They’ll never catch him

This is Bigs, and Bigs is about to become famous for a really weird reason. Now, Bigs lives in England, and he's kind of a turd. He's been to prison a few times for break-ins and stealing cars and stuff like that.

But one day, he's out of prison, and he's living a clean life. Bigs wants to buy a house for his wife and his three sons. The problem is, Bigs ain't got no money; he's broke.

So, he calls up an old friend of his, a guy who he met back in prison—this guy, Bruce—and he asks Bruce if he could maybe loan him some money. Bruce is like, "Nah, bro, but I'm actually in the middle of organizing a train heist," and he offers to cut him in. Bigs is like, "Oh.

" So, the plan is they're going to rob a Royal Mail train, which is a train that picks up and delivers mail. Now, one of the cars on that train carries high-value cargo, which is just lots and lots of bags of cash. Bruce has a guy on the inside feeding him information about the train schedule and cargo, so he knows exactly when and where to stop this Royal Mail train carrying all this cash.

Along with Bruce and Bigs, there are 13 other guys involved in this heist, so 15 total. But we're just going to focus on Bruce and Bigs. Bruce and Bigs, along with 13 other guys, they put on ski masks and gloves, and they are ready to go.

They don't have pew pews because this is England; instead, they just have some metal bars to beat people with. Then the big day comes. It's 3:00 a.

m. , and all the men go out to the train tracks. They hide, and when they hear the train approaching, a couple of them go to one of those track signals—it's kind of like a stoplight for trains—and they turn off a green track signal.

They use batteries to turn on a red signal. Once the train approaches and sees the red light, it starts to slow down. That’s when, bam!

All 15 men jump out from their hiding spots and swarm the train. They get on board, and then pow! One of them hits the conductor with the bar, nearly knocking him out.

Some of the other men board the car with all the cash in it and force the train workers to lie down on the ground. Eventually, when the train comes to a full stop, the 15 men start loading the bags of money into two Land Rovers they have parked nearby. These guys steal 125 bags of cash—2.

6 million pounds—which today in U. S. dollars would be worth about $3.

5 million. They drive the Land Rovers over to a farmhouse in the country that some of them own, so that they can hide out there and divide up the money. Over the next few days, they all take their cut of the money and split, going their separate ways.

They hire some people to come burn down the farmhouse after they leave to hide any evidence, but the people who they hired don’t follow through with the plan for whatever reason. Then, police end up finding the farmhouse, and they collect a bunch of the guys' fingerprints. Eventually, bam!

Bigs gets arrested—here's his mug shot. Also, Bruce and 12 of the other guys get arrested too. Bigs gets sentenced to 30 years in prison for this, but his story's not over, because while he's in prison, he decides, "Eh, this place isn't for me.

" So, he makes a rope ladder, and one day he uses it to climb over the prison wall and escape. Now, he's on the run and flees from England all the way to Paris. In Paris, he gets some plastic surgery and assumes a new identity.

Then, he moves his wife and family from Paris all the way to Australia. From there, he and his family stay on the run, moving three different times, and Bigs changes his identity every time. But unfortunately, it's not enough, because one night Bigs sees on the local evening news that law enforcement believes he's living and hiding out in the area.

So, Bigs just straight up ditches his wife and sons, gets on a passenger liner, and takes it from Melbourne all the way to Panama. Then, from there, he flies to Brazil and, for about a year, lives under the radar working as a carpenter. Here's the thing about Brazil, though: at this time, Brazil has no extradition treaty with the United Kingdom, so Bigs can't get in trouble for his England crime while he's living there—lucky bastard!

At this point, he's been on the run for about five years, but he's having a great time in Brazil, partying every night and drinking at the clubs. One night, he meets an adult dancer at the club, and we'll just call her "Second Wife," because she eventually becomes his second wife. These two get married, and he gets her pregnant.

Now, around this time, Scotland Yard shows up to Brazil looking for Bigs, and they actually find him. Bam! They detain him—here's his mug shot again.

Scotland Yard tries to work with Brazilian police to deport Bigs back to England, but Brazilian police are like, "Nah, bro," because they don't have an extradition treaty with the United Kingdom and, B, because Second Wife is pregnant. A whole other Brazilian law says that you can't be extradited if you are a parent to a Brazilian child, so Bigs is free to go. However, his status as a known criminal means he's not allowed to work, so he's broke all over again, and everyone now knows he's an ex-con because his story has been all over the news.

So then, what does he do? He becomes a sort of local celebrity, and he starts charging local newspapers to do stories and interviews with him. He becomes like a tourist attraction; like he's the convict who successfully robbed a train and escaped from prison.

Naturally, people want to meet him and have him sign autographs, and apparently he's selling mugs and t-shirts. He starts making money this way. He even stars in a commercial for a Brazilian coffee company.

Now, I couldn't find a copy of the commercial, but here's what he actually said in it: "When you are on the run all the time like me, you really appreciate a good cup of coffee. " I'm not kidding; those are his exact words. In fact, the dude is getting so famous that any celebrity who visits Rio de Janeiro during this time always has to stop and meet Bigs.

Apparently, Rod Stewart stops by to meet him, and Sting stops by to meet him. The freaking Sex Pistols stop by, write a song with him, and perform it. They release it, and it becomes kind of a hit.

But then, things get crazy again, because one day he goes to a restaurant to meet a reporter for another interview. While he's there, kapow! A couple of goons jump him, put him in a sack, and take him on a boat to Barbados.

The kidnappers are, of course, hoping to get a reward from British police for capturing Bigs, but unfortunately for them, when their boat arrives in Barbados, the authorities there are also like, "Sorry, bro, we also don't have an extradition treaty with the United Kingdom. " So they send Bigs back to Brazil, where he is once again a free man. Bigs lives his life as an escaped criminal for about two more decades before ultimately his health starts to deteriorate.

Finally, he gives up and surrenders, flying back to England to get the good health care he needs. As soon as his plane lands in England, bam, he's sent back to prison to finish his sentence. But at least he gets good health care, and then about eight years later, they let him out.

A few years after that, he passes away. The dude lived a crazy life.