Michael Singer - Putting an End to Inner Suffering

Chi G Masters there are some really very simple Basics to life so for example if you love somebody you don't want them to suffer you don't need to learn that they just natural the trouble is people don't know how not to suffer and most of the time there's nothing you can do about it because most of the time we make ourselves suffer it's like somebody having a nightmare that you can't wake up you want to help them but you're not in there they're in a world of their own and they've created a world that's nightmarish

and all they have to do is wake up and stop doing it and it won't be like that anymore but when you're lost in that world it doesn't seem that way it is the same thing out here in the conscious world I challenge you the vast majority of all human suffering is self-generated self-created now if you're a halfway awake human being you challenge that statement sit there and say what in the world is he talking about it's because we don't go deep enough what is happening with almost all suffering here's the foundation of human existence

we are inside everybody is inside they're not outside they're inside you're inside you know that hi you're in there you don't need to learn it you're in there and you're not okay in there we can talk about why we can do all kinds of stuff but you're not okay in there it's it's problematic in there it's insecure it's it's jealous it's it's scared it's needy there all that stuff okay like do you have any needs just to break through the barrier of resistance do you have any needs most people yeah you got a list okay

you've just listed why you're not okay if you need something then you're not okay is that a definition of need something's not okay so it needs something to be okay that's what a need is don't make needs holy needs are like going to the doctor and explaining to the doctor why you're not feeling well I need need somebody I feel so lonely oh okay you're not well you're not doing well you need somebody I need respect r as pect right why would you need that you can't eat it you can't take it to the B

what are you going to do with it I just need it I need it I'm not okay in here and there are things that I need to bring in here to make me be better fair enough all right so your starting position is I'm in here and I'm okay in here all right very good we can deal with that we can talk about that but at least it's honest that is not suffering that is just a state of I'm not doing well in here what causes suffering in the world in your personal life is as

follows because I'm not okay I have decided how things need to be for me to be okay that's it go home you're done what do you mean that's the cause of all suffering that's the cause of suffering I'm not saying if you break your arm it's painful that's not suffering deciding how you think you need things to be in order for you to be okay in there and then complaining about how they are fighting with everybody to try to make them be that way worrying when you wake up in the morning that it won't be

the way you want or it will be the way you don't want going through the whole day trying to protect yourself from what from it not being the way I need it to be to be okay most of you are not going through the whole day protecting yourself from from a car hitting you basically you're not spending your day protecting yourself from what our ancestor cave people needed to protect themselves from Lions aren't jumping on you all kinds of things aren't going on but you do feel constantly that you must defend yourself that you must

protect yourself that you must be ready to control control the environment around you because something terrible is going to happen you worry a lot that's what suffering is this constant inward state of oh my God something's going to go wrong or I won't get what I need either something's going to happen that's going to make me worse or something won't happen that will make me better and I'm really worried about this really anxious about this I'm really neurotic about this I can't sleep I can't feel comfortable I can't digest my food I'm very tense my

shoulders are tense my head is tense I have headaches I have stomach aches I have Ultras I am suffering to one degree or another the cause of that suffering is very simple the cause of the suffering is not because you're not doing okay inside we can work with that okay we'll look at that we'll deal with that it is because you decided how everyone and everything needs to be outside in order for you to be okay inside that just created this layer I can't even my mouth goes dry to talk about it you created a

layer of confusion that has absolutely nothing to do with why you're not okay inside all right it's okay that you're not okay inside I swear we can talk about that we can work with that you are capable of being okay inside every single human being is capable of being okay inside and there's a total paradigm shift that my starting position is feel great it's fun I told you what being okay is like you wake up in the morning you giggle I'm back what's going to happen today I don't know but it'll be fun I live

on a planet where lots of things are happening how about you I can't even think of a single moment in whole life where there wasn't something going on in front of me how about you there something going on all the time it's a happening place isn't that fun you're supposed to say yes and that's supposed to look at me with this shocking look h no it might not be the way I want I mean it's not enough that something's going on it has to be what I want and it can't be what I don't want

that is the cause of suffering if you have that going on inside your head that there is a way that the moment in front of me needs to be or I'm going to freak out if it's not that way I'm going to get scared scared I'm going to get insecure I'm going to get jealous I'm going to be afraid because things are not the way I want them to be then you are suffering that is the definition of suffering that there is a way you need things to be and they aren't that way so you

