The Poker Table w/ Bill Burr, Al Madrigal, Jay Larson, Bobby Lee & Eddie Pepitone

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All Things Comedy

A poker table is a sacred place. We couldn't think of anything better than ruining that sanctity by having some of the best comedians playing a game they may (or may not) be good at. We were able to have Bill Burr, Al Madrigal, Jay Larson, Bobby Lee & Eddie Pepitone stop by the studio for this round. See who wins, loses and cheats! Get ATC merch! Subscribe to ATC to never miss an episode of Poker Table:

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Video Transcript:

Hey what's up we're gonna play some poker today for Bobby the snake leave whatever this is whatever this is it's not gonna work the godfather al Madrigal al you've been full of [ __ ] since I met you the angry Buddha Eddie Pepitone now I'll switch the mama bear Jay Larson fell shuffle all day and me hon Robert if you say I look like [ __ ] Opie Cunningham with cancer am I gonna have a problem With it can we do a thing when we introduce ourselves I'll start I'm Bobbie Lee Hom the Sidewinder yeah and I'm not a professional poker player I played a couple of times and I'm really just happy to be here from San Diego but you should say well you're far away go ahead part of the boys club of america hey i'm bill burr I'm from Albuquerque New Mexico and I never played cards growing up it was like an old lady thing so I Don't play golf or poker go ahead out I really don't play poker either or golf you do all these things all these things I have a lot of anxiety whenever I'm not working so and like bill says I can't be alone with my own thoughts I'm the bitter Buddha and I play cards I went through a bit of a gambling addiction used to take money from my mother's purse to play with the kids in the neighborhood in Staten Island and then I got caught taking the money and Then I said [ __ ] it I'm not gonna play again that's true how old were you I was about 30 31 look I want to tell the kids of America about the middle-aged people of America if you're middle-aged America that you could take money from your mother's purse at any age she'll still love you she'll still love you what is she gonna do we gamble growing up as kids that's what we did remember the BC scandal and like Nine just see the name and where you're from it looks play that's what a man you say you're naming the thing and then we'll just go play better like it's a story that's true kind of story things people expands people do different things some people get on stage and get naked some tell stories this is what we're gonna do small blind big blind see what he just did yeah so let's do it yeah [Applause] People think Hold'em is the truest form of Poker it seems like a cool game to be to be good at what is this they give you two cards you put some money in the pot there's a river you take a look at these first two cards see what you got and you bet appropriately who are you I don't play poker at all I used to watch the thing on ESPN why do you keep asking me questions about poker [Music] [ __ ] degenerate that's the only time You use that word when you put a prestige gambler get your small up and your big o one and two please oh nice yeah but that could be a block I could be bluffing yeah would be leading us down that bad to do it a poker table whoa it's the human mister me two bucks if you wanted well there's nothing on the table how do I know what's going on also you have what's in your hand dissipate yeah so there has to be at all you guys are in trouble there's two Dollars all right now we'll burn I'll do the flop two eight nine because everyone had to throw it come on Jay what the I'm not controlling this and who's it to it's to you me yep all right I'll throw in five five bones I have a question what's that thing where you have the same color in the symbol but all that's flush yes yeah five a kind shoe don't listen to sting shape of my heart on the way over here he breaks down all the suits Wait so he bet a five you're a amana urine yeah I'm gonna uh I don't like the looks of this I'm gonna say I'm gonna stop like it what do I say yeah I'm out my fault I'm up I'm falling - I'm up are you ready [ __ ] I should have [ __ ] stayed tend to me mm-hmm it's me you know and what do we get one more this is though this is the the river now you can bet on that I get that right you can bet whatever you want Again those are ten I know I'm gonna raise you two more tens exciting now you have to put in one more 10 more you could raise all right how come you guys wear sunglasses I mean I'm not a high name like this was like you supposed to do that if you'd pass a lot with what you don't have you done so now it's you guys are both in so let's show what do you got I got it straight if you don't feel emotion oh [ __ ] six seven eight nine ten yeah I have a pair of nines he Doesn't know I know I know he doesn't know I play to win every hand and we're gonna be able to benefit for Eddie Pepitone attempt it is not textbook poker at all I mean this is really as bad as you can play it's a little upsetting basically I got stuck teaching four guys how to play poker I'm one of the