How Your Unhealed Trauma Affects Your Relationships

they say that love is blind but it's trauma that's blind love sees what is Neil Strauss when someone gets involved in a motor vehicle accident and sustains a severe bodily injury the Physicians would describe it as a trauma case however trauma can also manifest as an emotional wound damaging your sense of self in an equally painful way unresolved emotional trauma causes you to perceive yourself as broken and unlovable and you unknowingly carry this belief into your relationships so with that said let's take a look at how your unhealed trauma affects your relationships when you are

in a relationship have you ever noticed that three different parts of you may be in charge a licensed mental health counselor Greg Douglas says that you may be a wounded child an Adaptive child or a functional adult at any given time in your life let's talk about the wounded child when you were young were you ever abused physically psychologically or sexually were you deprived of Love support nurturing or consistent attention from your caregivers let's say your partner makes a condescending remark to you almost resembling what your mother always did you are immediately flooded with feelings

of sadness deep pain and shame and your responses just to accept what has been done to you without even trying to stand up for yourself in this case when you receive treatment from someone who reminds you of any previous wounding experiences you will likely behave in the same way you did then next is the Adaptive child have you ever been involved in a serious dispute with your caregiver when you were young you might have been arguing with your father and he shouts at you when you respond by becoming defensive and shouting back through these experiences

you eventually learned that being loud and angry is the only way to gain respect and be heard thus when you encounter a similar situation in your relationship you will also respond in the same way harsh and rough you can think of an Adaptive child as a younger version of yourself who has to figure out how to cope with not meeting your needs to adapt to the treatment you have received you use what ideas and resources you have at hand and then there's the functional adult as a functional adult you respond in a manner that resolves

the disconnection within the relationship this is the mature and thoughtful part of you that has left behind the patterns of the Adaptive and wounded child and done the work of healing you've developed an accepting and non-judgmental Viewpoint that strengthens your relationship in the face of hardships so which part of you is running your relationship let us know in the comments below while you're at it hit the like button and subscribe to psych2go for more content it means a lot okay let's talk about how unhealed traumas create negative patterns in relationships number one difficulty trusting others

have you found it difficult to trust other people perhaps you have limiting thoughts such as if I open up I'll only get hurt again or I can never let my guard down unhealed drama causes you to put up Social barriers to prevent your trust from being lost again a study by Sheikh and stahlberg found that children from divorced and abusive homes are more likely to struggle with trust in their future relationships number two the need for perfection do you find yourself procrastinating waiting for the perfect time to complete a project perhaps you strongly believe that

the things you do should be perfect causing you to take hours to complete a task if you can relate to this it is highly likely that you are perfectionistic trait originated from psychological wounds from your childhood if your parents withheld their love you may have felt that you needed to prove your worth perfectionism poses as a severe threat to intimacies especially marriage the truth is there can never be a partner who can perfectly fulfill the highly unrealistic expectations of a perfectionist number three trouble communicating or expressing needs have you ever found yourself becoming hyper aware

of your surroundings it's a common occurrence for you to lose focus and dissociate from the present trauma survivors may have trouble absorbing information due to dissociation and low levels of concentration their ability to express themselves and understand what is being said to them may be limited sometimes number four difficulty setting clear boundaries if others ask too much of you do you find it hard to say no according to a licensed clinical professional counselor Morgan conception the aftermath of trauma may lead to you believing that others are more important than yourself it's your belief that you

must make other people happy and not cause trouble your traumatic experiences have taught you to put others needs before your own in order to feel safe and protected and number five no desire to connect or bond with others have you lost interest in interacting with anyone were you once a social butterfly but after a traumatic incident you just don't have the energy to talk to anyone anymore according to a board-certified psychiatrist Dr Marcia Sirota when you have unresolved trauma it may cause you to hold on to beliefs that you are not lovable or entitled to

have a loving relationship you may avoid closeness with others because of a fear of rejection and abandonment so did you relate to any of these points I sure did let us know in the comments emotional wounds need to be treated and cared for just like physical injuries an individual with a positive self-perception and a sense of where they belong in the world will be able to develop healthy relationships according to researchers trauma-informed families often have better outcomes for themselves and their loved ones for instance supportive trauma treatments enable families Partners or friends to grow closer

and stronger after trauma if you found this video helpful be sure to hit the like button and share it with those out there who need to hear it don't forget to subscribe to psych2go and hit that notification Bell for more new videos thanks so much for watching