Stop Wanting, Start Accepting | The Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius

Although he never considered himself a philosopher, Marcus Aurelius’ writings have become one of the most significant ancient Stoic scriptures. His ‘Meditations’ contain a series of notes to himself based on Stoic ideas, one of which is embracing fate and living conformably to the demands of nature. Instead of wanting things to happen as we wish, we’re better off accepting the universe, according to Marcus Aurelius, and developing a flexible attitude towards the outside world while being strict with ourselves.

Yet, most of us want our lives to be pleasant and expect our environment to provide us with what we need to feel content. We want friendly people around us, and we want to achieve our dreams and ambitions, remain youthful, and live without misfortune. And often, we’re not content with our bodies and inborn talents and refuse to accept our flaws.

In short, there’s a lot of ‘wanting’ involved with being human (especially nowadays) and very little ‘accepting’ regarding outside circumstances. But the more we want from the universe, the more we’re susceptible to disappointment. In all likelihood, despite our efforts, we’ll encounter not-so-nice people, won’t achieve our dreams and ambitions (or just partially), will meet with adversity, and we certainly won’t escape old age.

And if these unavoidable experiences distress us, we become playthings of our environment, emotionally dependent on its whims. In his Meditations, Marcus Aurelius repeatedly encouraged himself to embrace fate precisely the way it comes and live well regardless of the circumstances. This video explores why it’s better to accept the universe rather than oppose it and try to change it.

By the way. you’ll find more Stoic wisdom in this book - Stoicism for Inner Peace - which contains my collected works on remaining calm and focused. You’ll find a link in the description.

(1) Accepting other people Suppose someone throws an insulting joke at your expense or at the cost of someone you love. How would a Stoic philosopher react? Would he get angry or even use physical violence as a response?

Marcus Aurelius urged himself not to make more out of an event than it is. In this case, someone made a joke at your expense. But did the joke itself affect you?

That’s not possible. A joke can only harm you if you let it. Anger, violence, sadness: these emotions are of your own making and do not accompany the joke itself.

Marcus Aurelius wrote about people speaking evil of you: “Add nothing of your own from within, and that’s an end of it. ” End quote. Dealing with other people means dealing with the unpredictable and uncontrollable.

Some people are good and moral, others are evil and immoral, some are hardworking and helpful, and others are lazy and exploitative. Some like to make jokes; others are quick to use violence. Marcus Aurelius emphasized that regardless of people being arrogant, ungrateful, deceitful, and unsocial, we all share the nature of being human.

Human nature consists of beauty and ugliness, so he encouraged himself to accept everyone and not be perturbed by evil people. In his mind, we’re here to cooperate, not act against each other (which is contrary to nature). We want people to act as we wish, but reality teaches that people have their own will: their behavior is not up to us.

We can influence them, but, ultimately, they’ll say what they say and do what they do, how irrational and stupid their actions may seem. And thus, spending copious amounts of energy on trying to change others is a waste of time and better used in other areas. I quote: Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good.

It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind. End quote.

(2) Accepting transience The great thinkers of the past, empires, and kingdoms: all turn to dust and ashes. Marcus Aurelius compares children to leaves in the wind, which grow in spring but are then blown away, and the forest then replaces them with new ones. The Stoic emperor was immensely aware of how temporary things are and how quickly things we now regard as significant turn into ghosts of the past.

He mentioned the great emperors and philosophers of old: important, influential people that used to walk the earth but were reduced to dust and ashes many years ago. Like the coming and ceasing of leaves, so come and cease the generations of men. We start as a blob of semen, and we draw our last breath before we know it.

Everything is temporary, and we’re here just for a fleeting moment, especially if we compare our short lifespans to the existence of our planet (let alone the universe). As Marcus Aurelius put it, and I quote: Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each of us lives only now, this brief instant.

The rest has been lived already or is impossible to see. The span we live is small—small as the corner of the earth in which we live it. Small as even the greatest renown, passed from mouth to mouth by short-lived stick figures, ignorant alike of themselves and those long dead.

End quote. For some, the reality of transience may be a source of suffering. Isn’t it sad that death takes us back so shortly after we come into existence?

Hence, some people desperately cling to life, seek ways to extend it beyond natural proportions, looking for the fountain of eternal youth. All such attempts to go against nature are in vain, as we’re given just a limited amount of time here, of which we generally spend the majority in bodily decay. But there’s also a positive side to the transient nature of the universe, which is that because nothing lasts, nothing is worthy of worry.

As an example, Marcus Aurelius described the insignificance of reputation. He wrote: But look at how soon we’re all forgotten. The abyss of endless time that swallows it all.

The emptiness of all those applauding hands. The people who praise us—how capricious they are, how arbitrary. And the tiny region in which it all takes place.

The whole earth a point in space—and most of it uninhabited. End quote. The more we realize how little and short our lives are, the less reason we see to worry about trivialities, and the more we can appreciate the time we have.

Moreover, from a Stoic point of view, the shortness of life is also a reason not to waste time. Whatever we want to do, now is the moment. (3) Accepting misfortune We could wish and pray for misfortune never to occur, but looking at reality, we see that no one escapes the darker sides of existence.

Adversity is part of life. If we fight against it, we don’t just experience misfortune itself but also the disappointment of encountering it despite our wish not to. Nevertheless, people are often busy fighting fate, trying to fend off the possible bad things that will happen to them.