best kind of pro corporate players because I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm doing you would think playing with people who Don't know how to play poker do you have the advantage but you don't the people that have the advantage of the people who don't know how to play cuz they're gonna sit then you're like are they bluffing are they not and you can't tell if they're bluffing or not because they just don't even know what the [ __ ] they're doing this thing yeah why wouldn't I be in and it's like splash in the pot they try to play mind games with me because it's the white thing it's Fine I'm stronger than that I'm strong for when you look at like the professional poker players you see the toll it takes on them their dress like you know in Goodfellas like you know with what's-her-face is like everything was like thrown together a bunch of cheap you know patent leather that's all of that [ __ ] but then they'll just have some crazy watch and you be like okay they want big money that week I want to play as much as possible if that means Holding on to horrible cards and seeing as many cards as a boss I'd like to go home and just be with my dogs I always want to cut out and trust you all right so what do you do with the cigar ash in here put it in here everybody to everybody you gently roll it off and then it should look like the the back end of the Batmobile so your small blind one bills big blind too in so you all need to have one in no matter What burr needs to in no matter what I don't get bad just keeps it going and it makes sure that like now he's guaranteed he's in fur to see the fly no matter what because he's already bought it I'm out that's horrible terrible it's not easy I know what does any wanna do you play the Vic whatever this is whatever this is it's not gonna work look at this the guy just learned today and he already gets it yeah if he's got [ __ ] in his hands places there's no way If it came around him again he's just saving like a dollar or two right he just saved two bucks yeah but hey it's gonna be two bucks more than now he's gonna go asia's or cheap I wasn't oh I say you're bad drivers and you should have stayed in you don't care about being a bad driver do you I mean that people say that I'm loving this sideways sit with the leg crossed and I'm still intimidated like he's got something what it's like playing with Cake I'm in so it's to you now you decide if you would like all right and are them putting you to okay Brno here I mean you know I'm playing I'm playing cuz it said no I mean if he wants to win a row so throw in bill did you burn one here and then you late the next three here what do you mean burn when they put it down face down we don't see it's just called the burn card you burn before the flop why is the burn I don't know why The burn so just throw three over yeah just [ __ ] up that Bluff us all right you guys watch the show long-lost family where does that all it's on TLC it's a great show I'm not on it but it Wow I don't promote my own [ __ ] that would be great if you did yeah have you guys seen Harold and Kumar long-lost family can finish yeah all right it's like when a a woman or a man gives her kid up for adoption but they Reunite like 30 or 40 years reality but the reality show now my check it out though every [ __ ] time it's a cry fest more like not my house Kevin I cry J yeah yeah he did that he using a Korean dude yeah he met his his mom she was a hooker Oh was she I'm asking there was no question mark on the end of that was it you know what Billy B yeah yeah I'm a mom I check I call River J comes out as well I'm done so it's to you four Thousand four fifteen he bet ten on opening so you know he's he that carrying this Boy Wonder these were those are a ten so you know that what are you he met 15 teen yeah that says something when you throw those down so he can also go to your cabin fire else class on a fog up if you throw those down I don't here's ten here fifteen and I raise you fifteen-year-old I can raise again right sure and I raise you thirty okay Thirty and I raise you forty no you're not gonna be in the game feed me the last ten now I want to see you dead 40 years 40 good to see you burn all right are you raising the dead take that [ __ ] out anybody do it more no you don't my father will wire me money if I need all right all right there we go let's go this way burn and then one iron and then goin yep [Music] and what Eddie deserves the money just At 20 bucks 20 and I'll raise you 20 he's got an ace in his hand he have to be good and 1/8 I hope not what do you wanna do here if you look if you get yourself knocked out this early you gotta stand in the corner like a Blair Witch for the rest of the [ __ ] game just land which I like it remember that sounds [ __ ] horror movie made a ton of money I loved it oh yeah yeah who's showing First oh do I show now unless you want to raise Emma bet him I don't know what you have any money left I got that I got that and then 9 what's your what's that what is your it's your best five cards Oh tea split the parts oh that's [ __ ] that's [ __ ] we're saying you have to have a winner Eddie don't cry man you're saying you're gonna