Inside Job | Jimmy and Irene Rollins | Shoreline City Church

Heaven and Earth is not just a a time that we get together to receive an offering Heaven and Earth is God let the glory of Heaven cover the Earth as the waters cover the sea it's about the kingdom of God it's about the gospel furthering the gospel message of Jesus Christ and we cannot do that having relationships that are severed yeah it's so amazing to be here today and Irene and I are honored uh just to be here and be with family today and now we now call Dallas home cuz we recently moved to Dallas

and we are here yes officially Texans y'all can we give it up for your our amazing pastors come Pastor Earl and Pastor O love so much we honor you you know y'all are just such people of Integrity it's I hate to say it but it's hard to find people who are the same on stage off the stage you guys are the real deal and you're dear to us we honor you as friends and as our pastors here amazing amazing we love you honored to be here Jimmy Rollins and they also wrote Amazing books come on

now like come on absolutely I'm boring Royal y'all know come on somebody and then Pastor Earl wrote this amazing book called bald and beautiful guys and we want you to get a copy of that I'm joking I love I'm joking but Irene and I uh 25 years of marri marriage come on it's been about the best two months ever as we're working on it and uh just glad to be here today and sitting on this beautiful CR what's that we're going to switch to these okay that's why they're here just want to make sure I

don't know what to do I'm like okay but you know talking to the mic oh now I talking to this one okay great marriage yesing I'm just trying to follow instructions 25 years best 10 years years ever you want to put that in front of your mouth oh I mean can I move it okay there we go this is not starting well that's not starting well now we are absolutely Amazed by this book two equals one and uh it's it's it's our not only is it our life story but it's also the principles in which

we live by uh and it's not just a marriage book it is a relationship book because relationships are hard and as Pastor Earl talked about relationships are the currency of the Gospel message of Jesus Christ that that is how he expands the world right through relationships so I want you to know if if your relationship with your spouse is difficult relationship with your parents are difficult relationships with your uh in-laws are difficult I want you to just have this thought in your mind as we share that the enemy does not fight what he does not

fear true the enemy does not fight what he does not fear and uh our we have worked hard on our family relationship and I think we have a picture of our family that Kayla made us take yesterday yes we were for absolutely that's the Rollins five that's Kayla over there on the left my 23-year-old she's on staff here at Shoreline yeah and Jaden there in the middle he's 22 single ready to mingle and uh no all three of them are actually and Maya on the right there she's 19 she's not single very minut she's going

to be Catholic she's she's going to be Catholic we're proud of our kids and uh absolutely did you notice that Kayla's the only one looking at the camera I'm not saying that that's a thing but um we were supposed to be looking at each other you know and she's looking at the at the camera amazing yeah amazing guys uh we want you to uh after service we're going to be uh out there signing books and and all the things and honestly this is just a resource and and I I believe that the hundreds real talk

the hundreds of thousands of dollars that we have spent on counseling getting Irene healthy um true story learning how to treat me better and uh and all of the hours all of the hours and resources are in these books and we're just excited to share it with the world and uh we're going to jump right into our talk today and I I wanted this to be podcast Style just so we could have a family discussion yes like I don't want to preach a sermon is that okay y ready okay and so we're not going to

shout and all of that we're not going to sing we're not going to we're not going to you know have an organ come on somebody we're not going to go there needs to treat me better go so much better I love you you might sing though I might sing yeah what would you sing if I would saying all my life I pray for someone like you and I sure hope you do the y'all see the blush Mak me y'all see that I love it he's going out of town tonight so that blush yeah just the

blush you are so cra so we're going to talk about today uh from this idea of inside job somebody say Inside Job Inside Job inside job and kind of this whole idea of inside job is is uh uh I had a buddy uh who worked for Sports Authority years and years and years ago this is High School uh we right after high school and and uh Sports Authority kept uh just coming up empty on gloves and bats and baseballs and they were like who was stealing this they set up all the cameras and and all

the things of who's taking this and and uh lo and behold my buddy sitting next to me one day he's like yo I got a a new business I'm like what you got he's like uh I'm selling baseballs and and gloves and I was like bro you work for the organization you work for Sports Authority like what's going on and he was like well I just it's called the five finger discount you know what I'm saying I said that's that's that's stealing right that's stealing and and you're going to jail and he did he did