get all weird inside so spirituality in real life begin when you wake up and you start defining the problem properly the problem is not that people play places and things and weather and circumstances aren't the way you want them to be that's not the problem the problem is that you have a way you want them to be instead of honoring respecting appreciating feeling gratitude that you get to experience the reality of life that is unfolding in front of you it is a fascinating place isn't it there's all kinds of things going on you're going to

have many many experiences every moment of your life say thank you but that's not what we do what we do is say I don't want to have many many experiences throughout my life I want to have the experiences I decided I want to have and I want to have them when I want to have them with who I want to have them in the way I want to have them and I'm very specific even down to what the temperature needs to be outside when I'm being proposed to it shouldn't be too humid or hot because

I might sneeze you know I got this thing down that this is what needs to be going on for me to be okay that's a layer that you built inside yourself and it is the cause of suffering it's just that simple so you have to decide at some point in your life am I going to commit my life to that Veil that psyche that thing I built that says things need to be a certain way for me to be okay and then I'll commit myself to that use it like God it's like it's the beginning

and end of my life this thing I made up inside of me you did make it up didn't you you make it up as you go don't you you just oh I like him how why' you say that I don't know I just said it I don't like him anymore he wears bow ties why did you decide you don't like bow ties why did you decide you do like bow ties that's a real aveng guard type guy who doesn't care what people think about him looking or his pokka out in B ties who decides how

you think who decides whether you like things or not who decides whether you want things to be a certain way you do don't you you just make it up you make it up as you go along have you ever changed your mind about what you want it just proves there's absolutely no solidity to this just make up all these things in your head as you go about how everything needs to be for you to be okay there's nothing more important than you can contemplate than how stupid it is to do that to just make up

how you want it to be and make up how you don't want it to be and then get upset when it's not that way you do don't you all right nobody has ever called anybody to task for doing that well Buddha did he said the cause of all suffering is doing that he did didn't he what did Buddha say the cause of all suffering was desire having a way you want it to be that's what a desire is having a way you want it to be that's what we're talking about so when you make up

this thing in your head that says I'm not okay this is how it needs to be for me to be okay you're dead and since that's what everybody is doing is making up in their head it doesn't matter if they're Russian or Chinese or Afghan or you know anything go to any part of the world they're all doing the same thing they're just making up how they want it to be because they think it'll make them be okay and then they're suffering well why why make why do you say then they're suffering because nobody gets

it the way they want nobody has ever gotten it the way they want and nobody avoids what they don't want and the Very Act of wanting it makes you suffer oh my God I don't want her to like him I want her to like me okay you're dead I want to go to Europe I want to spent a couple years touring Europe before I go to work but I don't have any money you're dead I don't want to be anywhere to the any snakes you're dead I don't ever want anyone to talk not nicely to

me and now we're going to get down to what I want to talk about I want to get the general we're going to be very specific today I just want you to own this it's like an AA meaning yeah my name so and so I'm an alcoholic you have to admit it yes I have made up how I want everything to be and I get real upset when it's not that way how upset do you get when you can't go what you want how upset do you get when you have to get get what you

don't want it does cause suffering doesn't it can you really suffer just by not getting what you want I know you can suffer if your arm breaks I know you can suffer if something's wrong physically can you suffer by not getting what you want have you ever suffered because you didn't get what you want thank you you're all too stunned with the talk to shake your head yes how does he know I know believe me I know I don't have to be psychic I can say it to anybody at any time and it's true you

have suffered by not getting what you want that's just silly you made up what you wanted and then you suffered because it didn't happen can you laugh at that please have you ever suffered because you got what you didn't want have you ever suffered because something happened that you really didn't want to happen you had made up that I don't want anything but this I'll be okay this I cannot handle I don't want this to happen and then what happens when it happens you suffer so you have to decide is it the event not happening

or happening that caused you to suffer or is it you deciding how it needs to be that caus you to suffer ever hear the expression takes two to tango it takes to to Tango in the suffering world the very thing that makes me suffer turns her on well wait a minute it's either a suffering event or it's not no such thing I want to go on a picnic I got a date and I I'm going to go camping and I've waited so long for this it better not rain I'm a farmer there's a drought this

