Reprogram Your Mind Through Affirmations | Marisa Peer

- So I've been a therapist for 33 years, and I really do understand language patterns. But I also have a great belief that you cannot fix what you don't understand. You certainly can't heal what you don't feel. So what I'm going to do with you today is I'm going to take you first through the rules of the mind. They're my rules of the mind, I made them up, but I made them up over 33 years. And somebody said to me once, "Well, who are you to make this up?" I went, "Well someone's got to do

it." I think 33 years of working with royalty and Olympic athletes gives me the right to say, "These are the rules of the mind." And if ever you're stuck with a client, stuck with a child, stuck with an adult that needs some help, and you think, oh, I don't know what to do, take them through the rules of the mind 'cause it actually blows their mind. They go, "Well, I never knew that. "I didn't understand that." And we will come out of the rules of the mind to language patterns. Now I've given you some slides

on language patterns that are really for young children, but they also are very effective for adults. So let's do a quick little language thing right now. I want you to close your eyes and I want you to go, I'm going to try to remember these rules of the mind. I'm going to try so hard to memorize it. If only I could memorize that document. I wish I had a better memory. I hope I can remember that when I'm working with my own client. I really hope I can do what she does. I wish I could

do it. I hope to do it, and I try to do it. I really want to do it. And just focus on how you feel when you use the word "wish", which is wishy washy. I don't like "wish". Wishing says to your mind, you haven't got a prayer, but you might as well wish. 'Cause wishing just says, you're not going to do that. Oh, I wish. No one says I wish I could get up in the morning and clean my teeth. I wish I could pick up that pencil and write a note. You don't say

wish, you go, "I'm doing it". So when you say to the mind, "I wish I could." It says, "Yeah, me too. "Get over it." When you say to the mind, "I hope, I hope I get this right." It goes, "Yeah well keep hoping, "'cause you're not going to do that." When you go, "If only", your mind goes, "Well you've never managed it before." So keep on with the "if only", "why don't you". But when you do it differently, close your eyes again and go, I will memorize this. It's going in. I have a phenomenal memory.

My memory is awesome. I read things and they empower me and they stick. I am remembering it all. I do this. I've got it. I have a phenomenal memory. I have incredible powers of recall and assimilation. And I remember everything. It has a totally different effect. And so you learn with language. I never let my clients say "wish". I won't allow them to say the word, "but". I could do that, but. No, we never say, "but". And we also never say "should". My therapist said to me, excuse me, swearing, "Should is shit. "And never use

that word." I should. I say "I could". I should go to the gym. I could go to the gym, but I know it's my fault. I'm not making the effort. So with young children, just changing one word will change their life. I'll give you an example. My little girl would go to school and she'd get to the gate and she'd come back and I'd always say, "What have you remembered?" Could have said, "What have you forgotten?" There's only two words. What have you remembered? She goes, "I've remembered my swimming cap. "I remembered my book. "I

remembered my PE gear." I go, "That's fantastic." You have such a great memory that when you get to the gate, you remember, and back you come. And very quickly, she didn't have to come back because I never said, "What have you forgotten today?" Oh my God. Your mind is like a sieve. What's wrong with you? You get to the gate, and I never do that. And you forget, why can't you be like me? I have my little bag by the door. I have everything the night before. And I never did that. I said, "What have

you remembered?" So here's just one word. And my clients really taught me the power of words. 'Cause I'd see them wanting to come and go, "I wish I could do that." Oh thanks, Marisa for all this advice. I could do that, but. I know I ought to do that and I should but. And so I started banning words. I said, "When you come in this office, "you are not allowed to go wish, but, hope." I work a lot with infertile women, and the ones who don't get pregnant, always say that, "I wish I could get

pregnant." And then when they get pregnant, they're like, "I'm so scared of losing it. "I'm not going to tell anyone just in case I lose it." I'm like, "Well, but what are you saying to your baby?" It's in the womb, the most developed sense is hearing. I'm not even going to tell anyone you're here 'cause I have no faith you're going to make it. How about sending the scans out to your parents and showing them and going, "This is my baby. "It's staying. "My body made it. "My body is so super smart. "My body's going

to carry this baby to full term." This is my one chance in the world to be God. I'm making a miracle here. And my body is growing that baby physically. And I'm growing and nurturing that baby emotionally. And every day I tell it, "Today, your spine is forming. "This week, your mouth and lips are forming, "and your ears are forming." And it sends a message to the brain that goes, this is working. Whereas running to the bathroom every hour to just see if you're spotting, saying, "Oh I'm really scared of losing it." Sends a message

to the mind. And one of the rules of the mind, and it's the best rule, is that every thought you think, and every word you say, forms a blueprint, and your mind must work to make that blueprint real. So when you say, "I can't remember anything", I'd lose the eyes in the back of my head if they weren't fixed in there, 'cause I just can't remember anything. Your mind goes, that's a blueprint. Let me take you to it. And when you say, "My memory is phenomenal." In fact, I'm like human Google. When I read an

exam, the minute I read the question, my mind has already gone to work, found the answer, and it stays in my head right through until I write it on the paper. Then I read the next question. The same thing happens. As I read the question, Google says, "Here's the answer." I work with children all the time with exam stress and they come in. I worked with a little boy last year who had, I think there were 17 children applied for every place in his school. And he flunked the mocks and I'm like, "Darling, you're supposed

to flunk the mocks. "It's great to flunk the mocks." You know what mocks are, don't you? Oh, so in England, when you're taking an exam, you have a mock exam, maybe six weeks before you take the exam just to see how you do. And then they say, "Well, you did terribly. "You did really well. "And 'cause you did really well, "you're going to pass that exam. "And 'cause you did terribly, you're going to fail." In fact, the ones who do well in the mocks get so complacent, they often don't do so well in the actual

exam. And the ones who do badly think, "Wow, I need to up my game. "I need to revise more and study more." So when he came in and said, "My mommy was so upset because I got really bad marks "in the mocks." I went, "That's fantastic." What were you worse on? He said, "This writing." And what did you do? I didn't read the instructions correctly and I didn't use the right words. I went, "That's fantastic." In fact, what I do is, his name is Isaac. If along my website, marisapeer.com, I will put that video up,

and you can watch me working with a small child using language. Just go to marisapeer.com. We'll put that up in a couple of days. And so I said, "That's fantastic. "So what did you need to do?" And just by changing his language, I didn't use the right words, and explained to him that he could do it, and telling him that his mind was like Google. Then I was asking him some questions about Harry Potter. And I said, "How do you know these answers? "Have you studied Harry Potter?" He went, "No, I just really like it."

