The Universe Had One Rule: Don't Wake The Humans... They Broke It | HFY | Sci Fi

the zelian prided themselves on being the most advanced civilization in the known universe their crystalline bodies sparkled with internal bioluminescence as they floated through their pristine cities suspended in the Clouds of their home World they had mastered quantum mechanics before most species had figured out basic arithmetic their technology was so Advanced that they considered faster than light travel about as impressive as learning to tie shoelaces but for all their superiority and achievements there was one universal law that even the mighty zyian followed without question don't wake the humans it wasn't that humans were particularly scary

at least not at first glance they were rather unimpressive biological entities who had barely managed Interstellar travel before their great hibernation the stories said they had collectively decided to enter cryosleep sometime during their third world war when their planet's resources were nearly depleted entire colonies of humans now floated through space in massive ships sleeping away the centuries while their automated systems kept them alive no one really knew why the rule existed it had been passed down through generations translated into thousands of languages and enforced by every spacefaring civilization the galactic archives contained countless warnings all

saying the same thing let them sleep Chief science officer zth brushed his crystalline appendages against the control panel of his research vessel bringing up the holographic display of the latest human Colony ship they'd discovered his crew maintained a respectful distance as per protocol the ship was ancient by their standards practically an antique yet something about it made his crystals vibrate with unease fascinating creatures he mused aloud his voice resonating through his crystalline form they look so peaceful when they sleep hard to believe they're the reason for our most sacred rule if only he knew how

right he was to be nervous it was supposed to be a routine scan that's what zyth would later tell the emergency Council his crystalline form dimmed with shame just a standard analysis of the human ship's outer Hull nothing invasive nothing dangerous but his Junior researcher zix had other ideas fresh out of the galactic Academy with top honors and enough confidence to fill a solar system zix had been fascinated by human biology since their first encounter with the colony ship their scans had revealed something peculiar about the cryogenic systems an efficiency that defied their Advanced understanding

of thermodynamics just a small probe zix had insisted their crystalline structure vibrating with excitement we won't even touch the humans think of the scientific implications zth should have known better the moment they activated the probe something changed the ancient human ship which had been dormant for centuries suddenly hummed to life warning signals blared across their research vessels monitors what did you do Z's voice crackled with panic his usually melodious tones shattering into discordant frequencies nothing I just I might have the probe's quantum signature must have resonated with their cryogenic field zix's form had lost all

its luster turning nearly transparent with fear on their main view screen pods began activating one by one like stars appearing in an evening Sky thousands of them the ship's ancient systems far from being primitive executed a Flawless Awakening sequence that their senses could barely track emergency transmission to high command zyth barked his crystals now pulsing with anxiety patterns code ultraviolet I repeat code ultraviolet human Awakening in progress in sector 7 the response was immediate within moments their small research vessel was surrounded by a fleet of zelian Warships their crystalline hulls forming a containment pattern around

the human vessel the high Commander herself appeared on their screen her ancient form a deep purple with rage you absolute neutron stars for brains she she bellowed using an insult so old it predated faster than light travel do you have any idea what you've done the humans were supposed to sleep for at least another Millennium hi Commander xyth began perhaps we could put them back to sleep an alert cut him off the human ship was powering up its ancient engines systems that shouldn't have worked were coming online with terrifying efficiency and their scans detected brain

wave patterns indicating the humans were not just a a wake they were angry too late the high Commander's voice had dropped to a whisper they're awake May the first light have mercy on us all in the following moments of chaos as emergency protocols were enacted and evacuation orders were given zix turned to zth with what would become the understatement of the Millennium I don't suppose this will look good on my performance review the human ship's communication systems crackled to life broadcasting on all frequencies in a language not heard in centuries the message was short clear

and would soon become infamous throughout the Galaxy Who Dares disturb our Slumber The zelian Diplomatic Corp prided itself on handling first Contact situations with impeccable Grace they had smoothed over Wars prevented genocides and once talked a hive mind out of converting an entire galaxy into paper clips but nothing in their extensive training had prepared them for dealing with grumpy humans who had just been rudely awakened from their Cosmic nap Ambassador Crystal a name chosen specifically because humans supposedly appreciated literal translations led the delegation her crystalline form was polished to Perfection refracting light in the most

aesthetically pleasing patterns according to 16 different species beauty standards remember she briefed her team we must be diplomatic respectful and above all apologetic we've Disturbed their rest how bad could it be the answer as it turned out was very bad indeed the human ship had allowed them to dock which The Diplomatic team took as a positive sign they really shouldn't have the moment they floated through the airlock they were met by a group of humans in what appeared to be sleeping attire clutching cups of something that their senses identified as coffee a substance that immediately

