THE DARK SIDE OF KINDNESS: 8 SURPRISING WAYS EXCESSIVE GENEROSITY CAN HARM YOU | SCROLLS OF MEMORY

foreign [Music] we are taught the idea that we should give share and prioritize being generous over our personal interests but does anyone warn us about the dangers of being too kind and compassionate we live in a world where we don't always receive what we give as it's full of generous people who witness how they empty themselves both financially and energetically through indiscriminate giving could excessive generosity even endanger our own lives be amazed by the unexpected negative effects that kindness can bring upon you today I will reveal the eight things that happen to you for being

too good and introduce four stoic strategies to prevent people from taking advantage of you without further Ado let's move on to number one you will have unrealistic expectations of people the stoics emphasized the need to accept circumstances as they are and not base our happiness on the actions of others by giving without expecting too much in return you avoid disappointment and practice emotional Detachment leading to Greater peace of mind it's hard for us to be completely selfless in our generosity consciously or unconsciously when we give our all we expect others to do the same when

it's us who need something important however you've accustomed people so much to having everything done for them that they'll take for granted that you can handle everything both in their lives and your own especially your own because otherwise why would you be taking on other people's responsibilities the truth is that your expectations of reciprocity will not be met and what will happen to you is that you'll gain bad mood fatigue frustration and disappointment nevertheless if we approach it dispassionately people aren't failing you they're doing what you should also be doing taking care of their own

responsibilities number two people will only expect you to give them something according to the stoics it's important to remember that True Value comes from acting in accordance with virtue and reason not simply catering to others expectations practicing moderation and giving in a balanced way allows you to maintain control over your own actions and avoid falling into habits that wear down your emotional well-being you've heard all your life that humans are creatures of habit never better defined humans are programmed to adapt to a routine a way of life and a symphony of things happening around them

this tendency to adapt is precisely where the concept of the comfort zone comes from this means that if you get used to giving all the time the beneficiaries of your generosity will expect you to give them something all the time meaning you'll lead people into their respective Comfort zones and they'll stop doing many of their obligations because you'll be there to do them the problem you'll face in this case is not valuing yourself because if you don't it's highly unlikely that someone will look you in the eyes and tell you to think more about yourself

at least don't expect this kind of empathetic act from those you help since they would stick to their personal Robin Hood and that would come at a high cost to their lives number three your priorities will be trampled upon the stoics emphasized the importance of living in accordance with reason and virtue setting boundaries and prioritizing our own responsibilities is essential to maintain balance and avoid sacrificing our authenticity and well-being for others if you're giving your all to other people's priorities you may find yourself running away from something within you that causes you pain and fear

what emotions do you experience when you spend the weekend alone or return home every day knowing that no one is waiting for you if the cause of such diversity is the desire to escape from yourself the blow will be doubly hard because on the one hand sooner or later you'll come face to face with your inner self while on the other your bad mood will grow as you begin to neglect your own priorities to attend to those of others self-care is a fundamental factor in achieving well-being before providing Comfort to others you must ensure that

you feel content pampered and well taken care of yourself that is never give someone a chocolate without first enjoying one immensely yourself just as you shouldn't offer to clean a friend's house without first leaving yours spotless and enjoying a good movie while savoring a glass of wine you come first then the rest of the world number four you will be seen as weak and treated as such stoicism encourages us to to cultivate inner strength and self-control by setting boundaries and practicing self-discipline we can show others that we are committed to our own responsibilities and values

gaining their respect instead of being perceived as weak if you're helping too much over time you could be seen as an authority figure in the area where you collaborate with others you may be giving precisely the opposite impression because when you don't set boundaries people start to see you as weak exactly like the antagonist of a leader so much so that they'll turn to you to unload their responsibilities onto you knowing there's no risk of you saying no on the contrary from the moment you start using this magic word they will begin to feel something

for you that they had never thought of feeling respect number five you'll have many butts the ones that only come to you when they need something stoicism teaches us to Value discernment and wisdom by choosing who to help through self-control and objectivity we can recognize genuine people from those seeking to take advantage avoiding compromising our energies in unproductive situations suddenly those who considered you a good friend now start excluding you from fun to turn to you only when they need something if we think about it from a calculating point of view it's not so far-fetched

for this to happen to you as people don't usually invite their employees and collaborators to have coffee with them let alone share a beer of course what's happening to you is logical but it doesn't mean it's fair therefore you must learn to manage the strategies to prevent people from using you which I'll share with you at the end number six you'll attract only people who need and never those willing to give through stoic discernment we can cultivate authentic and mutually beneficial relationships people who come into our lives do so in response to the vibrations of