I said, "Well, see how clever your mind is." So when you're working with a kid that says, "I don't know", ask them about James Bond, ask them about something that they like and go, "How do you know this?" They go, "I don't know." How'd you know? Wow, you're so smart. Because when they like something, they remember. And part of school is liking some things. So with this little kid, he got into that school, I knew he'd get in. 'Cause he came in like that, and he left like that. He was like, "I'm going to nail

this. "I know what to do. "My mind is like Google." And I will say to all my clients, whether they're a seven year old taking exam, or someone taking a medical exam, or the BAR, I say, whatever you're reading, your focus narrows down. You say the word "narrow down". And when you say "narrow down", everything fades away. You're absorbed in that paper. You have phenomenal powers of concentration, comprehension, recall, retention, and assimilation. And I say words that help you do the next one. Comprehension, compretension, retention, recall, assimilation. I say it over and over again because

the mind believes what you tell it. So let's go through the rules of the mind. Here is the first one. What is expected, tends to be realized. When you say to a child, "I don't know what's wrong with you. "Your brother was in my class last year, and he was so good. "Why can't you learn? "Why can't you sit still? "Why are you so disruptive? "What is wrong with you?" You're making words that form a child's blueprint. And exactly the same for adults. I'm referring this a lot to children, but for the therapist here, those

children come in as your clients. But it's just the same for adult. If your boss says to you, "Can you do this?" And you go, "Oh my God, I'm going to have to race through it. "And I'm going to have to rush it. "I haven't got enough time to prepare. "I know I'm going to get it wrong. "I'm going to go on stage, open my mouth and go, "And look like a complete retard." Well, when you say that, it tends to be realized. And here's one of my favorite rules of the mind. The mind responds

to words that make a picture. So in America they were giving these kids pencils called "Don't do drugs". And as they sharpened them, the word "don't" disappeared. And they said, "Do drugs". Not very smart. Needed to put that the other way around. What is expected tends to be realized. When a child is doing something like climbing a tree, and the mother goes, "You're going to fall. "You're going to break your leg. "Oh my God. "You're going to break your ankle." You can make that happen. And when you say to the child, "Now I know you're

climbing the tree. "Look where you're putting your hands, "look where you're going to place your feet. "Focus on what you're doing." That will be realized. So in powerful language, you can never say, "You're going to fall. "You're going to mess that up. "You're going to ruin everything." That's just not going to work out. You have to say the opposite. Okay, I've only got 10 minutes to prepare my speech. I only need 10 minutes. I've only got 10 minutes to get there. That's exactly how much time I need. And if I'm late, I wasn't supposed to

be there on time. I have a belief now when I get to a party late, it's 'cause I wasn't meant to get there early. I know longer am "Oh my God, I'm so late. "This is going to be terrible." In fact, I was recently going in a cab across town to get a train, to work with a football team, and we got stuck in traffic. And so I was playing a game with it. Oh my God, I'm going to miss the train. This is terrible. I'm going to ruin my reputation. The team are going to

be so upset and I felt really sick. And then I started to say, "The trains run every 20 minutes. "It doesn't matter. "What's 20 minutes? "My material's so great. "They have lots of time off." Well they finished practicing at three o'clock and it was fine. So all the way there, I was playing a game and I actually got the train on time, but they really wouldn't have minded. But I could have ruined my day, made myself panicky and sweaty, by going, "Oh my God, I haven't got enough time. "And now it's all ruined." And it's

never ruined. You can come back from anything. And then I worked with a client who had cancer and had to go into the MRI scanner. And every time I saw him he's like, "I can't, I can't do it. "I can't get in that scanner." Why not? He said, "Well, I feel like I'm in my coffin. "I feel like as a premonition of my death, "and I get in this scanner, I think well I've got cancer, "and I'm going to die." And he said, "Well, I freak out. "I press the button, I have to come out."

And they keep saying, "No, you've got to go." "I can't, I can't even be in there for two seconds." Which is not true. He was like, "I can't do it for even a second." He probably was in there for a few minutes. I said, "Look, the words you say to yourself "in that scanner, "this is a premonition of my death. "I feel like I'm in a coffin. "I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't do it." That's a blueprint. And your mind doesn't like those words. So how about these words? How about saying, "I'm in

my bed at home "and I'm just so chilled and I could lie here for hours. "I'm chilled. "I'm relaxed. "I'm blissed out." You must use words that make a picture. You can't go, "Oh, I'm okay really. "I'm quite good. "I'm not bad. "This is okay." 'Cause when I say the words, "okay", "not bad", what's the picture? There's no picture. It's what I call fluff. When you say "I'm chilled. "I'm blissed out. "I'm ecstatic. "I'm just lying here and I could do this for hours. "It's just so cool." The mind goes, "You're right." And when you

go, "I'm in a coffin and I'm suffocating" and the mind goes, "You're right." See, here's the great thing. You can choose any words you like. You can go, "Well, we're all going to be negative. "And this half's going to be positive." That's your choice. You know what you can't choose? What you do to yourself when you say, "I'm an idiot. "I'm a moron. "I'm a retard. "I've got rocks for brains. "Everything goes wrong. "Who would ever liked me? "I've got cellulite. "I'm a single parent. "I've got no chance." Blah, blah, blah. "I didn't go to

college, "so I couldn't possibly do what you do." I got kicked out of college by the way. So you can definitely do what I do. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can look at my life and say, "Being fired, being dumped, and being kicked out of college. "Thank you God for putting that up to me "because it changed my life. "It was the best thing. "Rejection has been one of the best things "that ever happened to me. Being the least favorite kid, if I could have my life again, I'd

go back and be the least favorite kid, 'cause I thought, "I'm going to show my parents that I'm something." And if I was the favorite, I wouldn't have done that. I would've had a totally different life. So with my client, I was saying, you know, these words are really important. So he got in the scanner, he stayed there for hours. And he said that when he came out, all the nurses and doctors came in and gave him a standing ovation. He said it was more powerful than his last business deal because he felt so good.