and what Sports Authority found out is it's an inside job and I started thinking about that in terms of relationships many times this dysfunction and these fractures and like and and and this betrayal is happening in our relationships and these differences are playing out and and we don't realize that that maybe it's not the other person person yeah maybe it's something on the inside of me right that God is after somebody say inside job and it's so easy to point the finger at other people it's so easy to point at what they're doing or what

they're not doing and and and how they're treating me or how they're not treating me and and I wonder is while you're after something in them is God after something in you could be an inside job that's right in fact in Genesis chapter 12 uh this command to Abram Abraham who would be the father of faith and it says this and I will make you a great nation I will bless you and make your name great and you shall be a blessing I will bless those who bless you I will curse those who curse you

and and in them and in others no don't say that but what about them no no and in you your family will be blessed wait wait wait wait but they've never said I'm sorry but in you your family will be blessed you don't know how my wife treats me well and and you your family will be blessed this is the equation for heaven coming in so true that in you that's why we love your pastors because they're so lifegiving and and even in our relationship as as besties of friends like H uh you know like

even good things guys like have tension and and he always is like how can I serve you how can I be a blessing to you because he realizes something that in us all of the families will be blessed so inside job it's an inside job so what I'm hearing you say babe and This Is Us practicing our tools that we talk about in the book so what I'm hearing you say is a lot of the time we are looking externally to blame and uh put all of our issues and that are happening on other people

that's right but it's really about us something happening in us and if we take ownership of our stuff and stop blaming blaming other people then perhaps we could be more empowered to change blaming is disempowering so when we own our stuff you're so smart IT empowers us to be all that God called us to be so that we can help change generational dysfunction in our families and it starts with us everybody say it starts with me starts with me I think this is like the nature of the Christ that we serve right like he took

on the sins of mankind as if they were his and then he took it to the cross in an act of sacrifice right so that we could have Redemption and Reconciliation and all of these things like like he didn't blame us he didn't point the finger at man I I I can't die on this cross for them because look what they did look what they said even the people who were beating him he said father forgive them for they know not what they do and they're going to be reconciled through me in me yeah right

they didn't have to go to the Grave they didn't have to go to the tomb he he didn't have to bury them and cancel them he was cancelling their betrayal and their sin inside of him in this act of forgiveness and Irene and I found this out when we got married mhm and and and and and through our marriage we begin to see something and I'm telling y'all right now uh uh I showed up AR was smaller than me so this is here I'll help you that's you this is me no no no hold on

hold on hold on hold on you want me to be the real little one yeah I want you to be that no you're not see that's false humility oh I'm notal think I'm kind of small so here we go we we got married y'all this is my tux y'all look at my tuck right and and and and we got married and we showed up at the altar and and and here's the deal like come on y'all many of us we remember that wedding day well we spent all of that money on a marriage on a

wedding day and we planned for a day but we didn't plan for a life yeah we spent all this money on a day but not counseling mhm on the day when things get hard it's crazy how we spend all of our resources on how good we look and and when everybody's around but not much money on when we're isolated when seasons change when jobs change when when debt is there and we don't know how to navigate the hard things of life because man we went on vacation honeymoon but don't know how to navigate hard time

times when you're two different opinions on what the kids should do or where they should go and and here we are guys I I was looking good with that tuxedo and although this showed up there was a 9-year-old little boy that got exposed to pornography at 9: 2541 Lane Gambrell Maryland page 47 and now here I am married is is this marriage going to heal that no uh-uh what what happens is is all of us have something inside and although this is we're dressed up come on somebody we got our Zara fits on this morning

but there somebody broken in here and what we found out is that your introduction will always lead your appetite that's true how you were born how you were raised your family of origin how your parents handled conflict or didn't handle conflict uh uh uh what you thought culture was you know uh how culture was Family Ties come on somebody the HBL I'm cutting him off no I was going to give it to you I was setting it up you didn't have to do that don't don't don't do that in front of the people okay first