cry [ __ ] no I'm a game plan it's called gut instinct primal instinctual need to dominate I can't believe as many people fold so we're really as they do I maybe not be I'm not a good poker player but when you're playing with people make sure they're idiots they're gazelle I'm the lion and I'll [ __ ] eat all of it even the dick I'll get the pick-6 strip clubs it true me yeah I'm rarely gonna walk away with any money it's a lot of bravado like oh you know we're having fun but they're not And and I enjoy that this is when you know somebody's not a serious gambler this one you don't see they come back with this mama Celeste for [ __ ] I hate me see those dudes getting the massages at the table very serious what on the poker been there for hours thanks for the Costco pizza your first try ever at home if you came up with this you be like that wasn't bad yeah it wasn't bad Oh whoever made this hey nice nice try great attempt all the friendly chatter stops and the sunglasses go on Howard [ __ ] oh yeah Chi doesn't count everyone first five cards it's a real question why the [ __ ] doesn't he just put two in cuz he's gonna do it anyway because it's called the small and the big if it gets to him and he doesn't want to play the hand he can but he doesn't know what his cards are right now he doesn't know what his court Basketball game like why do they have to do a tip it's just the way it go would he bail out before even having his cards no one's gonna bail out right that should be your [ __ ] you're gonna get your cards now but you have to be in for two you need one me let me a confused kid you meet one more guy in this players devil dude get my poor heart again I don't know this isn't even real cheese is coming out of my mouth umm you put he puts two people he's I know but I'm just saying if he put till I put two everyone puts two then he doesn't have to put another one in this is good one extra thing that he has to do he's literally arguing for me yeah but I finally watch my point your point do it do it do it I don't putting it I haven't seen my cards I don't need to oh we are smoosh I [ __ ] up I [ __ ] up JJ I [ __ ] oh hey I motion up we just ignore him i second why do we have to use cards why are they cards here's a special out You can do what he wants the billboards all over town it was racist stuff is the matter I'm gonna build is window I pass I'm done no you're not though wait for the flop could you already pay some bucket dolla do oh you keep on MADtv your minute ha ha ha [ __ ] hanging for a round I'll go back all right let's do it burn one and then flip three burn one and then do a lot of Spades a lot of Spades a lot of straights So it goes to burr and then the you know then it goes around mm-hmm dad Jack hello he was so polite are you gonna break through he the plane ease of the procedure the crew what are you doing what a [ __ ] so now Madrigal if you want in I'll be always in Boerne one looking that oh six is on the board he's got a good hand now yeah beautiful you're gonna pull just gonna hand it over to me bird takes it let's see what it would have been look you would have Got a [ __ ] flush Alberta beat you Oh in your trip sixes but he would have the flush I had a flush yeah I know but you have yeah she had a seven foot okay so you did at the club so you were the one verse five Susan two sevens huh you did it but I'm saying if the Turner yeah flush you know what gradually I mean the river all right sorry dealing with the happy guy over here yeah Wade from Ohio there's this small and big blind thanks for [ __ ] your God hello Bobby you know buddy I'll show this ya a picture yeah okay you might not mean not gonna get old Allah Pepitone and burnt then back to you it's smaller don't do it Bobby I'm in bold al come in Al's in Burr don't you're not folded okay alright let's do a flop nice I'm guessing cuz nobody went whoo you guys done that's your call it's your bet or you can check Leah's gone He's [ __ ] done you know he's gonna play this all I have he's doing it you know really doing the math unlike what the percentages are who could have a king or a pair up and keep it up stop stop no more Asian Shh the pro I'm not Rain Man no I can't rock out and I've had conversations you're clearly so no more i jugs my small dick liquor store you touch you buy no bras oh I know you just sit down play yeah all right so let's go everyone's in Everyone's accounted for the river no you get your flop then the turn is we just like ties together the flop to the last card of the river I'll check I'll check I'll check - great there you go what card is this Bobby the fifth one the river I got real fours that was stupid I should yeah of course you shouldn't see you out of ace high yes ace high [ __ ] though yeah so what do you have what oh yeah [Applause] Wow isn't it fun when you find out all that way you can't do I know there's some a tremendous amount of [ __ ] in this game I have a lot of thoughts that thoughts about a lot of things I may not reveal all those things right now because it could get me in trouble because I'm a hostile I don't really like Eddie Pepitone and I can't figure out why my strategy is to bluff I'm like yeah come on you gonna