Some years later I had to go in a scanner. I thought, "Well, I'm just going to play with this." I love playing with words. So I lay there and I was going, "I'm so chilled. "This is so good." How many of us has said, "I'd love 20 minutes to myself?" Well here I am, 20 minutes to myself. I can lie here and do nothing. No one's going, "Can you proof this copy? "Can you answer this email? "Can you speak to this client." My daughter's going, "Mommy, my boiler's broken in my apartment. "Can you come over

right now and fix it?" I had 20 minutes to myself and I was going, "I'm so chilled." And then I thought, "Let's do the opposite." So as I go, "I'm in a coffin. "I got claustrophobia. "I feel like I'm trapped. And all the buzzers went off and I didn't even know I was moving. And then they speak to me like, "Marisa, you have to lie completely still. "Stop moving." So I had to go back into, "I'm chilled. "I'm ecstatic. "I'm blissed out." And I love doing that. And it's a really good thing to do to

yourself. Instead of, "I'm late. "I've ruined everything." I have all the time I need. You see, you have a choice. Every day you get to choose how to speak to yourself. You know what you don't get to choose? What you do to your body when you say, "I'm an idiot. "I knew I'd mess that up. "I knew that relationship wouldn't work. "I've been waiting for it to go wrong. "In fact, the day we got married, "I stuck stickers on all my stuff "so that when we got divorced, there'd be no confusion. "I was already planning

the miscarriage. "I didn't buy anything for my baby." I mean, who does that? Lots of people, apparently. They're all my clients. And they plan for stuff to go wrong. They say, "I sent my kid to college and I said, "Don't worry, you're probably going to hate it. "Here's a credit card so you can get a return ticket back "in a week's time." They plan it. And you don't want to plan it. You want to ban it. So words are really powerful. You can choose to be negative or positive. That's your choice, but you cannot choose

what you do to yourself when you use negative language. So the first rule of the mind, what you expect is realized. Who thinks that's true? So here's my advice to you. Expect amazing things then. If what is expected tends to be realized, expect the best, expect love, and success, and an amazing life. 'Cause you know what? It will probably be realized really fast if you expect it. Imagination is more powerful than knowledge when dealing with your own mind and the mind of others. If I said to any of you, "Come and stand on this chair."

Who would come and stand on this chair? I'll give you a hundred dollars to stand on this chair. Sure. If I said, "Well, now the chair "is on top of that spire "on the highest building in Tallinn." Who's going to climb up and stand on it for a hundred dollars? Who would do that? Some people would 'cause they've got a good imagination. They go, "If I can stand on it there, I can stand." And most people go, "No I could fall." If I had a little tiny plank up here, you can walk the plank when

it's on the floor. Put the plank between two high rise buildings. Who's going to walk it? Not many people, because the imagination that you could fall and kill yourself is way more powerful than the knowledge that I did this on the ground. It's wide enough. Fear of flying. Knowledge says it's actually the safest place in the world. The most dangerous part of a flight is actually the drive to the airport. That's way more dangerous than being in the plane. Do you think the imagination cares? We're going in a flying coffin. I'm hurtling through the air,

and that guy looks like he's come straight out of ISIS, and he's in the bar, I think he's going to blow up the plane. And then you feel terrible. The other person's going on watching a movie. I've always wanted to watch "The Shape of Water". This is so great. Here's my time again, to do nothing. So whatever you imagine will defeat logic, will defeat knowledge. And when dealing with children, people do logical- why are you so bad? Why can't you get it? What's going on? Why are you so naughty? And that doesn't work. I never

say to kids, "Why are you bad?" I go, "What happened to you?" Was working with little kid recently who always played up before lunch and would get hysterical after every meal. And I'd actually been in an orphanage in Zimbabwe. And I'd seen that a lot, that at the end of meals, the kids start weeping uncontrollably because they don't know when the next meal is coming. And they go, "Look, you're in an orphanage. "It's fine. "We have food. "You'll be fed three times a day." It takes about two years for those children to stop crying as

they remove the plates because the emotion is, when's the next meal coming? So this little boy was really difficult at school and he'd been to three different schools. And one of the teachers contacted me and I said, "When does he do it?" Well he always does it before meals. And I said, "You should ask him not why he does it, "but what happened to him?" And then the mother came in and said, "Well, I adopted him at one. "He was born to crackheads." And he used to cry when I left the room. And when I

read his notes, his parents would leave the room for three days and he didn't get fed very much. And so he's got this panic about not being fed. And I said, "Well, you should tell the school that." And of course you can't logically say to a child, "Look, you're going to be fed every four hours." You have to go, "Look, you have some memories. "They're really sad. "But mommy is going to put some nuts in your bag. "And you're always going to have something." And you can't do it logically because feeling is more powerful than

logic. The feeling you're going to die on a plane will always wipe out the logic that this is the safest way to travel. One of my clients said, "Please help me." She said, "I've done the logic. "I went to British Airways flying course. "I walked into the cockpit wearing shorts "and I lost control of my bowels in front of everyone. "Now I'm even more scared about flying "because this was a course to make you better. "They were logically showing me all the controls. "When they said they were taking off, "I had a terrible accident. "I

knew it was bad 'cause the pilot put a mask on "and I had to be taken off that plane. "And now I'm even further back from ever flying." 'Cause logic doesn't work. Emotion does. And so I would talk to her and say, "You know, you have to pretend you're at the front. "You have to say, when you're on the plane, I love it. "Oh my God, flying thrills me. "It elates me. "It empowers me. "It delights me. "I love flying." Your mind goes, "You're right." And when you go, "I'm going to be blown out of

the sky "to smithereens." Your mind goes, "You're right." Because here's another rule of the mind. It does not care if what is right or wrong, good or bad, true or false, healthy or unhealthy. Just let's it in. So let me show you. You put your hand in front of your mouth. You may have done this before, but let's do it again. Put your hand in front of your mouth like you're about to eat. Close your eyes and imagine you have a big, fat, juicy, gorgeous lemon in your hand. I want you to breathe in that

gorgeous, gorgeous lemon smell. I want you to squish that lemon and feel a waxy surface. Open your mouth. Still with your eyes closed, shove that lemon in your mouth and eat it. I want you to bite the flesh of that lemon. Suck out the flesh, suck out the lemon. Start chewing it, eating, eat that whole entire half of a lemon. Keep going, keep sucking, chewing, and swallowing. And open your eyes. And put your hand up if you made saliva. So here's a question for you. Where was the lemon? Where was it? Say that again? Yeah

