The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Loneliness

it's not hard to understand the fear of being alone the empty apartment after work the eeriness of Sunday afternoons the sense of exclusion during the holidays we know the Agony's of being on our own very well what's far less well understood is the enormous Lehigh price exact 'add on the other side of the equation the fear of being alone is perhaps responsible for more unhappy relationships more throttling of psychological development and more pent up misery than almost any other it is by any reckoning one of the single greatest contributors to human misery and the driver

of some of our weightiest and most unfortunate decisions if only we were able to get the costs of what is for the most part a simple misapprehension clear in our minds we might save ourselves a substantial portion of our lives we can pick out at least seven unnecessary penalties for a start and most obviously people who are afraid of being alone makes some very wrong choices around the company that they keep they have no option but to privilege anyone over the appropriate one they don't have the strength to be able to hold out as one

must for the 20th or 200th candidate the only souls with any realistic chance of ending up with a partner they deserve are those who've properly reconciled themselves to the prospect of perhaps never being with anyone at all being with not quite the right person sounds almost bearable but extended over time like a proverbial pebble in a shoe slightly wrong ends up indistinguishable from entirely horrific every beautiful location we travel to together will be ruined every promising moment will be trampled upon every success will be compromised what may begin a slight fractious Nisour tedium winds up

as cataclysmic irritation self disgust actual misery broken finances and the kind of excruciating loneliness that ironically merely and innocently being on our own would never have the power to generate furthermore when terrified of loneliness we have no strength to argue for our needs within any relationship one is always at the mercy of the one who fears loneliness less partners develop an advanced sense of the person who has nowhere else to go it's no use stamping our feet after an argument and saying I've had enough when in reality everyone knows that we will never have had

enough so scared a week of having dinner on our own we can't now imagine ever knowing how to change the dishwasher fluid alone walking into a party by ourselves or taking the initiative to send our nephews birthday presents so used to have we become to using the other person to compensate for our weaknesses we experience none of the bracing but also educative pressures visited upon the single who have no choice but to overcome their inhibitions those brave souls who have to learn how to garden go on holidays in the mountains endure empty weekends call up

their mother or cook a chicken and thereby achieve the resilient competence upon which true social discrimination and liberty rest for those who have to lightly signed away their freedoms there are sure to be constant and searing reminders of what they foregone every party and every walk down a busy street will provide evidence of what might have been all those potentially fascinating charming members of humanity they have now forever been disbarred from getting to know because they were so unnaturally scared of having a bed to themselves for a few more years it isn't just other people

we won't get to know it's also ourselves the constant presence of companions stops us from making friends with our own minds and exploring our feelings and ideas in a way that only extended stretches of solitude allow we use another person to distract us whenever any slightly painful or challenging internal matter comes into view that ends up being so much we won't ever really feel or understand about ourselves so many big questions about our careers and our ultimate purpose that we will ignore because there was always someone else on hand to chat to about what to

order in for dinner worst of all we might not even be actively miserable after a while we'll grow used to cozy mediocrity we won't be curious or Restless we won't dare as the single must to go up to strangers and risk our pride we'll stop learning will believe that we've answered our needs completely but only on the basis of suppressing our knowledge of what our needs really are to start to correct everything that stems from this ridiculous fear of being alone we should from a young age learn that being alone never means there is something

wrong with us just that we are being appropriately patient until what truly satisfies us shows up if indeed it ever danced we have a choice we have not been punished we will never learn the true promise of community discover our own interests or hold out for the connections we deserve until we make a genuine peace with the prospect of a life by ourselves our online shop has a range of books and gifts that address the most important and often neglected areas of life such as finding a good enough partner and mastering the art of confidence

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