Unknown

>> Hi everyone! I'm so excited to be with you today. Thank you all for coming. I'm here to talk about why the future of health is social, but first we are going to warm up our social muscles a bit. Raise your hands if this is your first time at South By. Okay, quite a few people raise your hand if you've been here two or more times, okay? Keep it raised. If five or more. Seven or more, ten or more. Wow, 12 or more. Has it even been going on that long? Okay, that was amazing. Awesome.

Okay, well, unlike the real world here at South By in Austin this week, it's very normal to strike up conversation with complete strangers while you're waiting in line for coffee. You may have experienced that this morning. Um, there's just different social norms here, right? It creates this whole unique culture that's just for South By. But today is day one, and many of you, it's your first time. Many of you haven't been here in a while, so I think we need to practice. So let's warm up our social muscles. Here's how this is going to work.

When I say start, you're going to find a partner. So you're going to get into groups of two. And in the course of two minutes you are going to find as many things that you have in common as possible. Now a few rules. It cannot be something obvious, so it can't be. You both have brown hair, okay. If you know the person already, it has to be new things that you don't already know about each other. So you got to get really creative with your questions. Ask about your childhoods, your hobbies, places you've traveled to,

things like that. You'll have two minutes and I want you to keep count. Okay? Are you ready? Ready. Set. Go. All right. Time is up. Wrap up that last thing that you found in common. I love this, this is really stimulated some conversations. Okay, everyone. Time's up. Woo! Clap if you can hear me. Okay. Raise your hands if you found one thing in common. I hope you all found one thing in common. These people who haven't raised your hands. We need to talk later. Okay. Raise your hand if you found five things in common. Awesome.

What about ten? Still hands. What about 15? Okay, this group over here. What's one surprising thing you found in common? Of 15. There's got to be one that's surprising. >> In the same industry. So we felt like. That's not surprising. Come on. People. Okay, I love that you like to empower people. Anyone else got 15 in common? Okay. Yeah. What's one surprising thing you found in common? We both like you. What was that you both like? What did you like the tears for? Fears are all right. >> All right. Awesome. Okay, so I'm curious. Do

you feel like you learned something new about each other? Right. Raise your hand if you feel connected to the person you were just talking to. Yeah, that was pretty easy, right? So did you know that that interaction might influence how long you live? So if you think that's crazy, which some of you are definitely thinking that right now, by the end of our hour together, you will not think that's crazy. You will know that it is true. So I'm going to guide you through three phases during our time together. First, a look into the past

and how our understanding of health has evolved over time. Second, an examination of the present and why we've reached the tipping point for a social health revolution. And I'll explain what I mean by that. And finally, a window into the future where social health emerges from the sidelines to take center stage in our lives. So let's dig in the past. How has our understanding of health evolved over time? Well, it has in many, many ways, right? The way that we think about health and the actions that we take to be healthy are constantly changing. And

they've evolved dramatically throughout history, right? Shaped by scientific discoveries, by cultural shifts. In ancient times, for example, people thought that headaches were caused by demons. They made sacrifices to the gods in an attempt to cure illnesses. Right. And 100 years ago, people smoked cigarettes without even realizing that they caused lung cancer. We had to learn that and spread that information to change our behaviors. So each breakthrough in how we understand health has improved our lives in really impressive ways that we should be proud of as humanity. Right? Since 1800, child mortality rates have dropped from

over 40% to less than 5%, and the global life expectancy has increased by more than 40 years. That's incredible. These changes are thanks to advancements in modern medicine, in public health, and crucially, they're thanks to how we think about health and what we do to be healthy. So in more modern times, more recently, a dominant narrative about health has taken hold, particularly in Western countries. And that narrative focuses on two main aspects physical health and mental health. Right. So physical health. It's about our bodies. Think about getting a good night's sleep, going for a run,

eating, you know, salad instead of fries with your dinner. And as a society, we create the conditions for our physical health through things like banning smoking after we learned how detrimental that was, or integrating gym class into education. Okay, so we all know this. Mental health, on the other hand, is about our minds at the most fundamental level. So think about going to therapy or meditating or journaling these different ways that you take care of your mental health. And then in society more broadly, we create the conditions for mental health through things like workplace wellness

programs or teaching mindfulness in schools. Right. Things like this. But let me ask you this. 15 years ago, were we so open about going to therapy? Right. As a millennial, everyone in my generation not only goes to therapy, but also talks openly about it. But that wasn't true. 15 years ago. In our lifetime, we have seen mental health go from this very taboo topic to a mainstream priority, with government policies, teaching things in schools and so, so much more. Two years ago, just two years ago, the mental health economy surpassed the GDP of Germany. Any

