If you answer their question, you already lost. Most questions aren't requests for information. They are frames.
They decide guilt and power and they decide who is explaining themselves. And the trap is this. The moment you answer, you accept the frame.
So here are three ways to refuse that frame without refusing the person. Number one, clarify the frame. You might say, "Before I answer, what are you assuming when you ask that?
" that forces a hidden accusation into the open. Second, narrow the frame down. You say, "Are you asking about intent or outcome here?
Now they have to choose. " And vague attacks will always collapse under choice. Third, flip the frame to process.
You might say, "What would change for you if I answered that? " If they wanted the truth, this move things forward. If they want control, it exposes it.
Here's the rule underneath all of this. You don't lose arguments because you don't have answers. We're losing arguments because we answered the wrong question.
Never answer the frame. Always control it.
