Bill Maher on Getting Anger from Both Sides, Our Divided Country & Norm Macdonald’s Passing

801.62k views2630 WordsGrade 14 ReadabilityDownload TxT File
Jimmy Kimmel Live

Bill talks about Jimmy giving him pot, all the times he traveled with weed and was paranoid about it, going on tour, people being afraid to leave their houses to see the shows, people from both sides of the aisle being mad at him, the idea of having two national anthems, the divide in the country, COVID rules and regulations, and Norm Macdonald passing. SUBSCRIBE to get the latest #Kimmel: http://bit.ly/JKLSubscribe Watch Mean Tweets: http://bit.ly/KimmelMT10 Connect with Jimmy Kimmel Live Online: Visit the Jimmy Kimmel Live WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/JKLWebsite Like Jimmy Kimmel on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/KimmelFB Like Jimmy Kimmel Live on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/JKLFacebook Follow @JimmyKimmel on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/KimmelTW Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/JKLTwitter Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/JKLInstagram About Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy®-nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” is well known for its huge viral video successes, with over 11 billion views and more than 15 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets,” “Lie Witness News,” “Unnecessary Censorship,” “Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge,” and music videos like “I (Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum.”

... Show More

Video Transcript:

Our first guest tonight is a 41-time emmy nominee with interesting thoughts on subjects large and small his show is called real time with bill maher you can watch it fridays on hbo and you can see him alive and on tour in cities across these united states please welcome bill maher [Applause] [Music] how's it going Jimmy it's do you have this are we still far away here yeah we're not as far as we were the last time because last time because of covid we were like a mile and a half away i was here then yeah you were here you know you gave me pot maybe that's why you don't remember being here do you remember that i do remember right you and i want to say thank you you're welcome um that was a private gift bill Well i i would like to exalt for a moment and the fact that we can even say that when i was on this network in this time slot i remember having screaming matches with the network and the sensors about i once wanted to do a sketch called harry potthead and you couldn't no we lost really yeah i mean isn't it great that we can Just talk about it yeah but it's not taboo i mean did you remember traveling with it yeah oh yeah yes i do i don't know what you i mean you know people think i'm a big pothead and they're fairly right uh no i'm not that big i mean i don't smoke every day you don't like you no i don't know oh you don't that's not true that's not true but i do so like i didn't need a Lot but i needed a little mm-hmm i used to take this much pot just a bud that's all i needed for a weekend i would smoke it through this little pipe it was just like look like a half of a cigarette just metal pipe and that's with a paper clip i straightened out to clean it clean it and i would take i would take a new one so there was no resin i mean the paranoia level and i would take the bud I would put in kleenex and ball it up and put it behind my nuts you do and i even i was so paranoid i thought if they found it uh-huh and would like i was gonna say it's not and then if they busted me on that i was gonna say it's kleenex i said it's snot oh you had this all worked out and it doesn't even make sense it doesn't make any sense it's just where my mind was at Because that's where we were with pot and now we can just say thank you for the partnership you know like a good gift food like you brought wine to dinner can we go back to the decision why would you take a metal pipe when you knew you were going through a metal detector well you know what i also had an answer for that you did i brought a sewing kit and Claimed i needed it as a thimble to put but anyway it was so small it wouldn't even set off the detector i see is that right you can get them that small i didn't know yes well i mean it was back then i don't know what i mean now you go to the store don't you go to the pot store you go to the store and it amazes me when i'm in the store because i'm like wow we're in a store where they sell it And everybody in the store is totally high by the way which is weird because i if i had a store it wouldn't just because it was a pot store i wouldn't necessarily want my employees to all be hot and you go to the pot store i i do yeah why well to buy you gifts [Applause] but don't don't people give you pot all the time i haven't bought pots since like 1989. they do yeah they do People do give it to me me too you know the best thing about being famous free pop it is funny the lengths we will go to to make sure we have a mask on and be clean and all these things or somebody hands you joints like yeah i'll put that right in my mouth exactly no problem you know yeah there's something you feel like you're safe or something so you are um you're on tour now which is yes uh is Are you how is that going are you going to mention where at some point i am going to mention where i have all these places okay great the places are uh you're going to be at the san jose civic center thank you on the 26th okay you're going to be in pittsburgh thank you on november 13th and you'll be in madison square garden new york and new york now the reason why this is relevant i have to cite a survey that was in the New york times which is a liberal paper so they weren't looking for this answer but they were talking about uh this the question was what do you think the chances are that you would have to go to the hospital if you got coveted and democrats thought that was way higher than republicans 41 of democrats and the answer is between one and five percent okay 41 of democrats thought it was over 50 Another 28 thought it was 20 to 49 so 70 percent of democrats thought it was way way way higher than it really was liberal media has to take a little responsibility for that for scaring the out of people and the reason why i'm bringing this up is because it's much harder for every touring act to sell tickets in blue states oh interesting they're afraid to go out of the house i see whereas in red states it's all good to go uh-huh So i just want to say to those people in raphael in pittsburgh and new york i ain't going to give it to you i promise i you know it's safe we're doing everything we can there's distancing there's masking enjoy live life you did get it embraced life you did get it i got it after i was vaccinated you got it after you vaccinated right and you didn't you wouldn't and i had no symptoms that may be because i was Vaccinated but let's not even get into that because i know you and your boyfriend howard stern are very paranoid about this but it's it's a little weird that i got it after but now many many many people have had the same situation yes we i know people very well we do look bottom line is we know if you're vaccinated you almost never die from it so look i'm