The 2024 Timeline of Trash

ah 2024 the year of Cinema garbage that just wouldn't go away full of remakes sequels and mostly trash it didn't disappoint when it came to bad movies the craziest part of all one movie studio released three of the five worst films of the Year yes indeed Lionsgate is like a small intestine the way they produce [ __ ] shout out to Step Brothers and the movies were so bad they forced me to make out of theater reactions sitting there like an ass with my sunglasses on they turned me into that guy for whatever a reason

I never got around to reviewing them at the time of their release so this endof year tally of the worst movies on the calendar is now complete here you'll find a review for the crow megalopolis and Borderlands in this compilation video flanked by Madame Webb and rebel Moon 2 I released earlier this year and what makes these movies horrible that's what we're here to find out one of them is so bad if you asked me to watch it again I'd give you the RoboCop ah [ __ ] you in addition to the worst films I've

also included my top three best movies of 2024 cuz you got to have balance but just like every year there's more bad than good so let's get this thing moving this video will bring you through the year the timeline of trash in chronological order and everything is timestamped for your convenience in case you've already seen one of my reviews now kick back and relax and get ready for a laugh as we go through the best and worst starting with Madam web Madam Webb is like whoopy Goldberg on The View it sounds like a bad idea

until you see the results his wife to pay the that was gas I called Mor morus the room of superhero origin movies and I don't know if it can hold that title anymore because Madam web exists to be fair the writers of morbius also wrote Madam web so just know that much like Whoopi these guys absolutely do not miss when it comes to producing ass this movie is a gold mine and if you've seen it you understand why everyone's having a field day with it even a Small Town Theater in my home state posted this

to entice people to see it no way to sugar coat this one couples have been coming in together just to see how laughably bad Madam Webb truly is it's almost like the feel-good movie you didn't know you needed the moment that happens once or twice a year where everyone regardless of our differences collectively gather around a single piece of media and agree this is [ __ ] this is a table of [ __ ] Madame Webb outdoes every awful Hollywood film I've reviewed since I started this channel because it's inept in areas of film making

I didn't even know existed like when I try to explain a guitar Rift to my bandmate back in the [Music] day films like the room in madam web and it's outrageous how appropriate that comparison is give you an appreciation for areas of movie making Hollywood's mastered to the point you take them for granted like basic sound mixing of dialogue that would make Christopher Nolan blush speak of the devil and this shall appear I've been searching for that spider for years horrible films like the Marvel's Indiana Jones 5 or Thor love and thunder still have technical

aspects right parts of the film making art form that are undeniably good cinematography even the CGI generally speaking has a baseline of qual we can complain about the CGI and Doctor Strange 2 all we want but just get through the first 5 minutes of Madame web and you'll have a new appreciation for what an Abomination can be every single superhero movie cliche is on Full display and it fills all stereotypes for what makes a bad Hollywood script throughout the entire film everything is explained through the most Exposition heavy stilted dialogue you could possibly fathom filtered

through characters who work great in other mediums but are given a barebones treatment in the movie that renders their motives absolutely idiotic and it's all brought to you by actors who do not give a damn about the movie they're in because it's clear on their faces they were aware they are in a piece of [ __ ] while they were filming it for crying out loud Dakota Johnson has been a godsend to content creators in trying times firstly no one asked for a madame Web movie and it's the Sony spiderverse we're talking about Venom and

[ __ ] morbius here folks so no one's going to be disappointed if this movie sucked it was expected but how abysmal the movie was came off in her interviews and I can confirm the way she acts in the movie is almost identical to her demeanor in the interviews she was the dude she is Labowski she did not give a rat's ass and it's incredible to watch every time she would do an interview content creators were surely going nuts if you're strapped for time the first minute of the movie will do the trick in 60

seconds you'll get a whirlwind of horrible audio so much horrendous quick Zoom shaky cam [ __ ] it would make Zach Snider jealous and dialogue that's worse for writing than this woman is for racism I want to be ninja I learn to hard I fight with cred card I really really cannot stress enough what an absolute turd this movie is the title of this video was carefully chosen obviously right because truly there hasn't been an awful movie I've had the pleasure of talking about like this in quite some time it really is something special and

I dare you to go see it for yourself spoilers ahead because I feel like the best way for me to [ __ ] on this thing is to just go through the movie before we dive in a quick word about the sponsor of this video and like always my friends I timestamp everything for your convenience so yes you can skip it but if you do watch it it is always greatly appreciated and I [ __ ] love you with Seasons changing I'm already dreaming of a warm weather getaway I love using points for travel and

I'm always looking for ways to earn more to book my next flight and like me are you tired of paying for rent and getting nothing but a roof over your head in return here's a life hack for you Bill lets you earn points on rent payments and redeem them towards flights hotels and a lot more because honestly shouldn't one of your biggest expenses start working for you instead of just being a bottomless pit where money goes to die imagine earning valuable rewards just for paying rent and living your everyday life sound too good to be

true not with built they've been consistently ranked the highest value Point currency by the Points Guy and bank rate there's no cost to join built and as a member you'll earn valuable points on rent and on your everyday spending around your neighborhood build points can be transferred to your favorite hotels and Airlines and even the ones you haven't heard of there are over 500 Airlines in 700,000 hotels and properties around the world you can redeem your built points toward and get this you can also redeem redeem your points towards a future rent payment or if

you want something a little more exotic you can redeem them towards a unique experience only Built members can access because with built it's not just about making life easier it's about living life to the fullest with the built loyalty program you can earn points to redeem on a ton of amazing things been dying to go on that dream vacation put some points toward flights and hotels been putting off that New Year's resolution to look like Chris Hemsworth how about redeeming your points toward a fitness class so you can have those biceps you were always dreaming

of Bill is a loyalty program that lets you earn points on rent and redeem them toward flights hotels stays Fitness classes and even your next rent payment so if you're not earning points towards your rent yet my question is why not start earning points right now when you sign up through the link in the description or the QR code on screen and make sure to use my URL so they know I sent you shout out to billt for sponsoring this video and now back to it we start of course in the past location the Peruvian

Amazon where a pregnant Mama web is looking for a spider because the movie's called Madame web she's with Super Mario's French Algerian counterpart named Ezekiel and the two characters have some Exposition for us they spew It Out by communicating like aliens trying to mimic a human conversation he asks her if she's found the spider to which she replies not yet she then explains to him the importance of the spider to which he responds with more information detailing the importance of the spider to which she responds with more details about what they're doing and why okay

there's a lot to get into already first the poor actor playing French Super Mario is let down by a bad film for sure but he's no good here at all he's awful actually but in a delightful way almost all of his dialogue is aded in because he delivers every line in this graving tone that microphones in The Year 3,000 wouldn't be able to pick up and I can do one hell of an impression of this guy I'm already at a moment where I wish I could just play you the damn movie because it speaks for

itself but I'll give you an example of the dialogue to set the tone for the rest of the breakdown because if I went over every time it's like this we'd be here all night and this is not a little Platoon video here's an example of the dialogue and you can hear my impression of French Mario I thought you were close to finding the spider well it'll be worth the wait dead specimens show that the peptides and the spider's venom they basically supercharge their cellular structure that spider can give superhuman strength like lalan lalan the mythical

spider people who run across the Tre Toops and punish evil men with their black poison touch I'd rather base my research on science not Legends Mr Sims those powers are wasted here these little spiders have the power to cure hundreds of diseases the hamfisted delivery coupled with the absolute joke they call dialogue Exposition is best delivered when you're not even realizing it because it comes out naturally between two people having a conversation I don't expect that kind of perfection in superhero movies or comic books but this movie sounds like if AI asked AI to write

a script and the prompt was what would aliens think a script about Madame web would sound like if it were written by the architect from the shitty Matrix sequels and he had a kid in the resource room not 2 minutes into the movie and you already know this is like Stephen A Smith you cannot take it seriously you know what I kind of like Charizard um the fire on the tail the wings he can fly why are these characters saying these things to each other here and now they're not just now running into each other

they're here together for a particular reason but they're talking like this is all news to both of them these would be things they already know and have talked about that's what led them here in the first place they're not even really talking they're just telling us the audience what they're doing character X I am doing this and looking for this right now yes you are character Y and you are looking for that because of this reason yes and that reason is important to me yes it is important to me as well although it is a

different reason than yours the movie really is the worst possible version of every early 2000 superhero movie cliche which Madame Webb seems to not just take place in that era but stuck in a film school version of it remember in the first Sam Ry Spider-Man when Peter and Harry met at the genetics lab the person got in the tour explained to the class what the spiders were being used for what each were capable of and while clunky and yeah it was campy but that's Remy at least it made sense how we received that information because

students were being taught something so we the audience were too to open Madame web it's like chat gbt was asked to replicate that opening but for a Spider-Man spin-off movie again why are these characters discussing this now at minimum they would have already had this conversation just to get them to Peru in the first place then pepy law takes some photos of her research behind Mama web's back which is rendered completely pointless 2 seconds later when she runs in screaming that she found the spider you know it's a special moment because the camera does that

slow-mo zoom in effect on it like someone asked AI to replicate the worst of Zack SNY rism the movie's already breaking down but it's like three different styles of movie all happening at once and they're all [ __ ] macron goes on a [ __ ] rampage immediately shooting and killing everyone around him and Miss web's like e why are you doing this and he's like because no one cared about my family so now I don't care about anyone and she tussles around with him for the spider and he accidentally shoots her because obviously and

for whatever reason he looks regretful he killed this person he clearly doesn't know very well but was totally fine with the four or five others this one just pushed him over the edge I guess the guy who's got about as much Charisma as Joe Frasier present day by the way Joe Frasier's dead then spider angels descend from the forest heavens and sweep her up in the most comically bad bit of CGI in the movie now take a look holy [ __ ] dude the dude Little Caesar are [ __ ] wild now they try to

save her but the spider's Powers can't undercut this cannon event so she dies the baby lives because she's the main character and spirit spider guy says that the baby is strong and she'll be back for answers one day yeah instead of taking in the baby girl or finding any family member at all to take care of her the spider angels somehow someway get her back to New York so she can be in an orphan instead hey yo what the [ __ ] all right so that's the first 5 minutes we now cut to the year