Germans here today? Woo! Awesome. Okay. So we now understand that our health is physical and mental, and indeed, both physical and mental health are absolutely vital and we need to continue to advance them. Right. But here's the problem. This narrative is incomplete. We have reached another critical turning point in understanding what it means to be healthy. And it is time to embrace health as not only physical and mental, but also Social. And that brings us to the present. So if you think about your overall health and wellbeing as being a temple like you see here,

social health is the essential pillar that is built up from connection and community. So while physical health is about our bodies and mental health is about our minds, social health is about our relationships. And these pillars are all very interconnected, right? If one is weak, multiple are going to suffer. And when you strengthen your social health, your physical and mental health will benefit as well. Right. And vice versa. They're very interconnected. The other thing to note is that social health affects us at every stage of life. So do you remember being in high school? Were

you an awkward teenager trying to figure out how to fit in? No. Just me. Okay, cool. Well, that's social health, right? Learning from a young age how to connect with other people. Maybe you remember being in your 20s. Maybe you moved to a new city for college or for work, and you had to make new friends and build community from scratch, right? That's social health. Who remembers Covid fun? You and your team probably had to go through adjusting to remote working and figuring out how to stay connected and build relationships virtually, right. And we're still

navigating that. That's social health. And remember, maybe last week or last month when you were just feeling overwhelmed by work and life, and maybe that meant that you didn't spend as much time with your kids as you would have liked. Or maybe you're overdue for a catch up with that one friend who you keep meaning to call, right? That's social health. So some of you may be thinking, but isn't that just mental health, right? No, it is not. We overlook and undervalue connection because it gets lost in the conversation about mental health. This is so

important. In fact, decades of research have now made it very clear that connection is about so much more than just mental health. People with strong relationships and a sense of community enjoy fewer depressive symptoms, to be sure, but they also benefit from a stronger immune response, from better cognitive functioning, from a lower risk of heart disease and stroke and other diseases, and at the extreme end, from a longer lifespan. So I'm going to share two examples of studies that I love that illustrate this a bit more deeply. So the first example in this study, researchers

followed a group of people for two weeks, and they tracked how supported those people felt and how many hugs they had each day. And then at the end of the two weeks they infected them with the cold virus. I have no idea why people sign up for these studies, but I'm really happy that they do because the finding is fascinating. The result was that people who felt more socially supported and people who hugged more often, actually were less likely to get sick when exposed to the cold virus. And if they did get sick, they had

fewer symptoms. Pretty incredible. Second example this was a landmark study that followed nearly 7000 adults for nine years. During that time frame, almost a decade, they found that men who had fewer community and social ties were twice as likely to pass away. And they found that women with fewer social and community ties were nearly three times more likely to pass away during that time, if they were less connected. This was true regardless of how physically healthy they were at the start of the study, regardless of their socioeconomic status and regardless of behaviors like whether they

smoked, whether they were obese, whether they exercised, whether they used preventive health care services, and so on. So what this study shows us is that we may be 2 to 3 times more likely to pass away in the next decade if our relationships are lacking, regardless of the other health behaviors that we do. It is clear that our relationships do not simply boost our moods. They are truly a matter of life and death. The data does not lie. What these studies, and thousands of other studies that have happened in recent decades show us is that

human connection is so important. It's so influential for our overall health and longevity. Connection is not just a nice to have. It is essential. And that conversation that you had at the start with your partner sitting next to you or near you, regular interactions like that one and the relationships that you build over time, those are what influence how long you live. So I began by talking about how our understanding of health has evolved over time. And I said that we've reached this critical turning point. Here's why. The first reason is that we now have

those decades of evidence to prove it right. We can now conclusively say that connection is as important as exercise and nutrition and sleep. And the other ingredients that we know are important for a long, healthy life. The second reason is that the pandemic was a catalyst for a conversation on connection, right? Some of us couldn't connect in person, some of us felt isolated, and some of us developed a newfound appreciation for our relationships and for face to face connection. Right? Covid was in some ways this trigger to get us all talking about loneliness and friendship

and health and wellbeing. The third reason is that there is dire need at this time. So raise your hand if you've heard about what many call a loneliness epidemic. Quite a few people. So you know the times we're living in, right? This is a real problem. We've got the former U.S. surgeon general declaring loneliness a public health crisis. We've got the U.K. and Japan appointing ministers for loneliness. And for good reason. How does it make you feel to know that 1 in 4 people in this room may feel lonely on a regular basis? How does

it make you feel to know that 20% of adults worldwide say they don't have anyone they can count on for help? How does it make you feel to know that hundreds of millions of adults go two or more weeks at a time without talking to a single friend or family member. It's staggering. This is an urgent need that we need to respond to, and to do so, we need a better way forward. And the way forward is through social health. It is happening. The language is starting to shift. We can see this in Google search