people say there wasn't one. Oh, there was, there definitely was a lemon. It was in your imagination. You know there's no lemon. You go, "What's going on here? "I know there's no lemon. "Why am I pumping out saliva going like that? "What am I doing that for? "I know it's not there." But your mind believes it. The mind will believe everything you tell it. Tell it great things. Don't use wishy washy. I hope, I try, maybe, who knows? You know, I took, I had a partner years ago. He was very ill. And I took him

to see a doctor, and the doctor got out the notes and went, "Hmm, I'll try to make you better. "I do the very best." I said, "This is not the doctor for you." He's like, "Look, this is my illness." I'm like, "I know. "But I'm a therapist, we have to interfere. "It's our job. "It's our calling." So you cannot go to an oncologist that says, "I will try. "And I hope this works. "And if it doesn't, we'll try something else." 'Cause it's filling your mind with nothing. So I'm very lucky. I'm in the book in

London for the best doctors in England. I'm not a doctor, I'm a therapist. But they very nicely put me in there. Very happy about that 'cause I can speak to all the other doctors. I said to some doctors, "Who is the best one?" They went, "Roger Kirby" without a second's hesitation. So I called Kirby and said, "Look, we're in the same book. "I have this friend with cancer." He said, "Oh, that's my area of excellence. "Bring him in." I brought him in. And when he said, "Dean, what do you have?" He went, "Well, I happen

to be the best oncologist in Europe "for your problem. "And I will fix it. "You will be fine. "You'll still be here when you're 75." Which one do you think he liked? And he did say, "Well, I've already got someone." He went, "Who is he?" He went, "Oh, I trained him. "He's not as good as me." He went, "Right, I'm going to the teacher, not the student." Because the words, "I am the best", "I know what to do", "You're in good hands", "I will save you", "I will cure you". We're allowed to say that in

the UK. I will make you better. Very different to, "Well I'll try." We have this new drug, it could work. If it doesn't, there's something else. We can only hope. I mean, that puts fear, we can only hope. Let's try. Don't do that. This is amazing. This is awesome. This is phenomenal. I use the same words all the time when I'm teaching my students, my RTT graduates what I do. You are elated. You are empowered. You are thrilled. You're delighted. This is awesome. This is amazing. When I make clients, they go, "I love the words.

"Where did you get those words?" I'm like, "Well, I find the most negative ones "and I flipped them over." I'm useless. I'm spectacular. I'm terrified. I'm delighted. And by the way, fear and excitement are exactly the same. You can be on a FunFair screaming your head off and going, "Oh look at that." Are they scared or excited? I don't know. Do you? 'Cause it's the same. When you're excited, you scream. And when you're scared, you scream. So wherever you're doing, say "I'm excited" and you will feel excited, or go, "I'm terrified" and you'll feel terrified.

We done in the battle between emotion and logic. Emotion always wins. Your mind does what it thinks you wanted to do. This is probably one of the most powerful rules of the mind. Here's your mind's job. It's got a very clear job. I'm your mind, and I'm going to do what I think you want. And when you say, "Oh, this commute is killing me. "My boss makes me want to die. "My kids are making me go up the wall. "I am stressed out of my mind by the freeway." Your mind goes, "Oh, you keep telling

me that something is killing you. "It appears to be your job or your commute. "Why don't I just give you a lovely ulcer? "And then you can stay at home and avoid that place "that's killing you." It's that's its job. Why don't you do your job and talk to your mind better? The commute is a pain, but I have great CDs to listen to. I have stuff to do. My boss is difficult with everyone. It's not me. He's not there when I'm having sex with my wife. He's not in the room when we're having a

lovely dinner. This is temporary. He's an unhappy person. Do it better. You will get what you want when you tell your mind what you want. But here come the words. Let's imagine you're going to give a speech. And the words are, "Oh my God, I'm freaked out. "I'm terrified. "I'm going to go bright red, open my mouth and go, "Oh." "I haven't got the time right. "I'm so nervous." Your mind goes, "Do not get on that stage. "If you walk to that stage, "I'm going to give you a massive panic "in the middle of the

room, "because you told me you don't want to do it, "and I've got to do what you want." Or you can go, "I am fantastic at speaking. "I've got something to say. "People like me. What I have to say is of value. "Speaking to a stage "is like speaking to my wife or husband." And then your mind goes, "Get on that stage and do it." You always have a choice, but your mind's job is to do what it thinks you want. When you go, I want a week off. Who's ever done this? What I would

give for a week off lying in bed. Your mind goes, "Leave that with me. "Now you got the flu. "How cool am I? I listened to you. "You wanted a week off lying around watching Netflix. "Now you got it." That's not what you wanted. You need to say, "I need some time. "And I'm like a battery, I need to recharge. "And I'm okay at working full out all week, "'cause at weekends, I recharge like a battery." Now your mind understands. But saying, "I'd give anything "not to have chair that meeting." Your mind goes, "How about

a nice dose of diarrhea? "I can bring that for you. "You don't want to chair that meeting. "You said, I'd do anything not to go. "I'd rather kill myself "than give that presentation to my boss." Your mind goes, "Oh don't kill yourself. "I'll just give you a really upset stomach. "Now you can't even leave the bathroom. "There's no chance you're meeting your boss. "Done what you wanted." I know I'm making it funny, but it is funny that so many people don't understand your mind's job is to do what it thinks you want. And it bases

that on one thing. The words you use, and the pictures you put in your head, and here's some great news, you can change those words and change those pictures like that. And when you do that, it changes everything. So your mind tries to move you towards pain, away from pain and towards pleasure too. Varied, I mean, so many kids are going, "I want to ask out this girl. "I want to talk to that boy, but I'm so nervous. "They won't like me. "And they're going to reject me and laugh at me." And if they keep

doing that, the mind is going to go, "No, don't go there. "Stay the way you are." So you have to say, "People like me. "I'm a great kid." I get all my young kids to write on their mirror, "I'm an awesome kid. "I'm enough." And it really changes them because they start to feel it. I'm an awesome kid. I can talk to a girl, like I can talk to my friend. And then they feel okay, but if you keep linking pain, your mind goes, "Don't go there. "Don't go there." And if you link pleasure to

