Sister Convinced Our Entire Family to Skip My Wedding During Her Divorce by Lying That I Ruined...

Sister convinced our entire family to skip my wedding during her divorce by lying that I ruined her marriage. Now my parents want to share my baby with her because she's infertile. So, for some backstory, my sister Pam (30F) had convinced our parents and several of our relatives not to attend my wedding because I was getting married while she was getting divorced, and that did not sit right with her.

Because the truth itself was not enough to turn people against me, she had resorted to telling lies about me and spreading rumors to convince people to stay away from the wedding. I (27F) am in my second trimester of pregnancy right now, and my husband and I recently announced it on social media, which is how my parents and Pam found out about it. They reached out to me to mend things after almost three years of no contact.

Their reason? Pam is infertile and unfortunately cannot have babies of her own. She has undergone several rounds of IVF so far, but none of them have yielded any results for her.

Currently, she wants to keep trying because she doesn't think that adoption or surrogacy is the solution right now. They reached out to me because they feel like, because I'm having a baby, it would be good for me to fix things with my sister so she will be able to spend some time with a baby who is indirectly linked to her by blood. They said that it would be good for me as well because the baby could have two mothers this way, and I would also have some help.

My parents just wanted to play happy family right now because Pam cannot have a family of her own—it's as simple as that. I was able to see right through their fake niceness on the phone call, so I told them that I was not going to agree to their plan. It was totally deranged of them to expect me to agree to something like this.

The fact that they had even thought that I would consider accepting them back into my life and allowing Pam to play mother and child with my future kid was just crazy talk. I told them if they wanted to make things right with me, they should have had the right intentions at least and should have wanted to mend things because I’m their family and they had treated me badly—not because I'm having a baby and they want Pam to have a plaything. They took offense at that and told me that they were just offering to make things right because they knew that I would need all the help that I could get once I had the baby, and Pam was willing to volunteer for her future niece or nephew so she could spend more time with the baby.

They insisted it was all perfectly innocent, so I had no reason to be so harsh. But I told them that I was the mother and I already had all the help that I needed from my husband and in-laws. I advised them that if they had found it easy to stay no contact with me so far, I would suggest they do so in the future as well.

And here's where I might have been the AH: I told them that there was a reason why Pam could not get pregnant and maybe the reason was that a terrible person like her would never make a good mother. After that phone call, I received a lot of messages from my parents and a couple of relatives, and of course from Pam herself. All of them have been telling me that I need to apologize because what I said was a horrible thing to say and I don’t need to kick people when they’re already down.

But the problem is, I still remember whatever happened before my wedding and I really resent Pam for whatever she did, so it's difficult for me to feel sorry about what I said. For context, Pam had already been married for two years when I was getting married. She and her ex-husband had been together for three years before they got married, and she had always known that he wanted a child-free lifestyle.

It was one of the first things that she had mentioned to our parents when they had been dating for a year and had actually started discussing their future. I remember being in the room at the time, but as usual, they were pretending that I wasn't there and going on with their conversation without me. That's another thing—Pam and I have never gotten along right since our childhood, but she has always been the darling daughter of our parents.

We used to fight a lot when we were little, but with time we just learned to ignore each other. So, that's what she was doing while she was telling our parents that he wanted a child-free lifestyle, but she knew for a fact that she wanted kids in the future. Eventually, it was decided that they would discuss this again when they got married, and hopefully by then she would have been able to change his mind.

Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to change his mind, and when she started pushing him to have kids, they started fighting a lot. Whenever we would have family dinners, she would be very upset and constantly keep talking about how hard it was to stay with him. But I thought it was her fault for marrying a man who was not on the same page with her and had made it very clear to her in the beginning.

She was the one who had believed that she would be able to change his mind, but now that she wasn't able to do that, she had no right to blame him. Of course, I didn't. saying any of that, because I knew that it would just lead to more drama.

Anyway, after a couple of months of trying to convince him, I heard from my parents that Pam had moved back in with him indefinitely and had left her husband's house because they had had a huge blowup fight, and at this point, there was no return from it. At the time, my husband and I had just started paying the deposits for our wedding since we had been engaged for a couple of months. We had been together for almost four years before that, and we had honestly only been waiting to be in recent places in our respective careers before we got married.

But we had been ready for marriage for quite some time before that, so when my parents informed me that Pam and her husband were heading for divorce, they also told me that they wanted me to push back my wedding indefinitely because they did not want me to hurt my sister's feelings by getting married around the same time that she was getting divorced. It was already difficult enough for her because now she had to put her plans of having a baby on hold as well, and she really wanted to be a mother. They wanted me to spare her feelings by not getting married, and that was probably the most insensitive and stupid thing that they had ever tried to do at that point.