play or you gonna sit there like an idiot But underneath I'm like please when is the shoot over I'm a little drunk off the Scotch can I say this yeah because I was in an improv troupe called mixed nuts and you t'see for a while let's watch the over talk go ahead okay that was called interracial and you guys were crazy our nemesis with scrambled eggs they were incredible scrambled eggs no EG z o scrambled eggs like they were in the womb and Oh somebody tried to abort us but they didn't miles and it's You've seen them 14 now who knows what's gonna come out of our mouths you've seen them and what's worse improv McHenry's up or acapella groups 12 improv group names house lease is something we can't do okay no I put one down what happen one yeah and then flop first birth yes Jesus guys does anybody here in an acapella group I'm out so it's the Eddie how about Jenn tend to you huh I'd be [ __ ] looked me yeah you did you say [ __ ] but he better so he bet first Nobody just took a peek good Starbucks no it's 10 it's 10 bucks well it's only 12 I [ __ ] raise you to raise it to who little [ __ ] pasty legs like me don't do it Bobby don't do uh-huh put it in my pocket just two bucks to you how does this sunglasses more transparent I think they're insect and I raised 10 go yeah he just raised 10 to YouTube this is a real ego game this is magical This is how he does right here first of all you have like the mature you wait you know what you are a good poker player Billy Billy Billy goes through all the all right check bars check deterrence don't see anybody else picking up the vibe that Bobby Lee just wants to get the [ __ ] out of here yes yes Bobby has a good Bobby goes through a lot with everything I'm not buying that Oh the mortgage all right so mandrels to you [ __ ] check to you Bobby do you want to try and just say all right let's show more yet by the pot was that twenty or thirty thirty-two ul how about Bobby take it thank you thank you play you little hit Rick but you won't show here hand all right small blind will be 5 then 10 and then you know you guys pay for your porn do you watch it for free [ __ ] car you know I my favorite about these three Chips are oh yes you dumb [ __ ] you're not even looking at you because it takes too long if you want it in its tenth then too Bobby you'd have to do five what you have to do five years and then now is a chance to raise gotcha perfect all right nice remember she says out out you win no it's me and you again this time it's gonna badly for you you guys are like Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon without a help no is it weird to Watch porn that's like older men but kind of sadly younger girls I mean I think that's a little creepy but that's it's out there for a reason I guess right older men and why is that your thing asking for a friend I mean him no I think he's just inserting himself into the equation who would I be in that so after a while if he sees two young people going at it he just gets like you know like sad about all the time that's gone by but if He season all the guy a younger chick he still is hope ya think you're they a that's it yeah but mine is like I I motion for this whole thing to be dismissed hey maybe I'm gonna be your attorney for ya no no I just all day and I just feel guilty watching it I don't really forget off to it I just it's interesting to me that's all you just put it on the big screen in your house like honey put on the old people [ __ ] your girlfriend Is extremely attract thank you and she knows about you going to old Jay and all this they go together no like I have my iPad and I'll do this that's like the debts like the poor man's robot you know they have like for me yeah you know to me it's like you can't afford it's like when someone can't afford a Bentley they buy a 300 yeah he can't afford one of theirs at for 10 grand you can buy a [ __ ] robot that you can bang are you serious now in The New York Post no it's gotta be eighty five hundred dollars you can get a real doll but doesn't move around there's no [ __ ] thing we'll do your dish afterwards do don't laugh at all your stories you know [ __ ] it whatever you want but get your robot grab you couldn't a robot hurt you it cares someone a malfunctioning movie what you just pour water on it if it gets out of line I'm out I'm out guys I'm not even in its Down oh [ __ ] Eddie can bet and then you turn about how much other robots what are they going Angie they're ten grand I was in the [ __ ] paper it set the price New York Times ten grand you go buy it I'm gonna scan that [ __ ] thing and I'm gonna send it to you do you think you could buy on it could you anybody help me buy one of those [ __ ] things and still have like a decent relationship with you with you no no I Don't think because you start taking a robot on trips you start taking the robot on for what it trades like that this I'm honey I'm going to skip it's just a day trip a day trip is okay you keep going all high with the robot but you can't happen let me York the worst player at the table Bobby Lee well you know people thought I was counting cards I was counting Jay Larson's chins underneath his neck that Counted 14 if Jay