The biggest habit building mistake

if you have an addiction that brings you great shame or just a nasty nasty bad habit that you for some reason can't stop doing or even if you have something that is a good thing that you want to start doing maybe it's going to the gym maybe you want to be the type of person who goes to the gym but you just can't bring yourself to do it maybe you have done it successfully a couple days in a row usually during the new year but something always happens you do the new good thing for a

little bit or you stop doing the bad thing for a little bit but a couple days in you start to feel it it's like a mounting pressure and all of a sudden you have one bad day a day where maybe you were a little bit too lazy to go to the gym or maybe you were a little bit too weak in the willpower Department to not do the bad thing that you're avoiding and it feels like the whole thing comes crashing down you lament it's like the House of Cards finally came crumbling down and you

binge yourself to death on the thing you are trying to avoid or the old lifestyle that you were trying to get away from if this has been your story with sticking to a new habit change or trying to change your life in any meaningful way then there's a very good chance that you've been falling for the myth of vertical progress what is the myth of vertical progress I don't know if it's a result of Internet self-improvement culture or recent studies in habit formation psychological something or other but everybody seems to have this idea that if

they just make it to a certain amount of days then everything will make sense they fetishize 21 days or 30 days or 90 days 365 days they think to themselves damn me in this piece of mode right now if I could only make it to 90 days then everything would make sense 90 day me is legit he just feels better about himself he lives a better life he's not by bothered by trivial things because he's sort of gigachad viewing lifestyle change like this is viewing progress as a vertical thing you know you stack day two

on top of day one day three on top of day two and then when the stack of days gets big enough then your life changes and the wild thing is almost everyone thinks this way for some reason we think in terms of streaks but the issue is that no habit that you currently have was ever built like this even if you thought you were building your habit that way the reality of this situation is that every single successful day that you had you were building progress you were strengthening the muscle of that new lifestyle so

many of us believe that in order to change our entire lives all we need to do is hit a certain amount of days and then everything will make sense it's like nothing really matters up until that point but then we hit that magical number and our lives change forever and even if you don't believe that sort of dramatic narrative there's still a subconscious understanding that oh if I just hit this amount of days then things will become easier what was once unnatural will feel natural you know it'll officially be locked in as a habit and

then I don't need to try very hard anymore it's just automatic but the problem is not only is this type of thinking psychologically inaccurate but it also adds so much pressure to hit this magical day we're approaching lifestyle change as if it's a Jenga Tower you know you stack days on top of days on top of days and eventually at the top you hit your goal but the problem with the Jenga Tower is that with each block you add it becomes more unstable so this pressure of messing up becomes bigger and bigger and bigger the

more days you have under your belt and when you think like this it almost always feels as if though if you make it really far like halfway say your goal is 90 days and you make it 45 days if you mess up after 45 days it's almost like the floodgates are open you're like oh I knew I couldn't do it and then all of a sudden you binge into the old behavior and you figure maybe three years from now I'm gonna try again but the thing is progress is not vertical it's never been vertical we're

not building a tower we're building a road a road that we're planning on taking for the rest of our lives a road that we do take with each day that we partake in that new activity because every single habit that you have is just a road that leads you to a desired destination even your bad habits you do them because you get something out of it you know they give you some sort of feeling that you want to feel the problem is that over time as we walk a certain road we learn that this road

is actually pretty treacherous you know it hurts us in the long run maybe it's infested with Wolves maybe there are slopes that make you slip and muddy your clothes maybe it's a super inefficient route and you're traveling and exhausting yourself way longer than you need to in order to get your desired outcome whatever the case is not all roads are created equal sometimes we establish roads very early in our lives that lead us to this destination that we want but we learn as we get older that there are way more efficient and healthier routes to

get to that result and this road that we established that we laid all these bricks on and created this highway on no longer serve us the reward it proposes is no longer worth the injury we inflict upon ourselves by taking this road so we decide through our conscious effort to start constructing a new road and a lot of the time taking this new road to this same destination that we want a road that is less treacherous a road that won't hurt us as much it'll take some work because a lot of the time you know

you know day one day two day three we're all motivated to sort of bushwhack and create this new road through the weeds but in the long run we know that this new road is going to be way better way more efficient and just a road that we want to walk and every single day that we opt for this new road instead of the old one the old one is starting to grow over you know some weeds are starting to take effect there's some overgrowth starting to develop and every single day that we spend working on

this new road it becomes more comfortable and more likely that we use this road in the future because we are telling our brain that yes this road leads to what we want so this new lifestyle that you've been working on that you occasionally try every January 1st it's still there it's always been there but the degree to which it's developed is solely based on how much you've been using it and just because you have a bad day and you understandably choose the old road one day it doesn't mean that that road that new road you're

trying to build doesn't exist anymore maybe you were tired maybe you didn't want to bushwhack that day I get it the old road probably looks very tempting maybe you forgot why you were building the new road but just because you picked the old road one day doesn't mean all of your progress is lost on the new road you're building it's not and it feels so much better and more encouraging to know that the longer that you spend developing the new road planting bricks in Solid Ground day after day that old road is starting to get

overgrown the more time you spend on this new road through conscious effort the easier this road becomes to walk not harder there is no mounting pressure so if you mess up after one day and you want to burn the whole thing down that's entirely up to you you can go back back and start removing bricks on this new Road Brick by Brick but just know that it will be through conscious effort because it doesn't just explode automatically you can choose to abandon your new building project and let the weeds grow over so that the next

time that you try it again you have to Bush whack right from the start again but it will reveal a road that was already there that you placed through effort so it'll be just that much easier to start up on that new road again so hopefully this is a profoundly encouraging thought changing your entire life has never been about okay let's see how far we can go with this and if I have one bad day well it was worth a shot guess we'll try again three years from now it's like no we're in the business

of developing new defaults like deep grooves to sink into day by day we place a new brick we whack a new weed until this road is a far more comfortable road to travel to get what we want and then eventually by using this new road more and more and more The Old Road will start to get consumed by overgrowth it will become a road that just feels very questionable you know it's like oh why would we choose that road when this road is so much better that we've built but it just takes some time to

get there relinquish yourself of the pressure of vertical progress it doesn't exist stop chasing these arbitrary numbers that have absolutely no resemblance to living your life day by day decision by decision try to find ways to make building this new road as easy and as efficient as possible remind yourself constantly of why you're building this new road and try to help yourself develop it so that it's one that you prefer taking 10 times out of 10. Let The Old Road die away and become infested with parasites I don't know what that was that was kind

of stupid let's build some roads and I want you guys to download the audiobook Atomic Habits by James Clear using today's video sponsor audible I know you've heard this title and this author so many times but there is a reason for it it's an endlessly re-readable book and it reminds you that every single time you do a new lifestyle thing that you want to do it makes it more likely that you do that thing in the future not less likely that doesn't make any sense so if you already have Audible download that audiobook it is

worth it and if you don't have Audible and you don't know what that is audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment and audiobooks all in one place every single month they send you one credit which you can spend on any audiobook of your choice regardless of cost and you get to keep that audiobook forever if you ever cancel your subscription you still keep your entire library of audiobooks audible members also get instant access to a rapidly expanding catalog of audible Originals podcasts and exclusive series including some really cool Graham Hancock stuff about alternate

history what do you know it's an audible original so if you want to start building some new roads in your life and start expanding your brain then if you use my link in the description below or text better ideas to 500 500 you'll get a 30-day free trial so once again click on my link in the description below or just text better ideas to 500 500 to get your 30-day free trial and thanks again to Audible for sponsoring this video if you liked this video make sure that you actually hit the like button because when

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