our energy that is if we vibrate low we attract negative pessimistic people with dark spirits and non-benevolent intentions on the other hand when our vibrations are high we attract people full of positive energy generosity enthusiasm hard work and joy that's why when we give indiscriminately we lose so much energy that we start vibrating at a low frequency which makes needy people feel drawn to us and even opportunists who have no intention let alone the resources to help but only come to extract everything they can from us and then disappear so they don't even have to

bother with saying thank you number seven you could end up falling into addiction the stoics promoted moderation and self-control practicing self-discipline in generosity helps us avoid falling into addictive patterns and allows us to maintain a healthy relationship with our actions and decisions when scarcity becomes part of our daily lives the need grows and that's the best scenario for falling into addiction therefore one day someone Close to You may notice that you're drinking too much not necessarily mineral water or that you're eating too much or even gambling too much pay close attention to what someone who

cares about you might say as your first reaction may be to get angry with them and Shout that you don't have any problems but this is the most typical reaction of people who are so immersed in their own problem that they're unable to recognize that they have one always remember that people who care about you only want what's best for you so take their observations very seriously because they're there to help you stop falling and move forward number eight you'll raise suspicions stoicism encourages us to act virtuously regardless of how Others May perceive us by

focusing on living in harmony with our principles and values we build a genuine reputation that is resistant to unfounded suspicions as much as we'd like things to be different the truth is that genuinely kind people are not abundant in this world therefore if you are one you'll raise suspicions instead of admiration and gratitude it won't be long before you display your kindness for people to start wondering what's going on with you and what hidden intentions you have that you don't reveal to anyone this means you've encountered a group of distrustful people not necessarily but it's

more likely that they're being realistic most overly Keen people tend to hide such Macabre intentions that it's best to stay away from them and give up the help they want to provide now let's look at the strategies to prevent people from using you strategy number one listen to your feelings they are talking to you based on the stoic idea of self-awareness pay attention to your emotions and feelings the stoics believed in the importance of self-reflection to understand your reactions and needs by listening to your feelings you can identify if you're giving excessively and emotionally exhausting

yourself allowing you to adjust your focus and find a healthy balance how do you feel when you help others thinking about yourself and prioritizing them is such an altruistic act that practicing it should make you feel like you're walking on clouds so if you feel overwhelmed drained of energy angry or used it's time to listen to your feelings if something to which you have no obligation causes you so much discomfort it's necessary not to deceive yourself so you can discover how the help you're providing affects your well-being strategy number two lose the fear of the

word no following stoic teachings recognize that your time and energy are valuable and must be consciously and balancedly allocated saying no in situations where you feel overwhelmed or when the request is unfair is a way to exercise self-control even though the word no is associated with negative behavior and pessimism it's normal for us to struggle to say no however negativity is what will become our life if we don't develop the ability to say this word when someone demands more of us than we can give practice in front of the mirror and convince yourself that it's

the only way to regain your freedom and avoid unnecessary and potential risks strategy number three there is a time and a space for you respect them following the stoic principles of self-discipline and self-respect it's essential to set aside time and space to take care of yourself do what you enjoy doing practice yoga draw listen to music while having a cup of tea whatever motivates you finishing your obligations as soon as possible so you can practice this is something you should take very seriously as seriously as scheduling this time daily or weekly therefore if someone asks

for your help during that time they must be very respectful and Cooperative with yourself not with the person so without remorse you tell them no and enjoy that time and space just for yourself if you don't want to be so abrupt you can offer your help for another time but always make it clear that your availability will be limited because you have a life to attend to strategy number four identify energy vampires and distance yourself from them following stoic principles of self-discipline and discernment it's important to recognize which relationships benefit you and which can emotionally

drain you by distancing yourself from people who constantly drain your energy and don't contribute positively you're taking care of your own well-being and applying stoic self-control in your relationships if you're trying to help an energy vampire you should know that it won't work these people overwhelm you with their complaints their pains and their catastrophic view of Life forget about helping them they don't want to solve their problems because then they would have to stop complaining that's something they wouldn't tolerate in conclusion according to stoic wisdom in life the best measure for things is always the

middle ground and generosity is no exception if we give too little we come across as selfish and greedy while if we give excessively we end up completely drained of energy time and probably money as well so lean towards the Grays which are still the preferred shades when it comes to finding a balance between prioritizing others and ourselves and when in doubt always remember the magic word no especially if they're offering to drive you home from the car window we've reached the end of this journey and I sincerely hope these tips will be of great use

to you don't forget that you are a crucial part of this channel so if this video has helped you made you think or you've learned something give it a thumbs up so that more people can discover the powers of stoic wisdom and if you haven't already subscribe and leave your comments remember that every small step counts in your personal development process s let's break the mold [Music]