2003 a year that the filmmakers absolutely do not stick to at all with some hilarious technological and pop culture inconsistencies later in the movie like a PSP floating around when it wasn't released until 2005 or Britney Spears song Toxic playing a major role in the movie even though it didn't come out until 2004 but we'll get to all that no right now we're following around Cassie the special spider child now all grown up and her depressive mid-30s Millennial period and she makes us believe she really cares about the person in the ambulance she's driving when

she says they're not going room temperature on my watch Dakota Johnson is a pretty solid actress so I'm taking the characterization of her character as her simply not giving a [ __ ] like I said she plays this woman like a lady Labowski in the movies all the better for it her riveting dialogue delivery will put her in Oscar contention just take a look hate to break tea Scrooge but you can't change anything she almost hits one of the three teen girls who's intertwined with the plot and has a runin with another a few seconds

later in the hospital you know the one played by Sydney Sween boobs is it fate is it coincidence that she'll be running into them again the potential themes are bubbling over in this one I'm sure they'll explore them oh wait this movie's Madden web no they won't and that's a real shame because I'd love to see how incompetent they could really get trying to explore a theme the cardboard cut out of a character Cassie web showcases how disgusting the concept of family is to her by pretending not to understand a gift a child gives her

and she says things to a cooworker like ew neither of us like family stuff and talks about being an orphan during natural conversation we do some further forced character exploration when Cassie gets back home and she apparently lives above the third teen who's going to end up as a spider person the AI produced script has check marked all relevant characters introduced Cassie and every time I hear Cassie my PTSD from Ant-Man 3 is triggered Cassie Cassie Cassie Cassie Cassie Cassie so Cassie triggered herself decides to Paw through her mother's old papers and journals and apparently

she's only ever looked at it she's never actually read any of it you see later the plot needs her to so she reads through this stuff for the first time ever she has spent her entire life not knowing what really happened to her mom other than she looked at spider butth holes because she didn't take the time to read any of the things her mother left her conveniently in a box this movie is so [ __ ] good but before all that happens we get to enjoy this line I hope the spiders were worth it

Mom I hope the spiders were worth it Mom whether this was the first draft third draft someone somewhere wrote that and other people signed off on it how many channels does a movie go through and every single time this reached a new person for approval it got the okay imagine being the person who wrote I hope the spiders were worth it Mom and thinking [ __ ] yeah boy just submitting that with absolute confidence and hell it got approved I hope the spiders were worth it Mom Excuse me while I throw myself into traffic and

back two traffic where Cassie and Uncle Ben yes it's that Uncle Ben played by Adam shits and gigs Scott look I got my real estate license a few years bag for shits and gigs these two are helping a man involved in a car crash and he obviously doesn't have health insurance cuz they just release his seat belt and he falls flat on his [ __ ] head like welcome to America broki this is Express Care have a concussion on us then Cassie gets trapped in the car as it falls off the bridge and she dies

well sort of but she's brought back the real Miracle here is Uncle Ben who apparently dived off a [ __ ] Bridge swam down to the sinking car single-handedly opened the door or busted the window pulled her out dragged her to safety and resuscitated her and he's not the hero of the [ __ ] movie he had to have ripped open a car door with thousands of pounds of water pressure on all sides and he's not a superhero okay 50 Shades starts having Deja Vu around a nonchalant Derek so she decides to go home to

sleep this silly day off meanwhile our implacably accented villain flexes Riz and bags an NSA agent and after sleeping with her has a nightmare or a fever dream if you're a kinky one where mid-30s Sydney Sweeney in a skintight suit beats the [ __ ] out of him with the help of her friends our villainous villain says to the NSA woman that he's had the same nightmare forever and quote you have no idea the torment and torture of dying over and over again yeah he's going to kill them before they kill him in a hypothetical

future the scene is like a high school student wrote it and that's really the entire movie but this is the barebones way to solve a problem the villain needs Tech that should shouldn't exist in the time the movie takes place so to solve this the script has him sleep with an NSA agent in a throwaway scene and steal the codes she has to the tech he needs and he didn't need to sleep with there to steal the codes he's just that [ __ ] toxic know how we know all this because he just says it

out loud in conversation that's as natural as Kim Kardashian he grabs her arm and she immediately says how are you poisoning me like she'd have any clue what's actually happening but the writer knows so now she does that was easy he promises he'll stop poisoning her if she gives him the code to the tech he needs so she does and he's like I lied and kills her obviously but then he says my favorite line in the entire movie as she's dying he says believe me it was a good thing you had no idea today was

the day you were going to die yes that's awesome let's check on the writer's room again after this [Music] one so just to recap what we have so far it sure is lucky that 50 shad had a near-death experience so her powers were activated and it sure is convenient that the facial recognition [ __ ] Tech the villain needs exists just as the people he's hunting are old enough to resemble their older selves that he's seen in a [ __ ] Vision where they're wearing masks also very lucky for him that top secer NSA technology

requires a single 8-digit code to access and did you know if you kill an agent and start using it the NSA won't suspect a thing literally ever they don't care about missing Tech and will never come after you hard to argue against that level of convenience we catch back up with Cassie and her friends drinking at a baby shower for a future Peter Parker 50 Shades grabs a Pepsi instead of booze and after scooting around not being able to say Peter Parker in the movie instead of avoiding it altogether because how else would they display

in competence at every level if they didn't hit it at every level the now intoxicated EMTs get an emergency call and drive off to the drunken rescue they arrive at a fireworks Factory and whether it's active or abandoned is unclear but will it come into play later absolutely and they're rescuing people from an apparent fire something something collapsed who knows the film decides that's unnecessary information and suddenly Cassie has a premonition that her boss or whoever the [ __ ] is going to get in a car accident she's now had multiple occurrences like this that

have proven to be true so when she sees him taking a call and recognizes he's about to hop in a vehicle and leave she moves swiftly to prevent him from driving away just kidding she half-heartedly asks him if she can drive he declines and then like a scene out of Final Destination after it went the comedy route the camera turns around and [ __ ] Wham her boss gets his clock absolutely cleaned she runs over and has his blood actually on her hands so about as subtle as an anvil on the head but hey maybe

he would have seen the guy coming if he hadn't been drinking at the party 30 minutes ago cut to our Sho phobic villain and he and his Lackey have their [ __ ] AI NSA tool figure out what the girls in his vision would most likely look like at present she's taken a back that they're going after teenagers to which he responds yes they are teen teenagers now but in the future they have powers and they will try to destroy me I came from nothing less than nothing this villain will go down in infamy this

guy [ __ ] rules meanwhile Cassie is doing the cliche movie thing where a character is watching something that's reflecting their own life before she reluctantly decides to go to the drunk driver's funeral incredibly all three girls are on the same train Cassie's on is it fate is it coincidence does it matter no Cassie starts getting Deja Vu again and the scene groundhog D the hell out of itself Bash the viewer over the head to really drive the point home that this is happening by the time you see the same old creepy lady for the

sixth time you're kind of ready to move on shoess wonder is dressed in his Spider-Man costume and why this looks so similar to Spidey has to be a coincidence Cannon wise or it would change Spider-Man's origin in the future imagine this universe is Spider-Man getting inspired by anything out of this movie the superhero genre practically exists for the lws at this point so maybe hey as long as something in this movie looks like Spider-Man right can't be having a Spider-Man spin-off without Spider-Man you know well the costume must have some comic book origin right uh

nope just for the sake of explanation in the comics he doesn't wear shoes because he can't stick to walls as well as Spider-Man can but here in the movie that can't possibly be the reason because he wears shoes when he's dressed as not Spider-Man I guess this version of him just loves ringworms the guy is chasing after them and instead of shooting them with a gun or anything else I guess he's going to accomplish the thing he's been obsessed with finally getting rid of these women who have haunted his Dreams by appearing in broad daylight

in a rubber bodysuit he's Rich so he could have hired a Hitman or hit men or hit people or he could have I don't know bought a gun or many guns but he doesn't even wear shoes so that's wishful thinking I suppose no no to accomplish his mission that money is best spent on a [ __ ] suit Cassie ropes all the girls together who just believe what she's saying and go with her she commits Grand Theft Auto to escape the clutches of shoeless leather Borat and I'm pretty sure Tommy wiso wrote the rest of

the movie villain yells at Hench lady for not using his stolen tools good enough no really here's the quote I went through a lot of trouble to steal you these tools use them better and then some stuff like this this is still not a kidnapping okay feels like a kidnapping Cassie brings them to a forest that's green screen appearance is painfully obvious and she has them just kind of hang here while she goes home and rummages through the journals her mom left her for the first time ever some extremely forced humor is injected into the

scene which shocker the only time the movie isn't funny is when it's actually trying to be which also proves they were taking this [ __ ] seriously it's only February and we're in Oscar territory baby these movie versions of their comic counterparts are perfect for their time Sydney Sweeney's character just needs a hug the Mexican one's father was deported because LOL at The Stereotype and the other one is a victim of being the kid of a rich father this is the type of chick that does do Jitsu cuz it's the only way she'll get a

hug the movie's on fast forward through its descent into madness from here even though a Madman was just trying to kill them them they become bigger victims of pancake cravings and head off to a diner cuz why not the girls spot some guys at a table and decide to hit on them because again why not and this is where Britney Spears comes into play because of toxic a song that released the year after this movie takes place they could have just grabbed a song that actually came out that same year or just have the movie

take place in 2004 if the song is that important because I mean hey the villain is poisonous can't pass up that kind of opportunity am I right either way the message Sony sent was I don't give a [ __ ] fair enough don't give a [ __ ] so the girls are dancing on tables in the middle of a derer because that's absolutely a thing that happens and who interrupts the [ __ ] block Sydney Sweeney but our foot fetish bad guy not to worry though Cassie's on the way who's still driving around in her

stolen taxi like it's no big deal tracking a license plate would seem like an obvious thing to do for both the seemingly disinterested police and our epines bad guy but uh nah she imitates her deceased boss's driving skills and smashes the stolen vehicle right into the din then drops the girls off at Uncle Ben's to keep her story intertwined with Spider-Man's before she leaves the Peru to get answers yes this is just kind of how this movie goes point a point B you know 2020 AI before she leaves she teaches the girls how to give

CPR in one of the most poorly acted scenes in the movie and you can tell it's almost entirely because of the direction ignoring the fact they aren't even giving CPR properly it's edited like an actual CPR training video where they high-five and tell each other they did a good job anyway lucky for cast the 3,400 mi from New York to Peru only takes like an hour for her so she's just kind of there now she meets the tribal Chief Roman Reigns and they rip off the sole displacement scene from the first Doctor Strange with Reckless

abandon she finds herself in the realm of shoddy CGI and learns the truth about her mother trying to cure her daughter's disease and that she basically has the ability to see the future that spider sure is powerful not enough to save her mom but you know Big Dog even manages to give Cassie a gross [ __ ] version of with great power comes great responsibility they might as well have written with responsibility great come a power do and damn it wouldn't you know it Mary Parker is going to give birth to Peter Ben's wither and

has no choice but to call an ambulance meaning foot fetish Felix uses his [ __ ] Tech to track him Cassie takes the express lane and gets back to New York faster than she traveled to Peru and the GTA addict takes another vehicle this time the ambulance that was going to picked them up in the first place so okay this is happening now but the villain gets his s tier badge in one of my favorite moment in the film when she slow-mo flies the ambulance at him he decides not to jump out of the way

but jump into the direction she's flying in and completely eats [ __ ] if that doesn't convince you to watch Madame Webb what are you still doing here next she drops herself and the girls off at the uh firework Factory this place again I guess the explosion and death and Chaos from a couple days ago didn't get the city motivated to remove those check notes abandoned fireworks the movie assures us they'll work together to stop this foot fiend want to know how how the script has them tell us and I mean just straight tell us

like the writer thought to himself how can I show the girls won't be impulsive this time H I'll have one of them say we won't be impulsive Cassie writing is on [ __ ] god mode this movie is Unstoppable now despite not even a hint of a training montage to pretend like she practiced using her powers she has somehow mastered her abilities to a point where she can set up a trap for feetman a helicopter explodes one of the teens skates on a piece of metal because skateboarding is her singular character trait and eventually the