trends for what is social health, which have skyrocketed in recent years. We can see this in mentions of social health in books, which similarly have increased dramatically in recent decades. And we can see this in world leaders. Like I mentioned, the US Surgeon general who has said, just like our physical and mental health, our social health is critical to our wellbeing. People are starting to differentiate between social health from physical and mental health. And this is just the beginning. And that brings us to the future. So how do we build on this momentum? How do

we make the most of the potential of this turning point. Recently, I've been an impact fellow at the UC Berkeley School of Public Health, and in that capacity, I'm investigating what can we learn from the trajectory of mental health that we can then apply to elevate social health and help advance this for us all more quickly? So this is South by. We're here to know what the future will hold. Here are three of my top predictions. So first, ten years from now, social health will be completely woven into the fabric of our culture. Since I

began exploring this idea of social health over ten years ago, I've seen this idea spread slowly, picking up speed in the last five years, really spreading in the last year, and it is only going to continue to accelerate, right? Social health today is where mental health was 10 to 15 years ago, but not for much longer. Second, if your company is not prioritizing social health, you will fall behind. The companies that do prioritize social health will outperform their competitors. Their teams will excel, and the individuals who prioritize social health will thrive. There is an entire

new economy that is emerging to help make this happen. We've got things like social fitness, gyms and connection coaches like personal trainers for your social health. With these tools and many more in the years to come, the competitive edge of the future in business will be social. And third, every sector will be disrupted by social health innovation, just like you experienced at the start of this talk, right with your partner. South-by has this very unique culture of connection and we're just getting started with it. Well, inspired by that, what if we imagine what our communities

and our workplaces and our society as a whole will look like in the future if we prioritize social health. So let's take a peek into some of the key industries that I partner with and explore some of the opportunities that I'm seeing. So healthcare social health will become a core pillar of proactive, holistic health care. And this is well underway in the UK. For example, anyone here from the UK today? Not many. Okay. All right. Well, they're doing some cool stuff over there related to social health specifically, it is very normal in the UK for

doctors to screen for loneliness and to actually prescribe connection alongside exercise, nutrition, sleep and other things like that. This is called social prescribing. And it's this push toward more holistic care that recognizes that our health is physical, mental and social. Here in Texas, there's a new hospital being built, which I actually wrote about in my book that's actually deliberately Designed to be a restorative community hub that integrates physical, mental and social care all in one. These are early signs of this shift and there are many more that I could highlight. So what about technology? Do

the tools that you use every day. Are they helping you to connect meaningfully or mindlessly? We too often binge on the empty calories of social media connection. They are empty calories, and meanwhile, hundreds of millions of people around the world are turning to AI for companionship and for love. I also wrote about this in my book, and what I'm seeing with these trends is they're just amplifying the value of in-person connection, because that is truly the fundamental need and desire that we as humans have. And technology in the future needs to be redesigned to enhance

rather than replace human relationships. So if you're a tech founder, I invite you to reflect. Are you creating tools that complement rather than substitute genuine human connection? And I know many of you are. There's a lot of innovation in this space, in particular workplaces. Hands up if you are a chief social health officer. No, that needs to change, right? That needs to change. It doesn't matter if your team is remote or hybrid or in person. The future of work is creating socially fit teams. The future of work is creating rituals and a culture that supports

employees social health. Because the research clearly shows that if an organization does not prioritize relationships, you're missing out on greater retention, innovation, productivity, and so on. Social health truly benefits the bottom line. And last, Education, right? So reflect back on your childhood. Did you ever get formally taught how to make a friend or how to be a friend? Be a good friend. How to start a conversation. How to resolve conflict in the future. Connection classes in schools will become as normal as gym class, right? We already teach kids to exercise their physical muscles. It's time

to start teaching kids to exercise their social muscles. We need to lay the foundation for a lifetime of social health in childhood. In 2020, the global mental health industry was valued at 380 billion. Ten years later, it will surpass 530 billion. Social health is on that same trajectory, and if you are already innovating in this space, you are a pioneer. You are at the forefront of what is coming. It's time to strengthen your social muscles here at South By. All week and beyond, it's time to reimagine our society together. Now is the time for social

health. Thank you. So if you want to learn more and stay up to date on social health, there's a few ways that we can connect. My slides showing. Oh, yeah. Great. So I invite you to join my free newsletter on Substack. You can visit my website to learn more about partnering. And I will be doing a book signing at 1130. We are now going to shift gears into a more interactive portion. We're going to do a conversation and Q&A. And to that end, I am very excited to introduce Amy Gallo. Amy is the co-host of

the Harvard Business Review podcast Women at Work and author of Getting Along. So join me in welcoming Amy to the stage. >> Thank you so much. Thank you. >> Hello. South by. How great was that? Are you ready to have some conversations, make some connections, build relationships. Um, Castle, first of all, as a fellow relationship research nerd, thank you for writing this book. It is incredibly well researched. It's also full of practical advice. I encourage you all to get it in the bookstore. I have a feeling it will sell out, so go quick after this