it, you go there because you're giving your mind an easy job. I've got to work on my website all weekend and all my friends are in the bar. So I can link pain to that. It's not fair. It's not fair that I've got to spend all weekend writing when I could be in the pub. Now your mind's going to go, "I think you should tidy up your sock drawer. "Make sure all your forks face the right way, "then plump up the cushions and then go to the pub." 'Cause it's very clear, you do not want

to work on your website, but oh boy, getting those forks and knives in line is really compelling. Who's done that? Most of us do that. I suddenly need to do the laundry, which I don't even like. I'm tidying up my house 'cause I'm saying I don't want to write that bit of work. How about saying, "It thrills me to work on my website. "I'm elated working on my website. "There is nowhere I'd rather be in the whole world right now "than sitting in my office, working on my website." Your mind goes, "I'm going to set

you on fire now. "You're going to be doing this till two in the morning. "You told me you love it. "And it thrills you. "Let me fill you up with energy and passion." I'm a writer. I know how this works. I never go, "Oh my God, I've got to write a book. "It's so lonely. "It's so isolating. "And what if no one liked it? "What if it goes on Amazon, and they go, "I hate that book. "And it gets no stars." Or I can go, "I love writing. "How cool is it? "I get to write

and people pay for my books, "and they like them. "And they give me great reviews." 'Cause there's a choice going on again. So whatever you want, you must link massive pleasure to what you want. And you can link pain to what you don't want. But I don't bother to do that. Let's think of all the pain. Your books never published. You go into your coffin. It's still in a drawer. You don't have to do that. Just focus on the pleasure bit. I'm a writer. It's amazing. My book is published. I used to always imagine my

book in stores. I'd imagine going to an airport, see people reading my book. And when I did, it was like, wow. But your mind went, "Well, I took you there "'cause you showed me very clearly what you wanted. "I had that image to take you to." 'Cause what you want, wants you. And what you are moving towards is moving towards you. Don't move towards fear. Don't move towards failure. Don't move towards it going wrong, move towards it going right. So we've actually done the next bit. Your mind responds to the pictures and words. The fastest

way to change anything is to change the pictures and words. And it's such an easy thing to do. I'm terrified. I'm elated. I'm useless. I'm amazing. I have no memory. My memory is compelling. I can't speak to people. What I have to say is easy. I find it easy to speak to anyone. This is the most vexing rule of the mind for every therapist and coach in the room. It's the one my clients have the hardest time with. Your mind loves what is familiar. If your mind could choose, it will stay with what's familiar and

never go to what's unfamiliar. We're in a walled city. And that's interesting because years ago at night they shut the door, and we stayed in the wall. We didn't think, "Do you know, I feel like going from midnight stroll. "I think I'll wander. "I'm a bit bored of being in this same old, same old. "I want some variety. "I think I'll open the gate, "wander off and find another tribe." They might've killed you or eaten you. We learnt familiar made us safe. Who here notices it with their kids? They literally want the same cup, the

same bowl, the same cereal. I took my daughter to Finland to see Santa Claus. She watched The Little Mermaid in Finnish the whole time. And she didn't, that was okay in Finnish 'cause she knew she'd watched it 110 times where I'm like, "Babe, here's Father Christmas." She's like, "Mommy, I want to watch The Little Mermaid." It's like, well next time, we'll just stay home and watch a movie then. She did actually get into it, but it made her feel good. She used to play this game. She had so many Barbies, and Ken would come up

in his car and he always picked the same one. He never picked another one to go to the ball because they like familiar. It makes them safe. You know how many kids you have? They want the same story every night. But familiar also makes us safe. So here's a rule of the mind. And it's a very important rule to put into practice. My mind likes what is familiar and it doesn't like what's unfamiliar, okay? But I can make anything negative unfamiliar and anything positive familiar. Let's start with praise. It's the most simple, but the most

powerful. I meet clients who were never praised. I met one girl whose dad said, "You're so rubbish. "Just like your mother. "God knows what you've got going. "If any man asks you out, "snap them up because you are nothing. "You're not interesting. "You're not attractive. "When you get pregnant, you will blow up just like her "and be a big fat mess. "So if anyone wants to be with you, "I can't imagine why. "Take them." And she heard that a lot. So she had this interesting belief. I've got nothing to offer the world. And I did

a lot of work with her, and she went out, and she went, "Was just amazing, it was like magic. "This guy came up and he asked me out, "and he was so nice to me and he actually made another date. "And he picked me up in his car and took me out for dinner. "Told me I was amazing. "I'm never seeing him again." I'm like, "Really?" She went, "No. "No, he was too good for me." I'm like, "Oh, let's change that wording, "to his behavior was so unfamiliar. "I don't recognize praise or nice. "As somebody

believing I'm worth something, "and I want to run back to the familiar. "Guys I have to beg to take me out. "Or seeing my friends, I pay the bill, "and they remind me of my dad." And I'm like, "Well, guess what? "You're not supposed to have sex with your dad. "So there's a clue. "If someone is like your dad, "I don't need think you should be "getting into bed with them. "And I think you need to make it unfair. "People like it when you make them laugh." So she went, "Right." So I said, "You need

to go out with this guy. "And this is what you do. "You keep saying, I will make this familiar." He rings me when he says he will, and make it familiar. He texts me. I'll make it familiar. I will make it familiar. And she ended up marrying him. She's very happy. She said, "How weird, the other guy called me "and said, "What happened to me?" She went "What? "The guy who never called me? "You never called me so I just let you go." So you have to say, let's do it with all of you. How

many of you find praise a little unfamiliar? How many you've found praising yourself even more unfamiliar? Okay, so if you're never praised and you're criticized a lot, and criticism is familiar when someone goes, "Wow, I love that teacher." You go, "I got it free. "It's got a hole in it. "I've had it eight years." I loved your speech. Didn't you notice I missed out the best bit? No, I thought it was amazing. I hear you're the best sales person in your team. Yeah, but not in my county. There's another guy way better than me. So

if praise isn't familiar, you will reject praise, but you'll add in what's really a criticism. So one of the best things you can do that will change your life, is to make praising yourself familiar, and to make criticism unfamiliar. Don't do that and go, "Oh God, look at my hair. "Oh, there's a stain on this jacket. "I'm an idiot. "Oh, I didn't buy any nice food. "Now I'm going to have to eat donuts. "I'm such a moron. "I didn't charge my phone. "I'm a retard. "I haven't got enough time to get there. "I'm a loser."