Obviously, I said that I was not going to do any of that, and I was getting married with or without Pam's support. She and I were never close anyway, so I didn't care how she felt about my wedding. But my parents did not like the idea of me not prioritizing their darling daughter's feelings over my wedding and told me that if I did not postpone it, they would not be attending either.

That was really hurtful and shocking for me because I knew that they had a soft corner for Pam, but I didn't know that they would be ready to do something like this for her. However, I made my peace with that too, and I told them that they were free to do whatever they wanted. That should have been the end of it, but Pam decided that she was not happy about me getting married and took it upon herself to make sure that the rest of the family did not attend my wedding either.

At first, she was only telling people that it was insensitive of me to be getting married while she was going through something so horrible, trying to gain sympathy. But most people only sympathized with her; they did not actually say that they were going to not attend my wedding. So she realized that she had to step up her game, as she wanted people to actually actively boycott my wedding.

And, like I said, since the truth was not controversial enough, she decided to start spreading rumors about me. She started telling people that I was the one who had been convincing her husband to leave her because apparently, I was jealous of her and I couldn't stand the fact that she was going to become a mother before me. The rumors themselves were quite ridiculous because I had never been friends with her husband.

I don't think she would have even married him if he had been close with me at any point. But I don't know why, for some reason, people started to believe it. She even started telling them that I had been rubbing it in her face all along how I had manipulated him to leave her and convinced him that he had a better life waiting out there for him.

Apparently, it was also my fault that he did not want to become a father because I was the one who had told him that a child-free lifestyle was the way to go in this generation. It was all a bunch of lies. I had hardly ever interacted with my brother-in-law while he had been married to Pam, but I guess she lied with such conviction that people started to believe her.

And when I sent out the invitations, many people declined. I already knew why they were declining, since a couple of cousins and other family members who had been on my side had told me what Pam had been saying about me. So I was not surprised to see that nobody had mentioned any reasons.

The only family members of mine who had been present at my wedding were a handful of cousins and a few others; everyone else was either a friend or a coworker, but the attendance of the bride's side of the family was just sad. I remember being very upset about all of this in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and I knew that I could talk to people about the truth and try to tell them, but they had already made up their minds, and a couple of them had even blocked me. Besides, it would just be my word against hers, so I didn't even bother.

Thankfully, on the day of the wedding, at least I had my husband, my friends, and my in-laws to cheer me up, and they made sure that I had so much fun that I hardly even cared that so many members of my family were not attending. But even then, just because I had fun on the day of my wedding, it doesn't mean that I have forgiven Pam for what she did back then. What she did was crazy and cruel, and it was very typical of her to make sure that I was not happy just because she wasn't able to get her way about something.

That's just how she had been right from our childhood, but most people grow out of it. their childhood habits, especially when they are in their late 20s. But I guess I can't say the same for her, so I had completely cut her and my parents off after that incident.

I started resenting them even more a year later when I ran into Pam's ex-husband for the first time after their divorce. I remember my husband and I had been out for lunch one day, and there we saw Pam's ex-husband having lunch with a couple of his co-workers. It was a bit awkward, and we didn't think that he would greet us, but he came over to our table that day and congratulated us on our wedding.

He apologized for not attending, but that was just because of the situation between him and my sister. Since he was making small talk, we were polite to him as well, and my husband ended up joking that he might as well have shown up since my sister ended up not attending. At that point, he started looking very confused, and that's how we got to talking about what had happened around the time of the wedding.

Apparently, she had kept pushing back the dates of the mediation session to delay the whole divorce process, and the excuse that she had been using was that she was too busy with my wedding prep. This is why her ex-husband had looked very confused when he found out that she hadn't even attended. He himself had been quite shocked that she was taking such an interest in my wedding all of a sudden, but he didn't want to confront her and outright accuse her of trying to delay the finalization of the divorce because she was scared of leaving him, so he just dealt with it as patiently as he could.

After he told us this, we told him what had actually happened around the time of the wedding, why she hadn't attended, and how she had spread all those rumors about me convincing him to leave her and stuff. He was actually shocked that Pam had done any of this, and then we found out the real reason that they had gotten divorced. It was not just because he did not want kids and she wanted to be a mother; it was much deeper than that.

We knew that they had been fighting for months over this topic, and her ex-husband told us that, after a while, he had started considering her perspective as well, which almost changed his mind. But then, on the day that he decided to talk to her about it, she told him something that made him change his mind about being with her in the first place. Apparently, after he had told her that he was finally ready to consider having a baby, she was overjoyed.

Then she joked that even if he hadn't been ready, he would have had to come to terms with it at some point in the near future anyway. When he asked her to elaborate, she told him that she had apparently stopped taking her birth control pills and had never told him about it. If they had continued that way, at some point she might have gotten pregnant, and then her plan was to just have him deal with it, which is really just so twisted that I can't even begin to process it.

