The art of asking questions | Andrew Vincent | TEDxBollington

[Music] when my daughter was a toddler she would wander through the world pointing at things that she would say that that she was questioning her way to greater knowledge she was forcing us to answer her question to tell her vocabulary she was questioning her way to better connect with the world around her from a toddler that is a question in its purest form the answer to you to me almost irrelevant the fact that the answer is a car a microphone a laptop we know that don't worry it doesn't matter but the beauty in that situation

is the question not the answer and that's because when it comes to questions context is everything it was the 18th century French philosopher Voltaire who said judge a man by his questions and over the next ten minutes I hope to show you how right he was I've spent much of my career asking questions working in the field of market research I've designed feedback conducted surveys interviewed many people trying to understand the world and work out what is happening but if it take you back to my daughter somewhere as we grow older things change the toddler

starts off asking questions as we progress into education we start to focus more and more on the answer indeed the question starts to no longer be questioned as we reach that of secondary school we start chasing exam results we don't think about the question at all all we want to do is come up with the answer that is required to get me the grade I want the question is no longer questioned and the question is something that is set by someone else in that scenario we're not thinking enough about the question and we bring this

into our adult lives and we bring a belief that for any question there is a correct answer maybe there's only one absolute correct answer but actually life's really like that so I say let's get back to the basics of infant hood and rediscover your childlike curiosity questions are all around and of course answers matter but in day to day life questions matter even more the questions of discovery are the beautiful questions and they can never be used too much they forge connection they help us empathize they help us get to know people they help us

understand why things are as they are if you're on a first date you will be far more successful if you ask somebody about themselves rather than tell them about you okay ask more and tell less questions like how did it feel when how was that how was school today what do you feel about that tell me some more these questions can never be used too much they're great great questions but not all questions are good some questions are bad some are even worse we've all heard that question does my bum look big in this that

is not a question that that is a statement and it tells you so much about the emotional state the fragility the self-esteem of the person asking that question that is a question to sidestep do not answer it yeah some of you been there yeah that question is a trap but let me explain why it's a trap first of all it's a trap because it presents the options as a simple binary choice it makes you think it's a very simple thing to answer because it's trying to get you to say yes or no but of course

life is rarely that simple should we go to the cinema on Friday yes we all agree let's go to the cinema on Friday well let's see what's on first we agree we'll go to the cinema but then having answered that question we then have to confront the second question we have to confront the real question and the real question is what's on and do we really want to see them maybe when we see that what the options are a romantic comedy a kids cartoon or perhaps a foreign language film with subtitles maybe we won't fancy

it maybe maybe no let's not go to the cinema on Friday the second question is the real question the second question is the information in a more complete situation we answer the second question often with the second question we go back and change the first question we don't like the options at the cinema so no let's not go to the cinema on Friday these questions that offer a kind of seemingly simple choice a binary choice of yes/no they're further compounded by several other things first of all the yes/no option in my experience hides a multitude

of complexity offering a simple yes/no choice simplify something that is more complicated does my bum not begin this neither yes or no this is way too complicated to consider in a binary form and the other problem with a yes/no question is that yes can mean so many things there is the emphatic yes then there is the more regular yes and then there is the yes book with a buck coming and then there is the no not really so it's just not that straightforward childlike curiosity is good for us all why is that happening how did

that happen why do they feel that why is he saying that and these questions can never be used too much but as you use questions going through life be careful with your language small changes can have a big impact let me give you an example your child comes home from school and of course you want to know how their day went so a great question would be how was school today I was mastered a good question but you're a parent who really wants them to do well in maths you know it's important to be good

at maths so you open your mouth from the words that actually come out ah I bet maths was good today you've made a subtle shift from how is mass today - I bet maths was good today you've gone from a question to a statement and your statement has completely closed the dialogue and not only has it closed the dialogue you've told your child what you want to hear you've told them you want to hear that maths was good today but the world might not be like that ask more and tell less so please as you

go through life ask lots of questions never stop exploring but make sure you discover your childlike curiosity okay find that childlike curiosity ask those questions to connect with the community to connect with the world around you and to empathize with your community unlearn a desire that there is a correct answer to every question the world just isn't like that and never ever trust a yes/no question but above all above all for every question that you hear ask yourself what does that question say of the person who is asking it because that is the true art

of asking questions thank you [Applause]