for whatever is getting america back to Where i can see the james bond movie in the theater one of the one of the things i think is interesting about you and i think we all experience this but you in particular experience it i think from both sides where you know half of the country is mad at you one week and the other half is matted right the other week does that concern you does you pay attention to it does it bother you well i don't pay attention to it like read twitter I'm not stupid you know i mean i mean i could i gave up really tweeting um a lot i mean sometimes but like why anything i would want to say on twitter i can't say on twitter okay i'd be killed i could say good morning and the first 10 responses would be well i guess with your white privilege it's a good morning there is a bit of that yeah yeah there is a bit of that but when somebody like Uh like whoopi goldberg i guess um had uh an issue with what you were talking about the national anthem at these college football games the professional football games and you there's no argument there i said first of all i said maybe we should get rid of the anthem we have because it's not inclusive of well whatever i just said we shouldn't have two national anthems we're one country It's not a good idea we've seen what happens in other countries where you have you know when you separate things out that's never where america was that's never where liberalism was it was about being a colorblind society so a new national anthem fine i'll go for that but not two because that leads down a road we don't want to go do you feel like [Applause] hey there's a lot of fear in the air in General you don't want to be caught applauding something that might be controversial i could give i want to talk about you but do you think we're ever going to there's ever going to be a time where do you think it's possible even that we can come together well i you know that's a great question and to me one of the keys to that is to stop talking about it Stop talking politics when i was a kid you may remember the same thing people didn't talk politics all the time there was no facebook you know facebook should go back to being what it should be humble brags cat videos finding out who from high school is gay fat or dead but instead it's people arguing with some kid you went to third grade with about Brett kavanaugh [Laughter] you want to know how to heal america shut up shut the hell up stop talking politics all the time stop trying to convince people it's a big country with lots of people who don't think like you no matter what side you're on and you're not going to convince them just accept it like you do in a relationship No really you're married you're right yeah i know there's they're always matters right okay so you must know you must know the three most important words in a relationship are not i love you they're let it go let it go bill maher is here with us we'll be right back with bill after this and we are back with bill maher who is Real time with bill maher friday nights on hbo and who is touring the country doing stand-up comedy i know i know i know you have mixed feelings about me mentioning this but i remember seeing you in college and i was like that guy is great oh and i think that people now know you more from the television show than they know you from doing stand-up because you've been on television well i've done 12 hbo specials so they haven't been paying attention But yeah i love stand up and and it's more fun than ever now people have a hunger for the live experience you know i mean you can make people stay at home you know hiding was a great medical advancement to solve this problem but there is a hunger to get back out there and to touch not literally touch we don't touch from the stage but i noticed that i mean when the pandemic started it was Interesting like we said even when this is over let's not go back to shaking hands because that added nothing i couldn't agree more i've never been for anyone touching me unless they mean business what but as soon as it was all the all clear people just grabbing and touching and hugging it's like i i could live without it people can't they want to shake your Hand they want to hug you and okay i don't care i'm never afraid of it so i'm good with that but it's interesting the human element it'll never go away and i'm glad yeah i'm glad too i love being at a restaurant you know i just i don't know what it is it's you know i can get that food in my house the restaurant is so stupid now because you have to wear a mask when you walk in as soon as you sit you take it off when You go to the bathroom you have to put it back on because the virus would never attack you when you're seated it's a virus not a monster it's like please he's with people it's it's ridiculous yeah much of this hygiene theater yeah there is and even washing your hands doesn't seem like it's i stopped doing it being outside [Laughter] sorry about shaking yours while we're there yeah Being outside is fine yeah it's you know that was they've never found out that i see young healthy millennials with masks outside walking alone i'm like play the odds buddy [Laughter] you got the good young immune system you're outside the thing we're really all terrified of is the airplane as far as i know they've not traced um any kind of like the flight attendants don't seem To have a higher rate of covid than people right how is that possible yes this is less safe than herding people into a thin metal tube with all the recycled coughs and farts and involuntarily spooning the guy in 32b that's there's a lot they don't not involuntary for me i'll tell you that uh nor mcdonald died yesterday did you know normwell well not well no one knew him well yeah no one knew him well i Worked with him i spent a great deal of time with him and i feel like i never knew him at all but huge fan a guy who was not afraid to be too subtle for most people that's ballsy you know he did the jokes he wanted to do i love that i also loved that i found out that he died after he died because to me show business We're here for you you're not here for us now there are i'm not judging anybody but there are people who you know whatever they're going through they share it with the audience sometimes the audience loves that i've never been in that camp i don't i'm not here to burden you i'm here to lighten your burden so the fact that norm now i didn't know about this nobody knew about this good one norm He kept it to himself yeah himself yeah right because he's in show business he started making you happy or he just didn't want to get the calls imagine all those calls the oh my god this the that forget about it right but he was he was a special kind of comic he really was you are too bill maher you are going on the road and maybe we shouldn't wait until somebody's dead to tell them that all right bill will be i'm not kidding Uh september 26th san jose october 16th in pittsburgh and november 13th at madison square garden in new york city he's clean he's safe so safe i got the vaccine and the disease you can't get it from me we'll be back with hannah wanting him hi i'm jimmy kimmel and i am not allowed to eat this cookie until you click the subscribe button so please click now i'm hungry

Like it? Make YTScribe even better by leaving a review