got classified as a potential chemical weapon so drawed the human leader dark circles under their eyes and hair sticking up in directions that defied several laws of physics you're the ones who thought it would be fun to wake up several million humans before their alarm went off most esteemed humans Ambassador Crystal began her carefully prepared speech her form glittering with practice sincerity on behalf of the galactic Alliance we extend our deepest save it Sparkles the human interrupted taking a long sip of their coffee do you know how long it took us to synchronize our sleep

schedules do you have any idea how hard it is to get several million people to agree on nap time the Diplomatic team exchanged nervous glances their crystalline forms flickering with uncertainty this was not in the manual we have prepared extensive reparations another Diplomat chimed in including the latest in Comfort technology dream enhancement devices and the human leader snorted actually snorted causing the entire diplomatic team to vibrate with alarm oh that's rich you think you can just give us some fancy pillows and we'll go back to sleep have you ever tried to get back to sleep

after being woken up it's impossible things went downhill from there the humans it seemed had opinions about being woken up many many opinions and they wanted to share all of them preferably at high volume the situation reached its peak when one human discovered that their favorite snack something called Pizza had gone extinct during their Slumber the resulting tantrum caused three diplomatic assistants to crack and one to temporarily lose their crystalline coherence this is unprecedented Ambassador Crystal transmitted privately to high command they're not attempting to destroy us they're not even threatening War they're just complaining endlessly

about everything the humans had begun organizing what they called a town hall meeting to discuss their grievances the very concept sent shivers through the Diplomatic core millions of grumpy recently awakened humans all Gathering to voice their complaints simultaneously we have to do something Crystal pleaded with her superiors they're talking about forming committees but it was too late the humans had discovered that their favorite entertainment platforms were no longer operational the phrase Netflix and chill was thrown around with increasing hostility someone mentioned something called social media withdrawal and the Diplomatic team's Universal translators nearly overloaded trying

to convey the full emotional weight of that Concept in a final desperate attempt at peace Ambassador Crystal offered the humans control of several Resort planets where they could chill until they felt ready to sleep again the human Leader's response would be recorded in diplomatic archives as the shortest and most terrifying rejection ever received bold of you to assume will ever feel ready to sleep again now about those extinct pizza recipes the galactic Alliance would soon learn that an awakened human with a grudge was bad enough an awakened human with a grudge and no access to

their favorite comfort Foods was nothing short of a cosmic catastrophe the real trouble began when the humans finally got around to checking their emails or rather the quantum encrypted messages that had accumulated during their centuries long nap the zelian High Council watched in horror as Humanity's Collective mood shifted from mild irritation to something far more concerning Amusement let me get this straight the human leader said now on their 15th cup of coffee addressing the emergency session of the galactic Alliance while we were sleeping you all convinced yourselves that we went into cryosleep because we ran

out of resources the high Commander's crystalline form dimmed slightly according to our historical records oh this is precious another human interrupted actually wiping tears from their eyes they really don't know the truth as it turned out was far more ridiculous than anything the galactic Alliance had imagined the humans hadn't gone into cryo because they were running out of resources they done it because they were bored we'd solved pretty much everything the human leader explained scrolling through ancient Mission Logs with increasing Glee clean energy World Peace Universal Health Care faster than light travel we even figured

out why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch there was nothing left to do the galactic archives were quickly revealed to be hilariously incorrect those those primitive looking ships camouflage the seemingly simple cryogenic pods actually Quantum Consciousness storage devices that made zyian technology look like two rocks being banged together the humans hadn't been sleeping they'd been running Universe Scale simulations processing Quantum calculations that would make a supercomputer cry and apparently binge watching every possible variation of reality TV that could ever exist but but the warning Ambassador Crystal stammered the rule about never waking humans oh that a

human scientist grinned looking far too pleased with themselves we wrote that scattered it across the Galaxy best prank ever the Revelation hit the galactic Alliance like a supernova the humans hadn't been some endangered species that needed protection they were essentially Cosmic teenagers who had decided to take a nap and set an elaborate out of office message the true extent of human capabilities began to unfold while sleeping they had mapped every possible timeline in the universe solved the question of whether hot dogs were sandwiches though they refused to share this knowledge claiming some things should remain

mysterious developed a unified theory of everything then decided it was kind of boring and developed several more interesting ones ones created and abandoned 17 different types of social media Platforms in their simulated environments deeming them too emotionally draining figured out why socks always disappear in the laundry again they're keeping this one to themselves the zelian scientists who examined the human ship's primitive systems had to be treated for shock when they realized they weren't looking at technology they were looking at art projects human children had made while their parents were catching up on some z's but

why the high Commander asked their crystalline form practically vibrating with confusion why pretend to be a sleeping civilization have you ever tried being the most advanced species in the Galaxy the human leader counted it's exhausting everyone always coming to you with their problems asking for technology wanting you to solve their existential crises we just wanted a break the final blow to the galactic alliance's Collective ego came when they discovered that humans had actually achieved their Advanced state of development before most other species had invented the wheel they'd just been watching everyone else develop occasionally leaving

