Trump Named Time’s Person of the Year, Biden Issues Pardons & What NOT to Do at Office Xmas Parties

poost of the show thank you for watching please thank you for joining us here in Hollywood where we're wrapping up 2024 this is our last show of this stupid year and we are completely full of cookies oh my God there's so much sugar in this building and in my body right now it's like the great B British Bake Off here Christmas is as I have to tell my kids multiple times a day when they ask 12 days away we had our secret s a gift exchange here at the office this afternoon and a secret Santa

gift is a great reminder that even the people you spend 40 hours a week with have no idea who you are or what you like then after the show we're having our staff holiday party now attendance at the staff party is voluntary except for one guy there's one person who is required to attend our party this year you know who that is Geo who Jimmy who do you think it is me yeah see all right yo ghosted our party last year even though it was planned at least a month in advance and we held it

right across the street he went straight home right yeah that's right what was your excuse again I didn't have a babysitter you didn't have a babysitter yeah and yet there are no plus ones and your wife doesn't work right no no right now in front of everyone I would like you to swear do you swear not only will you show up for the party tonight you do not not leave until I leave we will go together all right I swear I will go to the party and I will stay until his ass leave that's okay

all right na yeah oh one other bit of B if you'll indulge me I want to lay out some rules for the party for my co-workers um here are the rules if your drunk husband tells me you need a raise you're fired if GMO says do a shot you do a shot and please don't ask me to be on your podcast I'm not doing that's all everything anything else you want to do is fine the best part about the holiday party is inevitably one person will do something that will haunt them for many years to

come like the time one of our producers I won't mention his name but um this is what he [Music] [Applause] did yeah that's Patrick he he got up on the bar removed the shirt for all the beh who will that party person be tonight well we'll find out you know I've been thinking we know next year's going to be challenging we're about to endure a lot of uh gaslighting greed lying ignorance possibly even the measles and the MPS so let's fill this Christmas with generosity and goodness let's be nice to our friends let strangers get

ahead of us in traffic maybe spend a little extra time with their kids give our spouses a backr maybe have some snacks for the Amazon guy when he shows up let's deck those Halls and Lube up those chimneys because Santa's coming to town and he might not be coming back ever again okay which brings us to Donald Trump who got yet another early Christmas gift today he was named Time magazine's person of the year that's the cover sadly there's no one left to roll it up and spank him with it maybe Elon will do it

for him I don't know according to the time website the person of the year is bestowed upon a person group or concept that had the biggest impact for good or for ill which that's him all right that's it was a no-brainer in every sense of the word over the years you know Trump has had many ups and downs when it comes to Time magazine in 2013 he wrote The Time Magazine list of the 100 most influential people is a joke and a stunt of a magazine that will like Newsweek soon be dead and just take

just took a look at Time Magazine looks really flimsy like a free hand out of the parking lot the sad end is coming just like Newsweek but in 2015 when they put him on the cover on the cover of Time Magazine a great honor and then they didn't make him person of the year that year I told you Time Magazine would never pick me as person of the year despite being the big favorite they picked person who is ruining Germany but then the next year thank you to Time Magazine of financial times for naming me

person the year a great honor sadly the Era of Good Feelings did not Last Time magazine called to say I was probably going to be named man person of the year like last year but I would have to agree to an interview in a major photo shoot I said probably is no good and took a pass thanks anyway and then this was today when Trump celebrated his person of the year Hood At The New York Stock [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Exchange ding ding ding ding ding ding ding he jammed his little finger on that Bell like

it was the diet coke button in the Oval Office that's how long my son would ring a bell he's 7 years old just a very stable very even some say stable Genius of a man and then since he was back in the Big Apple Trump treated a floor full of stock Brokers to the classic Timeless story of the old lady and the apples people can't afford their groceries and they're going to be affording their groceries very soon uh I tell the story about a woman who an old woman old woman no money went to a

