What Happens When a Narcissist Encounters Authenticity

hi everyone it's dr romney and welcome back to this youtube channel on all things related to narcissism and narcissistic relationships and toxic people in general so let's talk about something that is you know sometimes people wonder are there people out there that kind of are narcissist whisperers who are able to you know to to get past them to not let it bring them down it's an interesting question and i have another video that i made about are some people immune to narcissists that's a very different phenomenon than what i'm about to talk about okay i

think some people out there are actually really for a variety of reasons not that affected by narcissists and i get into all that in that video i'm going to be talking about something very different here which is what happens when a narcissist encounters an authentic person now that's where it gets really really interesting so let's talk a little bit about what authenticity is because i think it's a word that's very overused and even a lot of people i have no doubt that many of you are going to disagree with my definition and i'm and that's

fine you know i mean it's it is what it is um but authenticity is very much a person who lives in alignment with their meaning with their purpose with a with a sense of self-awareness with an accurate appraisal of their strengths and their weaknesses and yet don't allow the strengths to escalate them into grandiosity and don't let the perceived weaknesses allow them to fall into a pit of despair they tend to be relatively well emotionally regulated and in fact very well emotionally regulated however are able to engage in appropriate and vulnerable shows of emotion so

basically they're very self-possessed people oftentimes they present as quite serene i guess because they're good they're good authentic people are interesting because stuff doesn't tend to get under their skin as much because they're kind they're good like they're not necessarily rich they're not necessarily at the top of their game they're just sort of authentic and i and i've done another video on authenticity in general and i've met i mean i can think of one gentleman in particular i met once and the nature of his work is just incredibly authentic it was very peaceful to be

in his presence and it was he was just really aligned with his meaning and purpose and he was at peace now what happens when that encounters narcissism okay man or woman like that it's very very interesting because at one level authentic people are pretty unflappable things don't really get to them because as a rule people who are very authentic don't tend to personalize stuff very much right they'll say that's a fair criticism or yeah that's you know that's a lot of noise that person's making um but they don't make it like what did i say

what did i do like there's not as much of that because they're able to say they might have even had and again one thing i want to make clear is they might have even had very difficult lives like authentic people aren't just people walking around the world never having had had trauma or difficulty in their lives sometimes they've experienced tremendous difficulty in their lives and they just keep going and so they have you know they'll even say like this is probably not a good place for me to be because there's a lot of loud noises

and i know that can be you know that can really actually i i don't experience that well so i think i'm just gonna actually absent myself in the situation and they don't care too much what other people would think they let that vulnerability be expressed and they don't worry about how it'll be judged so again that's what i mean by that very self-possessed sense so when they encounter a narcissist it gets really really interesting because not only does it not get under their skin they kind of don't fall for it right so they are there's

a wisdom there and so what i've seen authentic people in the face of narcissistic people narcissistic people get very frustrated in the presence of authentic people because their usual tricks don't work as well so the authentic person might say oh wow that's a very nice car you have um then they'll just kind of go back to like they won't let someone be interrupted like so let's say they're having a conversation and they're having a conversation with person a and person c is narcissistic and person c tries to interrupt and make it about their car the

authentic person won't say shut up you know they won't get rude they'll say it sounds like a very nice car and then they'll make sure person b is still going so what happens is that in some ways an authentic person is a little bit more resistant to the validation seeking behavior to the love bombing behavior to the attention seeking behavior but what's really neat about the authentic people is they won't shame the narcissist they won't feel the need to say like you need to shut up you need to step off you're making too much noise

what is wrong with you they won't go there they'll just keep steering things where they need to go but where people who are authentic will ultimately often hit a home run is that they'll know when to step away and they won't be rude about it they'll say something like ah you know look at the time i do need to go i didn't you know i i have many many things to get home to take care of and i can't thank you all so much for this experience those who do it very graciously okay they may

they they're in tune with themselves enough to know this doesn't feel good now where this gets tricky and why authentic people are kind of like the rock stars amongst us is sometimes we don't want to do that we don't want to be the one to step away because we don't want to be the one who's sort of um seen as like the party pooper the person who's leaving too early or something like that and we don't want to explain ourselves and an authentic person will still be able to say ah you know i wasn't feeling

