Why Some Boys Don’t Become Men.

in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit I've noticed for many years now working with men one of the most prevalent themes that men struggle with is the validation of feelings and I think that it starts in childhood on some level that when you're little when you're a boy you have these very strong emotional reactions you know uh especially as your hormones are developing testosterone is coming into your body and everything else I see this with my own sons that there are times where the situation the frustration and

what is against them or seemingly so against them in their own mind kind of takes over and you see that they go into this almost like a clench mode of of getting upset and having all these emotions and all these feelings and not being able to control them and I remember this I remember this being a child you know being having you know emotional reactions to things getting upset getting frustrated and not having any way to kind of release it or process it and becoming so overwhelmed that I would literally you know cry about things

and we're told as little boys that this is you know to kind of pull it together to rain it in all these other things the difference that I notice is when boys are are going into manhood and becoming men they Embrace that early instruction to ignore one's feelings and not to validate them but rather to choose a line of decision making that is in line with principles and instruction and obedience specifically to God so we often think when we're boys hey people are correcting us and they're telling us to ignore our feelings and that's not

fair and you see in grown men who are in their 20s and even into their 30s that they want special treatment or special things or they want the rules bended because of something traumatizing that happened or because of this exception or that exception or whatever it is they want something to basically serve them and to basically minister to where they're at in their weakness and that's not reality that's not the life of a man in fact it's interesting because Christ says if you love me you will keep my Commandments he doesn't say if you love

me you'll have a lot of affectionate feelings for me or you'll do this nice thing or you'll tend to me in this way etc etc it's not it's not a male to- female relationship it's a man-to-man relationship ship if you love me you will keep my Commandments I remember a friend of mine even when he was into his 20s and he was in a very very bad way at the time this was years before I even knew him he was uh doing a lot of drugs and and falling apart and he's meets this older gentleman

who becomes a mentor to him and he relayed the story to me and he told this older gentleman all the trauma and all the abuse and all the things that had happened in his life and then he was in his 20s and he's uh doing cocaine married to a stripper has a kid has all these problems and he wanted this older man to say you know it's you know it's not fair what happened to you in life it's not fair where you're at now these things are wrong etc etc and this older man said to

him the only problem with your childhood is that it lasted too long see the difference between a boy and a man we're still going to have intense feelings we're still going to have intense emotions that's one of the byproducts of the fact that we have testosterone and that we are men is that we have strong sensibilities and dispositions about things that doesn't go away the difference is that a man understands that a boy gives into his feelings validates them and then finds a way out of responsibility in order to have the situation cater to his

weakness or or his feelings or his whims a man takes his emotions understands what they are puts them in check where they need to be and then sees the mission that he has to accomplish and the things that he needs to do and then devises a plan for accomplishing that that's the difference that's the difference and so often when men want their feelings validated they want to go in a Direction that's self-serving and that's weak and that's enabling they don't want to choose the harder higher path they want to choose the easier path because that's

what they feel like they need and they deserve but guess what that's not manhood manhood is taking the harder path that you may be scared of you may feel insecure you may have anxiety about uh and then setting out on it because it's what needs to happen and what you need to do I think when somebody meets somebody even forgive me but somebody like myself and they go oh uh this person is very confident he's a very confident man they assume that I don't have negative emotions or fears or insecurities or anxieties that pop up

I have all of those things I'm not immune from them sometimes I get a job or a project and I have like 80% of the details of what I need to accomplish and I really want like 95% of the details but I lack that 15% and guess what that 15% starts rolling around in your head at night that's the sort of stuff when you have a project coming up or you're working construction or your job or whatever else that wakes you up at 1:32 in the morning and you start turning it around in your head

because there's an uncertainty and unknown and a problem that you're not sure how you're going to reconcile or attack or accomplish those feelings are reality you're going to have anxiety you're going to have fear and uncertainty and these other things they're going to come up that's the nature of life that's the nature of decision making you're constantly making imperfect decisions in an imperfect world and those decisions are based on imperfect information and sometimes limited information but you know what you still have to make them you still have to walk forward and you have to find

a way not to quote unquote validate the feelings and say yes this is you know I am anxious and so I'm an anxious person that's not correct the correct thing to do is to say I'm anxious because I'm human there's a degree of uncertainty sometimes there's a lot of money on the line with work or something else this is a natural reaction this is normal and I feel this way because I'm human and that's okay it's okay for me to feel this way what's not okay for me is not to accomplish what I need to

set out to accomplish and that's the difference a man does not need to ignore his emotions he needs to keep them in check and he needs to do that so that he's able to accomplish in his life what God has ordained for him what's an example of this having children perfect man test you want to know the level and the test and the strength of a man look at how many children he has why because it is anxiety producing to have children there are so many different aspects and uncertainties that go into having children to

opening you know your marriage to God to becoming truly prolife which means to actually allow God to be God and to do with his life with your life whatever he desires to do which if you have a healthy marriage is create new life and so many men will say well I don't know how I'm going to pay for it I don't know how the kids are going to have enough time I don't know this I don't know that right that's the fear the anxiety the thoughts the uncertainty it's all real it's it's not fake I

feed five boys every single month we've got to the point now where I if I take four of them to to uh in and out we're ordering like 14 patties and whatever else right there's a real cost associated with this and yet I know that this is God's calling for my life part of my job as a Christian is to Bear children for God's Kingdom for his glory because this is what he wants to accomplish in my marriage if I just get out of the way and don't try to stop children from happening guess what

God creates children that's what he does but all of the uncertainty and the fear and everything else that goes into it is all on me and I'm the one who has to harness those thoughts those feelings those emotions that uncertainty and say yes this is all very normal I don't know how I'm going to pay for college if that's even a reality I don't know what their careers are going to be I don't know all the ins and outs of educating five boys I didn't grow up in a house with five children I don't know

how I'm going to pay for it next week let alone next month but but in faith I walk forward and I trust in Christ the Proverbs tell us God makes the rich and the poor daily daily I've seen super wealthy people lose all of their wealth and I've seen people quite frankly like myself that seem to stumble into good situations by the absolute Providence and miracle of God and God blesses them and takes care of them now how does he take care of them what does he say in the gospel give us this day our

daily bread that is our prayer that's what we're holding on to we're holding on to the present we're holding on to today and what we need to do if we can do that we realize most of the thoughts and the feelings the uncertainty the anxiety all the things that plague us are in the future and we need to stay present and focused on the mission at hand and when we do that we can have faith and walk hand inand with Christ we could deny ourselves deny our feelings deny our thoughts stop acting like a little

boy and embrace manhood which is Faith it is the Journey of uncertainty that is what faith is and a man has to live it and walk by it in order to find his meaning and his purpose in life is it going to be a happy life full of ease and sunshine and rainbows no no it's going to be a meaningful life when a man Embraces the life of Faith he finds meaning and purpose a struggle a battle an enemy to overcome obstacles to hop over and to crush that's what he finds and that my brothers

in Christ will fill your soul with a longing for eternity you embrace the hardship of this life you have an immense sense of purpose and then you also long to be forever eternally in the rest of Christ which only happens after we die I encourage you Brothers to stay strong in this life to stay focused on the goal to embrace a life of Faith to to acknowledge that that emotions are human and that we are not subject to them but we have a purpose and we have a master and we have a ruler in heaven

who we serve and who we follow to his great glory amen