villain is taken out by the hands of Sony's product placement team I'm not sure if associating your sugary diabetes inducing product with killing someone is the right move but that's why I'm not running Pepsi I wonder if this was written into the script Pepsi sign falls on villain most likely not but I really hope so and if so please get the spelling right on the Oscar Cassie gets hit by a random Fireball right in the eyes and is paralyzed from the waist down after hitting the water guess she didn't see that coming but why would

she when Canon requires her to be a blind paraplegic and the movie's almost over doesn't matter how random it seems it gets the job done this entire movie reminds me of Billy Madison trying to write Z's incursive and he tries to [ __ ] his way through it because hey you know what he meant the movie ends with Cassie now Madame web embracing the fact she doesn't hate kids anymore cuz now she sees the girls as family her transformation into the spider version of Professor X is complete with wheelchair and she concludes the movie in

a cheap costume that looks like it was made by the arrow verse wardrobe department and she says you know the best thing about the future it hasn't happened yet there's probably a few people at Sony that would like to go back in time and change the future of this movie but I don't it's going to go down as a cult classic I'm calling it you know a movie like this is destined to be something when the credits rolled a theater staff member walked up to tell me the movie had no post credit scene and he

said which is a good thing because this movie sucks can you ask for a better endorsement a failure in every capacity to a degree unseen in decades makes Madame web somehow some way one of the more entertaining movies of the year in a train wreck sort of way a follow-up video taking a look at how poorly Sony's handled this universe or amazingly depending on who you ask is imminent Rebel Moon part two is where Zack Snider finally fell into self- parody like if Jim Carrey did Ace Venta 3 and just talked out of his ass

for 2 hours what began as an abandoned Star Wars script that even Kathleen Kennedy had the brains to throw in the trash the rebel Moon series is on Pace for up to six entries that's if they keep filming two at a time according to Snider himself so look forward to Rebel Moon part 2 part two coming this fall or would it be Rebel Moon part 3 part 1 what about director's Cuts does that mean 12 movies will disgrace our screens we need an Extended Cut just for the scene where the musicians from Titanic are present

for the assassination of Carrie Elis to prep you for what you'll find in this movie if you dare click play one-dimensional unlikable human septic tanks for characters that are [ __ ] morons I swear some of these characters are so stupid it's like they were breastfed till they were 26 they spout dialogue that'll make you wince and inhabit a world of nonsensical peace meal lore displayed on a platter of shitty visuals and choppy editing even down to the editing so far it adds up to over 4 hours of scenes setups characters and scenarios that remind

you of the movies they were ripped off from and how much better those are lightsabers [ __ ] yeah we got those but this time the bad guys have the blue ones and the heroes have the red ones subversion and then there is grain yes grain not to be confused with spice what's up Dune brain is the centerpiece of the movie and is all important until the movie decides it's not if that all sounds dumb as hell just wait until you see it all in slow motion people would think I was known for slow motion

I like slow motion I don't really like slow motion that much despite all the praise for the on the schn pseudo intellectual symbolism and overtones Snyder hangs his hat on his visuals but Rebel Moon looks like Snider satire all of his normal visual cues are here and they look like [ __ ] in I mean actual [ __ ] a lot of shots have a fish-eyed smeared look to them it's a movie full of reference is but zero originality almost every single character setpiece in scene can be found in your memory banks they can't even

be confused for homages here because they don't create a coherent story it's a disjointed mess of unintentional Easter eggs yep saw that scene in Matrix Revolutions that's a Star Wars reference oh okay hobbiton oh this movie is just super shitty Star Wars if I had to endure this it deserves a lampooning which is always cathartic with movies like this and now the story of Rebel Moon part two M the scar Giver we find ourselves with Anthony Hopkins recapping the last movie making sure to leave out key elements that paint characters as absolute [ __ ]

in fact if you just heard the plot and don't confuse it for Star Wars you might even be intrigued in case you've forgotten the last film and who couldn't it followed a space Soldier collecting fortnite skins to protect a small village from the Imperial Empire Our Heroes returned back to the Moon velt to celebrate their Victory against the Empire's Admiral and his army in fact they're so excited that when they get back home they tell everyone that the Admiral Was Defeated and his ship will now return to the Imperial mother world so everyone's safe that's

right the Empire wouldn't care what happened to their soldiers and send an even bigger Army down to absolutely obliterate you you're home free let's Feast one character even says there won't be any need to lay down lives they've already won except for the people in the last movie who died for the cause you know like Ray fiser the guy famously out of work but friends with Snyder who could have given his out of work Buddy a recurring role in his tragic Six movie deal but he's only in the first movie and dies within 20 minutes

then a character walks in the room and says JK they're still alive they'll be here in 5 days that's right our slithering villain has been resurrected and he's headed straight for them and thank God because he was the only good part of the last movie he wakes up from his resurrection with apparent brain damage and even displayes superhuman Powers he picks up a guy by the throat with one hand who I guess bringing him back really altered I'm just kidding this setup has no payoff and is lost like a fart in the wind he's shown

to have Supernatural Powers he seems to be even eviler then nothing happens with this and just like Matthew bradrick committing manslaughter it's forgotten about Morpheus says death isn't always deterrent enough for the designs of the mother world and thinks they must really need that grain even though the villain called our lead hero Kora the Most Wanted villain in the universe but she said he's mistaken so that's that they just believer must be the [ __ ] grain he devises a plan to border all the buildings with bags of grain cuz the villains won't blow that

up they need the grain funny thing is at the end of the movie Morpheus tells Kora he knew she was lying and that the bad guys really were after her so the grain doesn't really matter to them unless the script needs them to certainly not the plans of a farmer seems General Titus hasn't drunk away his roots just yet wait let's just take a step back here for a second in the last movie Admiral what's as [ __ ] mentioned there were machines that could do all of this harvesting for them robots who aren't rebellious

little [ __ ] like these guys that don't have to be fed so at what point would keeping you alive be an option at all once the bad guys arrive I don't care oh right Snider doesn't remember things that happened in the previous movie Sometimes previous scenes baking contradictions into the story and painting characters that are already paint by numbers as also a bunch of little Forest gumps running around the universe absolute dumbasses happen stancing their way through life even though everyone's shocked at the idea of Admiral bull cut still being alive Titus gets all

cryptic and alludes to the mother World possessing Resurrection level Tech he just knows that [ __ ] too cuz why the [ __ ] not next we get a contender for the most mind-numbing [ __ ] in the entire movie a scene that's incredibly bizarre but not in that well it could be genius way it's one of the those moments where high schoolers unironically praise it because it does the thing the scene is a flashback where Kora kills the princess which turns her into the most wanted person in the Galaxy see the King's Daughter was

so nice that it started making him nice before he was a warmongering death machine but now his daughter's glow has got him turning over a new Leaf you know that way you're somehow supposed to care when he dies I guess cor's Mentor doesn't like that cuz he's just evil you know so he plots to kill the king and his family and he promises to protect Kora if she kills the dog well all this happens in slow-mo of course while the Titanic band as mentioned earlier is actually playing the score in the background of the scene

then Carri Elis speaks in his ever so Carri Elis way and gets assassinated and kora's psycho Mentor who's played by the worst actor in Hollywood today apparently says kill her exactly like that too and she does this willingly she only kills the girl because her shitty wigged Mentor promised to protect her from repercussions Psych the treacherous guy is being treacherous and he blames it all on her run [ __ ] run pause I I can't even [ __ ] stand it okay so our hero killed a little girl because she thought she wouldn't get in

trouble for it so we're supposed to feel bad for her that she was duped duped by a guy who dupes everybody that makes sense and her pubically bearded Father Figure makes her kill the girl not for any particular reason other than making her feel guilty about it I guess cuz I mean he could have killed her or any of the other people with him who didn't have much compunction about murdering people 2 seconds prior but he's like nah I want my G Jane daughter to feel bad oh God this movie sucks so much [ __

] he pulls out the gollum and says M like he even does the [ __ ] face meanwhile up in space Admiral Lloyd Christmas sees what they're up to down on the moon and he's like ah God damn it they got us we can't blow up the grain because the plot deems it so then about 40% of the movie from here on out consists of [ __ ] on a farm throwing grain around in slow motion Snider recently said that slow motion is a way of embellishing heroic moments that our heroes go through totally Zach

farmers are Western cultures true heroes after all cor also gets her spaceship Dugout that was apparently so stuck and beat to [ __ ] that it was completely inoperable which when the plot needs it equates to the inconvenience of a roadblock and some dirt in the tailpipe the last movie had an entire section of the story dedicated to them finding a ship because hers was out of commission but if she had asked for like four people and some wind decks she would have avoided that at your convenience you piece this [ __ ] movie then

all the fortnite characters sit around a table in a totally not contrived scene and give each other 20 to 30 second background stories that sound suspiciously similar for every one of them it's something along the lines of oh I had a family and the B guys came to my home world and killed everyone and now I hate the bad guys everyone's [ __ ] background story is the same as goras from Guardians of the Galaxy except lame and in slow motion it reaches a point where a character literally turns to someone and asks and what

about you what's your story so if you watch that movie here is your trigger warning in case you're overly sensitive to cringe the rest of the movie is the after farming extravaganza the bad guys show up to fight the good guys and characters do what they want when Zack Snyder wants things to happen example Admiral bad guy was told explicitly by his boss and her Mentor not to kill Kora but to capture her and bring her directly to him that is until Admiral bad guy is in a one-on-one confrontation with Kora and decides it's totally

okay as he actively tries to kill her but armor deems it impossible that means he didn't just not need to go down there for the grain he didn't even need to go down there to get her they could have just nuked that [ __ ] from orbit and been on their way but to be fair that would require a second draft of the script a bunch of characters die in a battle one at a time in some seriously poorly edited scenes that defy logic why anyone would give a [ __ ] about a single one

of them will remain one of the world's greatest mysteries from this moment forward cor gets up to the dreadn to blow it up and kills some unsuspecting workers in the coal mining room cuz she's just a dick they could be slaves for all she knows but [ __ ] it kill them apparently this ship is powered by coal and a God that's whatever the hell this thing is that cor is putting bombs on an all powerful God Powers the ship and needs that bump of coal to get her going I guess there's no real hard

science in it you know it's like how do the spaceships work I don't care the funny thing about steampunk is that good steampunk actually seems functional and makes sense in context this is not that this is SNY Punk this is style over substance this is is for the hell of it it's for the visual ooh this is [ __ ] anyway so her farm boy lover dies and thank God because he's a mouth breather too and he even said so in the movie it's not just me the guy knows he's a simpleton simp and the

bad guy dies again making his return in this movie totally useless in the end cor is ruminating about killing the King's Daughter and sniffling all sad about not getting away with murder and all- knowing Morpheus character says ah well she is alive oh and I knew who you were the whole time can't fool me I guess my imitation kind of sounds like Splinter anyway at your [ __ ] convenience movie so they have a mission for the third turd coming this fall go find wherever the magical mystical princess is in the next season pass of