helpful anonymous tips like have you tried pointing the rocket the other way or maybe don't mix those chemicals think of it like a cosmic Gap year one human explained to the increasingly distressed Council except instead of backpacking across Europe we decided to take a few centuries off and let everyone else have a go at running things the high Commander's final report to the galactic Alliance summed up the situation perfectly we have not been protecting a sleeping primitive species we have been unknowingly participating in the universe's longest running social experiment and now the experimenters are awake

caffeinated and expressing interest in what they call catching up on current events May whatever Gods you believe in have mercy on us all in the archives of the zelian Science Academy zix's Infamous probe incident would be reclassified from greatest scientific catastrophe to most successful wakeup call in history though no one was quite sure whether that was an improvement the shift in Galactic power dynamics happened faster than a Quantum hiccup one moment the galaxians were the Undisputed masters of the known universe the next they were watching humans reorganize entire star systems because the funu was all

wrong you can't just move a solar system high Commander Christos protested their form flickering with distress as they watched humans casually relocating celestial bodies watch us replied the human leader who was now sporting a bathrobe and bunny slippers while orchestrating the movement of entire star clusters this one's blocking the view of that gorgeous nebula besides the commute time between planetary systems was ridiculous who designed this layout the galactic Alliance quickly discovered that trying to maintain order in a universe with fully awakened humans was like trying to herd Quantum cats theoretically possible but practically futile humans

started fixing things that no one had realized were broken they introduced their concept of weakend breaks to speak species that had never stopped working they established Universal Wi-Fi that somehow worked across multiple Dimensions they started a galactic food delivery service that could get you take out from any planet in under 30 minutes or your money back the zelian bureaucracy once a model of efficiency descended into chaos when humans introduced them to casual Fridays and office parties the sight of crystalline beings attempting to wear Hawaiian shirts would haunt the high Commander's dreams for centuries but the

most surprising development came from the younger generations of various species rather than resisting the human influence they embraced it with alarming enthusiasm young zians started forming hybrid Social Clubs with humans leading to the Galaxy's first interspecies meme War you have to admit zix commented to zyth as they watched a group of humans teaching young xylans how to chill they do make things more interesting zyth whose career had somehow survived the wakeup incident could only nod in bewildered agreement the humans had promoted him to chief officer of making sure humans don't get too bored again a

position he wasn't entirely sure was a reward or a punishment the humans approach to Galactic governance was particularly baffling they established what they called a universal Community Center a massive space station where different species could hang out and Vibe important diplomatic decisions were now made over game nights and potluck dinners but what about the proper protocols Ambassador Crystal had asked watching in horror as humans settled a centuries old territorial dispute with an interplanetary karaoke competition Protocols are just suggestions with fancy hats the human mediator responded before announcing the next song Universal Wind by daro Sandstorm

a hit from their sleep playlist even the dreaded void crawlers a species everyone had been terrified of for Millennia turned out to be quite amable after humans introduced them to hot chocolate and bubble wrap we're not evil their hive mind explained we were just really stressed out the human solution to most Galactic problems seemed to involve either naps snacks or what they called group therapy surprisingly it worked better than any previous system of governance they established the galactic Chill Zone treaty which included such revolutionary Clauses as mandatory vacation days and the right to Netflix and

actually chill any species caught working too hard was subject to immediate intervention by the newly formed Department of taking it easy the zelian High Council found itself restructured into what humans called a cosmic coffee Club important decisions were now made over Beverages and B Goods with the humans insisting that no one could properly solve Galactic problems without proper caffeination you know what your civilization's problem was a human explained to a group of bewildered council members too much Crystal not enough flow you need to learn to go with the gravitational waves dudes perhaps the most stunning

development was the formation of the interspecies relaxation Coalition young zians void crawlers and dozens of other species joined humans in their pursuit of the perfect work life balance the universe had never been more productive largely because everyone had finally learned when to take a break as zyth watched a human teaching a group of young zyian how to make s'mores using plasma reactors he realized that maybe waking the humans hadn't been a catastrophe after all it was more like hitting the universal reset button chaotic certainly but in a strangely refreshing way chief officer a human called

out to him we're about to start the first annual Galactic games night want to join we're playing Monopoly Universal Edition we modified it to include actual solar systems zyth crystalline form sparkled with What Might Have Been resignation or Amusement these days it was getting harder to tell the difference why not he replied it's not like the universe could get any weirder the human grinned oh just wait until we introduce you to karaoke 6 months after the Great Awakening or the universal snooze button incident as humans insisted on calling it the Galaxy had transformed into something

