THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS: PILOT

[elegant music plays] [drum roll] -Welcome to the Amazing Digital Circus! My name is Caine! I'm your ringmaster, and I'm here to show you the most jaw-dropping, heart-stopping, mind-bending paraphernalia you've ever laid your eyes upon!

Isn't that right, Bubble? -That's right, Caine! I can't wait to see what you've got cooking up for today.

-Well, let's not waste any time. Let's get right into the show. -🎵 Gangle and Zooble and Kinger, too 🎵 🎵 Ragatha, Jax, and there's Kaufmo, woohoo 🎵 🎵 Day after day after -- day after -- day after day we fly🎵 🎵 Past the moon and the sun and we don't know why 🎵 -W-W-Whe-- Wh-- Where am I?

[wails] Ah! [flower pot banging rapidly ] [all groaning, grunting] [music slows, stops] -Caine, is this one of your NPCs, or is this a new sucker? 'Cause if it's a new character, we're gonna have to redo this whole theme song.

[Zooble]: I'm not doing that again. -My, my! It appears a new human has entered this realm!

-How do I. . .

take this. . .

headset off? ! -Just keep grabbing at it.

That worked for all of us. -[groans, gasps] W-What's going on? I-I-I put on some weird headset, and now I'm.

. . here.

Who are you people? Why can't I take it off? Where am I?

-Let's just try to calm down. Everything's gonna be okay, new stuff. We've all been through this.

You just need to get your head to-- -What the [boing! ] is going on? !

Wha-- -Now, now, now, my dear. We can't have any of that foul language around here. The Amazing Digital Circus is a place to be enjoyed by all ages.

You, my friend, stumbled into an incredible world of wonders where anything can happen! E-Except for swearing. -[honk!

] [squeak! ] [boing! ] [bonk!

] [awooga! ] [boink! ] [shloompf!

] [pop! ] [splat! ] [boi-oi-oing!

] [boink! ] Oh, my God. U-Uh, well, h-how do I.

. . you know, leave?

-Uh-- -W-Well, don't freak out about it or anything, but, uh, we don't exactly. . .

-You can't. -What? [Zooble]: Shut up, Jax.

But, yeah, he's right. Welcome to your new home. And your new body.

-"N-N-New home"? What do you mean? -Guys, don't be mean.

-We've been stuck here for years. Old Kinger over there's supposedly been here the longest. [Kinger]: Huh?

Did someone say something about an insect collection? -That's why he's crazy. [chuckles] Eh.

-[panting] Ohhhh, okay! Now I get it! This is a dream, and I should just play along until I wake up, right?

-Whatever you say, kid. -They broke my comedy mask. .

. -So, Caine. .

. -[whimpers] -. .

. We having a new adventure today for the newbie, or what? -I'd like to give our brand new member a tour of the circus grounds first.

-Uh-- -Off we go! Here, we have. .

. This is where your living quarters are, as well as all sorts of other activities! These activities may include.

. . [dial-up tone blares] .

. . Ball pits, mini golf, and more!

And here, we have. . .

Drwn yourself in the digital lake or engage in ridery at the digital carnival! Night, day, it's all okay! The choice is yours!

A cosmic buffet! -Uh, is. .

. that all there is? -Of course not.

This is THE VOID! We don't venture out into the void. [spooky voice] Not even I know what's out there.

-That's, uh-- -We stay right here, where I can keep my. . .

[dramatic voice] . . .

hundreds of all-seeing eyes on you. -[soft voice] Hello, Caine. I love you.

-Eaugh! Let's get outta here before the moon gets frisky. -Wait, what's that-- Blegh!

-Whoa, clean up on aisle you! -I'm on it, boss! [slurping] -Why are you like this?

-[groans] Wait, wait! W-Was that an exit door I saw out there? Is that a way to leave?

-What exit? If there was a way to leave, I'm pretty sure we'd have all left by now. [gagging] [Zooble]: Yeah, what are you talking about?

-U-Uh, I -- [clears throat] I assure you, there is no "magical exit door. " You're probably just experiencing. .

. From your mind's transition to the digital plane. -But, I-I swear, I saw -- -[frantic] Digital hallucinations!

How about we talk about something else? Like your name! -My name?

My name is, uh. . .

U-U-Uh? ! Oh, God!

