you are not broken

fear and resentment rule the addicted mind fear of the return of what was and resentment over what is with no hope for what could be in fact it is this Duo that restricts us from any hope in a better future we see ourselves fundamentally as broken what is the feeling of being broken romantic rejection being laid off the common experience of growing up far too early all of these run the risk of giving someone the feeling that they have been broken that their lives are irredeemable and that a future of any kind is no longer

worth living for a tremendous shame persists throughout the day numbed only by our pacifier of choice alcohol sex overworking they all act to temporarily relieve us of ever having to live as ourselves we use the external to escape from the unbearable internal the addiction expert Dr gabar mate describes his own struggles with defectiveness along with my positive qualities intellectual confidence strengths passions and commitments there has always lurked near the very core of me a churning inquit anxiety my anxiety clothes itself in concerns about body image or Financial Security doubts regarding lovability or the ability to

love self- disparagement and existential pessimism about life's meaning and purpose or on the other hand it manifests itself as grandiosity the need to be admired to be seen as special at bottom it is nameless and formless I feel sure it was forged in my chest cavity somewhere between my lungs and heart long before I knew the name of things this anxiety this emptiness within never leaves because we are never entirely aware of it we think if we get this job this partner or achieve some other sort of goal it will go away but the truth

is that this sort of anxiety the fear that we are fundamentally broken will not simply go away with a few life changes it is based upon the stories we have told ourselves perhaps before we were even able to talk these stories helped us at the time if we work hard we will be enough if we gain affection or understanding through others we will be enough perhaps the stories are even true but to truly look into them first with non-judgmental awareness is far too disturbing it requires us to enter that dark pit of Hell and leave

behind all of those things we use to escape do we settle for a familiar sadness or risk discomfort for a better life when a person is encouraged to get in touch with and express his deepest feelings in the secure knowledge that he will not be rejected criticized nor expected to be different some kind of rearrangement or sorting out process often occurs within the mind which brings with it a sense of Peace a sense that the depths of The Well of Truth have been reached this is compassionate curiosity the capacity to empathically investigate without judgment but

in order to look squarely at one supposed Brokenness we need to at first accept our Reliance on those mechanisms we use to avoid it we need to momentarily respect our vulnerability and powerlessness in the face of this thing that is controlled us for so long each time we try to escape these addictions we do so under the guise that we have control or that we will have control at some point that things will eventually work out this is the addiction talking here in this moment of acceptance we need to be honest with ourselves how does

one break the cycle of fear and resentment in Buddhism all comes from the mind in Buddhist practice however one must not try to change the mind but instead simply observe it we become the object of our philosophizing and in a sense we act as detectives to ourselves as Delo writes a book of philosophy should be in part a very particular species of detective novel in part a kind of Science Fiction by detective novel we mean that concepts with their zones of presence should intervene to resolve local situations they themselves change along with the problems by

simply Examining The Mystery of ourselves of what makes us tick what makes us tear up what makes us Joyful We Become detectives entrenched in a case as the story changes we change with it and like a good philosopher We are Never Fully s satisfied with an answer now how does one practically engage in this process addictions or more plainly put devices of Escape could be seen as a challenge to our curiosity or they could be seen as an entry point these are our more automatic thoughts and behaviors that were formed in an attempt to avoid

our internal environment that means if we pay attention to when and why they are triggered we will also find ourselves better able to investigate what is at the root and hopefully find ourselves with some greater agency over our lives as Carl Young said until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it Fate One program a five-step journaling technique devised by Dr Jeffrey Schwarz and amended by Dr mate that is typically used to treat OCD can be used as a good map for engaging in compassionate curiosity firstly you simply

label and Define the urge or thought for what it is we may say to ourselves I need to scroll on my phone right now here you note that your intense feelings of checking your phone manifest as an imperative need is it really something you need to do next you note where this supposed need is coming from your brain this is where you separate yourself from your thoughts and feelings you are a patient and compassionate Observer asking yourself why such an urge is so powerful are you tired hungry lonely perhaps you are not responsible for the

circumstances that made you develop this addiction but at least now you have the choice to be responsible in this step you use replacement activity instead of grabbing your phone perhaps you grab a book or walk outside or simply pay attention to your breath now this is the Dirty Work where you fight what is called salience attribution the ability for our brains to misattribute a great deal of value to an unnecessary and even damaging activity you need to remind yourself that this addiction this urge is what is leaving you with a feeling of Brokenness it may

have been useful at some point but it has outworn its welcome what has this addiction done for you without judging yourself no the damage that this addiction has caused you remember you are simply a detective assessing the full extent of the damage this final step is the Reclamation of your life life until now has created you you've been acting according to ingrained mechanisms wired into your brain before you had a choice in the matter it is time to recreate to choose a different life here you ask yourself what is the life that you really want

this invokes an inherent need to be creative and to express yourself to write down your values and Forge a path towards healing mindfully honoring our creativity helps us transcend the feeling of deficient emptiness that drives addiction now this won't be immediate but it will be worth it to finally find that at the end of the day you were never actually broken that you were simply using the best tools you had at the time and to nonetheless let them go and live the life you have always [Music] wanted [Music] this video was sponsored by blinkist if

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