Fake News: The Lies Our Brains Tell Us | Cynthia Dougherty | TEDxWilmingtonWomen

you can do this no you can't I'll never remember all this give it a try is that crazy or what it's the fake news that we tell ourselves every single day and what is fake news fake news is just made-up stuff masterly manipulated by our brains to make things look credible everything is true and yet nothing is true it's been around as long as Santa Claus the Easter Bunny and that perfect man we all hear that voice inside of ourselves you know that inner mental chatter and it just never shuts up instead it just ruins

our ability to stay in the present it distracts us it consumes us and we get so caught up in the details of what it's saying to us we forget we're separate from that it's not even a part of us it's just our egos colluding with our brains and our brains are the most important organ in our body and I have to tell you sometimes our brains just aren't what you think they are we get a new thought every one point two seconds and 60 to 70 percent of those are negative how is that working for

us not really dr. Rick Hansen a neuropsychologist said that were born with a negativity bias so we attract the bad and we repel the good and we're on high alert every day for negativity more and more negativity problems threats they're all around us and what do we do we then over time create what is called a negative cycle of behaviors and emotions and thoughts which turns into negative consequences and where does that lead us a self-defeating spin you know the one that we play over and over and over again into it's hardwired into nervous system

and you'll hear this a lot but our neurons fire and then they wire and that's what stays inside of us and just when our lives seem like things are going really well that apprehension comes in and it derails all of our happiness and our brains couch potatoes ground hogs day they love us to repeat the same patterns and repetitions over and over again and guess what that do they reward us with what self-doubt overthinking procrastination I've had that negative cycle in my life and I felt like I was the poster child of resiliency in fact

I was born in an elevator and my dad swore that I would have ups and downs in my whole life and I did obstacles tons of speed bumps so I felt like I was gonna stop and never be able to go again and I wasn't mindful instead I lived in the future I sad about the past I just felt stuck and unhappy I went through a divorce I was married for over 20 years and right after that I lost really close friends in 9/11 and I had enough and I wanted safety and I wanted happiness

so I built Cynthia's Ark I put two cats and two dogs and two kids and two cars and I was trying to figure out where I was going to be happy I was gonna be happy and safe back in California where I felt like that was the home away from home for me but my happy ending just never came instead I was one of 2,200 homes that were destroyed by the California fires and I decided to be an entrepreneur and we all know how that goes ups and downs and ups and downs and such inconsistencies

and when I found that my life had reached the point that I was finally happy one day my husband came to me and said we're losing our house tomorrow I didn't want to tell you and I discovered that that man was not the person that I thought ever that he was and stuff is just stuff in your life whether it's a house or a picture people ask you the sleaze things when your house is on fire what do you take well you take yourself out and that's what I had to do I had to take

myself out of the situations that I were in and I had to change my life and I'm here to tell you you can change your life to anywhere you are in life no matter where your journey is you can change your life but you have to change your mind and in order to do that you have to do it neurologically we can write affirmations we can write gratitudes and I have that five-second let's get up and go rule but those things alone are not going to change and rewire our brains it takes a lot of

repetition and a replacement of that negative cycle to a positive cycle to strengthen our connections in our brains it takes desire it takes determination and think of your brain as a muscle everybody would like to lose 20 pounds to get completely toned in a month but that doesn't happen with our brains we have to keep repeating and repeating and firing there's neurons we're gonna wire I work with executives to try to help them build inner resources for resiliency because I told you I was the poster child of resiliency so who knows it better and I

offer them these three peas and I'd like to share those with you to start your resiliency P one is presence you want to grow good you want to tilt positivity in your life and tilt to the side you have to be focused you have to be in the here and now you have to be in the present so I ask through the day have a self-direct where are my thoughts is that they here and now am I in my present because when you're in your present we seek clarity and you can see so many things

that are all around us so have a mantra have a self statement on a sticky and keep checking yourself through the day stay in your moment ptoo is practice we all know what practice is like but we're removing that negative alert to a positive or signed positive experiences during the day at work at home when you're just running around if you can't find one make one up movements sensations sounds thoughts they don't have to be big they can be sort of small it could be that's wonderful sip of the coffee when you first wake up

in the morning or a hug it could also be just a good song that you like on the radio I make mine they're called mindful tickles and what tickles me in the morning is carpool karaoke it makes me laugh every morning how can you not laugh I hug my dog Murphy and tell him how much I love him these are positive experiences and I ask everyone write them down how many did you have today what were they like and keep us cynthia's mindful tickle list in your pocket because sometimes you're having a bad day and

you just can't figure out how you can find something positive in your life and I always have a positive experience right there with you I'm with you p3 is performance this is a little tricky because we're going to install these external experiences into ourselves and how do we do that we pretend we're building a fire I always tell people and find yourself a positive thought so let's try one together let's say that if colleague of yours brought you a lunch unexpectedly to the office that's really nice a random act of kindness that's our positive experience

step 2 to that is how do we enrich it how do we keep that with us with thoughts or feelings do you tell yourself that was really nice of this person to bring me a lunch I feel joyful I feel happy what a selfless task I'd like to do the same for her I feel giving I feel love and I would hold on to those thoughts and those feelings for 10 seconds 20 seconds 30 seconds and as I get closer to the flames of that fire I feel the warmth coming inside of me and that's

how he starts thinking we want to sink those thoughts and feelings deep inside of ourselves because we want to stall them and fire and wire them and how do we do that we visualize from our neck all the way down to the stomach we visualized that warmth of the joy and the gratitude and the flow of what we're feeling inside of ourselves and sink them inside of herself that goodness is growing inside of us positive feelings and we're getting rid of some of the negative ones and we're repeating this for 20 seconds 30 seconds 40

seconds a minute as long as you can because you're holding on to this and guess what we're rewiring it it feels so good to know that we're building and strengthening those inner connections to our brains but you have to do it not one time a day two times three times four times it's that repetition remember we're wiring and firing right we're good and go along with that brain so it takes practice so keep a journal how many times did you install today what did it feel like how does it feel to feel good growing inside

of yourself and knowing you're getting increasingly resilient so you can act in a responsive way to stressful situations it feels really good that's the good that we need to hold on to and repeat it time after time after time and remember you can't fake positivity it's like faking an orgasm and what benefit is that for any of us it's just fake screams and fake news thank you you