Call of Duty war zone I mean Rebel Moon 3 if it isn't obvious Zack Snider completely misunderstands how to handle character writing hardly anything about any character makes them likable or worth rooting for yet Rebel Moon desperately wants you to the corny music cues demand it of you and what you're seeing and hearing doesn't line up with what Snyder wants Kora is a horrible character with zero redeeming qualities she had no regret about killing a little girl she's saved by the fact that the girl's still alive she's also a mass murderer and has flip-flopped on

multiple occasions over two movies now whether this farm town is worth abandoning or worth getting everyone in the galaxy to die for Anthony robkins is also supposed to be a likable character but he's an actual piece of [ __ ] if you break down anything he's done even when he seems to be making an autonomous decision to help out in the upcoming third movie he actually says it's not his choice to do so why why have him say that give your character some likable quality something they have control over he exists in this movie because

a robot with antlers and a cloak looks cool it's the same dark and edgy freshman high schooler mindset he's brought to all of his movies over the years his Heroes having no redeeming qualities has been a problem since Man of Steel I'd bet a dollar and a handshake he'd Ed the same kind of argument here that no real person is actually superh heroic what if they were in the real World basically the description of an anti-hero like Punisher or spawn so really what if every character was stripped of what set them apart from someone like

that and was just edgy and cool and killed people like Punisher what a wild dark original concept funny thing is even characters like spawn and Punisher have redeeming qualities they were the epitome of anti-hero they were the subversion of expectations from the superheroic Trope that was the entire point my criticisms of his work in DC aren't meant to nitpick a director's filmography I want to paint the bigger pict of his problems with characters now that Rebel moon is in original a story concept and script by him with a couple other names attached all of his

flaws as a filmmaker are fully exposed there's no hiding behind a defense of butm themes even with a foundation in Batman and Superman he still pushed back and he's even been quoted as to why because he can Ian Malcolm would say you were so preoccupied finding out if he could he didn't stop to think if you should he even suggested once that Batman could get graped in his movie something he and other real cliff diver directors like Rob Zombie seemed to have an obsession with in the last Rubble Moon movie he made sure there was

a near grape scene because what's darker than grape in space in the end when your characters range from one-dimensional to offensively idiotic you'd think your film could hang its hat on its visuals when it's directed by a man who makes his name off that as his lone defense of his skill set I saw one unironic defense of this movie on Twitter of course Twitter and it was regarding the idiotic Titanic band assassination flashback scene because of course it's about that scene the most bizarrely awful section of the entire movie was praised because Snider quote managed

to combine the death of Julius Caesar and the assassination of the romanovs in one scene proof why Zack Snider is the goat do I need to say anything or should I just let that speak for itself characters are walking contradictions the story decides the only thing that matters is what's happening right then and there and outside that even the technical aspects of the movie are horrendous at times the unfocused fish-eyed washed out shots are numbingly amateur looking for a multi-millionaire professional call this area subjective call it whatever you want I call it [ __ ]

Snider's had some seriously stunning visuals before his awful choice in tone and color aside but that self- parody remark at the beginning of the video applies here too I wasn't even planning on reviewing this movie and actually watch the first and second one back to back and after I finished the first I tried to put myself in the seat of a general Netflix subscriber happening upon that movie If I somehow finished it there's no way I would have gone back for a second movie and well the numbers seem to be bearing that out SNY and

Netflix have received some bad news the scar Giver is a pretty big flop so will we get a six-part series with six director Cuts I think the better question is will we even get a third oh the crow 2024 one of the worst movies of the year and my biggest disappointment is the crow starring Bill Skarsgard this fundamentally flawed turd nugget is a half-ass resurrection of the 9s cult classic a movie I Revisited beforehand out of excitement for the Remake and found it still lives up to the lofty expectations of my personal Nostalgia button like

the crystal loving girl you tried to run away from sometimes critic and audiences align like the planets and this movie rightfully holds up an abysmal 20% score on the old rotten tomatoes here's some of my favorite bits of praise the guardian the raged is gave me my favorite quote the crow one of 2024's most atrocious films thanks Guardian couldn't have said it better myself this movie was so bad I had to do an out of theater sitting in my car with sunglasses reaction to it just got out of the theater seeing the crow I would

advise anyone who likes the original to not see this movie I would also advise anyone who just likes movies or good things or doesn't like having a bad time to not go see this movie wow wow scars guard usually always delivers a good performance but I can't praise cringe sorry what a weird year for him in one of the worst movies of the year and in one of the best in NS veratu I guess we can't win them all so what's wrong with it well everything it's a terrible remake it destroys the essence of all

the characters that were beloved in the original it's a terrible adaptation of the original graphic novel it's an action movie with like one [ __ ] action scene it's it trades in a goth aesthetic for a brooding emo infused disaster that becomes a laughing stock seriously what is wrong with Lion's gate Studios how have they managed to have a worse year than Disney's 2023 the story follows Eric Draven a junkie Who falls for another junkie named Shelly in a rehab center their love affair is cut short when they're murdered by some bad guys working for

inserted Crim Lord number five of the year who has demonic powers that are never explored nor particularly interesting not letting death stop him a mystical Crow brings Eric back to life to seek revenge the problem with most of the [ __ ] movies in this video especially the crow is that it script is trash Eric and Shel are both in a rehab center by choice and they escape in such an idiotic fashion within the first 15 minutes of the movie you have to brace yourself knowing the movie isn't about to get any smarter staying in

the center by choice and then escaping to indulge in Hedonism makes the characters instantly unlikable and it never gets better worst of all the movie is a giant bait and switch in multiple facets Eric isn't really the main character of the movie Shelly is she's the driving force behind every choice every DEC ision and Eric is simply along for the ride even after she dies the movie is almost focused entirely on her and her exploits instead of being about a man seeking Revenge this is supposed to be a remake turning the crow into a Gothic

John Wick but instead it's about this junky Shelly that you absolutely do not like played by an actress who pretends to have Billy eyh eyeball syndrome where they just kind of dead fisheye their way around her skull another major issue that I briefly mentioned already is the fact that this is not an action movie it pretends to be one it's advertised as one but in reality there's about one action scene in the entire thing and it's at the tail end it's not even compelling because at that point another issue arises he becomes the crow now

you might ask isn't that the point of the movie and my answer is a resounding yes that should be the point of the movie but they wait until the final 15 minutes for him to become the crow the thing we've been waiting two agonizing hours for and he's essentially Ultra Invincible by that point so it's just gor porn e it sounds way more disgusting than I wanted it to be he can get hurt throughout the movie but comes back together again like [ __ ] Humpty Dumpty then by the end he's basically Voltron contrast that

with the original film where he's Invincible to row until the final 15 minutes giving the character an actual obstacle and the threat of death the villain of this movie is also just the cliche [ __ ] essentially the pathway to the devil who Shelly was sent to like why bring her back good riddance to that [ __ ] character the overall tone is so emo that like Borderlands and megalopolis you'll find yourself laughing at the movie It Takes itself so seriously it becomes the exact opposite it turns into a total farce Skarsgard who deserves way

more than what this movie is providing his career certainly looks AP part physically but even the film's attempts at being a better adaptation of the comic book falls short his hair is cringe as [ __ ] looking more like the typical modern-day hairstyle than anything from the book that sounds like a small complaint but the movie wants to adapt the comic but almost can't help itself from leaning into the emo cringe instead of the simple Revenge tale of two people who lived in the wrong place at the wrong time it's a convoluted subplot that involves

the Devil the man who does his bidding and a conspiracy crime syndicate cover up about it all get the actual [ __ ] out of here nobody wanted this it's not overly complicated is just overly stupid reimagining indeed this total turd burger is nothing short of a disaster one of the absolute worst movies of the year in a film I utterly despised it gave me a renewed appreciation for the original for Brandon Lee's Stellar performance and has its place among the more influential and fascinating movies of the '90s this remake it's already forgotten I just

got out of the theater seeing megalopolis and that was worse than the crow could ever hope of being and it might be Madam web level so bad it's good I really don't know yet but godamn let me just say that one of the lines is what do you think about my boner to pretend megalopolis isn't one of the biggest jokes I've ever seen on the big screen wouldn't be moving the goalposts it would be transporting them to another dimension this Quagmire of self-indulgence is a laughably awful piece of [ __ ] but it might be

on Madame web's level of so bad it's good Francis Ford cppa has created a pretentious stinker in megalopolis a movie about a futuristic parallel to the fall of the Roman Republic and is ultimately god tier garbage that's comparable to the room more than anything else in fact Tommy wiso could have played a role in this movie and its quality would only go up the one thing it's been praised for is its ambition I guess I didn't know throwing a ton of money at the screen qualifies for ambition I thought it's just how the film industry

operates today and he's just acting as his own shitty Studio it's a visually unpleasant nightmare something Lion's gate Studios has been taking first place in by a country mile this year at least koua wasted his own money to make this thing once you see it though you realize why he had to finance it himself in modern times it seems like movie studios are run by pure dumbasses like the Sony CEO blaming the media for the Spider-Man roges Gallery Universe failing because those weren't really bad movies that's right Copa couldn't even convince that guy to release

this trash the only one that would answer the call was Lion's gate the studio king of producing cinematic bowel movements and what we have is a movie that's every bit of laughable style over substance while the director sits back thinking it's actually deep but whatever he's trying to say gets completely lost in the schlock a movie that looks absolutely hideous and ends up being a poorly acted confusing disjointed joke yes this movie is that bad on every level from the acting visuals editing and directing although unlike Borderlands I could see this Sci-fi channel worthy piece

of nightmare fuel developing a cult following so what's the plot overview of such a movie that's actually a really good question because it's an incoherent mess as far as I can make out because whatever as a movie that parallels the fall of Rome it's set in the futuristic city of New Rome because subtlety is overrated it follows Adam driver's character Caesar I'm not [ __ ] kidding he's a genius architect that can control time we know this because he uses it at the beginning of the movie and then it doesn't matter whatsoever for the rest

of the film he wants to build a new Utopia in the sprawling Metropolis but standing in his way is the mayor Gus from Breaking Bad or should I say the usual suspect his sole purpose is to embody every cliched bureaucratic obstacle imaginable why does he want to stop him shoulder shrug it bounces back and forth between reasons and ultimately it leaves the audience not giving a rat's ass The Narrative meanders through philosophical debates political [ __ ] acid trips crossdressing and a love triangle so devoid of chemistry it makes the crow look thrilling oh and