You know, if someone's sat over your work and go, "It's not very good. "Look at that, you haven't even spelt it correctly." Then all the way home they went, "You haven't left enough time. "You're an idiot. "You haven't got any nice food. "Moron." How quickly would you kick them out of your life? Pretty fast. But when it's you, you can't kick yourself out. And, when a friend is mean, you go, "They're having a bad day." But when you're mean, your mind goes, "Well, it must be true. "Everything you tell me is true." So you need

to make praise familiar. It's really easy. I'm amazing. I'm kind. I'm nice. I'm real. I'm authentic. I'm a good person. I have something to offer the world. I have a unique skill. That's easy. And don't go, "I'm an idiot. "I'm a moron." I was telling my little girl off one day. She goes, "Mommy, you are a silly billy." I thought, what was a great word. So next time I'm about to say, "You idiot", I go, "You silly billy." 'Cause it's just a word. If I said to my husband, "Oh, you silly boy." He doesn't go,

"How could you offend me like that?" 'Cause it's a word. It's how I say it. You're so naughty. He doesn't go, "I know, I need some therapy. "I'm so bad." I go, "Oh that's, you're so bad." So you can make words. So I want you to think of the worst word you have for yourself. It's always the same "stupid bitch", "airhead", "idiot", "loser". And I want you to change it to silly billy. Because when you say silly billy, 'cause you can't help it. I was changing a light once and my hand was wet and I

nearly electrocuted. And I was about to go, "You stupid effing." And I went, "You silly billy. "Don't do that again." Because why beat yourself up? There's enough people in the world who'd like to beat you up. Why do you want to be one of them? Be nice. Show the world that you're worth it. So up praise massively and minimize criticism. If you wanted to change your life today, this will change your life. Praise yourself a lot. And don't criticize yourself. And if you do go, "Yeah, I did something really bad." Go, "Well I learnt. "I

learnt from that mistake, I'll never do it again." If it taught you something, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up. You're allowed to make a mistake. You are not allowed to beat yourself up, berate yourself, and call yourself names, and punish your body for doing what everyone does. They make mistakes. So to make a mistake is human. And to forgive yourself is really divine. And to call yourself a silly Billy feels even more divine. So that's something I recommend you all do. Whatever you focus on you get more of. How many of you sat having an

injection going, "Oh my God, that needle's going in and it really hurts." You know, just the babies don't do that 'cause they don't know. So whenever I have to have blood taken, I get my phone out and I get completely, and I go ahead, and I don't really notice it. But if I look at it, it's not the same. If you focus on pain, it hurts. If you focus on stress, you're more stressed. In fact, I had a client come up to work on stage with me and she was like this. She was shaking so

much, and all my class would go, my husband's like, "Wow, I've seen you get people "out of that, but I've never seen them start with it." And she was just shaking so much. I'm like, "Okay, I want you to shake more. "I want you to really shake. "Come on Gwen. "You can do better than that. "Shake keeps shaking, shaking, shaking." I said, "You know, if you've ever seen a deer pursued "by a lion, when it gets away, it doesn't go, "I need therapy now, this is so traumatic." It shakes. It stands and shakes, and it

goes back to the herd, and life goes on. And when I made her shake, what was happening is she began to think, "Oh, I'm in control of the shaking. "I'm doing it. "Then I can stop it." And so when clients go, "My knees are knocking." I go, "Knock them together louder "I want to hear it." My hands are clammy. Can you make them even more clammy? Can you turn up that sweating so you're dripping? Yeah, go on then. And then I say, "You see that you're doing it. "What you focus on you get more of."

When they focus on it, oh, I did that? And I can turn it down. It feels better. So don't be scared of clients that shake, or sweat, or start to laugh. When they laugh, I go, "I want you to laugh even more. "I want you to almost wet yourself with laughing." Actually I don't say that too often because that does put a bad picture, good picture in the mind. When people to say laugh more crime, or I laugh with them. Sometimes I cry with them. Whatever you focus on, you get more of. If you ski

and you focus, you'll go. If you're on the freeway and you focus on an exit hard enough, you'll take it without even planning to. So whatever you focus on, you get more of. Focus on great things, and you'll get more of them. The strongest force in every human being in the world is that we must act in a way that utterly matches and is completely consistent with our thinking. I know I'm going to fail. I know I'm going to mess it up. I know it's going to hurt. I know it will go wrong. Now you

have zero choice but to act in a way that's consistent with your thinking. I know it's going to be great. I know I'm going to sail through it. I can ace this. This is easy. Change the words. It changes your whole language, but everything starts with a thought. Everything, everything, everything begins with a thought. And here's the great news. Your thoughts are yours to change. And you can change your thoughts. It's actually incredibly easy when you learn that everything starts with a thought. A thought is a word. And if you use words, elated, empowered, ecstatic,

blissed out. Amazing, phenomenal, incredible, I'm stellar. I'm just amazing. And you can repeat the same words over and over again. I feel ecstatic. I'm elated. When I work, they always say, "I can't stand up to my boss." "I can't tell my mom that she's actually the biggest bitch "in the whole world who ruined my life." I go, "Well, how about thinking it?" If you say that it makes you feel elated. It makes you empowered. It sets it free. Because outrage is just rage that needs to come out. I said, "Listen, your anger is like gas.

