How To Get Through Life's Most Difficult Situations | Amor Fati

if you're born short you're happy that you're short if you're tall you're happy that you're born tall you accept things as they are you make the most of it this is what the idea of a morph body is acceptance is a word that we struggle with because it seems defeatist it seems resigned but the stoics epictetus said we have to learn how to practice the art of acquiescence accepting the things that happen to us is actually the first step in being able to respond to them to turn them into something there's a powerful stoic concept

called amor fati which we're going to talk about in today's episode i'm ryan holiday i've written a number of books about stoic philosophy i've spoken about it from the nba to the nfl sitting senators and special forces leaders and in today's episode we're going to talk about that amur fatih a love of fate embracing accepting the things that have happened to you the situations you find yourself in not because you resign not because you're passive but because it's the first step in turning it into something great it's the first step in making something that's what

we're going to talk about in today's episode so thomas edison is he's america's most successful inventor he's sitting down for dinner with his family and a man rushes in the factory is on fire and edison shows up on the scene and he sees it his life's work up in flames his son is standing there shell-shocked and what does edison say edison says go get your mother and all her friends they'll never see a fire like this again and and some people thought he lost his mind but he actually goes on to repeat a line from

a kipling poem about uh triumph and disaster treating these two imposters just the same what what edison is realizing as a stoic does is that some things are just out of our control we can't change them no amount of whining or complaining or or weeping is going to affect them but we can control how we respond and that's what edison does he tells a reporter the next day i've been through stuff like this before he says it prevents an old man from getting bored and he starts rebuilding he actually takes a million dollar loan from

henry ford in six weeks it's partially back up and running in six months it's fully operational and the third act of edison's life is rebuilding after this disaster and i want you to think about that as well that's the idea that you'll never see something like this again you can at least enjoy the absurdity the the surreal beauty of it and then you can say this prevents me from getting bored now i'm going to get back to work and i'm going to turn this into something you have two options you can want things to turn

out a certain way or you could welcome them the way they happen epictetus says he says you could want them to turn out as you want them to or you could decide that you want them to turn out how they've turned out and so this is essentially that the discipline for the stoics this is the discipline of ascent are you going to wish things are a certain way or you're going to accept them as they are that doesn't mean you accept the injustices of the world per se but it means if it's raining you're happy

that it's raining if it's cloudy you're happy that it's cloudy if it's sunny and hot you're happy that it's sunny and hot if you're born short you're happy that you're short if you're tall you're happy that you're born tall you accept things as they are you make the most of it this is what the idea of a more fati is except thing be happy that things are the way that they are that you were given what you've been given and then get to work using it that's what stoicism is about the stoics were really big

on acceptance and acceptance is a scary word to ambitious people because we didn't get where we are by accepting the status quo or by resigning ourselves to things but to the stoics this acceptance of external events of things that are outside of our control was the first step in moving forward and using them in some way and so there's a latin phrase that the stoics were fond of and it's amore fatty and it translates to a love of fate not just acceptance but an embracing of those circumstances whatever they may be and so for marcus

aurelius he said that what you throw in front of a fire is fuel for the fire and that's the image that they thought about for good and bad events when we look back on the bad things that have happened to us in life with enough time with enough distance we come to accept them maybe even feel grateful for them we we know that without those things the breakup or the failure or the embarrassing mistake or the accident we wouldn't be where we are now but in that moment that was the furthest thought from our mind

we were fighting it we were resenting it we were wishing it was otherwise if later you're going to feel good about it if later you're going to give yourself that gift why delay it why not give it to yourself now practice the art of acquiescence don't resent it don't fight it accept it for what it is and understand even if you can't see it in this very moment in the end you will come to see this as a positive you will come to see it as good you will come to see it as a thing

that made you who you are and how it couldn't have been anything different it's been a rough year like just a rough year for everyone but marcus realized at the end of his life he was as he was facing death even the scariest thing that a human can face he said remind yourself of all the things that you've been through and what you've had to endure he was trying to buck himself up to go of course you can get through this think of all the things that you've gotten through in your life and that's what

you have to think about with what you're going through today big and small you've been through things like this before you can get through this you've gotten through worse and when you know that it helps you that when edison's factory burns down he says i've been through things like this before he's like it's going to prevent me from getting bored i'm going to use this and that's what a stoic does they use their past experiences to inspire and motivate them and give them confidence for whatever it is that they're having to face right now a

more fatty coin yes um which is the idea that it's also a niche a phrase of sort of loving everything that happens to you not resenting it not fighting against it not carrying around a grudge or a burden but sort of embracing it and finding the good in it yeah where does that fit in with our human nature well it it uh it doesn't fit in because it's not natural to us our natural frame our natural starting position is when something bad happens why me you know to feel sort of a grievance a lot of

what i'm talking about in this book is overcoming some of these natural elements in human nature and turning them around and using them for another purpose another way and morphati is very powerful in that you train yourself to accept everything that happens it's like for nietzsche it was this is life life involves pain life involves adversity you're going to die one day and it's not going to be pleasant your friends and family members they're going to die one day and it's not going to be pleasant you're going to have failure in life people are going

to hurt you but that is life that's what it is so to resist that to be angry about that means to not love life itself obviously you've gone through some adversity in your own life recently it's easy to talk about more fati yeah especially when you're talking about i'm going to love that my plane is delayed or you know that my there's some trouble with the printer in my book or something how have you tried to practice a more fatty recovering from a stroke do you know what that's like you were writing a book about

stoicism and obstacles the way and then you got robbed and you had all these things happen sure and you were being tested well i had a stroke and it's like the ultimate test for me i've never had to go through something like this because i'm somebody who's very physically active and independent and suddenly i can't use the left side of my body and i'm completely dependent and the initial reaction is the natural reaction oh man damn why this had to happen this is so unfair why me you know if only i could just keep swimming

and doing my life the way it was i'm so upset and i talk in the book your natural reactions you don't have to fight them you have to go take the next step which is the next day after you've gone through this is to analyze your own emotions and why you're feeling that way so i've had to go through that process and it's actually been extremely powerful for me i have to retrain my body every day i have to learn how to use my fingers again like a baby and i'm learning how the mind works

i'm learning about patience and frustration about my own limits and i can't necessarily say i love my stroke i think that would be faults of me to say something like that i don't love that this happened but i've accepted it and i've discovered how it can make me a better and stronger person i hope you like this video i hope you subscribe but what i really want you to subscribe to is our daily stoic email one bit of stoic wisdom totally for free to the largest community of stoics ever in existence you can sign up

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