of all I only have half a person here yeah cuz you were only half where's the other half of my little person okay use your little person you can for my for my nine-year-old Irene all right all right so your 9-year-old Jimmy Rollins was in Maryland and I was uh I think I was in Africa at the time actually um in Cameroon and my 10-year-old self actually was being introduced to alcohol for the first time and at that time and prior to that there was some abusive situation so adding alcohol early introduction to the mix

abusing alcohol all the way through my teens till I was 21 stopped drinking when I gave it um gave my life to Jesus and started following him and got married had kids popped out babies for about 9 years was just focused on the family went on vacation and reintroduced alcohol into our lives and over a six-year period of time I went from casual drinking to hiding vodun water bottles being in total denial that I had fallen walked right into addiction completely unaware of how my trauma was showing up from that 10-year-old little girl was showing

up in my 32-year-old self had no idea how to cope how to deal with it so stuffing and numbing I was a professional at that anybody else in the room and so stuffing and numbing my emotions I just alcohol just seemed to numb my emotions and take me to a place emotionally that was escaping the reality that I was in six years I'm the pastor I'm a mom I'm a leader I'm a wife and I'm abusing alcohol to the point that I can't remember what happened the night before I'm lying about alcohol like what how

did this happen to me because the wounds of the 10-year-old little girl had never been dealt with and when they showed up I stuffed and numbed instead of dealing de in with it and here's the deal the shame that I was so broken and traumatized that things had happened to me or something that I thought I was just going to take to the grave but little did I know that at 32 years old the Lord was bringing these things to the surface because it was safe and time to deal with these things wow so my

trauma these pain these painful emotions they were simp simply coming up because the Lord said it's time it's okay you don't have to run and hide you don't have to stuff in numb you can heal now I hope this is encouraging someone last week I celebrated nine years of sobriety from alcohol to God be the glory for what he has done in my life he has reframed my shame and he is using it all for good and here's the deal you my family is better and my marriage is better than we have ever been why

because God built a foundation of Health through finally dealing with our trauma and hitting rock bottom I think what she's trying to really get us to understand and honestly this has been a part of her helping me uh through dealing with my inner family of origin stuff is is that the misery from your past it doesn't need to be exposed to medication it needs to be exposed to the miracle power of Jesus Christ yes and and and here's the deal you will try to medicate something that needs a miracle and I'm telling you right now

and that medication could be I jumped from relationship to relationship that medication could be alcohol that medication could be workaholic workaholic is that how you say workaholism yeah that she helps me that that medication could could be I'm a love addict that medication could be man H I'm trying not to be something so so when you're trying not to be something your eyes are focused on what's behind you not what God has called you to and you can quote Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans he has for me declares the Lord but really your

mind is said for I know the pain come on that's behind me and and this is going to get better but we're just trying to get you to realize that but you ain't all that we not we're broken we were talking to our good friends who are here uh Nick and Taylor uh about this and and like our family of origin plays a part in our current family and here's the deal like like if you culture is not the model you know uh Love is Blind is not the model uh uh uh come on somebody

like like Married at First Sight is not the model uh the model is in Genesis where two shall become one come on somebody and one not numerically one is holess two whole people becoming one whole family and here's what it says and here's what I know in Genesis CH 1 verse 28 then God blessed them I love this because he's made one person but inside of them many people and he said to them be fruitful and multiply fill the Earth and subdue it have dominion over the fish of of the sea and over the birds

of the air and over every living thing that moves along the Earth this is God's equation of Heaven to Earth yeah Heaven and Earth is not just a a time that we get together to receive an offering Heaven to Earth is God let the glory of Heaven cover the Earth as the waters cover the sea it's about the kingdom of God it's about the gospel furthering the gospel message of Jesus Christ and we cannot do that relationship having relationships that are severed yeah we can't do that and so uh because we're multiplying fractures not fruitfulness

and here's what we like to say and it it may sting a little bit but if you're not going to get healthy for your marriage at least do it for your kids that they'd have a good model of marriage that they would have some hope that Mom and Dad know how to get through hard Seasons that's right yeah because you know I like to tell people this people don't realize when you're in an addiction right and I keep bring that up because that happens to be my story and uh what I relate to the most