is the last day that can Poss and we live in the same place all right so what you catch on is you got a big decision to make and this is the big decision of your life more important than your career more important than you marryed more important than your anything am I going to devote my life to trying to make the outside world be the way I made up and suffer when it's not and get a little bit happy when it is therefore I'm conditional or am I going to devote my life to learning

not to make up how I need things to be to be okay so that I can wake up in the morning and say this is going to be fun what life I don't have a way can we say that if I ever did a retreat with you God I know you're shocked I would make you say that I don't have a way I want things to be you don't no I don't would would that be fun to have to say that I don't have a way I want things to be I'm just glad there are

things I'm glad I'm on a planet where things are happening if I was on Mars I wouldn't want to be there very long it'd be fun to say I was first person on Mars that's the end of your fun Mars is not fun there's nothing happening it's the same all the time every day every place you go maybe I'll go over there oh there's Red Dirt maybe I'll go over there there's Red Dirt there's nothing anywhere that's not true where you live is it every single millisecond there's colors and shapes it's like a museum there's

things going on that's happening your whole life why not be happy with that why not enjoy the experiences of life that are unfolding in front of you that are presenting thems to you without any preference or conditioning just unconditionally say I have come down here to visit the planet Earth it has been here for 5 billion years in the universe that has been here for 13.8 billion years I'm going to be here for 20 or 50 or 100 what's the difference and I'm just visiting this place that got made I'm glad to see it I'm

happy it's enjoyable it's challenging there are things that happen that are easy for me there are things that happen that are really hard for me that's like a sport there are teams I play that I'm much better than I just beat them to pieces it's so easy there are teams I play better than me it's really hard and it brings the best out of me and I have to struggle and pull what's wrong with that so life is exactly the same it's a sport in the Scriptures it calls it God's Leela and Leela is translated

out of Sanskrit into sport what a funny word to be translated into sport it's an interactive sport that hear the univers is unfolding in front of you and you're here believe me you won't stay long if you don't like it first of all you don't like what happening don't worry because it won't be happening in a moment will it it just keeps changing everything keeps changing it's changed your whole life and don't worry in the long run because you won't be here very long anyways now I don't understand why they're suffering there is suffering for

no reason that's why Buddha said the highest state is compassion but people don't understand what compassion is compassion is what we just touched if you look out through your eyes and you see people suffering that's bad enough I mean that that's painful but to understand they are doing it to themselves and there is no reason for it they don't have to suffer not that way yes there's physical things but this psychological suffering that is going on inside is self-inflicted therefore it doesn't need to happen and the root of it is this idea that I'm supposed

to make up how I need things to be and how I don't want them to be and then I'm supposed to get upset when they're not that way well you're going to be upset all the time and so you come down to understanding this as your choice in life do I want to continue doing this and then go outside and struggle with everybody and everything to try to make them match what I made up or do I want to learn to stop this stupid game of making up how I want things to be doesn't mean

you stop your career doesn't mean you stop being married doesn't mean you stop having children doesn't mean you stop doing your best whatever you're doing that has nothing to do with that I didn't say anything about that I said you stop making up how things need to be and then fighting with everything and everybody to try and make them be that way you still go to school you still study you still have fair you know you still get married all kinds of things still happen your mindsets but why would they happen if I don't want

them to the sun comes up without you wanting it to the moon goes through all of its phases the ocean do what they do you have 14 trillion cells in your body that do all kinds of things without you wanting them to or not wanting them to the whole universe look at all the stars and the galaxies are you wanting them to be what they are and do what they're doing and the answer is you're not doing any of it so the fact that you stopped making up how you wanted to be and how you

don't want it to be is not going to affect anything except how much you suffer the fact that you stopped making up how you want it to be and how you don't want it to be and then fighting with the way it is is not going to change anything except you will stop suffering you you will enjoy the unfolding of life you're still doing the same thing you're just doing it for a different reason when it's said and done I want to tell you the truth life is going to win anyways if you don't want

it to rain tomorrow that has nothing to do do with or it's going to rain if you don't want her talking or dancing so close to somebody else believe me I know people very well it has nothing to do with what she's going to do it's like you're just causing yourself to suffer over the unfolding of reality we're not saying that you don't have any influence we'll talk about that but come on it's pretty small when it's all said and done reality is going to unfold in front of you it has been going on for