Obviously, after she told him that, he could not stay with her. That's what their last fight had actually been about, but she had lied to us and told us that they had just been fighting about whether they wanted to have kids or not. Once again, she had tried to make it all sound like a joke, but it didn't take away from the seriousness of what she was actually trying to do, which was essentially just trying to baby trap him so that he would absolutely have to come to terms with the pregnancy whenever it happened.

After that conversation with her ex-husband, both my husband and I got a lot of clarity as to why she had been acting so crazy during the time of the wedding. Because she knew that she was getting divorced because of her own fault. Even if she had done the stupid thing with the pills and stuff, she could have just kept her mouth shut, and then none of that would have been happening.

She would have been having a baby with her husband, but unfortunately, she messed it all up for herself, and then she took it out on me. After learning all of that, my hatred and resentment against her increased even more. I could have reached out to my parents and my relatives and told everyone about it, but I did not because by then I was already not speaking to anybody who had chosen not to attend my wedding.

Honestly, at that point, I just wanted to move on, so I decided to keep my mouth shut and go on with my life. But anyway, my hatred for her runs deep, and honestly, that's the real reason why I don't really feel sorry about what I said. To be honest, I really do believe that it's a good thing that she has not been able to become a mother so far because I seriously doubt that with her psycho tendencies, she'll be able to do a good job of it.

I also think that it's quite creepy of her and my parents to try and reach out to me just because I'm pregnant and they want to play happy family with my kids. Now, it's just not happening. As for my baby having two mothers, I really don't think that's necessary; even my husband and my in-laws agree.

But the only reason I'm having second thoughts is because of the way that everyone has reacted to it. This statement that I made, including some of the people that I have actually been on good terms with, led Ida to say that the reason my sister hasn't been able to get pregnant yet is because she won't be able to be a good mother. So, for those people who were asking, no, Pam has not remarried, and neither is she dating anybody at the moment, at least not to my knowledge.

I don't know much about her personal life, but from whatever I have gathered from my friends and family, she is completely single, and the only thing that she wants right now is to be a mother. As for why she doesn't want to consider adoption or surrogacy, it's anybody's guess. Personally, I really think it's because she's the kind of person who thinks that unless you have given birth to the baby yourself, it's not really your kid.

I mean, she has been trying for almost three years now, including the time that she was trying to get pregnant with her husband. After her divorce, she had been trying IVF with donors, but nothing has worked for her so far. At this point, most people would start looking at other options because clearly something is not going right with her, but that's not what she wants, and that's fine.

However, on the other hand, I do think it's very weird that she and my parents chose to try and reconcile with me after I announced my pregnancy. That "two mothers" statement has really stayed with me. You guys also picked up on the fact that they had specifically mentioned that this baby of mine would be linked to her by blood.

That's partly true; she is my biological sister, so I guess her niece and nephew would be a future blood relation. I just think it's a weird thing to bring up while trying to reconcile with somebody, and I don't know, their behavior just gave off major baby-stealer vibes. I feel like even if I actually do entertain the idea of forging a relationship and allowing her to interact with my baby, she's going to start projecting and acting like the mother herself, and I can't have that happening.

Anyway, some of you were also asking why I haven't spoken up about the real reason she and her husband got divorced and why I haven't defended myself in front of the rest of the family yet. I just don't think it's worth it, that's all. After the wedding, I learned who my real friends were and who was actually going to be there for me and the family.

I was very upset about it for a while, and I didn't think that I should speak up about what the real reasons were, but I chose not to because I wanted my peace and quiet. Right now, even a couple of the people that I am on good terms with in the family have told me that what I said to Pam about her not being able to become a mother was kind of insensitive. They're not really harping on about it and demanding that I apologize, but they do think that it was a bit too far, and that's why I'm concerned.

Because these people have always stayed by my side throughout, if they are also of the opinion that I was a little too harsh, I guess I have cause for concern. Update: Thank you so much to everybody who commented on my post. I guess most of you guys were of the opinion that I am NTA, and I'm really grateful for that.

I have decided not to apologize to Pam and my parents, and I'm going to continue ignoring them. They are obviously not happy about it, and they are playing the victim on social media and in real life by talking rubbish about me to my relatives once again. But that's really not going to affect me because the people who are talking crap about me too, I already don't speak to them.

What's the worst that could happen? They're going to cut me off even more, right? I'm not really worried about that.

As for the people in the family who have been on my side but did not like what I had said, I chose to speak to them and address whatever I had said because Pam and my parents are making a huge deal out of this statement, and pretty much the entire family knows about what happened and what I said. I'm not going to interact with anybody who I'm not on good terms with, so I chose to reach out to the people who actually met me. I told them that whatever I had said had been said in the heat of the moment, which I can't deny, but it still doesn't take away from the fact that whatever Pam had done to me all those years ago while I was getting married, just so that she would get attention, was much worse because that was all preplanned.