session. Um, but I did want to ask you, since you have written the book on social health and you are leading this movement. I'm curious though, what do you still grapple with when it comes to relationships so much? There's this expression that research is me search, and that is very true for me. I don't know if you would say the same. Um, so much, I mean one example is that I'm an introvert, which might surprise you. I think you identify. When you're currently playing extroverts. But we are introverts. We are. Introverts. Yeah. And so what

that means is that it's always been this exploration of how do I balance socializing with solitude. And I think that's a really important lens to bring to the conversation on social health, because what I'm not going to tell anyone is that being socially healthy means you connect all the time, or you connect with everyone, or you're constantly being social. No part of being socially healthy is also having alone time and balancing those two components. And so yeah, that's something I still struggle with. Yeah. I mean, you talk in the book about how your relationship with

yourself is one of the relationships that's core to social health. Absolutely, absolutely. Because connection with others starts with that foundation of connection with yourself. Yeah. I think another example is, you know, I work from home by myself And. How many people also work from home by themselves? Yeah, quite a few. A lot of us. Yeah. So what I find is, even though I feel very emotionally connected to my friends and family and my community and my my colleagues, I miss that in-person contact. Right. I don't get enough of it. And that's something I still struggle

with. Yeah, yeah. So while social health might be a new term for many of us, loneliness is something we've heard about a lot. And I don't know about you all, but I feel like for the past five years, I can't pick up a newspaper or look at a website without hearing something about the stats around loneliness. You shared some of those. Are you hopeful, given that this sort of rise in conversation about loneliness, and what do you think is missing from the conversation currently? Yeah, I'm very hopeful because what I've seen in the last five

years in particular, excuse me, is that there's been so much attention on this issue and so much new innovation, right? It's kind of supercharging this topic in general. There's new funding sources and so on who are interested in supporting work in this space. Um, but we need to reframe the conversation for so many reasons. One is that it's very easy to just focus on the problem and focus on the negative, and not to get to the solution and focus on empowering people with what they can do. I don't want to see another headline that says

loneliness is deadly, and if you're lonely all the time, you're, you know, you might as well smoke 15 packs of cigarettes a day like, we get it. What do we do? And that's a big reason for why I wrote this book. Was saying, let's take what we know from the research. Let's take what we know from so many organizations and community builders around the world who are putting this into action. And let's try and make this something that we can each practice in our day to day. But that reframe is so important. We need to

shift and broaden from the negative to the positive, from the reactive to the proactive right to invest in our social health proactively and to prevent loneliness in the first place. And we also need to recognize that loneliness is just one piece of that broader social health umbrella. In the same way that cancer is just one piece of the broader physical health umbrella, right? There are other aspects. Maybe you don't feel lonely because you have great relationships with friends and family, and yet you don't know any of your neighbors, and you don't feel a sense of

connection to the place where you're living. Or when you go to work, you feel disconnected from from your fellow employees, right? So there's so much more breadth and nuance to social health. And I think as important as it is to have solutions for loneliness, because of the statistics that I shared and because of how detrimental that is, it's also a broader issue, and I want everyone to feel empowered to know that there are steps you can take to be more socially healthy. Yeah. And I love that the book is is so practical. You talk about

what steps people can take. And I'd love for you to just share 1 or 2 tools that you introduced in the book. I'm thinking of the two love list or the 531. Um, can you share some with the audience? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Um, so yeah, there's so many. I'll expand on those. The to love list I love. So this is this idea of, you know, we all write to do lists, and I don't know about you, but it's the bane of my existence. I live in a to do list, sadly. Yeah. So let's just flip

that script and write a to love list and actually think about who are those top people who you want to make sure that you're staying in regular touch with, those people who are really important to you, and then be intentional about actually having that regular connection with them, because I think what a lot of us find is that it's so easy to just get caught up in our days, to be busy with our to do lists and to kind of let our relationships fall to the wayside. So having that reminder, some of the people I

interviewed for my book said that they would have a sticky note of the top people that they wanted to to be close with in their, you know, next to their toothbrush or on their coffee machine, things like that, so that it's priming us to be intentional. Yeah. Another was you mentioned the 531 guideline. Um, this is for some reason seems to resonate a lot. It's one of the things it gets, it gets reported on a lot. So the idea is similar to walking 10,000 steps a day or getting eight hours of sleep at night. This

is kind of a framework and a starting point to help you anchor. So the idea is aim to interact with at least five people each week, to maintain at least three close relationships, and to spend one hour a day connecting. So five, three, one. Yeah. So I hear that and I think I can totally do that. Let me add it to my to do list. And then I think, oh, and I'll feel guilty at the end of the day when I don't do it. So how in this extreme culture of busyness, do we actually make

