely and sad and stupid he was any new friends he made became friends with him because they found Talent endearing when he was sure to always warn them upfront about how miserable he was which as Talon Knew by this point actually made them assume he was not that miserable oh trust me I'm miserable too don't worry you seem like a good guy to me a man

named Christian said with a slight laugh after meeting Talon in a college course and Talon informed him of how miserable he was Christian took it as self-deprecating humor but after soon becoming the subject of several long unrequitted conversations about Talon's problems and self-disgust in the food Hall dorm rooms text message threads and wherever else he let Talon in he realized what he like many others had fallen for Talon was always sure however to apologize for trauma dumping or being inconsiderate of others time and he always made sure to ask the necessary amount of questions back

to others about their lives just enough to keep them in the conversation the portion of the conversations about Talon were so long-winded however that by this point there wasn't n't much energy or time left for anything else though Talon always felt alone and complained that he was he received a lot of positive social attention and affirmations he always seemed to need it most so he always got it people rarely spoke poorly about him because he spoke so poorly about himself people rarely if ever confronted him about any of his negative behaviors because it seemed like

he would surely not be able to handle any further troubles and so Talon always got what he wanted attention compliments never having to deal with other people's problems or even really the ones he caused everything went exactly how he wanted and now leaving College he was deeper and deeper into the pit of isolation and self-hatred than ever several years would go by Talon was now a high school teacher living on his own when Thanksgiving came around though he hadn't seen or even really talked to his mother in quite some time he decided to go to

her house for her annual Thanksgiving party his mother was now remarried and had two more children Maria 17 years old and Tom 14 years old Talon was mostly arranged from the family but he was not unwelcome he had spent a good amount of time with Maria throughout adolescence and at least relative to his family he had been somewhat close with her though he hadn't seen or spoken to her much recently either at this point in his life Talon was desperate for Change and for real social and family connection he essentially had no one everyone had

left him or he had left everyone at the party after the customary initial banter Talon needed to step outside and take a break from everyone he was feeling extremely self-conscious and found himself mostly sitting on the couch by himself implicitly guilting others to come over to him to talk and ask questions Talon went outside and walked over to the side of the garage blocked from the view of the house he lit up a cigarette after a couple minutes passed Maria appeared around the corner walking up and standing next to him she took a vape out

of her pocket you shouldn't smoke she said with a dead pan voice it's bad for you she took a rip from her Vape Talon pointed at The Vape with a cigarette furrowing his brow I'm joking she said leaning up against the side of the garage mom's insane about this stuff Maria held up her Vape she says it will kill me I said good give me lung disease let's get this whole thing over with Maria snapped her fingers twice same Talon said with an uncertain laugh sooner the better oh yeah Maria responded so you're still like

that huh great I guess you don't just grow out of the like what self-loathing narcissist like me no I'm definitely not a narcissist Talon said with a dismissive laugh I basically hate myself right Maria said right Talon repeated in a defensive tone so if you hate yourself and you're always loathing about yourself who exactly are you focused on Talon paused for a moment and took a drag from his cigarette I mean yourself Maria interrupted and answered for him whether you like yourself too much or hate yourself too much either way you're focused on yourself too

much narcissist she said with the final shrug as if she was accepting defeat yeah but I've always cared about other people and tried to be stop you don't care about trying to be better you're what 30 hating yourself doesn't make you a better person or make you care more about other people in fact I think it makes you worse you act like you're less than but you still always put yourself first and worse you weaponize your misery against others that's what my therapist told me at least what does she know though right Maria let out

a shallow laugh before she took a rip of her Vape Talon mumbled taking another drag of a cigarette does your therapist say you can change Talon said yeah she said there's Hope just takes effort Who's Got Time For That hm Talon looked at his cigarette as he took it away from his mouth he thought about what he wanted to say next this whole conversation kind of annoyed him it caused a flooding of thoughts and emotions and memories and potential realizations about him and how he felt he looked at Maria's face he could see the sadness

and isolation in it he could see the help she was longing for the conversation she was in need of then he threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out thank you so much for watching one of the most important things we can do in life is try to better understand ourselves with stronger self- knowledge we can better control our behaviors understand and interface with others and live a more functional prosperous life this process of self- understanding however can be extremely difficult often times without clear Pathways or methods but with the right tools time

and effort we can get closer and closer to understanding who we are and who we want to be I created a guided Journal designed to help with this process called all the ways things could go it uses creative writing and drawing prompts that help you explore your subconscious mind and arrive at clearer self- understanding and improved interpersonal abilities rather than starting with a blank page with this guided Journal you're given thought-provoking prompts designed to stir your creativity and promote New Perspectives that might otherwise be difficult to arrive at for example on page five you're given

the prompt pick one of your friends or family members that you enjoy spending time with write a firstperson past tense story from their perspective about a time that they hung out with you real or fictional this is intended to challenge you to consider yourself from someone else's perspective who you believe knows you well almost tricking yourself into getting out of your own head so you can better see who you really are perhaps versus how you want to be if you're interested the link is in the description it's available in both hard cover and digital formats

and of course as always thank you so much for watching watching in general and see you next video