unprecedented the zelian archives struggled to keep up with the rapid cultural changes eventually giving up and starting a blog instead humans said it was more on brand the integration of species produced some truly memorable moment moments the void crawlers once feared across the Galaxy had become surprisingly successful meditation instructors their natural ability to induce existential dread was apparently perfect for helping others achieve inner peace nothing helps you appreciate life like a being from the void asking you about your career goals became a common saying the xaan found their crystalline Nature Made Them exceptional at what

humans called mood lighting soon young xaan were opening trendy space lounges using their bioluminescence to create atmosphere the most popular venue Crystal Vibes had a three-century waiting list but cultural integration wasn't without its hiccups the first interspecies Olympic Games had to be postponed when someone realized that the high jump event might be unfair to species that could manipulate Gravity the swimming competition was scrap entirely after humans introduced the concept of pool noodles to Aquatic civilizations who took the name too literally the universal education system underwent a complete overhaul history class became particularly interesting today's topic

why humans pretended to sleep for centuries because they were tired no because they were tired of us that's fair the galactic Senate transformed into something called a town hall hangout complete with bean bags and endless supplies of snacks the Only Rule was no discussing politics without Pizza somehow it resulted in more productive legislation than ever before even the zelian military adapted though not without some confusion their fearsome War Cruisers were retrofitted with coffee shops and yoga studios the sight of crystalline Admirals trying to master d downward-facing dog became a popular meme across 17 Dimensions cultural

exchange programs led to some interesting developments humans introduced the concept of casual dress to species that didn't wear clothes leading to a galaxy-wide debate about whether wearing nothing was more or less casual than wearing something the argument was eventually settled by declaring every day hat day because everyone could agree that hats were funny the univers translation Matrix had to be completely reprogrammed to handle human idioms the phrase It's reigning cats and dogs caused a panic on three different worlds before someone explained it was just a saying though the void crawlers did try to make it

literal just to see what would happen perhaps the most successful integration came in the form of food the humans insistence on combining flavors from different worlds led to culinary innovations that no one had thought possible the quantum quesadilla became a sensation though everyone agreed that the void crawler vindaloo was an acquired taste that no one actually wanted to acquire zyth now running the department of keeping things interesting humans had insisted on renaming his position found himself mediating between species more often than not no you can't actually steal someone's nose the floor is not literally lava

yes humans really do need 8 hours of sleep no your face is not a valid diplomatic response usually but despite the chaos or perhaps because of it the Galaxy was thriving different species were not just coexisting but genuinely enjoying each other's company the human's particular brand of organized chaos had somehow created a more harmonious Universe than any amount of careful planning ever had as one human philosopher put it sometimes you need to wake up the universe ver to help it dream better no one was quite sure what that meant but it sounded profound enough to

put on T-shirts so they did one year after the Great Awakening the galactic Alliance gathered for its annual review the meeting room now equipped with comfortable recliners and an endless supply of snacks a non-negotiable human requirement buzzed with conversation and crystalline Chimes of laughter High Commander cistos stood at the podium their form glittering with amusement looking back we spent Millennia enforcing a rule we didn't understand don't wake the humans turns out they weren't even sleeping they were just taking a break from babysitting the Galaxy the human leader still in their signature bathrobe now the official

diplomatic uniform across three sectors raised their coffee mug in acknowledgement in our defense you all were doing fine mostly except for that whole thing with the void craw cers we said we were sorry about that the void crawler representative mumbled adjusting their newly adopted Comfort scarf but as the meeting progressed zyth noticed something odd the humans were starting to yawn not just one or two all of them his scientific curiosity the very thing that had started this whole situation tingled again are you all okay he asked the human leader who was blinking rather slowly oh

yeah they responded stifling another yawn it's just you know how when you take a really long nap and then you're awake for a while but then you get tired again the room fell silent every crystalline being vibrated with sudden understanding and horror you don't mean Ambassador Crystal began yeah the human leader stretched lazily we're thinking it's about time for another nap you all seem to have things under control now mostly but but the high Commander sputtered their form flickering in panic you can't just go back to sleep watch us the human leader grinned don't worry

we've left instructions this time real ones not just that prank about not waking us up although they looked around the room with a mischievous glint in their eye maybe we'll keep that rule too you know for Old Time sake and so in the ultimate Cosmic irony the Galaxy found itself preparing for another human hibernation only this time they were willing participants in what would become known as the great Universal snooze sequel as zyth watched the humans prepare for their next great nap he couldn't help but appreciate the absurdity of it all the one rule the

universe had lived by for so long was about to become relevant again but for entirely different reasons at least he mused to himself his crystalline form twink Ling with suppressed laughter they taught us how to make coffee before deciding to check out again in the end the Galaxy's greatest truth turned out to be its simplest sometimes everyone just needs a good nap