"Better out than in. "She's not in the room. "Let's do it now. "I want you to say to your mom. "Mom, you know, I want to love you more. "And I can't 'cause I resent deep." And suddenly they go, "You absolute bitch! "You biggest bitch in the world. "How could you do that?" And they're like, "I feel so good now because it's out. "Now I can go home and I can love my mom better "'cause I've let the resentment out." So I never tell people to keep it in. I think feelings do the most damage

when they're kept in, when they're repressed and pushed down. And most of my clients who binge and drink too much, are pushing down feelings. The stomach is the seat of all emotions. You can't heal what you can't feel. But you should let feelings out. And if you keep it in, you always suffer. You always feel repressed. Many clients I see who say they are depressed are not depressed. They are repressed and they are suppressed because they can't say, "I resent you for always saying my brother was smarter. "I resent you for marrying six different guys

"who were hideous to me and never putting me first." And then they make their peace and then they move on. You have to be aware of it. You have to accept it. And you have to articulate it. I call it triple A. Be aware of your feelings. My ex-husband drives me crazy and I'm so angry with him. And I can't tell him 'cause he's the father of my kid. I get that. Shut the bathroom, turn on the taps and say, "You are the biggest ass in the world." Thank God I've got a great ass. 'Cause

I realized I don't need another one in my life and make it funny. God gave me a great ass. I don't need to marry one. I'm done with you. But say it. And then you feel better, and make it amusing. So don't think, "Oh I feel terrible." She said, I can say, "I've got a great ass. "I don't need to date one." And now I feel good. I remember that. They remember stuff that's funny and significant. So remember your thoughts form the blueprint. What you present to your mind it will present back to you, and

you go, "I'm not enough." It goes, "Of course." And when you go, "I am enough." It goes, "Of course." So we've already covered this rule that your mind doesn't care. We've covered every thought you think. Here's a great rule. When dealing with a subconscious mind, the greater the conscious effort, the less the subconscious responds. Who's tried to relax? Who's tried to sleep? Who's tried to remember, what's the name of that restaurant? I don't know. And suddenly they're "Oh my God. "It's just popped in my head." Your mind actually is like Google. If you need to

remember, don't go, "Where's my keys? "Where's my keys? "And my passport? "Oh my God. "I'm going to miss the plane. "I'm going to get fired. "It's all a disaster." Don't do that. Say to your mind, "Tell me where I put my keys. "Remind where my keys are." And do something else, and it'll pop in, and, "Oh, of course I came in, "and I put them next to the fridge." Tell me the name of that restaurant I went to. Do something else. Your mind will do its job. You give it an instruction. Mind, go ahead and

tell me where my keys are, where my wallet is. And it will tell you. It will pop it in your head. But when you try and start, you know the thing where you have to take out the drawer and then you go and empty it out again. And now you've emptied out three times looking for your passport. You know it's not there, but for a fourth time, let's tip our handbag on the floor, pull out our drawer. I'm missing the flight. Oh my God. Everyone's going to hate me. My kids are going to be furious.

Don't do that. Stress shuts down logical thinking. When you're stressed, your mind goes, "There must be a lion somewhere." Let me pull all the blood away from your brain, into your heart and lungs so you can run. I saw this in action years ago. I was walking home and this guy was following me. I lived in a basement and I got halfway down the stairs and I knew that he was going to come down the stairs too. And I got my key in the door and I couldn't work out. I thought, I've lived there for

five years. I don't know how to open the door. So I was so scared, but I had the foresight to pull the key out, and I had to stand back in the shadows, flatten myself against the wall. And he came halfway down. He couldn't see me and he left. But I wasn't going to keep trying to open that door because when you're scared, your mind just disappears. You can't even remember your own phone number. So you have to fill up your mouth with saliva, and pump it around, push your shoulders down, and then you're not

stressed. But it's very important. When you want to remember something, don't try. Ask your mind to remind you. You're in fear in exam, and you think, "Oh my God, my mind's gone blank." Fill up your mouth with saliva, swirl it around, push your shoulders down. And your mind goes, "A wet mouth is a sign of someone who's relaxed." That's why we kiss, by the way, before we have sex. A wet mouth makes you relaxed. And so don't do that. I can't remember. I don't know where I'm going. I'm lost on the freeway. Oh my God,

which road shall I take? I'm just panicking. Fill up your mouth with saliva and say, "Subconscious mind, remind me." I looked at the map, which road is it? It will tell you because it's foolproof, but you've got to do it too. Your mind works for you. You don't work, put it to work. If you had a PA, and went, "Okay I'm going out now. "Just do the job." Or, "Hey, I'm going out to Tallinn. "Could you decorate my house?" Do you think you're going to come back and they've done it right? No. You've got to

go, "This is exactly what I want." The more specific you are, whether you're a decorator, PA, or hairdresser, the more you get what you want. You don't go to a restaurant and go, "Oh get me something to eat." I didn't want that. Well you say anything will do. You got to talk to your mind that way too. So I think we pretty much got that. The mind can't hold conflicting beliefs. So let's go onto hypnotic language patterns. We have just enough time. Children can only work in the present tense. They don't understand tomorrow. My little

girl said, "Mommy, is it tomorrow today?" She didn't know what yesterday, today, and tomorrow was. She'll go, "Is it tomorrow now? "Is it tonight today?" Because they don't understand. They only understand now. That's why with a baby, when you leave the room, they think you're never coming back. And so children aren't really great at future pacing. Children can own your respond to words that make pictures. The more vivid the picture, the more powerful they respond. So don't say you're a good kid. Say you are an amazing kid. What I love about you, is you've got

a natural gift for science, or what I love about you is you're so good at cooking. What I love about you is how much you love learning. It doesn't matter if you don't get great grades. You love learning. The more you can make the picture good. See, I have so many kids who are twins. They go, "I always get called twins." Twins, lunches is ready. Twins, get in the car. And they had no identity. Don't do that. Don't dress your kids the same. Don't say "I love you 'cause you're smart." 'Cause when you label a

child, you limit them. Even a good label. I love you 'cause you're beautiful. Kids say, "And if I wasn't, you wouldn't. "Don't do that." I love you because you're lovable. And when you grow up, people are going to love you. One of my clients said, "I can't find love. "My daddy said to me everyday, "no one's ever going to love you like I do." Well, there's a program. You say to your kids, "You're so lovable. "You're going to find so many people who love you "like I love you." So a child's mind, doesn't recognize neutral

words. How many people say to a baby, "Don't touch." And then they touch. 'Cause don't is a new- Touch, they know what touch is. Don't touch. Don't touch. Keep touching it. Stop touching it! They can only hear the words, "touching it". You can say that's very fragile. And it's very important to mommy. As I say to my little girl, when you're walking across the house with a drink, I didn't, don't spill it. Don't, oh look, you've spilled it now. I knew it. You always spill it. I go, "Darling when you look at, "you got to

look at the cup and not the television. "And if you look at the cup while you walk, "you'll keep it upright, "and then everything will stay in the cup. They understand stuff that makes a picture. Don't spill your juice. I guarantee they're going to spill it every time you go, "You just can't stop spilling it. "You're just a messy kid." Unfortunately they go, "I'm so messy. "I'm always spilling stuff. "What's wrong with me?" You were conditioned, that's what's wrong with you, but you can be unconditioned like that. So a child mind responds better to specific

words and instructions. So they don't understand later. They do respond to positive words. You must with children, eliminate every negative word. You're bad. You're naughty. Good kids do bad things. Smart people do silly things. Say to a child, "You're a great kid. "Why did you do that? "That's not you. "You're a good kid." And they go, "Well, you said you liked her more than me." No I didn't. Well, I heard that. And so if you start with you, can't do it all the time. Our kids push our buttons. I say, "No, you might teacher, darling."