13.8 billion years and it's going on everywhere where you're not when I say that to to Mickey he let's go does that have that effect on you isn't it going on everywhere where you're not right now okay man you're not in charge and so you just catch on that things are going to unfold and you have a choice am I going to suffer because they're unfolding or am I going to enjoy the journey it's as simple as that again it doesn't mean you're not doing anything you're just doing it with joy you're doing it out

of love you're doing it because it's fun you're doing it because it's exciting you're not doing out of fear you're not doing that I'm afraid that if something happens I'll be dead so now I better go do something about it what kind of motivation is fear you're not doing I have need I'm all screwed up inside and I need her to like me and I need this to happen I need him to respect me otherwise I'm going to really be bad so that's what I want so you're not doing it out of desire and you're

not doing it out of fear you're doing it out of boy this is fun okay this is exciting this is inspiring IR ing this is love that's what's going on and so you interact with the reality of creation as unfolds around you because what else you going to do it's the reality that's unfolding around you you just sit there and honor and respect the realities of life and then you dance with life with fun with a sense of Joy but you can't do that if you are busy creating this Veil inside your mind called what

I want and what I don't want and then you're out there getting all upset because the reality of the world is not the way you want have you noticed it's almost never the way you want not exactly the way you want there's always something wrong even if you get what you want it's never exactly the way you want it the color was a little bit off it's a little bit bigger than I wanted but I guess I be okay with it so here's your foundation so the question is what do you want to do for

the rest of your life do you want to continue making up what you want and what you don't want and trying to superimpose that upon a world and then fighting and suffering and having commotion or do you want to learn to come into harmony into balance with the unfoldment of reality that is being brought to you because you didn't build this like and dislike how about this just in case it seems you impossible to not have like and dislike I'll let you have a like I like everything that will not cause any problems I like

life life is good I like life I like the challenge of life I like it and I will open myself and dance with and appreciate any circumstances that come my way and if they're challenging I love the challenge if they are easy I say thank you it's as simple as that all right you can do this you have the right to do this nobody can take it away from you you and you will find that you don't suffer anymore can you see that that would stop this psychological suffering and so we started this by saying

if you care about somebody you don't want them to suffer so I don't want you to suffer would you want your child to suffer you want people to suffer and look how easy it is to not suffer stop doing what you're doing in there and so the question becomes how so I thought we'd spend a moment taking one very strong cause of suffering and talking about how to transcend it that's what we call it transcending it how to go past it how to stop letting it run your life okay and that is this thing called

security and insecurity which all of you should be able to relate to like I started by saying you're in there but you're not okay in there well if I'm not okay in here it creates a certain sense of fear certain sense of non-well beinging a certain sense of insecurity that's you know what I mean by insecurity don't you there's like weakness there's a sense of non-w well-being so if I am insecure and I have a sense of non-w wellbeing I don't like that I don't want to experience that I don't have to make up what

I like or dislike that one's very natural it's just an experience of non-w well-being so there's two ways to deal with that the normal way is to say I need to find ways to feel more secure you understand that I need to find ways to feel more secure how will you do that I'll wear really nice clothes so that when people look at me I see that they're looking at me with respect that makes me feel secure I'll drive a Ferrari and pull up everywhere in a really nice car or something like that why that

makes me feel secure I I don't people look at me with Envy people look at me as important and so on and like you understand how people look at you has nothing to do with you it has to do with them people look at people all kinds of ways based on their religion their clothes their this and that you know you come to one place all dressed up in a fancy suit and fine tie And1 thousand thing right they'll run you out you don't fit they're not interested right show up somewhere else another way it's

all in the eyes of the beholder has nothing to do with you another person's respect for you has has nothing to do with you it has to do with them pull put a Hummer to a you know Green Peace party and you get nothing but very dirty looks they don't have respect for you see it had nothing to do with you pull up in the finest neatest four-wheel Hummer all jazzed up in in the Hummer club and everybody's looking at you like Whoa man wow I wish I had that they're not respecting you it's a

reflection of them to go do real well at something you know play a guitar and get a gig and and be invited to play at a coffee house that you really respected and go tell your folks who paid for your education and didn't know you dropped out three years ago to play the guitar right you will not get that sense of respect it will not be that way does that mean you don't deserve the sense of respect does that mean there's anything wrong with playing the guitar does that mean anything like this no it has

