(UPDATE PINNED) AITA for Refusing to have My Dad in My Life After He Chose His New Family?

iida for refusing to have my dad in my life after he chose his new family when I was 13 my dad had an affair and left my mom and moved in with his affair partner who will call Janet at first me and my sister would visit every weekend and I will admit he was a good dad although I never liked Janet when Janet got pregnant and had their son our visits became less frequent and my dad was more concerned with his new family he would miss some of my my recital or my sister's competitions because

he was busy with his son when I was 16 Janet decided she wanted to move for a new job opportunity me and my sister begged him not to leave us but he just said I need to prioritize my family he moved 10 hours away that pretty much ended our relationship and I decided to go no contact as it was clear he did not consider me family my younger sister stayed in contact with him he would try and call me an offer for me to come and visit with my sister but I refused when he came

back to see my sister I would refuse to speak to him when he turned up at the house I didn't invite him to my high school or college graduation I'm now 33 and have remained no contact with him he has over the years repeatedly tried contacting me and getting his family to contact me on his behalf to reconcile I have avoided family events in case he attended including my sister's wedding and baby showers my dad and his family moved back to our hometown 3 months ago and he has been Relentless trying to reconcile I have

received messages from my half brother and sister wanting a relationship saying he's a great dad my dad found out I'm getting married and keeps trying to contact me and has even tried to speak to my fiance Janet messaged me saying I have brok broke my dad's heart repeatedly and I'm a pathetic and should get therapy I replied back that she was nothing but a home wrecking W and then blocked her everyone seems to be wanting me to let him back in my life I'm sick of all the harassment and accidentally bumping into my dad and

his family in the town whenever I see him I just walk away and refuse to speak to them everyone is saying he's a good dad and tried his best to remain in contact but I pushed him away everyone is pressuring me my mom sister grandparents aunts and uncles even some of my friends my fiance say has even started saying I'm the ah for shutting him out it's all starting to get to me so am I Ida update one thank you for all of the comments although most seem to be NTA some were yta some of

you gave helpful suggestions which I am planning to take on board I have just spoken to my fiance and unfortunately it has not gone well but at this point in time I've had enough and want to run away and never come back my fiance knows my history with my dad and Janet I explained to him that him siding with my father and pressuring me was hurting me and as my fiance he should be supporting me my fiance who I'll call Larry told me he can't support me in doing something that he knows is wrong Larry

told me that he had spoke to my father and had an understanding of both sides of the story and believes that if we both sit down and talk we can sort this out and reconcile I told Larry I don't want this and want no contact and asked why he is even speaking to my father Larry admitted his father who was friends with my dad encouraged Larry to speak to him and hear him out Larry told me my dad loved me very much and always wanted to be in my life and has pictures of me I'm

guessing he got these from my family as my social media is set to private Larry said my dad is heartbroken at the state of our relationship because I was being unreasonable about him moving away when I was young Larry stated I got on the wrong foot with Janet and that I was not innocent in the breakdown of the relationship he told me that everyone can see the truth but me and to look in the mirror because I'm the problem needless to say I broke down crying and asked him why he was doing this to me

and not supporting me Larry claims to love me but won't stand by and watch me be a heartless witch after after he said this I stood up told him that he shouldn't marry a heartless witch and walked out I'm currently sat in my car my phone is blowing up with Larry trying to contact me but I don't want to speak to him I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone I don't understand what is happening update two hi everyone thanks for the comments and letting me sound off on you as I desperately need an outside

perspective I know a lot of you telling me to cut all contact with my family and leave town that is not an option for me financially and I would not be able to set up business elsewhere all my money is invested in it and I have only managed to get established recently with steady income relocating is not an option for me I love my friends and family and don't want to cut everyone off I love my hometown I grew up here this is my life and I'm not willing to walk away from it I didn't

expect to write another update this fast but a lot has happened today so firstly I agreed to meet my dad to talk and try and get him to back off and leave me alone I asked my mom to arrange it just him no one else I wasn't sure if he would agree to that but within 15 minutes of her calling he was at the door I asked my mom to stay and mediate to summarize the conversation these are a bit messed up because it's a lot to remember me one I asked him to give me

space and stop trying to get everyone on his side and let me live my life two I told him he stopped being my father when he moved 10 hours away three told him Janet was mean to me and told him about all the horrible things she has said to me over the years for I hate how he chose Janet and his new family over me and how he told me he had to prioritize them and how he basically told me I wasn't family five he was an ah for withholding my college fund and trying to