Angelina Jolie's dad talks about his boner a lot it's a hell of a movie there are so many problems with this film it's tough to figure out where to start but how about the story itself it constantly stalls and goes nowhere or changes and shifts direction for no apparent reason at all whenever you think you're making sense of something the next scene will be about absolutely nothing connected to that nothing at all element that seem important are introduced and then dropped like Caesar's time travel mechanic something you think would be extremely important to the film

but has absolutely nothing to do with anything for practically the entirety of the movie The reason why is because he has new mechanic after new mechanic introduced that ultimately make it into a muddled mess leaving you not caring one bit about any of his abilities they just come off as goofy especially with the horrific special effects the dude gets shot in the face late in the film why the [ __ ] wouldn't the time controlling ability be helpful here oh right because the movie sucks that's why there's even a 20 plus minute Montage of him

tripping his balls off that happens for no reason he set up for sleeping with an underage girl during this time turns out she wasn't really so the plot thread is dropped and we just move on it has no impact on the rest of the film it just happens because this movie is nothing more than a '90s slider episode fever dream the characters are also just [ __ ] ridiculous where you're just laughing at the movie within the first 10 minutes just look at these scenes hello do you like my outfit the depth of these characters

rival a kitty pool with Adam Driver oscillating between a brooding intensity of cringe and the Charisma of a wet sponge quoting Hamlet at length like a pretentious [ __ ] he's this great architect building this dream Utopia but all you ever see of this is shitty CGI escalators like like that's it that's his Utopia I guess Mitch Hedberg was right true peace comes from the fact that escalators can never be out of order they just become stairs sorry for the convenience and shy abuff does what he can with what he's given and it seems like

he was told to just chew the [ __ ] walls down even if they're made out of brick he might as well be named plot device number one since the role of villain eventually turns to him for whatever reason when the story decides to without any notification cop's attempts at tackling Grand themes like societal structure ambition and a clash between progress and tradition that's what I get he's going for but I can't stress enough how horribly this thing Falls flat on its face the huus to create such a gargantuan [ __ ] can only come

from one of the greatest directors of all time truly that's how big of a turd this thing is I also can't stress enough how ugly the movie is I can't believe this thing cost as much as it did considering how poorly rendered all the CGI is you have to see this thing for yourself to truly understand the depths of This Disaster oh yeah this movie Borderlands is so awful I memory hold this thing to the point I don't really remember the story as much as I remember just absolutely hating this piece of [ __ ]

it's so bad it had a Rotten Tomato score of 0% at one point what is it Maya Angelou said I've learned that people will forget what you said people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel that's Borderlands because I felt used and abused after leaving the theater an absolutely horrific adaptation of the Beloved video game Borderland is the kind of mistake you Linger on for decades it provides the same sort of anxiety you experience when you're laying in bed at 1:00 a.m. still thinking about the time you

said here funny when your fourth grade teacher was taking attendance the acting cringe done by actors only looking for a paycheck the action scenes piss poor with editing so shoddy it's like the person putting them together went in blindfolded and smashed their head off the keyboard till it was done and it has visuals so awful they can make You Weep blood this movie definitely has it all it checks every box a shitty movie should and then some it tries to replicate the wit and reverent humor of the video games with abysmal results with every punchline

Landing with the force of a slap from Timothy shalam it answers the question who can waste the N9 fig budget better than anybody it's single Challenger being megalopolis but at least that movie only wasted Francis for cop's money both movies wasted the hard-earned cash of any unlucky person who saw them though myself included to actually give a proper breakdown of the plot I'd have to re-watch it so that's not happening but I can certainly give an improper one the hero and main character of the story is Lilith played by Kate Blanchett a bounty hunter with

a yawn mysterious past who returns to her home planet of Pandora the land of chaos and poorly rendered CGI Landscapes she's here on bounty to rescue the missing child of Atlas the universe's corporate Overlord and she assembles a ragtag team of cliches to accomplish that she picks up Kevin Hart Who Never Fails to deliver jokes about his own height I can't stand this dude he's like a more famous Bert Cher he has a shtick and he sticks to it there's also a Groot wannabe and a muscle bro who talks exclusively in Grunts and plot conveniences

and there's a teenage furry with autism and jam Lee Curtis giving it her least banded together they embark on this Quest against aliens robbers and humor so Force you could consider a [ __ ] restraining order the girl they seek is the cliche key to everything because of course she is she can unlock the Vault where adved technology is locked up conveniently forgotten about until the plot needs it to be remembered in the end Blanchette literally gets her wings because of course she does they thwart the bad guy and they celebrate like they're contractually obligated

to M I love it just from looking at the poster for this movie you can tell it was going to be a cinematic equivalent of a dumpster fire but what's really sad is the actors who decided to cash the check it makes me curious at what point did they realize what kind of digital abortion they'd be starring in actors aren't always The Brightest Bulb in the batch but the script itself is so awful I be surprised it wasn't obvious from the beginning that this movie would be an Abomination Kate Blanchette has absolutely nothing to work

with whatsoever and feels terribly miscast here although that's probably the least of this film's problems she's not convincing at all as Lilith and it gets even worse once the movie turns her into the Phoenix from the X-Men once the wings spread like Harvey Weinstein's prison butthole I burst out laughing I don't remember too much from this monstrosity but I certainly remember that bit of cringe the rest of the cast is about exciting as a wet fart Jam Lee Curtis is one of my favorite actresses of all time but she certainly has her own Curtis isms

and she brings them all to this movie overacting poor line delivery you name it she can do it all I'm glad she snagged an Oscar for everything everywhere all at once but other than that man has she had a rough go of it as of late first Halloween ends one of the worst movies of all time and now this another one of the worst movies ever made she needs a new agent and the less we say about Kevin Hart the better all this is what happens when you hand a movie over to Eli Roth a

horror movie director given a major video game adaptation and a nine figure bud Lion's Gate's been on a role when it comes to making the absolute worst of Cinema so it makes sense they'd hand this movie over to him but it doesn't change the fact it's one of the worst Productions of 2024 and generally speaking one of the worst movies ever made like ever he reduces characters to hollow shells of their video game counterparts and brings a nonv Visionary style of Storytelling that's as clear as mud the screen looks like the equivalent of Celluloid vomit

and a man who clearly has zero clue on how to direct an action scene how did he get this movie one might ask he hit his big break in 20 05 with the terrible hostile a lowbudget torture porn horror movie that spawned a couple of equally terrible sequels and he's somehow cruised through the film industry making mostly garbage ever since in fact his best piece of participation in film was as the Bear Jew and in glorious bastards his feet for Teddy [ __ ] ball game he would yacht on that one AR the [ __

] lands down street yeah that's really because of Brad Pitt's description of the character be you all in all Borderlands is an absolutely skippable piece of trash that hopefully never finds life on streaming or develops a cult following it was that big of a waste of time don't do it folks don't even try to like this one ironically ferosa is not the movie you're looking for it might say a Mad Max Saga in the title but this movie's biggest flaw is the decision made before cameras ever rolled because it's not quite Mad Max without Max

rockatansky there's a lot to like about this movie and while it falls well short of the bar set by its predecessor it's one of the better movies to hit theaters in the last 6 months quality doesn't seem to matter much here though because it's Fallen flat on face opening to a polter 32 million leading the worst Memorial Day weekend at the box office in decades and honestly that's a real shame because furiosa is a high-quality action Revenge film rooted in established lore giving more detail to the world that's endured since George Miller launched the series

in 1979 furiosa's origin is similar to Maxis it's a film centered around a mostly silent but persistent protagonist whose chosen Revenge updated for 2024 it's like a mutated John Wick in the desert well it's more than that but you get the point and Miller still manages to deliver a moment or two that incite a visceral [Music] reaction [ __ ] weird a lot of the action scenes seem like a smaller scale version of the same thing Fury Road was doing just not nearly as impressive it's probably not good to be reminded of another movie that

did it before and did it better and this is mostly thanks to George Miller's decision to rely on CGI instead of mostly practical effects I talked about an opening day on Friday night tights and while it's a fun action movie the box office has spoken a sad 32 million doll opening on what is traditionally one of the biggest movie goinging weekends of the year that figure is for the extended holiday meaning its true opening weekend was just 26 million to put that in perspective morbius opened to $39 million [ __ ] morbius there's an entire

video to be made about how something like that happens but no matter the reason it has a long way to go before it's profitable and it's not an outlier at the clex bad movies aren't just bombing it feels like everything is furiosa has a $168 million budget which seems reasonable compared to budget numbers from Superhero films over the last decade but Mad Max has never been a series known for its box office domination like those movies had there's no billion doll movie in this franchise the biggest is Fury Road when it hit 380 million in

2015 in the first three films were made on small budgets under 10 million in fact the 1979 movie cost just 350 Grand and Fury Road cost over 150 million to make and it's questionable if it even broke even at the box office it surely made a profit by now thanks to 8 years on streaming in home video but furiosa probably doesn't get made if Fury row doesn't get nominated for best picture we've ended up with a pretty good movie by most metrics but by its very nature falls short as a follow-up leaving me to wonder

why nearly 80-year-old George Miller would decide to make this movie instead of anything else he has other Mad Max movies in mind and I've heard complaints about Fury Road being one of the first to start at tropen movies I openly mock the female character replacing the male character Mary Sue Etc and that furiosa perpetuates this further but I think this misunder understands the argument at least from my perspective it's not the concept that's a problem it's the execution FiOS isn't a Mary Sue she's not a girl boss she's a real character with weaknesses strengths and

actual motivation everything she does is earned things make sense in essence for what flaws Fury Road or furiosa have they're mostly well written in tight scripts that don't insult the audience's intelligence and yeah that sort of Trope might keep audiences out of the theater and might play a factor in the overall box office but it doesn't change the film's quality with that said George Miller doesn't have very many Mad Max sagas left in him and I question the need to tell a tale we already know the middle and end to furiosa as a movie is

good but it's a distraction and not something you'll probably be returning to it expands on her story but we don't really need to know it and it often risks ruining a character's Mystique remember Hannibal Rising I don't think we needed to know that Lecter became a cannibal after he was unknowingly coerced into eating his own sister so he went on a revenge tour and carved her initials into a dude Andia yeah now animals cool fosa doesn't make the character less than like Hannibal Rising did but I still left the theater thinking cool but why the

Mad Max series is a beloved post-apocalyptic action series that's defined George Miller's entire career furiosa continues exploring the same themes of survival chaos Anarchy and Redemption cutting through her desire for justice it works on its own and you really don't have to watch any of the previous madmax movies to grasp what's going on it certainly helps but you'll be less inclined to ask why does this movie exist if this is is your first trip into the madmax universe let's take a look at the story what works and if this movie is getting shunned by audiences

the funny thing about a good movie is I don't want to do a full story breakdown like I do the shitty ones good stuff isn't worth spoiling so if you're thinking about seeing the movie I don't think anything mentioned here will ruin it for you the biggest spoiler is this bad people get theirs in Revenge movies that's probably not a shock we meet furiosa as a child roaming the green place a hidden agricultural sanctuary in the Wasteland of Australia this magical place has been discovered by local Raiders a biker gang led by Thor or as

he's called in this movie dementus furiosa's mother heroically tries to save her daughter before ultimately getting [ __ ] crucified and burned alive as you'd expect that does not bring joy and things get worse when dementus trades her to a Morton Joe as part of a mutually beneficial deal over food and supplies furiosa manages to escape but sticks around for a [ __ ] decade disguised as a mute boy helping build the war rig a tanker truck strong enough to withstand the trials and horrors of the Wasteland and hopefully enough to get her back to

the green place along the way she makes friends with Max rockatansky um I mean pretorian Jack the driver of the rig who's basically like George Miller's white flag that you can't do Mad Max without Max with dementus ruling Gast town and a Morton Joe running the Citadel fosa gets to decide if she'll be exacting some [ __ ] revenge and does she you ask could the Green Ranger kick all the Power Rangers asses at once look at this [ __ ] hands Merry Christmas you get hands for Christmas an independent filmmaker and friend of mine

put it best with furiosa he said there exists an important pivotal moment in the lifespan of any successful cinematic franchise usually by its second or third sequel this Turning Point typically finds the franchise reworking its identity somewhat often times expanding its scope beyond the scale of its first couple films or Reinventing itself entirely while attempting to retain some of the core DNA of what made its first entry so appealing in the first place smart man that Sammy is a link to his channel and work is in the description I think in terms of a movie

series reworking its identity that really started with Fury Road and Furioso feels like a continuation of that if not a half step backwards it attempts new things like the hammy narration in nonlinear storytelling and feels a bit more experimental under the clearly confident direction of George Miller but the experiments don't always pay off especially when it comes to the visuals it's lacking the sense of identity Fury Road had the Chrome is cranked up in a lot of scenes but the cinematography feels like Fury Road light that movie might be brown gold and orange as [