nothing to do with you it has to do with them if the truth of the matter is your father who's now a banker always wanted to be in music that's what he suppressed in his life and he saw his son or daughter step out of the Rat Race and dare to express themselves and do something he never had the guts to do the eyes are going to light up it has nothing to do with you okay and so you catch on that what is going on is you have two ways you can deal with this

sense of non-w well-being you can go out there and try to pull things that your mind makes up that will make you feel more secure and try to make them happen they do not work they have never worked for anybody the moment you get what you think you want to make you feel secure if you get it you'll be afraid of losing it go play a gig or give a talk or do something that everyone's so impressed oh my God you were so nervous but they say you did really well when they invite you back

tomorrow wait till you see how scared you are that you won't do as well there's no win in the game there is no win in the game that I am not okay I feel not secure discomfort inside so I need to get things outside a certain way in order for me to feel better that's not how you do it is there a way to do it yes but not that way so all this stuff that people are running around trying to impress each other trying to get power trying to do all this stuff it is

not a sign of strength it is a sign of weakness if you need people to think about you a certain way there's something wrong with you if you need a person to love you there's something wrong with you I'm going to now that's I'm going to use shock therapy what does it mean if I need people to respect me or treat me a certain way it means I'm not okay inside I don't feel whole and complete Within Myself I have issues and when they clap I feel much better when they boo I don't don't what

does that mean it means I'm not okay and I need situ remember I talked about need to start with I need things to be a certain way in order for me to be okay that isn't you know if you're healthy you don't need a doctor if you're not healthy you need lots of them and you better pick the best ones if you don't feel right inside you need people to treat you a certain way you need people to talk you a certain way if if a person says one thing you get defensive anybody noticed like

they can't say single thing oh I don't think what you said made any sense no you don't understand what I meant it's like you can't handle anything why the reason I said what I said was to try to impress you why because I'm not okay inside the fact that you have a single critical remark of any way shape or form of what I said means oh my God you might as well take a knife and stick it in me what's wrong with you I wasn't okay and I trusted that if I said this thing you'd

make me be okay and now you sat there and say yeah it was all right but you know you forgot this I did not no I way do you see the defensiveness that comes up inside of you I want to ask you a question have I exaggerated one ioda is't that amazing maybe we better talk about this all right so you catch on that this game of I'm not okay and I've made up how I need things to be down to the tiniest detail and what it's really about is how I need everybody else to

be that's what I think is funny I made up how I need everybody else to be including the weather you hear me in order for me to be okay all right I hope I've lectured enough on that so the question is what's the alternative so let's deal with insecurity that's a tough one it's a very big one what's the alternative the alternative is to fix what's wrong inside of you not to go out there and try to find Band-Aids to put over it so that you can temp temporarily feel better fix what's wrong inside of

you does that make sense okay fix what's wrong inside of you and then you won't have this problem so what would it be like if I didn't feel insecure could I actually feel secure inside wouldn't that be nice that it's not like you're an egotist you know you're not one of those people I'm perfect I can take care of anything I'm not worried of anything that that's not feeling secure inside that's feeling insecure and then putting something very strong in front of yourself I don't never apologize I don't ever give in anybody I always win

I don't worry about it I got great lawyers all around me that's not security that strength you put out there to project is hiding insecurity I'm talking about getting rid of insecurity don't even know I want you to not even know what what's he talking about well I would like it if you look at me that way I don't know what he's talking about I feel fine inside I never care what people think about me or anything how would you get there you come inside and you find a place inside yourself which I'm assuring you

is there that is just beautiful it's just radiant it's filled with love and joy and you just feel waves of well-being going on inside of you if I leave you alone it's the happiest time I ever did with you you just sit there and all this Joy comes up inside of you it was once a story of Yogananda back in the early days he wore turbin and it was an Indian guy right and he was riding on a train in America and he tells a story that he was just sitting there as a long train

ride and he was there and the conductor walked up to him and said excuse me sir could you tell me what you're doing and master said I'm not doing anything and he said God I wish I could do that he was just sitting there being okay he was just sitting there being okay for an hour sitting in the train with his hands folded being at peace being okay feeling wonderful that's like foreign to us you have to do something to feel okay in other words I have to do something to get away from the part

of me that doesn't feel okay I'm not okay in here so I need to be doing something that will make me eating something doing something talking something doing something because I'm not okay in here I'm talking about being okay in there that's the alternative way of life is to spend your willful energy trying to fix what's wrong inside so that I can be okay so we're talking about security and insecurity you do not need people to like you there's nothing WR you know to do things to make them not like you it's okay it's fun