Blackmail me and then spending it on his new family six I hate how I have missed major family events because he attended the events and would make them awkward seven I don't see his son and daughter as my family and I'm sick of them trying to speak to me and approach me eight he keeps making scenes every time he sees me and making me look the bad guy nine he keeps inserting himself into my life going to my fiance's family events going behind my back to talk and sway Larry to his side 10 I hate

how he cheated on my mom and broke our family up and then listened to Janet who stopped our dates missed my recital reduced contact and was more concerned about his son him one he loves me and always has he is never going to give up trying to reconnect and he has given me enough space over the years and he is done hearing about my life from secondhand knowledge and is not willing to miss any more of it to he loves Janet and and can't regret his past because he wouldn't have her or his two kids

he wishes he had done it differently and ended his marriage with my mom first three his kids are in innocent and I shouldn't be taking it out on them they just want to know their big sister for I was difficult child who was rude and disrespectful to Janet breaking her belongings calling her names ruining day outs five when Janet got pregnant she was high risk and me coming every week and starting arguments was stressing her out so for her and his son's sake he stopped the weekend visitation he still spoke to us on the phone

and took us out for dinner and days out but just didn't let us sleep over six when his son was born he was premature and had health complications which meant him staying in hospital for weeks and frequent Hospital admissions Janet was also going through PPD so he wasn't able to see us as much and had to miss some events when he was taking care of Janet and his son seven Janet was unable to get a job locally and the opportunity was too good to pass up so they had to move he pointed out that he

came back to town for weekends as much as he could to see us and would always invite us to fly out and spend vacations with him he phoned every day but I refused to speak or see him eight they had flown in for my graduation but I refused to invite him and he lost his temper and refused to give me my college fund he apologized for this and tried to fix this a few weeks later and give me the money but I refused it he has not spent the money he still has it and I

have only to ask and I can have it asterisk he had visited me at my college to try and talk to me but I refused to see him nine he is not going to miss family events 10 he makes a scene because he misses me and just wants to talk to me and reconcile but I always end up running away or shouting insults at him and Janet 11 he has been trying for 16 years to reconnect but I shut him down at every turn he he just wants to be my dad 12 he is old

friends with my fiance dad and he hoped my fiance could talk some sense into me and open a line of communication 13 he feels I never gave Janet a chance no matter how she tried in the beginning and hoped we could be civil Janet hates knowing I talk bad about her am mean to her children and won't speak to him he wants my dad is in therapy and wants me to join him for family sessions he wants me to spend time with him one to one to stop being rude and mean to his children and

spend time with them stop trash talking Janet to everyone and actually give her a chance invite for him and my family to my wedding and to walk me down the aisle I want him to stop talking to my friends and getting others to try and talk to me on his behalf keep Janet away from me completely to be B civil at events or in town providing he does not try and hug me or talk to me my mom told him he was being unrealistic with some of the things he wants especially regarding Janet and his

other children so we have agreed for now I will attend three therapy sessions with him when he arranges it my mom thinks I need individual therapy as well he will stop trying to interfere in my life and relationships he will keep Janet away from me and talk to his kids to give me space I will be civil to him in public as long as he respects my personal space and does not approach or pressure me as for my fiance I still haven't spoken to him he turned up at my mom's but she refused to let

him in he keeps blowing up my phone and so does his family and friends telling me to hear him out during my conversation with my dad I found out my dad has paid for most of the vendors and services for my upcoming wedding and they have been on speaking terms for quite some time longer than I thought Larry told me his family had paid for these and I believed him I feel betrayed by him and that I can't trust him I'm going to have to speak to him eventually but I don't feel ready update three