Why can't I remember my name? ! -Nobody can remember their name once they enter the Digital Circus.

One of the few things I don't have control over are your minds. So, all I can help you with is coming up with a new one. -[groaning] What's my name?

-Don't you worry your little head. Your new name can be anything! Hereby acknowledging that your chosen name and or names may not breach the Digital Circus user license agreement stating that your name may not include objectionable content.

Objectionable content includes but is not limited to sexually explicit materials, obscene, defamatory, libelous, slanderous, violent, and/or unlawful content or profanity. What are ya thinkin'? -Huh?

I don't care. Just pick anything. -Let's see!

[wheel dinging] What do you think of. . .

[stammers phonetic sounds] -I don't-- -You're right, terrible. Let's try that again. What do you think of "Pomni"?

-Huh? Uh, s-sure. I think I just- -Gadzooks, you're right, Jax!

We should have a brand new adventure for our new member, Pomni! -I said that like five minutes ago. -You!

Do you like adventure? Activity? Wonder?

Danger? Horror? Pain?

Suffering? Agony? Death?

Disease? Death? Angel food cake?

-[chomp! ] -You parasite! -Uh, I don't really.

. . -Since you're new around here, we're gonna make it a simple in-house adventure to warm you up to how things work around here.

[Zooble]: Wha-- No! God! I don't want an in-house adventure.

-Don't worry, Zooble. I'll make it something unobtrusive that you can still choose to not get involved with. Today's adventure is.

. . [cackling maniacally] That's right!

The entire circus tent will be infested with gloinks, and you gotta catch 'em all. -But what are they? -I'm glad you asked, Bubble.

They're small -- -And what do they do? -They -- -And how do they -- -Gloinks are small mischievous critters that steal anything and everything they run into. Why do these humanoid hash browns do this?

How do you stop them? That's for you to find out. Now, good luck.

And have fun, my little superstars! -What did any of that mean? -Oh, that's just one of Caine's little adventures.

They're just something fun to do to, you know. . .

prevent us from going insane. [chuckles nervously] [Zooble]: [sighs] Speak for yourself. If anyone needs me, then [sproing!

] off. Oh, God! Oh, jeez!

No! [gloinks boinging, squeaking] Oh, God! Agh!

Somebody help! -[bored] Oh, no, they killed Zooble. Anyway, you guys wanna go get something to eat?

-Oh, wait -- we should go check on Kaufmo. I'm pretty sure he'd like to meet Pomni. [Kinger]: My impenetrable fortress!

-You wanna come with us to check on Kaufmo? [Kinger]: No, not really. I think Kaufmo's gone insane.

Last time I spoke with him, he was rambling endlessly about some exit. Kind of like you, Pomni. You might be going insane, too.

-But, wait -- wouldn't that more likely mean the exit does exist? -Could also mean you just have a jump-start on losing your mind. -[quietly] Wait, what about Zooble?

-Well, I think I'd like to ask him about it -- U-Uh, if this was real. Which it isn't, because it's a dream. -Heh, she still thinks this is a dream.

-U-Uh, why are you looking at me like that? -I'm fine with doing whatever, as long as I get to see funny things happen to people. Ow!

Okay, I've already had enough of these things. [sighs] You, me, and Pomni will go check on Kaufmo, which leaves Crybaby and Hoo-ha together to go handle the Zooble situation. -[laughs nervously] Do you think pairing them up together is a good idea?

-Of course I do. They're the two most mentally stable and capable characters to be paired together. Come on, ladies -- let's go harass the clown.

-My comedy mask is broken again. [Kinger]: Gah! Oh!

Gangle, you startled me. -So, this is where we all live -- or, well, where we all sleep at night. Even though we don't really need to sleep, it's sometimes nice to kind of take a break from everything and have a bit of a routine, you know?

I'm sure there'll be one for. . .

Oh, look -- you already got one. -I still don't understand about the adventures. Why even go on them at all?

W-W-Why not try to find a way to leave? -Well, we usually do -- when we first arrive. But after a while, you start to realize that you really can't leave and constantly chasing an unattainable goal will start driving you a bit crazy.

And eventually, you get to asking what the point of anything is, and you completely lose sight of who you are and why you're even alive. And when you reach your breaking point, something really terrible can happen. Ah, but that's not something we need to deal with today.