Larson was not at this game it would be a disaster it really would I think if you're a poker fan and you were watching this you like Jesus Christ that you Andy now it's not that confusing Eddie Pepitone didn't really not a smoke a cigar was all like look like a joke cigar like someone lit it and already exploded in his mouth how many times I tell him yeah now you do this we use like now what do I do Jay I don't have any leakage this this stool Is dry I'm almost out of liquor I'm going big on this one all right so how much 10 bucks to you and can I raise it you can raise it sure okay so 10 to me and I'll raise it 20 [ __ ] you Eddie Pepitone I'm just plain you already in for your small right yes I can't afford this can I check you have to put another 10 in about five a five a five it was five ten I'm stop can I check P raise 20 so you have to a 20 if you go 20 I have to promise Allison I don't my glasses on That's right it took my line what is it 20 right now I think we should play talking this run in those pockets go [Music] [ __ ] good man you pair it up it goes - ow ow I like your hat extra extra read all the powder ah that's great Japanese it you should be like one newspaper boy for like today Alicia she's not wearing makeup anymore nobody cares I love it that was like a big move we live in a police state one terrorist attack Fascism is coming and also Alicia Keys does it women you know about a Python yes alligator down in Gainesville Eddie Eddie Eddie now burn he's going go now hum I love the accent came over here like some bad Mexican accent alright just one okay that's the [ __ ] three I was waiting for first guy nothing burns got nothing extra extra read all about it both finally gets his three in the flop one which is up 10 and then another 10 so It's 20 you go to the cash he's got a pair of fours before well you know what I have he said he's got a pair you didn't know what I had you cheatin son of a bow in the Old West you gee daddy you'd be dead wise doing [ __ ] [ __ ] about extra-extra and the newsboy ace playing his [ __ ] car if that's how you saw it why did you lie at first and try to say it was him Bobby Lee all these years knowing you my oh can you see this don't Put it on your [ __ ] little eyes he's got a cheaters haircut that's what it is I have these little Asian eyes I don't have peripheral so every time I look how did you know why did you put it on him first you lied if you were telling the truth you would have just told on a second if you go if you want to say it's just a gut feeling from you improv you felt it maybe why are you trying to help him out he just gonna throw you under the bus yeah okay I just hit something I Got cheated all right then you're out oh wow no I'm dick no no no come on urine I'm with take out get out of this and what cuz I looked at his cards win because he was doing the thing are you gonna defend him though no I'm interested Pete if I was doing that and that's how he saw him that's what he would have said but he fight at all did you just throw that was some lon you want real [ __ ] the reason why I did that was because I Got cotton in a lie right and I'm a survivor you hadn't lied yet I know he was doing this right cuz he's got a four to six is that what you had what do you mean is that what your head you know what I had you looked at my cat I already [ __ ] up so out of survival I blamed it on Jay unbelievable you think you know a guy you think you know what God it's a checker you can bet huija to excel really to you bill Bill's out Bill's out [ __ ] totally but what I Had I'll go your twenty I'll raise it for dude I'm returning these sunglasses it's 40 to you that's 40 I'm 42 you know so now it's 20 back to you what do you got are you [ __ ] rested you son of a [ __ ] how dare you look at my cards you cost me like $11 I can't believe you did this forgive you the thing is he the openly showed him to everyone but you did it and just try to use it to your advantage He was a pound away from me you don't want to do it to me 10 it's 5 bucks 10 bucks yeah I did supporting you and I've been sitting here to the Society of provigil good boy it's not one [ __ ] mustache whisker that says even as the other one they're all different heights it never turns it that's natural it's like he took that potato peeler to his [ __ ] I even said a [ __ ] word about it hoga can reveal a lot about someone like That Bobby leads a cheater Ellis caught in a corner couldn't escape and so I cheated I never saw that in him you know I just thought he was a wonderful asian-american man be honest with you it's like it stresses me out the picnic at the gambling part he's a lyin cheatin piece of [ __ ] who happens to be asian-american so I think deep down inside he thinks I'm a weasel bill was flapping his cards around left and right what he's supposed to do when Somebody showing you their cards now look at him I saw every single one of his hands from the ferry first [ __ ] one I hope the woman in his life watches this while he's here right now she's packing up and getting to a safe house but here's a deal I like a cheater I like a liar and a cheater because if you know they're a cheater a liar then that's just like you