__ ] but it certainly has its own look furiosa still has a Mad Max feel but nothing as Marquee as its predecessor it sucks saying this because it is so beautiful to look at but it's hard to deny another movie in the same universe stood out more instead furiosa feels more like someone hit pause a solid side quest that adds some nice but unnecessary details and in the end you're not complaining he did it funny thing is coming off the back of a visual effects Oscar nomination you'd think the next movie in the series wouldn't

take a step back in that department especially if it came out 9 years later but you know here we are where Miller decided to use as many many practical effects as possible in his last venture to the Wasteland he's decided to take things easy and dive deeper into the world of VFX here we all know CGI can be an incredible tool when enhancing an image or displaying something on screen that can't be replicated and Miller used it that way in the last outing but furiosa is filled with ugly CGI and awful obvious green screen that

took me out of the movie multiple times most of the time the visuals are stunning and as I mentioned before the action scenes while redundant are still well done but the CGI is ugly as often as it is good maybe it's Miller's age that made him want to take the easier route in U CGI and green screen hell who can blame a nearly 80-year-old for not wanting to run around sand dunes for months as far as the characters are concerned being a prequel a lot of them are recognizable but Chris Hemsworth as new villain dementus

is the best part of the entire movie you've seen bits and pieces of this character in his previous work in some ways dementus is like a Multiverse villain version of Thor I mean he's even wearing a cap for most of the movie Hemsworth is not quite in the realm of Daniel Radcliffe and Harry Potter when it comes to being identified as one character for the rest of his career but even if he was he's still clearly having a blast playing dementus and he's the perfect balance of villainous and hilarious Miller and co-writer Niko Loris give

him some fantastic dialogue to chew on throughout the movie especially the end and the only thing bogging down his performance is that [ __ ] knows yeah for whatever reason they decided to give dementus the Gandalf treatment except with prosthetic effects that are way worse than they were 25 years ago apparently no offense to the costume Department what's [ __ ] crazy about this is they wanted an Oscar for this 9 years ago and here we are with the best character in the movie constantly distracting the audience with the most glaringly fake nose possible the

skin tones don't match well in multiple shots and it stands out even worse when the lighting hits it from certain angles he looks like he's only missing the [ __ ] glasses and he complete the nose a mustache Halloween mask hello my baby hello my honey hello Anya Taylor Joy is pretty good as furiosa but for me this character really didn't feel that much more fleshed out after the end I don't think that's necessarily her fault I like her in past projects especially the menu and from her recent comments she has the guts to make

a judgment call on how she feels a character should act she said this recently in regards to a scene in the menu the script called for her character to have a single tear rolling down her cheek when she discovers that her date has brought her to a lavish private dinner with the intention of having her die Taylor Joy asked what planet are we living on I was like let me explain to you I am going to LEAP across the table and try and literally kill him with my bare hands that's good [ __ ] you

can see why she's perfect for a role like furiosa even though she doesn't appear in the movie in until almost an hour in in a movie nearly 2 and 1/2 hours long almost the first hour takes place when furios is a child it's not Ana Taylor Joy that's the problem really it's that furiosa's story has already finished and it isn't a compelling enough character to carry the longest movie in the franchise to the promised land English actor Tom Burke plays pretorian Jack the mid-movie character who helps furiosa and commander of the war rig when he

appears on screen I laugh to myself oh there's the Mad Max stand in and he really is along with the obvious characteristics and mannerisms and filling a similar role to Max in the previous movie he even kind of dresses like him it's pretty overt and you're definitely supposed to get Max Vibes like George conceded that you can't have a Max movie without mad [ __ ] Max so here's your wish.com version to his credit Tom Burke plays Max I mean pretorian Jack as you'd want as the stoic confident badass Mentor besides maxj fosa has an

outrageous cast of supporting characters just as you'd expect from a returning personal favorite of mine and Morton Joe I mean that [ __ ] character design is Iconic as hell to the history man who makes himself indispensable in a doggy dog world no matter where you look there seems to be someone interesting just don't tell George he might spend the next N9 years making a movie about the Gang Green underground maggot lady I mentioned Chris Hemsworth stole the show and has some excellent dialogue to work with near the end of the movie but it's solid

throughout the whole thing like Fury Road furiosa is minimal on talking but when it does it's usually being uttered by a villain whether it's dementus a Morton Joe or some other nefarious turd and sometimes honest ly there's nothing more pleasing than some great villainous monologue threat or staredown the dialogue portion of the script is fantastic it's the pacing that's the biggest problem with the movie I didn't exactly get bored during it but the opening segment one of five is over 40 minutes and you do feel the entirety of the 2 and 1/ half hour runtime

some sections of this movie are unnecessary or go on for too long and it could have been trimmed down by at least a half hour I think after 9 years Miller wanted us to get our money's worth but I don't care if it's an hour and a half just give me a good movie if it works it works for its shortcomings furios is still a good movie that's worth a watch whether you're a fan of the franchise or new to it altogether it's a Revenge flick with intense Gore effects and steampunk influence set pieces and

costume design set against a dystopian hellscape backdrop and that's pretty badass it's not the best in the franchise but who can complain when it's that kind of description well a lot of people it turns out furiosa received a B+ Cinema score which is pretty surprising Cinema score is a weird metric because you have to read between the lines context is important and Cinema score p opening night viewers who are more often than not fans of the franchise Who come out to the movie with different expectations than a regular filmgoer that is to say opening night

viewers tend to be more lenient in their responses so a B+ is really like a C+ I know everyone hates Rotten Tomatoes but that's because it's misused and misinterpreted there is some utility in the black and white data and 83% audience score on there corroborates the rough Cinema score I wouldn't call it a divide between critics and viewers but it's interesting to note when you consider the sad $32 million opening weekend if people were disinterested and opening day audiences weren't exactly pleased what exactly is furiosa who's the movie for is it really because Max isn't

in the movie maybe it's because audiences are getting smarter about what they watch at home versus the theater if that isn't clear as day what movies in the past year felt like actual events that require leaving your home for Oppenheimer Barbie Mario and that theater event feeling made over 3 billion combined dollars but a movie like furiosa fun as it is looks like an event movie on an IMAX screen but you have to convince someone it's an event movie to go to an IMAX and see even though I love the theater experience I don't blame

anyone for not shelling out for the $15 ticket and the $10 popcorn and the $10 soda wait seeing a movie Just cost almost $50 a person $50 for one event when a video game you can play for 40 plus hours costs 60 or 70 and you can rent the movie for just $4 when it comes to streaming in a month ow it can't be anything like that Deadpool and Wolverine pulled off exactly what it needed to it's a damn good reason to go to the theater for which I'm certain Regal and AMC are grateful to

their Disney overlords it's the start of Marvel's apology tour for their toilet water movies the last few years deciding to play it as safe as possible and feeding us the McDonald's of Cinema with Main Ingredients consisting of unapologetic Nostalgia and fan service but it's also a surprisingly heartfelt farewell to Marvel's Fox universe and Disney thankfully didn't burden this movie with the weight of saving the MCU they're leaving that to their Robert Downey Jr Panic casting I don't like describing a movie as fun but that's really what this one is it's fun not that MCU movies

are the height of Cinema but Deadpool and Wolverine is a Happy Meal there's no nutritional value and there might be some gut rot but you're not supposed to eat that [ __ ] all the time it's a little treat now if you've seen a Deadpool movie this one's like DMX on a roller coaster you're getting exactly what you expect Ain nothing Ryan Reynolds has Deadpool down to a formula probably why Kevin feige used this movie to momentarily stop the bleeding of the dying Marvel Cinematic Universe a third Deadpool movie is the safest of bets an

absolute home run in the right hands and something that should be impossible to mess up and with Wolverine added this was the predictable guaranteed box office hit they desperately needed just how nervous fans were about Marvel screwing this up is indicative of how far the MCU is Fallen but hey Disney deserves credit for not [ __ ] up the unfuck up so good job we're talking about a film that in a bizarre way was going to be above normal criticism and it has to be if you want to enjoy it if you think about the

plot for seconds it completely crumbles under its own stupidity and it was always going to it definitely feels like Ryan Reynolds and the writing team used the meaness of the Deadpool character to justify a lot of lazy ass writing but the good stuff is damn good does it feel like there's any substance no did I expect it also no fair or not Deadpool and Wolverine is going to be judged on if it did what the broader audience expects which is make people laugh let Hugh Jackman be Wolverine and just general Deadpool buffoonery [ __ ]

and shenanigans and yep all boxes checked the of Deadpool and Wolverine is well kind of pointless and makes no [ __ ] sense because of the contradictions it creates but we'll get to that the story little as there is exists to get Deadpool and Wolverine in a buddy action comedy scenario and with a fourth wall bricking character you have a built-in excuse to be as lazy as you want the movie makes sure to do exactly that For Better or Worse sometimes we start with a Flash Forward on Earth 616 Deadpool is being interviewed by happy