Above anything else, the adventures give us something to do that keeps our minds healthy and stimulated. [doorbell rings] -Thank goodness this is all a dream, right, Pomni? [unsettling musical sting] -[gasps] Why are we here again?

What are we doing? -We're getting one of our friends. [doorbell rings] Huh.

Maybe he's not in his room? I hope he's all right. -Don't worry, dollface.

I've got a key to his room. -Wha-- Wait, wh-- why? You -- You -- You shouldn't have keys to anyone's room.

-Nah, I've got keys everywhere, and you've all been fine. By the way, I may have left something in your room today, so let me know if you find it. Uh, you're not afraid of centipedes, are you?

-Jax! That's literally my only fear! Why would you do this?

! -What? It could be a completely unrelated question.

You'll never know until it's too late. [dramatic music plays] [static crackling] [Pomni whimpers] -Oh, I've been looking for this. Thanks for keeping an eye on it, Kaufy.

I'm gonna head out. See ya. -[nervously] Oh!

Kaufmo's been abstracted! That -- That's okay. -What.

. . is that?

-[Kaufo growls] -Uh, it might be that terrible thing I was talking about earlier when you reach your breaking point. -H-huh? -O-Okay, wait.

M-Maybe there's still time to fix him if we get Caine. -[gasps] -Oh, whoa! Kaufmo, listen -- I know we didn't always get along, like when you called me out for fake-laughing at your jokes.

I swear, I really did think they were funny. I was just having a bit of a bad day! s [shouting, groaning] [glitched groaning] [glitched, stuttered audio] H-H-Hey, Pomni-i-i?

Do you think. . .

you could. . .

perhaps help me out here? I understand. .

. if you don't. .

. want to, though. -Ow!

[Whimpers] I'm sorry! [panting] [Kaufmo roars] -[yelps] -[shouting, panting] [dramatic music plays] [curious music plays] [Kaufmo growls] [groans, exclaims softly] [Zooble screaming] [Kinger]: I don't know what I'm looking at here. -We saw a gloink carry one of Zooble's pieces down there, remember?

[Kinger]: Oh, yeah. Thank you for the recap. Boy, we're not very good at this, are we?

-[panting] [groans] Ugh, sup. . .

[groans] . . .

fellas? [Kinger]: Jax! !

We found the Zooble hole. -Cool. [groans] -How is Kaufmo doing?

I hope he's not still mad at me for not laughing at his jokes. -Oh, he's doing great. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him this happy before.

[Kinger]: Well, it's good to know he hasn't completely lost his mind. [Kaufmo growls] -He actually asked me to give you this. [Kinger]: Whoa!

-[wails, screams] [bell dings] [Kinger and Gangle shouting] -Heh! [pin clatters] [bell chimes] [brief applause] [grunts] [boink! ] [ominous music plays] [Kinger]: [gasps] An insect collection?

-I think it's a nest. [Kinger]: [shrieks] -Hello? R-R-Ragatha?

That was your name, right? -[voice glitching, stuttering continuously] O-O-Over here. [groans] -H-Hey, look, I-I'm.

. . I didn't mean to leave you behind like that.

I -- [sighs ] Just. . .

look at my hand. I -- [whimpers] I didn't know what to do. -[glitching continues] I-I-It's okay-y.

What you need to do right now is find Caine. He'll be able to fix me up and take care of Kaufmo-o-o-o. -O-O-Okay, but where can I find him?

-Uh, I don't really know. Just look around and call for him, I suppose. -Uh, okay, I'll get him.

You just stay right there. Not that you can really move or anything. Uh, just hang in there.

I'll be right back, I promise. -Cool. Also, Pomni?

I'm sorry your first day here. . .

had to be so. . .

terrible? -Uhhh, yeah, well, don't worry about it. I'm just gonna go get Caine now.

Hello? Caine? We have a bit of an issue here!

[curious music] [boing! ] Ugh! [stammers] [children laughing] -[rising scream] -[yelps] [boing!

] Agh! [glass shattering] Hmm? Caine?

[suspenseful music plays] [Kaufmo growling] [distorted whooshing, ringing] [laughs nervously] [screams] [panting] -[growls] What form of non-gloinkinian mass. . .

dares presume presence in the nest of the Gloink Queen? -Oh, is that who you are? You know, you could have asked for my consent before forcing me to see something so completely and utterly disgusting.