however we don't realize that the whole family the loved ones of the person who's in the addiction are just as emotionally sick as the person in the addiction so there's a lot of work to be done it's an inside job for us all we all need support So if you're in the audience you're watching online and you know someone or you have a loved one who's in an addiction I just want to encourage you to get help for yourself because when you own that that person may not stop drinking using they and I'm so sorry

for those of you who've had somebody die in an addiction that you loved I'm so sorry for that but let me tell you you still deserve to be whole that's right and you are still a part of breaking the generational curse so that does not continue in your family come on girl I want to frame that up by saying it is difficult to be independently fruitful while being relationally fractured yeah it is difficult to be independently fruitful while being relationally fractur you don't know what my mama did M well could it be that something was

done to her and she's just multiplying all she knows that's all because she's never been exposed to health and the only way that she could be exposed to health is through you and if you sever the relationship and if you say that no they don't deserve it honestly we're cheapening the work of the cross on like we don't deserve it m and it and I get it it's impossible to give away forgiveness if you've never received it it's impossible to give away Grace if you've never received it and and what we have found in our

marriage and and our family and guys this is beautiful right here because when Irene uh first got back from rehab and and and you know and and I dealt with my addictions and my issues with eating and and and and Popeyes Kentucky Fried Chicken true story yeah it's okay some of y'all was judging me right there uhhuh and y'all like Chick-fil-A yeah I get it I get it my son rocked off a 30 piece I didn't know you could order 30 piece last week we go to the window he's like can I get a 30

piece I'm like bot pit he got the biggest back in the family hilarious but I was thinking about this is that I I really struggled and we struggled with man we we've passed down fighting to our kids and we when we were at our worst Kayla our oldest daughter would would hold Jaden and Maya and put pillows over their head while I would be cussing Irene out on a Saturday night and then going to preach Sunday morning yeah and I finally said to ourselves it's impossible to keep up with who we pretend to be come

on and so when we got healthy we reframe that yeah we're not passing down fractures we're not passing down addiction we're passing down recovery we're passing down how to take a lick and keep on ticking come on somebody you have the opportunity come on somebody that's why you got to make quiet the voices in your head and reframe it that's why the Bible says that we overcome by the blood of the lamb in the word of Our Testimony testimony requires you talking about it you can only talk about it if you put down shame because

what we have found out is the enemy doesn't keep me up at night reminding me about stuff I'm already testifying about come on come on y'all Look What the Lord Has Done and so we want to give you some teeth to this how do we recover how do we get to the place of Health how do we turn fractures into fruitfulness and the first thing we want to help you do that is mirror it mirror it what we found in our marriage is my spouse arena is a mirror she's not my misery see that kid

was like Hallelujah yeah that kid was like yeah Mom and Dad get healthy like mirror it she doesn't make me mad she doesn't make me angry she she she doesn't no no anger is in me that's true matter is in me how many of y'all brush your teeth this morning I hope all of you pause right here nothing to do with the sermon is there any aggressive toothpaste dispenser people in here I don't like the I'm talking about the tube is all just crumbled up and sometimes I look down at the tube I'm like Irene

what did it do to you like is it just me nobody else like okay thank you like like like just no roll it and and let Pastor why are you talking about this because with tooth face what's in it comes out and although you're applying pressure to it what's in it comes out and so when I realized that my wife was a mirror I I finally understood that God was using her to make me look at me she doesn't make me mad there's anger in me and so when there's anger in me I can now

with the tools that we have tell me more about that yeah so when this happens how do I typically respond well so here's the thought you know we like to say oh you made me angry nobody can make you feel anything you've got to own that you feel it so then label it okay I feel angry it's okay guys to feel these emotions and once you do that I believe we need to stop looking at our spouses and other people you know that whole blame game we like to do stop saying that it's the other

person making you feel a certain way your spouse is your blueprint for growth that person is triggering something in you an emotion not because they want to make you mad or whatever but it's for you to check your emotions and deal with it we like to say it this way that emotions are intuitive indicators that the Holy Spirit allows us to feel that lets us know that he's in the area to heal it so when you feel it he's ready to heal it but you can't look at what people are doing to you you have

to say God this is not happening to me this is happening for me and so because of that it's time for me to deal with it so first we we mirror it and the second thing is we do is we measure it where's this coming from you know if you do a study on the eight core emotions uh uh you know we don't have time to go through that but shame and joy and disappointment and fear and anger and all of the eight core emotions and then those eight core emotions uh have synonyms that kind