time to build these relationships? I mean, it feels like relationships are the first thing to go when we're overwhelmed and and just struggling to to stay on top of things. Yeah. And they are for me, too, by the way. I need to take my own advice on this. I think there's two answers. One is a broader conversation about how can we redesign our culture so that we don't feel so busy all the time that we can't sit down and have a family meal? Right. So that's a bigger conversation that needs to happen. But in the

meantime, what can each of us do? I was really inspired by someone I interviewed for the book who talked about this idea of go for connection first. So we have little moments of downtime throughout our day. Maybe you're standing in line for coffee, and there isn't a stranger next to you to strike up conversation with because you're not at South by. And in that case, what do we do? We pull out our phones and we scroll through social media, or we read our emails. Instead. Text a friend. Right? Go for connection first. Or maybe you're

driving in your car or riding the bus, and your first impulse is to put in a podcast or something like that. Instead, go for connection. First, call a friend, call a family member. Something like that. So weaving in these moments throughout our already busy lives is is one way to to take initiative on that. I love that you also in the book, which I appreciate as an introvert, talk about the different styles of social connection or social health. And you have four different styles. You actually created a New York Times quiz that went viral. You

all should pull it up. Try it out. It's super easy. I think it's like ten questions. I did it, I'm a firefly, which I think is what you are too. Yeah. Um, which is someone who wants deep connections but infrequent interaction. Um, tell us about the other three styles, and tell us a little more about the Firefly. Yeah, sure. Yeah. So I'm also a firefly. So basically what I, what I found over the course of, of studying this was we often talk about introversion and extroversion, which is really about the quantity of interaction that feels

nourishing. Right. An introvert like we are, um, needs more alone time, more of that balance, whereas an extrovert is energized by being around people more often. Um, but that's just one dimension. And I found that there was this other dimension, which is the ways that we feel comfortable connecting. Some people gravitate toward deep conversation, and like my friends, bear with me because I am always the one who dives straight in and asks the personal questions and wants to know how you know how they're really doing. But other people are not that way. And that's okay,

right? Other people are more comfortable with small talk or take longer to build that trust and get to that level. So noticing these kind of two axes, I wanted to come up with these archetypes to help people understand where they are. So depending on the amount of connection you enjoy and the type of connection you enjoy, you may be a butterfly. So that's the first social health style. A butterfly is someone who likes a lot of casual connection. The second is a wallflower. So this is someone who likes a little bit of casual connection. And

there are perks to being a wallflower. It's not bad. There are pros and cons to each of these. The third is a firefly. So someone who likes deep, infrequent connection. And then there's an evergreen. So someone who likes a lot of deep connection. And it was fun. I've interviewed people who are each of these, and it's so interesting to just think about the fact that we have different preferences and different habits, and that's okay. And we should understand that about ourselves and build opportunities around that. Yeah. When I first started the book, I thought, I

have my husband is he's an evergreen. He loves parties, but also like is the guy in the corner basically giving therapy to strangers. Like, he's, you know, and he'll be like, what did you talk about? And I was like, I don't know. I was sort of overwhelmed. And he's like, well, I found out so and so, you know, it's amazing. Um, but I wondered, I need your advice, actually, because I was last night, but I wanted to prep for this session a little bit more. So I went to dinner by myself, and the guy next

to me at the bar at the restaurant was a chatty, you know, it was a little like my husband. And I was like, oh God. I put in my I put in my AirPods and, you know, what are you here for South By? And I was like, oh, he's not going to let up. And then I was like, okay, I'm a firefly. I know we're not going to have a deep connection. I also really would rather just prep. So I'm ready for this interview. And yet I also had your words in my mind and just

what you said. Go for connection. What? I'll tell you what I did, but what should I have done? Oh, that's a great question. It's very relatable, right? I can definitely think of times when I've been in that situation. Well, this isn't going to be satisfying, but I don't think there is a right answer because it does depend. Right? If you truly have a deadline and you're going to be on South by stage the next day, maybe you just need to work and say thank you, but I have to focus. Um, but what I would say

is, if you're not under that kind of pressure, all of us being more open to these opportunities for micro connection can have so many surprising benefits. And you mentioned something when you were talking about how I know I'm not going to have a deep connection, and that's where I would challenge you. Maybe you could have a deep connection. And that's partly where it's the questions we ask, and then openness for the surprise of maybe something that could turn into something deeper. Okay, so that's what I did. I did, so I took I took out my