just factor it in you know I mean I'm a good sportsman guy But like he doesn't know how to hold cards [ __ ] em I gotta go get a wheel of cheese that's the deal of Bern you can go all-in for 11 bucks if I give you this when you give me stuff you a [ __ ] about the [ __ ] cheating I'll give you this yeah shut the [ __ ] up now shut you up [Laughter] go [ __ ] yourself burr wins he takes this if any of us Wouldn't even wait anything with this keep giving me these [ __ ] cards you dealt did I know burn one and let's get the flaw but when I put it over here I can trust it out he's got some sort of face card everybody all right here's the I swear to [ __ ] god Bobby I am with you I think what you did is so egregious I apologize stammering like the lion please [ __ ] you know but I already apologized right I understand that Don't ever robbed a bank with this guy that would be no one [ __ ] question did you do it Jay Jay wanted to do it what I really Bob a bank with sandals on finally finally the flop is [ __ ] I'm making this game guys I'm in it for 11 bucks he's gonna go back to his room with enough money for the handle and then 40 another 40 40 all right and I'm in for this now this is that extra fifty fifteen off the 40 cuz that's all I can fit to me forty I put in forty do you Just raised it yeah how could you put it in sorry he went all philosophical what's in it for me what does it all mean man now any more betting goes to this over here betting reminded me of the dude from Chico and the man no one raised you all right Bert I'm [ __ ] Albertson I know but you still got a deal oh sorry burn one and then burn one over here just get even you Bobby's got that sinister look on his Face it's the Bobby if he wants to bet over here I think it was ten I love that you just did that I want you're the guy I want to be J does that to me I want to be like okay I think that was 10th and just stay even-keeled two kids you're one kid you're gonna get it yeah he'll wait on your rug you can't be like all right we got it buddy we'll call you Hank you can't yell at a baby I'm not saying a baby you say yes baby shoot and I have I didn't yell at them Early land get on your feet or whatever it is you gotta [ __ ] your antenna to ease in 4/10 here comes the river BAM [ __ ] yeah no intense joy [ __ ] liar so YouTube can bet against each other for that line this is the three of you just to let you guys know I'm holding a pair of sevens what you need to do you guys are betting over here who is in so far everyone's in but you're betting on another the only people have money left are you and Al Okay so it's your bet okay come got twenty you sure can right over here al that's where your that will go as well twenty you want to raise it all all right so everybody shows I got a pair of jacks a pair of jacks seven sevens a washer Bobby has what Jackson today's what do you have I was working I say what so what did you have so not ace alright so this goes like that goes here the rest goes to the next life lesson right there People she hit we done that's why that pipelines gonna go underneath that sacred ground eventually guys like this always [ __ ] win good job I want to say one last thing IIIi don't feel guilty about cheating I don't I appreciate I want to win I want to win mmm I would did win and I'm killing the game right now well I mean this game later man were you going to catch those in a there's not real this there's no like Cashier over there you know what I even realize how many times did he get up and go to like look on a monitor how many times we pay on our groom hand and he's looking at what our hands were and that comes back in [ __ ] he's wearing a wire now that the game's over I got to tell you none of us really know how to play poker in fact Jay Lassen the guy that knew the most wound up with nothing a big goose egg for Jay lassen I'm not controlling This same result for me 0 bucks I didn't raise the stakes at all first guy nothing Flair's got nothing al did okay he wound up with $153 that's horrible terrible and guess what Eddie's form a gambling addiction paid off with three hundred and five bucks I'm on a [ __ ] roll and that cheating [ __ ] bastard Bobby Lee came out on top with 342 bucks you son of a [ __ ] you tell me this is a fair world and I'll show you Bobby Lee Looking at my [ __ ] cards take it chips all right that's it thanks again for taking a seat at the all things comedy poker table we played poker today with comedians and it was very spontaneous I was the best player the table no question that doesn't mean I'm always gonna win they're all winners we all got a goal I think we should raise the stakes next time I think maybe we should get a waitress next game I'm just gonna play it next game I think I'll I'll be a little less excited when I have a good hand five sitting anywhere near Bobby Lee I'll definitely keep him like close to the vest there's no next time [ __ ] this you know what I just you know I just realized I am I'm a weasel and I am a snake I am the snake hey you know what I'm 45 and I'm gonna change [ __ ] it i'ma speak of a weasel and I'm gonna split my way through life

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