of you know are are in the area of those things and and so what Irene and I do is this like can I just give you one of the tools that's in the book so honey this is not current this is old M okay okay you're not allowed to get mad at me about what I'm about to say all right this is old this is not new uh-huh like when when when we were our kids were teenagers and they're they're not anymore sometimes Irene still used to treat them as if they were toddlers TR honey

um into the present and you know buying groceries for them and and uh honey where do $200 go in the account and um like what is this and and then they would use that to play one to play us against each other y'all know what I'm talking about and I I I was like well maybe I should move out and they should just move in you know just I was in my feelings I'm not going to lie and O an old Jimmy unhealthy Jimmy would have said when you do this when you do that when

when that happens when when you you know you're spoiling the kids and and and you need to stop being codependent right but now I said hey because it's an inside job man vulnerable moment can we can we talk I'm I'm giving you the tool vulnerable moment um when I noticed that when you I noticed that when you like bless the kids or do something for the kids would I make up about that I'm owning the script would I make up about that what happens inside of me is I'm a little jealous um vulnerable moment I

don't need you to fix it can this just be a vulnerable moment my parents didn't do that for me and what comes up for me is I get a little insecure and and I feel like they're getting in between us and is it safe I'll keep checking in and she'll say yeah said because what I feel about that is a shame and can you help care for that inside of me so when you do that can you just let me know what going to happen I'm giving you the tools so what I'm hearing you say

are you following the tools y'all so what I'm hearing you say is when I do certain things for the kids uh what comes up for you and what you make up is that you know I maybe care more about the kids and I care about you it what comes up for you is a little bit of jealousy you long for me to do that for you not something that you've experienced in your childhood you didn't have that yeah right did I get that you did and that's what it means to mirror no there's no more

you got it I got it love you all right good so so when your spouse is the mirror that's what you do you you use what's happening to meas number two measure mhm what's going on inside of you am I healed am I not yes and you know what I love is the Bible says in Jeremiah 6:14 you cannot heal a wound by saying it is not there so when you are measuring you're you're going to call out the wound that's going to be part of the identification labeling the emotion identifying the wound and here's

the deal that 9-year-old little girl can quickly mature oops I lost part of you just dropped the the 30 the 47 year old girl right no but I you can mature in a moment God can take you from the 9-year-old all the way back to who you are today quickly notice I touched Jimmy and I said present come into the present and it triggered his brain to come into today and not remember the old codependent behaviors of Irene right so in a moment when we call the wound out and we ask the presence of God

to come in and heal that 9-year-old that 10-year-old that little person he can expedite your healing and bring you into the present and heal your heart in a way that sometimes would take years of counseling which you should still do God can do in a moment yeah so good no I mean I just want to encourage you like call the wound out ask ask the presence of the Lord to come in heal the wound come into the present guys we're all going to be uh measuring what's going on inside ourselves so we can unlearn all

of the dysfunction that we've carried into our present I mean the first thing that you do when you go to the doctor if they're a good doctor is they give you that sheet and it has like a body and they say tell me where it hurts because they realize that they can't address the current pain until you assess the past pain yeah and once you mark that they says what they say is I got to be careful and so when you measure it and you start to have a safe environment where you can unpack this

should be the most safe place that I have like guys let me pause here for a second like you not crying is not good it's stuffed pain yeah that some dysfunctional model told you it's less manly to cry and that crying emotion has been stuck and what that crying emotion is really representing is resentment what's that quote that you say about um it's not what it really is it was I think you have it in our notes somewhere if you can find it oh you oh the CS Lewis yeah say that one so CS Lewis