-[grumbles] How despicable. A rabbitoid that runs its mouth in the presence of my royal figure. [Kinger]: Well, as a royal myself, I would like to kindly ask if -- Oh, look, there's Zooble.

Hi, Zooble. [Zooble]: Agh! Help me, you idiots!

-Kinda rude, Zooble. Now I don't wanna help you. -[groans] Oh, I always lose.

[Kinger]: Yes! [gloinks squeaking, boinking] Gotcha! [befuddled] Oh.

[Zooble]: Hey! Kinger, you motherf-- -[growls] -Eee! -Eh, they'll be fine.

[Gloink squeaking rapidly] -[panting] [Kaufmo growling] -Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta hide. [gasps] [pensive music plays] [Kaufmo growls] [sneaky music plays] [monkeys hooting, shrieking] God, where is Caine? [rising tense music plays] [Kaufmo growls] -[exclaims softly] [music stops] [eerie music plays] Huh?

[panting frantically] [groans] [panting] [Gloink boinking softly] -You foolish assortment of colorful characters! Do you not realize that everything must be gloinks? I am gloinks.

You will be gloinks. God will be gloinks-uh! -This is dumb and weird.

-Well, b-- Uh-- Y-Yet, you're still watching it! -I'm not here for the adventure or anything. I'm just here to hide from the-- [Kinger]: Oh, thank God you're okay.

You didn't experience a game show in there, did you? [Zooble]: Uh, I-- What are you talking about? [Gloink Queen groaning] [boink!

] [bonk! ] [poke! ] [sproing!

] -What's happening? -It's just Kaufmo. Don't worry about it.

-Kaufmo abstracted? ! -Nah, he's fine.

[Kinger]: You're right! How are we gonna get outta here? !

[Zooble] Guys, over there. [Kinger]: Huh. [Gloink Queen groaning] [Jax]: Ladies first.

No, wait, why would I say that? -Agh! [Zooble]: Wait, Pomni's not even here?

Wasn't this whole thing for her? -Be quiet. I can't hear the escalator.

-[panting] [tense music plays] [gasps, whimpers] [whimpering frantically] [exclaims angrily] [panting] [groans, screams through teeth] [shouts] [dark music plays] [cackles wildly] [wooden boards creaking] [sweeping, awe-inspiring music plays] [choir vocalizing] [music fades] [indistinct chatter] [both laughing] -Oh, Bubble, you always know how to make me say this exact sentence. [goofy cartoon sound effects playing] -Gasp! An alert on my WackyWatch at this hour?

Oh, no -- someone's venturing out into the void! They'll get totally spoiled! There you go!

Now, what the heck happened around here? Oh, yeah -- my doing. [Kinger]: Caine!

Kaufmo went through a sort of Kaufmosis and abstracted! -Kaufmo abstracted? [exaggerated] Why didn't anybody tell me?

[boing! ] [whoop! ] [bonk!

] [Kaufmo growling] -And into the cellar you go. [Water lapping] [Eerie low rumbling] [Zooble]: Man, I can't believe Kaufmo just gave up like that. I mean, no offense, Kinger, but I always thought you would be next.

-Thank you. -Guess it just goes to show you can't rely on Kinger for anything. -[voice glitching, stuttering] I am in so much pain!

-Oop! I do have to apologize for lying about the exit. I knew how much all of you have been wanting there to be one, but, you know, I was having so much trouble figuring out what to put on the other side and ended up never quite finishing it.

And you know how I never like letting people see my unfinished work -- especially if it leads you out into the void. Anyway, it looks like you defeated the Gloink Queen, so I guess the adventure's over. Your reward is a delicious digital feast cooked by our head Bubble Chef.

-Made with all the love I'm legally allowed to give. -You know, I am pretty hungry. -You didn't even do anything.

-So, what? I can still be hungry. [Kinger]: Well, not really, 'cause we don't need to eat, drink, or sleep in this digital world.

So the digital food here only gives off the virtual sensation of eating without any of the nutritional benefits. [Jax]: Sheesh, lay off it. Since when are you an expert on the digital world?

[Kinger]: Expert on the what?