firstly I'd like to apologize for taking down my posts I was really upset and felt under a lot of pressure and needed space to think without constant messages some of you were trying to be helpful and I appreciate that but some of the abusive messages I received was terrible I'm updating for those who have asked for an update and were supportive to me this will be my last post and I won't be posting again firstly the deal with my dad is off the table he couldn't even manage a week without overstepping my boundaries so there

will be no therapy sessions with him and I will remain no contact as you are all aware after speaking to my dad and agreeing a way forward and my conditions keep Janet away from me tell his kids to back off don't pressure me or invade my space it lasted all of 3 days everyone seemed happy I had forgiven my dad and told me so my sister was excited I was willing to give him a chance and with some pressure I agreed to have dinner with just her and my dad when my sister and I arrived

at the restaurant to meet our dad he was not alone he had invited Janet my grandparents his son and daughter he got up and tried to hug me I immediately became upset asking why they were there my dad told me that if we have any hope of repairing our relationship I had to accept Janet and my younger siblings I told him he just broke our deal and to never contact me again and tried to leave he refused to let me leave and grabbed hold of of me when I say all hell broke loose I mean

it I started shouting at them my dad Janet and grandparents tried to Gaslight me and convinced me to sit down when that didn't work things got very heated and a shouting match started and a lot of unforgivable things were said by my dad and Janet including remarks about my appearance and calling me a psychopath my half brother walked out of the restaurant and my half-sister started to cry my sister actually surprised me and defended me shouting at my dad for ruining things after all this time when I had finally given him a chance she even

slapped Janet she got me out of there and apologized to me I think this was the first time she had really seen how Janet was with me and how she treat me she kept saying she couldn't understand how dad had spent years saying he would do anything to have me back and then would do this when he finally got his chance to rebuild the relationship my dad has been trying to contact me but I have blocked him and refused to talk to him I have also refused to speak to my grandparents my dad has tried

to convince my mom and sister to speak to me but I think he's burned his Bridges with them the incident from the restaurant has spread and some people seem to be backing off like I said what my dad and Janet shouted at me was unforgivable and they were overheard and this is a small town hopefully people will back off and those who want him going to have to cut them out my sister is very unhappy with my dad and Janet and not speaking to them she is blaming them for me going no contact again my

sister is not letting them see her kids I don't know if my sister will reconcile but right now she is furious my mom is also Furious and apparently had a few Choice word with my dad and J Janet and has promised she will never pressure me again to speak to him I am going to go to individual therapy I think I definitely need it I do feel bad about my half siblings as they haven't done anything wrong and am maybe open to having a distanced kind of relationship with them in the future but I'm not

ready yet or if I'll ever be I did send them a message on Facebook to apologize and tell them they've done nothing wrong lastly to update you all in regards to my fiance while I spoke to him yesterday about everything I had been radio silent since walking out on him basically he was pressur by his father to speak to my dad and was fed a sob story of a misunderstood father desperately wanting to be in his daughter's life Larry had become annoyed with me refusing to attend his family events and walking out of his mother's

birthday party when I realized my dad and Janet was there as he was getting pressure from his family about me ruining their events he just wanted everyone to be happy and get along clearly at my expense Larry admitted my dad had paid for some of the vendors for the wedding but he did not know this until after it was already paid his father had told Larry that him and his mom had paid my dad had told Larry it was a gift and his way of contributing Larry admitted my dad had asked him to speak to

me on his behalf I told Larry he had betrayed my trust and I couldn't see myself marrying someone who does not support me he broke down crying and apologizing to me and promising to never do it again Larry was heartbroken and begged for a second chance to those of you who wanted me to break up with him I'm sorry to disappoint you but we are going to try and work through this apart from this issue he had been the best partner and I genuinely think that he had been manipulated by by his family and my

dad Larry has promised to stand up to his family and go no contact with my Dad I'm still living at my mom's as I still need some space which I won't have if I move home we are going to contact our wedding vendors and see what our options are next week Larry is begging for a postponement rather than cancel it allog together we may still break up as actions speak louder than words and I need to see if he can rebuild what we had and show me I can trust and depend on him