AirPods and I told him, I said, this is really funny because I'm prepping for this interview with someone who talks about social health. So I know I should talk to you, but I have to prep. And he said, how about we talk for 15 minutes and then you put them back in? I love that. That's great. Shout out to Steven for being so kind. But can I tell you what actually happened? Guess we chatted the whole time. Ah. So I'm not really prepared. So let's see how this goes. No. You're doing. Great. Thank you. Thank

you. So I did also want to ask about technology. We can't be at South-by without asking about technology. You mentioned this is empty calories. A lot of social media. Um, but what about AI? Are there ways that we can have deep connection? Will we ever count AI as social health. I know you write about AI companions in the book. How should we be thinking about this? Yeah. Oh, man, it's so interesting. So first of all, people already are using AI as a substitute for human relationships. And in the course of researching, I created my own

chatbot friend. Um, and that was an interesting experience, which I won't spoil. What was her name? I can't remember, I think it's chapter eight. Name her Amy. Something like that. Um, but what I found in the course of researching this is that I'm not exaggerating when I say hundreds of millions of users. You use AI as a companion, as a friend, as a lover, as a husband, as a wife, as a boyfriend, as a girlfriend. These are the terms that they use to describe their their AI companions. Um, and I have a lot of feelings

about this. On one hand, I'm concerned. I'm concerned that we have created a culture where people feel like they need to turn to AI for companionship. That's concerning. On the other hand, I think that if it's in addition to our in-person relationships, hey, maybe that can be great. Right. I asked ChatGPT for advice recently and it gave me some great advice. Right. So if we are using these as part of our portfolio of connection, then that could be wonderful, right? And could offer something unique. One of the kind of core principles of social health is

that it's important to have diverse sources of social health, meaning not just one. You know, you don't just socialize with your romantic partner and no one else. You have friends, you talk to coworkers, you chit chat with the barista and other people. And so if AI is one of those sources, I'm open to that. Where it becomes a problem is when it becomes the only or one of the main sources. >> That makes sense. And I actually wonder if I might be an answer to one of the questions we get from the audience. Meredith asks,

how can we overcome the initial shyness we feel if we are nervous to initiate social connections? Can I? Well, what's your advice first of all? And could I help with that? Good question. So first of all, one of the things that I've learned through my work is that way more people feel this way than we realize. Way more people are shy or feel a little bit socially anxious, or are worried that other people don't like them. It is, I think, the norm and not the exception, based on the conversations that I have with people. So

the first thing I would say is it's okay if you feel that way. The second thing I would say is that there's really interesting research showing that people like us more than we think. So we go into interactions, assuming that they're not going to like us, or that we're going to come across a certain way. And it's very easy to fall down these kind of mental traps and get caught up in our own thoughts and beliefs about the interaction, when in fact, when people when researchers study this, it shows that people like us more than

we think they appreciate hearing from us more than we think. It means more to them that we reach out than we assume. So chances are they're feeling shy, too, and they'll be really receptive and happy to be engaging with you. I always find starting with a compliment, right? I like your shirt. It's amazing how that can open up. A. Conversation. And then it's not about you. It's about. Yeah. It's about them. Meredith's question is actually connected, I think, to Claire's question, which is what can good social health look like in a highly neurodivergent workplace or

team and where where we might experience being social a little differently. Yeah, this is a great question. I think this is where it's important to understand that we're all coming to our interactions from different places, whether that's being neurodivergent, whether that's being an introvert or an extrovert. Right. We all have different preferences and styles. And I think in a workplace in particular, it's really important for managers and leaders to be creating opportunities for people to show up in different ways. So for example, I'm an internal processor, meaning I need time alone to think through things

and to come up with my own ideas. So if I'm in a meeting and we're on the spot. Go go go. What are your ideas? That's not optimal for me, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. Right. And so maybe as a manager, you say, let's set aside time for the introverts in the room to to think about this and we'll come back together. Right. So it's things like that to just be aware and to, um, encourage and allow for these different ways that we're each coming to interactions. Yeah. I forgot

to ask about how I, I follow up on how I can help with the shyness, which may be also can help when we think about neurodivergent as well. Can you practice with I does that like is that good practice for for real life. So this is one of the arguments that a lot of the people running these companies make is that, hey, we're creating these AI companions so that people can practice conversation and practice social skills and then go use those in the real world. And I get that. I think, you know, that that may

be true. And I want to have a society where people feel comfortable and have opportunities practicing that in person. Right? Right. Like if we're teaching this in schools and practicing it in real time. And then that just becomes, you know, part of our toolkit for how to go about life. That's the ideal. So yes, maybe there's a case to be made for that. And I don't want that to have to be the default. Yeah. I want to go back to the busyness question, because we've got a good question from Nico here. So in high stress,

high performance environments, what are the best ways to encourage connection without sacrificing productivity? Hmm. This is a great question. I mean, I would argue and tell me if you agree, but I would argue that actually the connection will make you more productive. So somehow putting them on opposite ends of the spectrum is really false. Absolutely, yes. I love that way of of saying it. It is false. Right. And the research I didn't get too much into this in my presentation. I'm sure you you are familiar with this research too, but people who have a best