people are fun but you don't need them to like you if you're okay here I just fell in love with you we're madly in love it's the honeymoon stage everything like that oh my God my heart's pouring open all that kind of stuff I don't care whether she likes me or not not when I've just fell in love with you what do I care somebody walks up to me and says you know I'm not interested in going out with you fine good I'm glad hope you have a nice life you got that because I'm okay

inside when you're okay inside you don't have a way you need people to treat you you don't have a way you need for them to give you this stuff that is such an important way to be what would it be like to go through life and not need like that so beautiful when you meet somebody you don't need anything from them you don't need to worry about what you said you don't need to impress them you don't need to know whether they liked what you were wearing you don't need to worry about what their thoughts

are when they walk how would you like that it's called Liberation how would you like to be free but what then would be my interaction with the person you would get to meet another person you wouldn't be trying to impress them to try to impress somebody means you're not okay and you're going to hand the state of your being to another person because they're either going to be impressed or not be impressed and you don't even know the person I just think it's so funny you don't hand your car to them you don't give them

your house but you give them your whole state of inner being and they can say something or look at you a certain way ruins your day you gave away the keys to your kingdom and so you wake up eventually to say I have this work to do on myself I don't want to live my life the other way I don't want to give the keys to my inner Kingdom that belong to me to total strangers every minute or every second and they get all weird inside because they're not reacting the way I expect them to

or the way I want them to if you are out there trying to impress people there is something wrong with you and you know darn well that's all you're doing is trying to impress people everyone you meet you you need to impress everybody if you're in a room and you impress 99 of the 100 people and one person criticizes you that's all you remember that's all you care about you walk away feeling terrible why why would that be why would it be that everybody's clapping and somebody's booing and I'm just keep looking at the guy

who's booing why because the whole reason you're doing this I want to impress you is because you're not okay and and so if something is happening that is reinforcing your not okayness like somebody not liking you somebody talking badly about you it hurts it's causes problems now you get to the point where you say I'm going to work with this how do you work with this you work with it you work with it you work with it every single moment of every single second of your life exactly like right now every single moment every single

second you're trying to impress everybody and you're trying to get your knees taken care of you're trying to do it exactly the same you're just doing something different you're sitting here saying when I walk into the presence of this person I going to watch very carefully to see where I'm coming from and if I'm coming from I need to impress her I'm going to work with myself I more interested in letting go of the part of me that thinks I need to impress her in order to be okay than I am with whether she's impressed

that's the bottom line that's where East Meets West if what I'm more interested in is whether I impress her I lose if while I'm having this conversation I'm watching myself and I am more interested in letting go of the part of me that thinks in order for me to be okay she has to be impressed it's like it's like what about if I traded it off for a heroin addict same conversation so here I am interacting the question is exactly this are you more interested in figureing out how you're going to get your next hit

or you're more interested in figuring out how how you're not going to give in to needing that hit cuz that's what's going to change your life it's like you're in there which are you doing so this is exactly the same this is an addiction your state of non-w well-being is the same as an addiction I'm not okay and I'm addicted to that and so everything I do is based on that you can break free from that I swear you can how do you do that by not giving into it how do I get off of

a drug by not giving into it by by remaining centered within and not giving in to the urge or impulse to commit my life to this drug by not giving in to this urge or impulse that I am not going to be okay unless I impress everybody I am not going to be okay unless I get the job I want I am not going to be okay unless I find my soulmate I am not going to be okay unless I'm driving a car that I feel comfortable in what I've just done is to find all

these limits inside myself that are basically saying I'm not going to be okay cuz you're not going to get it that way so that's an addiction it's an addiction to having things the way you want so you reach a point where you finally say if I have but one life to live I am not going to live like that and it doesn't matter how old you are it doesn't matter how rich or poor you are the moment you decide to change your life it is going to change because this is only up to you it

has nothing to do with anybody else you're totally empowered how you deal with yourself inwardly is your business that's yours there's nobody else in there so you can change it completely anytime you want so we were talking about how to do it you do it every day every moment you practice it's like learning to play tennis like learning to play the piano it's like learning anything you learn how to not let that part of your being run your life how by not letting it run your life how do you stop smoking stop putting cigarettes in