"You're teaching me how to cope with them." And she gets paint all over the carpet. My daughter's an artist. I'm tidy. She's messy. I wasn't designed to give birth to myself. How boring would that have been? She's nothing like me. I'm nothing like her. We learn from each other. It didn't make our life perfect, but it made it easier. So children also respond to, "you are", "you can", "you always", "you do". You all know the story about the class that were given to a teacher and the teacher to these kids are geniuses, we predict that-

and you are the genius teacher. We've done these secret test. Genius kids, genius teacher. We know you'll get genius results, which of course they did. And they went "Well, we picked you at random "and we picked the kids at random." But if you believe something, it becomes true. So let's go onto the very last one. Children can't future pace. So when they're feeling sadness, it feels like it's going to be for the rest of their life. And they do this thing called tagging. I can't make my mommy happy and it's always going to be this

way. I don't have a dad. I don't have anyone to love me. It will never, ever change. We don't have enough money. It's going to be like this for the rest of my life. And so when you're working with children, I say to them something which I love. I say, "Look darling, this is your life today. "It's not your life. "I know your dad's an alcoholic. "I know your dad's in jail. "I know your mom's working all the time, "and you live with babysitters, "and I know that is your life today, but it's not your

life. "One day you'll have a totally different life." They're not good at future pacing. But that one expression, "it's your life today". You have no friends. I mean, I worked for a little girl who had no friends and was so bullied. And now this girl has got so many friends, 'cause I would always say, "Remember, it's just your life today, "and probably tomorrow next week." And I taught her not to want friends. 'Cause when you have a little thing on your head that says, "Please like me", kids don't like that. They like, "I like me.

"If you want to like me too, good, "if you don't, your loss." And I taught her to do that. Change her energy. She was inundated with friends. But they really respond to that word. And because children can't future pace. That's like when you're below two and the mother goes out, kids think she's not coming. When you say, "Oh my child's so greedy. "I want it to wait to eat." They feel that they're never going to get fed again because they cannot future pace. And so when you're a therapist or a coach, when people say, "You

know, I wolfed down donuts. "I mainline jelly beans. "What's wrong with me?" Somewhere, somehow their parents made them wait, and wait. Or remove food as a punishment. You don't have that because you're bad. Or we can't afford that. And because the child's mind thinks it's forever, they act as if it's forever, even 40 years later. So the job of the child's mind is just the same as the adult mind, it does what it thinks the child wanted to do. I don't want to go to school. I'm scared of school. And now I've got all these

anxiety attacks, and hives, and eczema. I would have the little kid who had eczema and I said, "Darling, I know this is a crazy question. "But if the eczema had a job, what would it be?" He said, "Well, when I stand like that "and mommy puts the wet bandage on my eczema." He called it his sensible skin. Couldn't say sensitive. He said, "When she puts the bandage on my sensible skin, "shouldn't put any cream on that baby." And there it was. He told his mind as the mother did. I want that. I want massage. I

worked with another kid who had migraines at six. Very unusual. That if the migraine was your friend, I know that's crazy, isn't it? But he wanted to help you with, well, when I get migraines, mommy and daddy stopped shouting. They turn off the light and we sit in the dark until it goes away. So he'd obviously said to his mind, "I wish I could stop my parents fighting." And the mind goes, "Let me come up with a solution. "It may be crazy. "It may be harmful, "but the mind doesn't, just let me have a solution."

It doesn't think, is it good, bad, helpful, unhelpful, beneficial. It's just a solution. So children tag onto these painful issues, of painful experiences, and you can change it by getting rid of the tagging. It'll always be this way. It will never change. It'll be like this for the rest of my life. You can help them incredibly. And I'm talking about adults, come into my office and go, "Look, I know I'm a millionaire, but I can't spend money. "I'm so worried it's going to run out." Because when they're a kid, they couldn't spend money. They didn't

have is that people hold on to this stuff. So I think we're just about out of time. But since we're talking about it, I'm going to tell you a very funny thing that happened to me. So I work with a lot of children, and there's nothing better. One little kid said to me, "Marisa, you are the magic person, "and you stop me wetting the bed. "'Cause you did magic." But all I did was tell her that when her tummy was full of wee wee, can't say bladder, that this magic Barbie light went up to her

brain and she woke up, and she sat up, and she ran to the bathroom. And then the next day she called her grandma and said, "Grandmother, I'm dry." And then she went to sleepovers. I excited her imagination. I did it several times. In 20 minutes, that kid never wet the bed again. And she said, "You did magic with me." Then I worked with another kid who said, "Marisa, you're so cool. "You do magic." And then I worked with the Big Hulk and he went, "You're the bollocks." And I thought, isn't that interesting that the words

for a man's genitals, are a massive compliment. For women, it's a massive insult. So, there's your language patterns. Being the bollocks is a huge compliment. And being the female equivalent is a huge insult. So you have to make of words what you want to make of words. But if you use powerful words, you'll have a powerful life. If you understand the rules of the mind, and put them into practice, you will be running the ship. Your mind is like a Ferrari. And you're like a driver trying to run that Ferrari, the subconscious is the Ferrari,

the conscious is a driver. Don't even know how to run this. But if you learn, you can handle a Ferrari. Think of your mind like a Ferrari, and think of you like a hugely competent, highly skilled Ferrari driver. Take that Ferrari where you want it to go, make your life incredible. Go to marisapeer.com and we will put this up for you. And we have lots of products that we give away completely free. Self-esteem, your relationship with money. We like giving stuff away because it's really easy to change your life. It's really easy to change your

mind if you know how. And now you all know how, and you can never again say, "I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. "I don't know why I feel like this. "I guess I'm just messed up." You go, "Nope. "Here's the rules of the mind. "I know." So thank you for listening. Put it into practice. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you.