That did not happen in the heat of the moment. She has treated me with nothing but cruelty and disrespect throughout these years, and I refuse to be apologetic for something that I said which might even be true. At least me saying these things is not going to affect her in the way that her spreading rumors about me did.

Like, my family actually refused to attend my wedding because of the things that she said. It's not like my opinion is going to actually hamper her hopes of getting pregnant in the future, so it's not the same thing, and my relatives seem to understand that. So the people who were on my side are still on my side and have decided that they're not going to talk about this at all.

Fine with that. To be honest, I only want my pregnancy journey to be a happy and healthy one, and I want Pam and my parents to wrap up the drama as quickly as they can. I would really hate for them to keep dragging this out because then I'm going to have to bring out some facts, and they're not going to like that.

I really don't want to be caught up in stuff like this right now, especially when I'm pregnant. **Update 2:** So, it has been two whole weeks since I last spoke to my parents on the phone and two weeks since they have been playing the victim and telling everybody in the family about what I said. They have been begging everybody to boycott me, to never speak to me again, and to encourage even the people in the family who are currently on good terms with me to cut me off.

Basically, they want their entire family to ostracize me, but as I said, I was able to manage to sort things out with the people who were on good terms with me, so they haven't been able to succeed. Obviously, they did not like that, so they took to posting on social media against me. While they haven't mentioned me by name, I know that most of their posts are about me.

They've been talking about a particular person in the family who has always tried to ruin people's lives, who has always been jealous of Pam, and that's why I made fun of her infertility. While they were posting about these things, I didn't really care because I knew that none of that was true. But then recently they posted that I had been the one to ruin Pam's marriage, and that really got to me because, once again, they were spreading the same lies that they had around the time of my wedding.

This time, I decided to hit back. I spoke to my ex-brother-in-law; we haven't really kept in touch, but we do wish each other on birthdays and holidays, so at least we are on speaking terms. I filled him in on everything that was going on and I asked him if it would be fine with him for me to post about the situation, and he told me to go ahead.

So I did. I posted about what Pam had tried to do and the real reason behind their divorce, and now the drama has hit the ceiling. I haven't really gotten involved in it personally, but I have been receiving lots of texts, emails, and phone calls from everybody in the family asking me if it's true, telling me to take it down, and some people are even accusing me of spreading and lying about Pam once again.

But I haven't responded or been engaging. My parents and Pam have been really quiet, so I know that they have nothing to say, but I'm sure that they'll find their words soon enough. It's just surprising that even after all of this, nobody has bothered to apologize to me from the family, but that's exactly what I expect from people like them.

So it's fine; I don't really care. My main goal was to expose Pam for the kind of person that she is, and I think that I have succeeded in doing that. So now I'm just going to lay back and watch what happens.

**Update 3:** So, it has been a couple of days since my last post, and today Pam and my parents finally reached out to me and told me that they were ready to apologize to me only if I would take that post down. Apparently, even though the rest of the family has not apologized to me, they have in fact reached out to them and called them out on their behavior. They claim that it's really wrong of them to paint me in a bad light when all along it was Pam who was responsible for the divorce and not me.

They have been lying to everyone in the family for years now, and it has ruined my relationship with them. It's surprising that people from my family were so quick to jump from the "hate on me" bandwagon to the "hate on Pam" bandwagon, but well, like I said, I don't expect any better from these people who were so quick to believe that I was the one who had been responsible for ruining Pam's marriage. Of course, now they're going to believe that she was the one who did it herself, but they're still not going to apologize to me.

Most of them have stopped texting me, and now nobody wants to know if I was telling the truth, and nobody expects me to take that post down either. Anyway, I told my parents and Pam that I was not taking that post down until I felt like it. At this point, their apologies meant less than nothing to me.

They had reached out to me via email, so I sent that message to them and I blocked them. After that, they did not contact me, but this morning I decided to take that post down because I did not want to ruin the sanctity of my social media by posting about these irrelevant people. Like I said, I wanted to have a happy and healthy pregnancy journey, and getting revenge on people who don't even matter to me anymore is not conducive to that kind of thing.

They are the kind of people that they are; I think that's punishment enough for them. My husband and I are happy. I have friends and family that care about me, and that's all that I really want.

It hardly matters to me what my parents and my sister are up to, and after this episode, I'm hoping that they will realize that I really don't need them. I don't want anything to do with them in the future, and stay away from me. Anyway, that's about it from my side.

I don't think that they're going to reach out to me anytime soon after what has just happened, so I guess this is it. Thank you to everybody who has responded to my updates, supported me, and advised me on my posts. That really means a lot to me.