friend at work I think are seven times more productive, right? People who have friends at work in general, they're more efficient. They're more satisfied with their jobs. They're less likely to be searching for a new job. Right? So retention is higher. Um, connected employees are engaged, productive employees. And so I think that it's not a sacrifice so much as it's an essential part of running a company that's successful. Yeah. One of my favorite pieces of research not only shows that they're more engaged, more creative, but they have higher performance ratings. So, like, you actually are

better at your job or perceived to be better if we want to assume the evaluations are subjective, but that you want to have that connection. Any advice about you have the 531 rule. Any advice about carving out that time in your day. In the workplace? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think, um, people always talk about the water cooler moments, right? So those little moments of of interaction. But I would also think about, you know, eating lunch. So let's say you're onboarding a new team member. And that is a critical time when you want to make

sure that that person feels welcome. Right. So what are those ways that you can set that up for them? Scheduling a lunch for them with a different people each week so that they feel invited and included and welcomed. Right. Things like that. Where it's part of lunchtime, you have to eat. Anyway, let's make that a time when we can come together as one example. Yeah. Do you have an example too? Yeah. I mean, I think the, the thing I try to remember is I like how you say go for connection first. And so I try

to start meetings by connecting with people. Right. Leaving time to ask people how they're doing. Share something about my life. I also keep a list of people who I work with, who I want to get to know better. So and that's someone who, if I see them in the hallway, I'll say, oh, hey, I meant to ask you about that project. I think the other thing I really try to remember is it doesn't have to be about personal life. So if you have someone who's shy. Doesn't want to share, you can ask about their work.

And that's often an opening. That's also a connection. Yeah. One other tip is setting a gratitude reminder once a week. So every Friday at 10 a.m., for example, have it in your calendar to spend five minutes max thinking about someone who you interacted with that week, who you appreciate, and sending them a note to say thank you. Right. Thank you for how you helped me, or I appreciate so much how you were in that meeting, whatever it may be. Max. Five minutes. That's all it needs to take. And that's a way to I mean, there's

so much research showing gratitude is a way to deepen our relationships and sustain them over time and so on. And that's such a simple thing that we should be able to carve five minutes out for. I'm embarrassed to say I was working. I, someone on my team was struggling a little bit and I was getting the advice of a friend and I said, you know what? What should I do? She said, well, how often do you tell her what you appreciate about her work? And I said, oh, not that often, but she knows. And I

and my and my friend said, how does she know? And I said, because I haven't fired her yet. And she said, that is the worst thing that's come out of your mouth as a relationship expert, what are you doing? And I and it just was this realization of how little I love. I keep a compliments folder in my inbox, right? I love when people thank me for things or tell me that I helped them in some way. Why was I not doing it enough? And I think we do get in our head thinking, oh, they

know or I don't have time, or this isn't the right environment or this isn't our culture. We don't do those sorts of things. So I think you have to take that leap to really push yourself, even if the culture is not supporting it. Yeah. And it's true with our personal relationships too, right? Not just coworkers. It's. When was the last time you expressed appreciation to your partner or to your parents or to your kids, right. Yeah. It is. I mean, part of the exercise that I have in the book of kind of mapping out your

social health and taking stock is to make us be intentional and actually put thought into who are we connecting with? Who do I care about? How am I maintaining those relationships and actually put that thought and effort in? Yeah. So I also love this question from Raj. How do we convince people in our lives to mindfully invest in social health and connection, knowing things are easier when the people around us are also doing them? How do we convince them, hey, let's let's do this together, that this is this is worthwhile. That's a good question. I'm

curious. Raj, um, if it's that hard of an argument to make. Oh, right. Like people are craving connection. And I wonder if it's not so much that we need to convince them to hang out, or to spend quality time together, or to have meaningful conversations. Maybe it's just more about being intentional about that and carving out the time. I don't think it's a hard argument to make. I think most people, certainly what I hear in my conversations with people is we want this, and it's just a matter of of reorienting our day to day. Yeah,

I've been having them read the first few chapters of your book will be utterly convincing, right? Given the stats you've shared today. So. But I do think some people just get getting back to the busyness, just feel like I don't have time. This is this is something I'm choosing or I'm not choosing. I just don't have time to do. But I think you lay the case for why it's it's so critical. Well, and also, what are we living for? Like, why are we. So if we're so busy all the time and then we die? What's

the point? Okay. Devin. Devin asked, what does the how? You answered this a little bit in your talk, but I'd love to hear more. So how does the internet play a role in our social social health for good or for ill? I will add, I have a friend, Mark. Shout out to Mark, who I've known for a very long time, years and years, but our relationship has become entirely sending each other memes on Instagram. Does that count? That's my question. I think it counts as part of your portfolio of connection, and you got to have