comfortable this evening so i think it's just better i go i don't want to harm what's going on here i don't want to interfere with the evening but i thank you so much i'm having a wonderful time they speak truth okay and as i said speaking truth being transparent with truth is often sort of what makes you the narcissist slayer because once you do that you've really um that you've taken away their game you really have and authenticity though requires us to do a lot of work right we've got to care a lot less about

what other people think and what other people say we've got to be good with us and that's what authentic people have i got to tell you most authentic people i have met have been older than like 55 or 60. they do tend to be a little older i think that maybe they've just done the hard yards of life and they're coming out the other side and saying okay i got this and like i said many of them did not have easy lives but there's a serenity and they don't suffer fools but they don't do it

in a nasty cruel way authentic people aren't always super gossipy like them you know little bit but nothing like they really are sort of it's not my fight it's not my problem um but they won't actively enable so the authentic person will probably leave the situation rather than continuing to listen to a narcissistic person foolishly holding court it's a it's again it's a very very in a humanistic model to be authentic is sort of to be at the top of the mountain you know to have reached that sort of self-actualized point where you're living in

congruence with who you are i can say that there are people out there who are authentic who actually have had narcissistic relationships that's been part of their history so it's not as though they've sort of blithely walked through life like the dalai lama not being affected by anyone it's it is that they've integrated those lessons they've learned those lessons they've done the work and they started sort of pushing away these sorts of expectations that other people have and a lot of times those expectations result in enabling narcissists so that ability to feel solid enough in

yourself comfortable enough in yourself to say you know this may not be working for me and then to gracefully step away is the the authentic person's i guess weapon for lack of a better term in terms of handling the narcissist when a narcissist is with an authentic person they'll often have a lot of bad things to say about them what was wrong with that guy what was wrong with that girl i mean my gosh she was snobby much or standoffish what was their problem they're not very social be very contemptuous very dismissive there's something unsettling

when the narcissist encounters an authentic person those of you who are truth tellers will understand this better than anyone else especially if you were a truth teller as a child at some level you were able to see right through to the inside of your narcissistic parent and your narcissistic parent knew that and they got really uncomfortable with you which is why truth tellers often become scapegoated as adults when you're authentic that happens again that the authentic person can see right through to the narcissistic adult in their midst and that narcissistic adult doesn't like it they

will often try to insult the authentic person speak badly about them behind their back make fun of them mock them and really try to avoid seeing them in the future what's fascinating is while the narcissist will often waste lots of time trying to win other people over right because they're so insecure and they need the supply there's something about authentic people that almost scare narcissists and you'll see that they probably won't try to win them over i think what a lot of people forget is that narcissists go through they go through people looking for those

who will be the best sources of supply before they hold on to them so by the time they got to you they probably tried it out with other people and their tricks may or may not have worked but they often don't try to keep tr uh pull the authentic person in because there's a really unsettled feeling for the narcissistic individual who's in the face of that authentic person so you might be thinking well then it sounds like the ultimate narcissist repellent might be to get really authentic you damn well better believe it is but that's

easier said than done isn't it we all struggle in that journey i can speak for myself i never find it to be an easy journey i think that we all have we have psychological demons to sort of slay before we can get there to that full sort of settled place and i can easily see as i get older how much that's associated with age but it's a good goal for all of us to be to live in sync with who we are not with what we believe the demands of the world expect of us to

know who we are what we stand for what our meaning is what our purpose is and live with that as much as we can day after day and when we can do that even when we have to do something uncomfortable let's face it go to work there's things you don't want to do you can still live in line with that the more authentic you become the more resistant you will be to narcissists and frankly the more the narcissists they're definitely going to have a few choice words for you and tell you to sort of take

a hike they'll definitely speak badly about you behind your back but if you're authentic enough you won't care so go out there and get your authentic on work on it it's a very very worthy journey and that's my wish for all of us is that we do get there thanks again for tuning in please subscribe join this community learn how to be more authentic in the face of narcissists it's hard to do and look forward to seeing you next time