Hogan for a spot on the Avengers and he gets told promptly to eat [ __ ] according to Happy The Avengers is for selfless Heroes not for people trying to win back a stripper we then go back in time to Deadpool's birthday party and Mr Wilson's taken away by the TVA you know that obnoxious reminder of sloppy MCU World building they take him to meet Mr Paradox who offers him a spot in the sacred timeline or rather Earth 616 where we just were he'll want to take Paradox up on the offer too since apparently his

universe is dying see when Wolverine died back in 2017's Logan the universe lost its anchor being or in real world terms without a lead character to Anchor the story the writing is doomed to go to [ __ ] and audiences stop caring a universe decays over several thousand years when the anchor person dies but Paradox has a little McGuffin and universe is faster because the movie needs to put the characters in some sort of time crunch Jeopardy contrived or not damn it Deadpool not wanting his world to die steals paradox's little iPad and jumps universes

looking for a variant of Wolverine to replace his dead one and thus stop his world from destruction does all that make sense absolutely [ __ ] not I'll break down the Earth killer sized plot holes but a note there's a difference between this and other poorly written Marvel schlock as of late at the very least I am entertained [ __ ] an excuse to see live-action versions of classic comic Wolverines begins while the Cameo machine simultaneously starts and [ __ ] Deadpool doesn't just snag any Wolverine he apparently kidnaps the worst Wolverine in the Multiverse

who was convinced by Deadpool to help him under the premise that the TVA could go back in time and fix his fuckups instead Paradox prunes Deadpool and Wolverine to the void where they start their buddy comedy adventure through various Brown CGI spots running into excuses for fan service in Cameo Galore the two duke it out in a profanity laced fight to kick things off and it's made for sheer visual Glory two beings who can't die trying to kill each other doesn't make for a fight with Stakes but it's pretty [ __ ] fun to watch

they make it to the edge of the Void where they meet more cameos along with another villain Cassandra Nova a variant sister of Charles Xavier Deadpool gets Johnny Storm killed by exposing him as a Cass ra [ __ ] talker before they eventually escape and meet nice poool the other half of Ryan Reynold stick they gather all the cameos to battle Cassandra and escape the void and they do just that in over-the-top CGI gor and shenanigans Cassandra is betrayed by pyro on behalf of paradox because the movie needs to give her motivation for the finale

and Wolverine saves her sparking a momentary truce allowing them to escape Cassandra decided to use the time Ripper McGuffin to not just destroy Deadpool's world but everything in the Multiverse because villain reasons thankfully Deadpool and Wolverine joined forces in a video game QuickTime sequence to stop her and Wolverine's now called the best Wolverine because the MCU really needs you to care about this one Pronto so we can get to The Avengers movies my movie summar is tongue and cheek because as sloppy as the script is this movie has a lot in common with Spider-Man no

way home which I still hold in high regard even though it's a heavily flawed Nostalgia laddin film that's what Deadpool and Wolverine is too and neither movie has plot holes you could head Cannon your way out of the issues are there but having characters with a bit of heart goes a really long way in enjoying a story objectively The Script for this movie is a complete [ __ ] mess and you can feel how rushed Marvel was to get this out it has five writers including Reynolds himself and the movie was pushed into production then

abruptly shut down due to writer strikes with Ant-Man 3 and the Marvel's bombing Disney needed a hit so a lot was writing on this to be successful for what they managed to produce in the time frame they had they did a great job this wasn't a movie written by activists with no IP knowledge it was made from fans I mean seeing Hugh Jackman's reaction to the final fight is proof this man is one of us there's also shoddy visual work too from the opening sequence of a bloody Deadpool against a snow white backdrop that looks

incredible to the boring Bland Brown of the Void this movie definitely could have used another year of production it's the kind of movie where they'll Star Wars it to death in the future with physical media dying in the near future they'll probably give unfinished movies like Deadpool and Wolverine a new save file with upgraded CGI and Buffs like a [ __ ] video game they already do it with Star Wars watch a physical VHS copy of the special edition from the 99s and then whatever version they have on Disney plus now they're not the same

movie they even do that with movies in theaters the audio problems from Spider-Man across the spiderverse comes to mind and man this movie calls for a software update I also asked the question why does every movie produced by Disney have that look to it no matter the director there's a Sheen to their movies with a distinct lack of grit it really does set this one apart visually from its predecessors an interesting takeaway from Deadpool and Wolverine is that Marvel's very aware of its own problems Disney and even Kevin feige himself have deflected criticism of phase

four and five digging their heels in the ground about review bombing just this past weekend they say that while simultaneously taking in all of the criticism they've been receiving the past few years and doing everything in their power to correct it Deadpool's fourth wall breaks are used to address the mcu's issues headon Deadpool congratulating Wolverine on joining the MCU which he admits is at a low point right now is the first sign fige listens to the fans does he say that he cares what you have to say absolutely [ __ ] not in the movie's

plot point about the importance of anchor characters to entire universe is strikingly similar to a video I made 2 years ago about the importance of having what I called an anchor character for the MCU like Iron Man was or wait for it Hugh Jackman was for the fox Universe yes I'd say the anchor being plot is more a meta commentary for the MCU dying without a central figure like Robert Downey Jr it's why I mentioned in that same video they'd need to be focused on either Wolverine or Dr Doom who they'd get to return by

the way um I was right fige can say whatever he wants but it's like someone at Marvel is watching YouTubers and taking notes and maybe too much at face value I thought they'd cast someone new as Doom in Wolverine but they literally got Hugh Jackman back and Downey Jr for a heel turn amazing that's Marvel's answer to their problems they're going back to the well but at least it's better than the [ __ ] they've been pumping out so judging by the box office numbers it's a safe decision on Marvel's part while they figure out

what to do for the rebooted MCU of phase 7 and Beyond Deadpool and Wolverine's meta jokes show the studio can be honest about its mistakes even though no one would say it outside a joke that has plausible deniability but we'll take what we can I guess as mentioned before this movie is going to be viewed outside normal criticism for the vast majority of people seeing it who cares if something makes sense in a movie that breaks the fourth wall M but it's similar to an argument made for Godzilla X Kong or any other random meta

movie like Barbie even especially with MCU apathy in mind mileage will vary on how much even fans care about the story problems but let's take a look at some just for shits and giggles number one it's previously been established in the MCU that if a variant wind up in a universe outside their own their displacement would lead to an incursion and the destruction of the universe they're inhabiting but the entire reason Deadpool and Wolverine wind up together is because Deadpool is trying to save his Universe by permanently replacing Logan with a variant yet in Multiverse

of Madness Steven strange was captured by an alternate Avengers Squad who wanted him the [ __ ] out of there because his presence would cause the destruction of their Universe even though their world strange was wait for it dead there's some validation for the nothing in the Multiverse matters jokes two movies inhabiting the same universe contradict each other regarding the overarching storyline new motto is welcome to the MCU who cares number two a universe starts to Decay when its anchor being dies how did it exist before the anchor being existed were there previous anchor beings

will there never be another one so the universe's most likely billion-year history rests solely on the 80-year at best lifespan of one human being I know it doesn't make sense and it doesn't need to but it's still there no matter how you feel about the movie and there are a lot lot of examples in the movie like this where I don't even think mer would want to go through them all but again I understand that's the point Marvel's continuity and overall story has always been played a little loose but it seems like we're at the

point of [ __ ] the story hit the emergency fan service button and godamn does This Thing commit the fan service where the movie isn't so much a movie but more a celebrity guessing game of who could they afford with a Disney level budget that's where this kind of thing gets you it is cool to see a lot of the fan service key jangling wish fulfillment moments that have alluded fans all these years if there was some substance to the first three MCU phases then Deadpool and Wolverine is the start of the apology tour for

the last few years of [ __ ] movies even if it looks goofy when Channing Tatum walks out as comic accurate Gambit I was happy to finally see it and also glad we never got a solo movie more cameos from Fox's past creep in like Jennifer Garner's Electra but no Ben Affleck was it budget constraints or maybe Affleck's done with superheroes as he deals with the burden of existing this poor [ __ ] guy the big return though is Wesley Snipes his blade still looking badass at 60 they let him actually say something along the

lines of there's only ever going to be one blade a line Marvel alow that I'm sure Maha Ali is pleased with knowing Snipes his history it's not crazy to think he negotiated that line into his contract and blade gets the best deal out of all the cameos they wouldn't dare make him look uncool he even gets to throw the ice skating uphill line for some seal claps another person sneaking in from the fox Universe was Chris Evans as Johnny Storm his brutal murder in the movie serves as a lesson they can afford Chris Evans for

this and he's 100% going to be back as Captain America in secret Wars and yeah all these cameos are unabashed key jangling but they're at least here because the film Flaws and All was made by people who love the property that's proven by the end credits where a good riddance plays over a montage of behind the scenes footage that gets the Hallmark commercial single serving emotional resonance but it's simultaneously Earnest all the same and that leads me to Hugh Jackman as Wolverine who's the big gimmicky selling point of this movie these stunt casting things are

gimmicky since the story has to work through contrivances to bring the character back but I'm open to anything as long as it's executed well so does the movie give a good enough reason to bring Hue back yes and no it pulls the same thing the Loki show did the character of Loki died during the events of infinity War but the writers really need you to be emotionally invested in this time variant version of him the exact same way so the variant Wolverine much like the variant Loki is the exact same character as the previous one

up to a point it's a quick way to essentially bring someone back from the dead without actually doing it the story excuse to bring him back barely matters what actually does is the psychology behind it at least to Marvel General audiences won't care too much if this is the same Wolverine as long as it's the recognizable face of Hugh Jackman playing him for what it's worth I found that desecration of Logan's corpse at the beginning of the movie a wild thing to write I found that pretty funny but also over the top James mangold's pulling

an Arthur right now I'm sure also if Deadpool could go back to any point in his timeline why not just go back to a point where or Wolverine's alive whatever basically we just have to accept that Wolverine's back and yay it's huge Jackman and damn he brings the intensity in a few scenes that carry all the emotional weight in the movie and serve as a reminder of how great of an actor he is between Logan and Deadpool and Wolverine I think he's made up for the Decades of movies where he didn't get to say my

favorite word [ __ ] using it so liberally it even made me question if it was excessive by the time he dons the mask the fan wish fulfillment is in full effect on an iMac screen watching Hugh Jackman in full IC Wolverine attire slash through his enemies it's 25 years in the making and Marvel gave us what we wanted all those years unfortunately it's in a completely meaningless sequence where all the enemies come right back to life but for a quarter pounder with cheese it fulfilled my needs empty as those calories are as for Ryan