I love this quote uh I sat with my anger long enough for her to whisper its name is really grief I sat with my anger long enough for him to whisper it's really disappointment it's hard for me to give love because I've never felt love it's hard for me to give respect cuz I never really felt it and what I'm saying is is that you are not your past what I'm saying is is in Christ you are a new creation old things have passed away and behold all things can become new that I may know

him in the power of his resurrection but also in the fellowship of his suffering and and and guys let me tell you over 2,000 years ago he paid the price for that so that you don't have to yeah he just wants you to give it to him and the way to give it to him is right here confess your sins to God that you may be forgiven confess your sins to one another that you may be healed and too many saved people Christian people God-fearing people are walking around forgiven and not healed because they don't

trust people and the enemy doesn't have to make you sin he just has to make you resentful yeah so we need to mirror it we need to measure it and the last thing is we need to map it you got to go back it's so freeing now to talk about the nine-year-old MH and why I can pinpoint the address I know the guy's name who showed it to me I know what magazine it was and it used to like bother me that I couldn't remember scripture but I could remember something like that and God says

I'm not cing in you to remember it because of pain I'm causing you to remember it so you'll go back and map it and I want you to bring the 50-year-old Jimmy to the nine-year-old Jimmy and prophesy over him come on and speak truth over him and speak wholeness over him and tell him you are not what you see and and and here's the here's the prayer that I pray now God will you wash his imagination yes will you will you heal that little boy and and we begin to map it and it's real cool

I love that that couch is bouncy CU it just bounced right up and here's what it looked like where's the the one you dropped I remember remember telling I read check on like that's when it happened felt at 9: and it was he was half of who God called him to be at 19 he was 29 and married and still visit the site that he was introduced to and We Fall Down get up and this is who God's called him to be but when we when we got safe I said babe will you will you

help me go back and you've been dealing with that nine-year-old and and I need you to go on a trip with me I'm so sorry when I was 29 that I talked to you the way that I did night and I was asking you to play out the appetite of a 9-year-old I'm so sorry that I'm disrespectful because I feel like at at this age that men are better than can you pray over them him for me I'm so sorry can you forgive me and 19y old I know you weren't around but he wasn't good

he had an anger issue but it resulted from this C can you prophesy over him can you help grow him up and we mapped it together so now if he shows up in him she says get behind me it's not you it's not your attitude can I pray for you right now this is real our friends will tell you that this is how we act they're just like what who are you guys healed not perfect free redeemed because we M [Applause] it I want you to think about the next time you're triggered not looking at

it at at the trigger the trigger the trigger the trigger we're so trigger happy nowadays want to blame the trigger I want you to think about how you feel in the moment and start mapping a good question to ask yourself is how old do I feel right now if you're defensive when someone tries to call it out or gently tell you what they notice see we're if you don't have anything to say that's lifegiving don't say it because we're each other's blueprint for growth but the goal is to say something in a life-giving way where

the person will do some self examination and some inventory for so that they will start mapping so that they can get healed right so check how old you feel in that moment get honest with yourself stop avoiding detaching getting defensive it's an inside job it starts with you take ownership and God will Empower you to recover and be the best version of yourself we um we we we did this through worship you know we we live above our friends garage and I wonder sometimes that they hear us worshiping and and I go back here and

I said Jesus center of it all right here he was there his healing virtue was there he said he'll never leave me or forsake me and we've learned to worship through these times yeah we going to take back the atmosphere of our house I'll never forget Earl when we got back from when Irene got back from rehab and I and and and I and I finally got on my my weight loss journey and lost 168 pounds and y'all pray for me cuz she can't keep her hands off me it's a real thing crazy man we

would just worship would y'all stand with us like I'm not talking about the kind of work worship that requires lyrics I'm talking about the Romans 121 and2 worship I beseech you therefore Brethren by the mercies of God that you would offer yourself as a Living Sacrifice holy and pleasing unto the Lord and you can't call it worship if there's no sacrifice and the sacrifice is the thing that you have not been willing to give him or not been willing to talk about God says I already know it I just want you to confess it so

that you can be healed and there are many people in this room that are not healed we we I know we only had a few minutes but I believe that the healing virtue of Jesus Christ is in a room like today that says man I can make all things new I can turn your past come on somebody into a greater purpose it doesn't just have to count for pain it's going to count for a greater purpose would you throw your hands up in the air for a second as we pray father in the name of

Jesus God I pray for every single person every single family every single relationship father would you do the impossible what we can't do what we've struggled to do God would you help us God confess our sins would you help us not to take things personally would you help us God to rely on your truth and not our trigger God can you give us a two equals one marriage a two equals one family a two equals one community in Jesus name