And as soon as we get sick, lose our money, or encounter cloudy, rainy weather when we expect sunshine, we moan and complain and wish for something better to arrive quickly. Marcus Aurelius renounces this way of approaching destiny. Instead of hoping for a life free of misfortune, it’s better to wish ourselves the fortitude to handle adversity.

Such an attitude lies at the root of a Stoic core principle named the dichotomy of control: some things are in our control, and others aren’t. And so, it’s reasonable to focus mainly on the things in our control. Or, as Marcus Aurelius stated it: “Then isn’t it better to do what’s up to you—like a free man—than to be passively controlled by what isn’t, like a slave or beggar?

” End quote. When you let your happiness depend on outside circumstances, then you let fate control you. Imagine you’re constantly worrying about your partner leaving you.

And so, you pray for your partner to stay by your side. But, according to Stoic cosmology, whatever happens to you can be attributed to the gods: the source of all things. Things may happen that seem tragic, but according to the Stoics, it’s what the gods intended.

Therefore, for example, a relationship falling apart is part of the divine plan, and our prayers won’t stop it from happening. And so, according to Marcus Aurelius, it’s better to direct our prayers to things we can control. I quote: Start praying like this and you’ll see.

Not “some way to sleep with her”—but a way to stop wanting to. Not “some way to get rid of him”—but a way to stop trying. Not “some way to save my child”—but a way to lose your fear.

Redirect your prayers like that, and watch what happens. End quote. We can’t control the actions of a romantic partner, but we can work on ourselves, building mental fortitude for enduring a possible breakup.

We can’t prevent someone we’re attached to from walking out of our lives, but we can develop the power to accept whatever happens and even wish for things to happen as they happen. If we accept misfortune, even the gods cannot harm us, no matter what they put on the table. (4) Accepting change Nature’s default position is change, as everything is born from it, and nothing in the world is static.

Not just the universe around us changes; we also change, just looking at the cells in our bodies that constantly renew themselves until we die. Marcus Aurelius described ‘change’ as a natural thing that ultimately benefits the whole. We could compare the changes we see around us to our bodies constantly replacing old parts with new ones, which may be unfortunate for the pieces in themselves, but it’s good for the body altogether.

In the same way, our environment engages in enduring self-maintenance, replacing old with new elements, always seeking the most optimal circumstances. It’s the unfolding of nature’s plan, and we should accept it, according to Marcus Aurelius, as it leads to “the good health of the world, and the well-being and prosperity of Zeus himself. ” As we’ve explored transience earlier, ‘change’ is different.

Change isn’t just the temporary nature of all things, but the entire process of things becoming different. There’s never a fixed state in the universe, so the process of change is always at work. Even the most unchanging objects like a calm landscape or rock steadily resting in the surf are changing, even though less visibly than, let’s say, our lips when talking or someone’s posture when running.

Some living creatures come into existence and die within twenty-four hours, like the mayfly. Others live for more than 10,000 years, like the glass sponge, and many planets survive billions of years. But none of these things are eternal; as change gives birth to them, it will also destroy them.

Without change, our world wouldn’t exist, and life wouldn’t be possible. As Marcus Aurelius stated: “The world is nothing but change. ” End quote.

But, ironically, even though we’re born out of change, we fear change at the same time. Many people cling to situations, objects, people, and ideas, wishing they’d never change; always stay the same. But the change they so intensely fear is already in progress, and the moment of witnessing these alterations with the bare eye is just a matter of time.

When the sun shines, a storm is on its way; when it’s summer, the fall is already knocking on its door. Trying to maintain the status quo is like grasping water, expecting it never to flow out of your hands. I quote: Some things are rushing into existence, others out of it.

Some of what now exists is already gone. Change and flux constantly remake the world, just as the incessant progression of time remakes eternity. We find ourselves in a river.

Which of the things around us should we value when none of them can offer a firm foothold? Like an attachment to a sparrow: we glimpse it and it’s gone. End quote.

(5) Accepting your nature Many people have difficulties accepting their natural attributes, like their appearance, physical weaknesses, and even the unavoidable fate of aging and death. But Marcus Aurelius encouraged himself to accept the limits placed on his body and be content with his days. He also told himself to remember the nature of the world, his nature, how he relates to the world, and that he’s part of nature and supposed to live in harmony with it.

Some people have more athletic bodies; others have greater intellects. There are ways to change ourselves to some extent, but we’re ultimately confined to our natural limits. So, we can spend our lives focusing on our weaknesses, trying to achieve things we’re not naturally inclined to acquire.

Or, we can embrace our strengths and do what we’re inherently good at. The Stoics emphasized that a unique feature of human nature is our faculty of reason. Unlike any other sentient being on Earth, humans can think rationally.

Our rational faculty enables us to transcend our brute, animalistic nature. So, instead of being servants to our passions, we have the power to override them with reason. Marcus Aurelius provides an example of how he used reason to accept the world around him, good and bad, despite his more animalistic nature telling him otherwise.

I quote: People find pleasure in different ways. I find it in keeping my mind clear. In not turning away from people or the things that happen to them.

In accepting and welcoming everything I see. In treating each thing as it deserves. End quote.

Humans can choose such an attitude thanks to the ability to reason. Our nature allows us to bypass our animalistic urges and follow a wiser path. Instead of blindly following our desires, we can identify these tendencies and comprehend how they can be a source of misery.

And instead of being slaves to our desires and aversions, we can see how fighting fate only causes us distress. And so, based on our understanding of how things work, we may conclude that accepting external circumstances (things we cannot change), no matter how unpleasant, is a rational decision. Thank you for watching.