Reynolds as Deadpool I have to be objective he understands the character and plays him well I just don't find Reynolds particularly entertaining I think his chck is best served in small doses because he's a one trick pony and things get old really fast Jackman beating the [ __ ] out of him and verbally tearing into shreds throughout the movie is satisfying on a meta level regardless of how I feel about him audiences resonate with him I've said before that Reynolds as Deadpool makes the superhero movie for people who don't like superhero movies and I stand

by that so if you've enjoyed that Deadpool series up to this point you'll certainly love Reynolds in the role again Deadpool and Wolverine was able to succeed because it wasn't burdened with the weight of saving the MCU storyline but his success at the box office certainly showed Marvel a path forward to save the next phase Nostalgia Nostalgia nostalgia Robert Downey Jr coming back is no mistake and it'll play into audience psychology again just like seeing Hugh Jackman it doesn't matter if Downey's playing a variant or different character seeing him back in the MCU is the

least bold strategy possible but for Deadpool 3 to be R-rated and open to 200 million it looks like it'll be good enough to get fans back in the seats for at least two more Avengers movies I'm not going to spoil the story for Sonic 3 because I actually recommend this and encourage you to go see it and just have a goddamn good time but to set the scene the third entry in this series picks up right where the last movie left off with Sonic and Pal's back with their adoptive family and Dr Robotnik presumed dead

on Prison island off the coast of Japan a shadowy looking Hedgehog is being held in stasis where he's been for over 50 years but a mysterious someone breaks him free and this Shadow the Hedgehog is plenty pissed off over what's happened to him creating complete chaos around the globe and requiring the world policing agency known as gun to recruit Sonic and his team to stop him now I'm a big Sonic the Hedgehog fan check the Avatar and I was one of the people who poooo the original movie from the get-go I didn't think it was

something they'd be able to pull off and after ugly Sonic I threw in the towel but the change in Sonic's look after fan backlash brought me back clearly the creatives Behind these movies adore the character and entry after entry has turned me into a true blue believer is the plot contrived as all [ __ ] absolutely do I care absolutely not I'm not one to suggest a better story wouldn't make this a better film but if you're trying to go that route you're missing the entire point of these movies I've always been an advocate for

character over everything if you're going to pick something to do right at least make the people or creatures in the story compelling it's why I still love Spider-Man no way home despite all its problems because like Sonic 3 it was made by people who love these characters dearly and that's made clear on screen as absurd as the movie is I say this with affection of course the nuance and Shadow in Sonic's arcs is surprisingly good Sonic the Hedgehog 3 somehow does what most video game movies can't it delivers characters with actual depth indeed a movie

about a blue rodent and his brooding genetically engineered counterpart manages to explore adoption abandonment and emotional baggage better than half the dramas Hollywood CHS out these days and certainly better than that piece of [ __ ] Mufasa it's no Indie movie it's loud it's silly but it also has the nerve to make you care about two cartoon anthropomorphic animals punching each other on paper Shadow should be a joke Sonic's edgy doppelganger with enough ANS to make kylo Ren look like a well adjusted adult the Gerard Way of game characters the emo John Wick but Shadows

Arc isn't just angry guy learns to be less angry it's layered and dare I say heartbreak his connection to Maria yes this is a video game cannon situation and his tragic backstory involves a human named Maria anchors his rage and grief in something real you watch as Shadows Vendetta consumes him but there are cracks along the way so when the inevitable Redemption happens it actually feels earned this isn't some power of friendship nonsense Shadow's transformation is rooted in loss regret and finding a way to move forward and somehow they pull it off without making it

feel sacaran then there's Sonic himself you'd think by the third movie they'd have run out of things to do with this guy instead Sonic Sonic continues to grow his Relentless optimism isn't just comic relief it's the Counterpoint to Shadows despair Sonic's own experience with abandonment gives him a perspective that makes his attempts to connect with Shadow feel genuine rather than forced three movies in and they're still finding ways to make Sonic an actual character instead of just a meme generator the dynamic between Sonic and Shadow carries the movie their conflict isn't just about good versus

evil it's two characters dealing with the same pain in wildly different ways Sonic channels his into hope and connection while Shadow uses his as fuel for Revenge when when they finally Collide it's not just a flashy set piece it's two opposing worldviews crashing together and somehow this emotional weight is packed into a movie about Chilly Dogs and an evil genius with a mustache shaped like a Wi-Fi signal what really sets this apart is how it handles themes like adoption and abandonment without paning or oversimplifying Shadow's pain over losing Maria feels raw not sanitized for the

sake of keeping things kid-friendly the movie doesn't shy away from the darker aspects of these themes and yet it doesn't wallow in them either no it uses them to drive real character development have I mentioned how [ __ ] Terri Mufasa handles these exact same themes yeah the cynical side of me can't wait to dump on that [ __ ] thing it's worth mentioning that Shadow's eventual Redemption is one of the most well-executed arcs in the franchise so far the setup is meticulous his rage his grief his gradual realization that Revenge won't fix what he's

lost by the time he lets go of his hatred it feels like a genuine catharsis not a cheap plot twist slapped on to tie up Loose Ends unlike scars [ __ ] Arkham Mufasa but I will get to that Sonic the Hedgehog 3 also avoids the Trap of becoming overly sentimental the emotional moments hit hard but the movie never stops being fun it's self-aware enough to lean into its absurdity but not so much that it undermines the genuine emotional Stakes of its characters the balance is razor sharp and the result is a film that doesn't

treat its audience like idiots and I don't know how to put this but Jim Cary goes god mode in this and delivers his best performance as Dr Robotnik yet I say yet because they've unsurprisingly green lit a fourth movie in this franchise so I'm sure for enough money he'll be back again and holy [ __ ] I really hope so this guy is a national treas these movies simply wouldn't be the same without him and he brings the energy this film needs from its primary antagonist remember when comedies were a thing and you'd sit in

a movie theater and actually laugh it feels like that again whenever Carrie is on screen he'll have you sitting back and cackling you can only take a guess at what's scripted in what's ad lied but it's probably safe to say the director let him do whatever he wanted a lot of the time not only is he playing robotnic he's picking up two roles here as the elderly Gerald Robotnik io's grandfather even with him the themes of Abandonment and Redemption are really well done Ivo initially teams up with Sonic to stop Shadow this is in the

trailers so it's not a spoiler and if you've played Sonic Adventure 2 a th000 times like I have you're already in the know but his feelings of loneliness stemming from having no known family give robonic even more depth yes Dr [ __ ] Robotnik is more than just a silly arch nemesis Ivo story comes full circle here not everyone gets the same amount of screen time but everyone has something to do in a place to wind up taals and Knuckles want Sonic to trust them which grows increasingly difficult as the stakes become more and more

personal for Sonic again this is insane that I'm writing all this about a kids movie but it's [ __ ] good man just damn good entertainment lastly I'd be remiss not to mention keano Reeves voicing Shadow the other cast is great but keano is one of those light bulb moments where you go yeah yeah that makes complete sense Shadow doesn't need to say much and what he does say is pointed and dark Keanu brings his most keano voice ever to Shadow he doesn't try any fancy tricks there's no Bram Stoker's Dracula whoa wherefore art though

to be found here and it just [ __ ] works and as a longtime Sonic fan the Easter eggs in this movie were a lot of fun to catch unlike say Mufasa which relies almost exclusively on estalia to get you through that train wreck no Sonic 3's Easter eggs are in the background or plac in the movie without their point being a distraction it's something for fans to pick up but are all naturally placed in from sound cues music character move sets robot and Tech Designs they are there uninterrupted take place but awesome for fans

to recognize and go nuts over there's no Reliance on prior knowledge for the viewer to get through this movie the Easter eggs are there if you notice them like they're supposed to be they don't break or make the story or as I like to call it fan service done right at the end of the day Sonic the Hedgehog 3 isn't just good for a video game movie it's a better exploration of grief abandonment and Redemption than the other movie we're about to discuss one the studio probably wishes would be nominated for an Oscar and that's

both a testament to the filmmakers of Sonic and a damning indictment of everyone else on the other side of the spectrum oh Robert Edgars the king of making movies critic will fawn over and audiences will endure while I come bearing Glad Tidings Nas veratu is one of the most engaging and thoroughly entertaining movies of the Year riveting from start to finish it's also one of the most beautiful to look at but this is Robert Edgars we're talking about no matter how you feel about him did we expect any less yes for the man who's typically

more popular with critics than audiences Nas veratu is going to continue that Trend it's this man's work through and through For Better or Worse depending on who you ask but it's not just god tier visuals he brings to the table for lack of a better term this movie has mood it is a horror film after all starring Nicholas Hol in his typically frantic style Lily Rose Depp in a shockingly good performance William defo as his usual Reliant self and The Haunting Bill Skarsgard is Count orlock or NS veratu for the uninitiated it's a horror movie

for the ages there was a lot of hype surrounding this one and I was a bit worried that it could fall flat so I kept my expectations low a friend had to remind me it was actually releasing as Christmas Day approached so I went in more blind than most other films I'd also already been disappointed earlier this year by last Voyage of the demer another vampire Dracula specific movie that failed to live up to any expectations is this a remake is it an update I'd say it's a bit of both as it keeps the same

places and names as the original German film from 1922 that film in a lot of ways was the true Godfather of horror movies the originator even though its themes and characters were at first just temu versions of bran Stoker's Dracula character names and some motivations were changed to avoid copyright but the original NOS veratu was so close to Bram Stoker's story that they lost a court battle where all prints of the movie had to be destroyed thankfully some were saved and the little silent film eventually became Legend 100 years later we get the update we

didn't know we wanted but now we know we needed the story of Nas veratu starts off following Thomas hutter a real estate agent with the intellectual curiosity of a doorknob but seems like a devoted husband all the same to gain a promotion he goes to Transylvania and assists the freakishly tall and ghoulishly clothed count orlock in purchasing property in his hometown of Wismer despite his lack of awareness Thomas realizes [ __ ] is going to hit the fan once he meets orlock a frightening man whose voice sounds like the Devil Himself with a face only

a mother could love well that and Thomas's wife perhaps orlock becomes infatuated with Thomas's wife and travels the whis to cuck Old Tommy Boy the plot is indeed a typically classic interpretation of Dracula but it's drenched in a Melancholy and hopeless mood that most horror films can't come close to touching Edgars for all the gripes he gets from audiences can certainly run a fog machine and dim the lights it creates an Ambiance that's incredibly dark and it's simultaneously beautiful and haunting but it's not just the cinematography that makes it a good movie although I think

think we often forget until we see a movie like this that films are a visual medium and looking this good is rare but the mood is set by the connection between Lily Rose depps Ellen and count orlock it's the centerpiece of the film and thankfully Edgars Nails it pun intended hiring Lily Rose for the main role must have felt like a risk but it's Hollywood baby nepotism is alive and thriving but she's fantastic here bringing a sweet innocence that's hiding the truth that tortures her Bill Skarsgard is also Stellar as orlock and his performance is

nothing short of transformative like Colin frell and the Penguin you'd never guess it was him underneath all the Prosthetics and his voice is eerie and memorable don't be surprised if you hear a thousand shitty impressions of it drifting through the night as the movie rises in popularity sorry I just had to do it the crazy part about it is he isn't asked to do too much a cynical man might say his ability to stare blankly and move stiffly is a master class in the bare minimum but Jokes Aside it's exactly what the story needs the

fear of orlock is from his mere presence and Skarsgard brings the gravitas to this role only his super tall ass could provide first it was Penny in it now this the dude is built to haunt your nightmares the film's dedication to historical accuracy is also commendable that's Edgar's through and through and just like his original horror film The Witch it oozes authenticity from the 19th century costumes to the painstakingly recreated architecture it's clear no expense was spared in making sure everything looks appropriately old and depressing as it should the real question is is it effective

as a horror movie and the answer is a resounding yes this is where the update comes into play it's certainly a modern horror movie in some senses with the usual jump scares and this is Edgar's wheelhouse if you've seen his other film The Witch you'll know the kind of terrifying atmosphere you're getting here the movie transcends typical horror schlock and becomes a real piece of art while still giving you that creepy crawly feeling as you're watching it the film also pays respect to the original movie there's a lot of reverence for the original here from

Edgars with some scenes being replicated shot by shot to be fair it is hard to beat a classic I highly recommend this movie and even if Edgar's work hasn't been to your liking again I understand the audiences have enjoyed this film less than critics this movie on its worst day is better than almost all the schlock Hollywood's put out in 2024 in my opinion it's the best film of the year and it's the last movie I've seen this year too talk about cutting it close