your mouth but what if I want to don't then you'll stop smoking is the same thing here I feel the need to impress somebody I'm concerned about whether they like me or not okay this is a growth moment if you concerned about whether somebody likes you or not quiet down don't say something please don't say something to try to impress them so they like you that's like trying to get the drugs instead sit there look at the part of your being that's getting neurotic getting scared that they might not like you and realize I want

to get past that what matters is whether I like me I'm the only one who knows me anyways and I don't like me who's all needy and needing people to like me so I am going to relax but it's said and done I've talked to this many times I've been doing this for a very long time I have learned that the highest way to deal with yourself is to relax in the face of yourself so if it's sitting there telling me what to say and what to do to get somebody to like me to impress

somebody I take one look at it and say I don't care whether the answer is right or wrong about what to do I don't want to play that game I don't to play that game I don't want to do drugs anymore it's telling me how to get my next hit and how I can make the money I don't care I don't want to do that anymore so I don't want to do this anymore so just relax just inside from a deep Center just relax and you will see it will pass it will hurt it's like

stopping smoking hurts right but it will start to pass and the next thing you know you're going to so amazed people are more impressed with you because you didn't say anything somehow if you're saying something to impress somebody it's like challenging that part of them they're just going to say something back to try and impress you or they're not going to let you impress them they going to say what's wrong like you're playing this game you're both in there playing this game who can get the respect of the other person more so that they walk

away feeling I won there's this feeling that I got what I wanted but the only way you're getting what you wanted is if you win if you impress the other person a lot of people are not going to let you and you know you don't want to be like that so instead like I said you start letting go how do I find the place inside of me that's okay by not going with the place inside of you that's not okay I swear you will never hear anything deeper in your life if you're not okay you

can't find the place that is okay if you're smoking you can't find the non-smoker you have to stop doing the thing that keeps you away from being okay so I can't find okay if I'm hanging out with not okay so when the not okay comes up I need to impress something I need to say something I need to worry about what I said does he like me blah blah blah blah blah if I hang out with that I'm not okay because I'm hanging out with Mr Miss not okay there's parts of your being if I'm

going to New York I can't be in California if you're hanging out with not okay you will not find okay so your first step is to stop hanging out with not okay and therefore when it starts telling you different things to do and this that all kind of junk you just let go you let at the moment go by I could literally put on a calendar and put a star the first time I ever made Mickey do that he's in a conversation he's trying to impress everybody and his his mind comes up with this impressive

thing to say and I didn't let him say it oh my God it's like you know that you're born that day like it's the first time you decided to stop smoking you were fine because people didn't want you to smoke and you're done now all of a sudden you ate dinner it's when you used to really like a smoke so here's that moment you better let it go or you going to keep smoking and so you learn to let go and I'm telling you the shocking part is when it's all said and done what ends

up being left is more impressive than anything you could have done and it's free when you stop needing people to love you it is amazing how many people love you why because you're not grabbing you're not taking so this is what happens when you wake up you catch on I used insecurity as an example but you could do it with anything you have to decide which life you want to live do I want to live the life of I'm not okay so I made up out everything and everyone needs to be to be okay and

I'm out there fighting and struggling with every moment of life every second for my whole life to try to make it be that way I'm not doing so well or do you want to realize there's a world unfolding it is going to unfold just fine without you it always has if it is going on everywhere in the universe without you it can probably go on in front of you since there's no difference and you realize you've just made this mess inside yourself this whole mess about how everything needs to be and how I need to

be and what I should have done before and what I and instead of buying into that you pay attention to what's going on inside of you and you don't buy into the part of you who's trying to be okay by doing all this stuff with everybody else by trying to get people to like you by trying to this and that and the other doesn't mean you're a Hermit doesn't mean you're antisocial you can be around people you can be hanging out with everybody you're hanging out with you're just not doing the same thing you were

doing you're not trying to impress them you're trying to let go of the part of you that would have you try to impress that's a very different relationship every second of your life you'll become a greater person because you're letting go of the part of you who's weak this is spiritual growth it's real isn't it it's shocking how real it is it's fact it's embarrassing it's called working on yourself it's like getting to the root of the problem and letting go and what is going to happen if you let go of the party that's not

okay little by little you will start to realize that you are okay because you're not hanging out with a part that's not so funny that's the best I can tell you all right work on these things