grocery store had three apples she put them down on the counter and she looked and she saw the price and she said would you excuse me and she walked one of the apples back to the refrigerator and came back to pay for the two apples and she left with two apples and the woman at the counter said that was so sad and when I heard about the story I said that should never happen in America and it's not going to happen in America yeah and it never happened in the first place in America I will

never get tired of hearing that story and he will never get tired of telling that story that is Donald Trump's freeberg right now meanwhile President Biden was in a giftgiving mood today he commuted the sentences of almost 1500 Americans serving time for nonviolent crimes it is the biggest single act of clemency in modern American history before this the biggest Act of clemency was on Election night on November 5th when Joe Biden is um he's handing out pardons like their wor there's Originals he has no more malarkey give right now you know crime is getting more

complicated we have uh news of yet another Cyber attack on another company this one on of all places Crispy Cream according to a filing with the SEC the online systems of the crispy cream doughnut company were disrupted by hackers late last month which is is scary I mean if the donuts aren't safe are any of us safe why is crispy K cream even online you know when I was a kid we had Donuts we didn't get them from the internet we got them from this chubby little guy with a Hitler mustache You' Get Up Before

Dawn to squirt the jelly in himself and why did he have a Hitler mustache at a time that was much chronologically closer to World War II we had no idea and we couldn't look it up because we didn't have the internet back then and the donuts were still great maybe even better the end of the year is a time to reflect to look back on not just the good times but also the moments where we came up short and with that in mind it's time to finally recall some of the most memorable recall calls of

[Music] [Applause] [Music] 2024 in February Bissell recall called more than 140,000 vacuum cleaners because the vacuum's battery pack in overheat and burst into flames in March Trader Joe's recalled almost 62,000 lbs of steamed chicken soup dumplings that may have been contaminated with hard plastic from a permanent marker pen also in March La Fiesta ground cinnamon was recalled for potential contamination with lead I see April tide Ace gain and aerial brand laundry pods were recalled the outer packaging meant to prevent access to the contents can split open near the zipper track which can lead to accidental

exposure and poisoning also in April Tesa recalled its new Cyber truck to replace the accelerator pedal to prevent the pad from dislodging and result in in a loss of control elon's a dick yeah in July Claire's recalls 100% polyester Halloween witch hats the hats violate Federal flammability requirements posing a risk of burn injuries to Consumers flaming witch heads and various deli meats recalled after multiple people died and dozens more were hospitalized as a result of leria traced to B's head liver worst liver worst is disgusting in in the first place August Purdue frozen chicken tenders

recalled because they may contain metal wire and in November grimmway Farms issued a massive recall on organic baby carrots that may have been contaminated with eoli oh will recall you thank you Jeff Jeff babco everybody all right and one more thing before we uh we Forge ahead with the old year after 12 long months of bleeping and blurring the biggest TV moments whether they needed or not we boiled them down to the best of the best and we are very pleased to bring you now this year in unnecessary censorship forecasters are expecting above average precipitation

for here in the central plains but also in the southeastern United States Nora quite a horse all right Omar VI funka thank you and officers tell me that this not the first time that the man who the chicken had Sticky Fingers I've gotten phone numbers I've called them back Mr President thank you I couldn't get married my debt was so large working on Christian mcaffry he had that injury against Washington a few weeks ago I mean that's common right I Jimmy Kimmel again inside of a claw machine cuz the only way I could get on

his show the whole thing I just go straight in you put the whole in your mouth I do I like to live on the Wild Side a nearly 80-year-old Donald Trump talking about sizes is not what we need in this moment he's got the smallest his is like so small who's going to tell him that the he's currently might just be one of those black as Otani goes Otani is safe a good throw from STS I I've rarely seen this level of evil in my career and I two Nazis at 96 I feel like my

God I got but just like normally you could actually hold their arms up because that's how I like to them I like to with the arms standing straight up like to die here I am [Applause]