that meme and humor friend, I love it. Nothing wrong with that. Um, yeah. So this question, how does the internet play a role in our social health? Well, it does for good and for ill, right? And I think we all kind of know this intuitively, right? Um, when we are turning to social media or other places on the internet, um, to kind of scratch that itch and feel like we're staying up to date on people's lives, it's very easy to, um, get full off those calories, right? It's like eating chips or popcorn or, you know,

bagels or whatever it is that you love to indulge in versus eating a nutritious meal. And so it's filling, but it's not life giving in the way that we fundamentally need. But there are also so many wonderful examples. Sharing memes is one. But also there are incredible internet communities that bring people together who never would have connected otherwise. Right? One example I love is patient support groups, where people who have very rare diseases, who would never meet someone in their town who has that same disease, are able to connect with other people around the world

who have it and share information and support each other on their health care journeys. Right? What a beautiful example of the internet benefiting our social health. And there are so many more, more like that. I mean, I have a nephew who was super into. He's in his 20s now, but in his teens was super into online video games. Almost all his friends were online friends and I was really worried about his social health. He ended up moving to a town where some of his online friends were. They now are roommates. I mean, it's amazing that

to me, as a Gen Xer, I was like, this is not real, right? And it's clearly real. Yeah. It is. Yeah. And I think that's wonderful, right? It's it's definitely not all bad, but it's it's easy to fall into this trap of it erring toward bad. Yeah. Rodrigo has a question about which you answer early in your book. So I think it would be good to share. How do we know the direction of causality? Right. Ah, this is obviously very important for researchers. So are we less depressed because of social connections. Are we or are

we able to build connections because we are not depressed? Yeah. Great question. I mean, the mental health and the social health go hand in hand in both directions. But there was actually a study that specifically looked at causality for depression, and they followed people. I'm not going to remember the specifics right now, but I think it was for five years. And they measured loneliness, depression and other things at multiple time points throughout that. And they found that loneliness predicted depression, but not the other way around. In other words, it was loneliness leading to depression. And

there's other ways that people have looked at causality with all this. It's a little tricky because obviously you can't randomize someone to be totally isolated, for example. Or although. You can give people cold virus, apparently. You can also give people electric and electric system. Yeah, there was a really cool study where people got electric shocks while either looking at a photo of a loved one or looking at a photo of a stranger, and if they were looking at a photo of a loved one while being electrocuted, their brain region associated with pain was less activated,

and they reported feeling less fear than if they were looking at a stranger just looking at a photo. So it's actually a useful tip. Next time you get your blood drawn or your teeth cleaned or something like that. Or have a difficult conversation, right? Like just pull up a photo of someone. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. Okay. Controversial topic for the workplace. Sarah asks from the workplace social health perspective. What's your view on work for home versus return to office? Yeah. Um, my view is that it doesn't matter where you are, you can feel

connected remotely or in person. Um, and and you can not feel connected remotely or in person. Right. The data looking. Yeah. The data looking at loneliness in the workplace was pretty bad before Covid. This isn't new, right? People were in the office feeling disconnected from each other. And now Covid has made us talk about this more and focus on it. But it's not that just because you're in person, you're automatically going to have good relationships with your coworkers. So the real question is, what are the things we can do to help foster those relationships, whether

you're in the office or you're remote or some hybrid? Yeah. What about people in the audience who are sitting like, loneliness is not my problem. My phone is constantly blowing up. I have too many social engagements. I have too many friends. Like, can you do a friendship cleanse? Like, how do. What about those people? Yeah. Heads up, friends, I'm dumping you all later. Yeah. I mean, that's where. Where I'm so passionate about reframing the conversation, too. Because it's not just disconnection, it's over connection. So many of us are feeling exhausted and spread too thin. And

I write about these four strategies for social health. So to stretch, rest, flex, or tone your social muscles. And I won't get into them now because we're running out of time. But the one that's relevant here is resting your social muscles. So just like we have to rest our physical muscles after you do a workout or in between reps, it's actually essential to rest your muscles so that they can incorporate the work that you've done. The same is true with social connection, right? And so it's equally important to take those breaks and also to evaluate

when a relationship maybe is not a healthy one anymore. And to think about, you know, who are you investing your time in and making sure that it's it's really the right people. Great. Um, so last question. As people go out into South by enjoy the next week, plus go back home afterwards, what's the one thing you want them to keep in mind or remember? What's the takeaway? Two things. One is that in ten years, social health will be where mental health is today. And you heard it here first. And second, that every single one of

us has the ability to strengthen not only our own social health, but also the social health of the people around us. Because that's the most beautiful thing about connection to me is that it's bidirectional. So by its very definition, when you are improving your social health, through connection, through community, that's benefiting others as well. And I love that. All right. This interview has improved my social health. Thank you very much. Thank you again to Cassie. Thanks, everyone. And don't forget she's. Signing books at 1130 in the bookstore. And enjoy South by. Everyone enjoy. Thank you.