Addressing All 25 Year Old Thinkers

oh my God if only I knew everything that I know now then then I could start living your life think for a second you know everything that you know now you can still start living your life right you can start living your life at 25 oh but I'm behind so here we have the 25-year-old thinker now let's understand a couple of basic things about the mind so in in some people their mind is just so so I would say energetic and out of control so sometimes our mind if you really pay attention to yourself the

Mind loves to think and what we find is that these people kind of get trapped in their thoughts right so they have imaginary events imaginary girlfriends right they're absorbed they're unaware of their surroundings imagines right so inner monologue becomes their entire reality so there are a couple of things to re understand about why this happens and what to do about it hey y'all I want to take a moment to thank the sponsor of today's video headspace as you all know I am a huge fan of meditation I've been meditating for about 20 years and as

you know I teach a lot of meditation and recommend it to a lot of my patients the challenge that a lot of beginners have is that it's difficult to sort of develop a consistent practice the cool thing about headspace is that it makes meditation easier to actually accomplish they can offer a lot of different guided meditations timers they can help you sort of anchor your practice and stick with it day in and day out I also really like the flexib ability of headspace they have a lot of different options so you can find the thing

that works for you I specifically like that they have these things called Sleep casts which are particular guided meditations to help you go to sleep in a healthy way if you're looking for something that's a little bit more active they have intention walks in nature which are guided meditations that can help you get up and move around a little bit the beautiful thing is that they have so many different options you can try things until you find something that works so if you're interested in developing your meditation practice actually sticking with the schedule definitely give

headspace a shot so you can check out the link in the description below or scan the QR code and for 60 days you can try headspace for free and check out their entire Library thanks to headspace for sponsoring this video and helping us keep mental health content on the internet free by supporting this channel this happens because the mind is out of our control so the mind is an instrument right so it's just like any other part of our body and the goal of the body is that the body and mind should be controlled by

you the the body should not control you you should control the body right and we run into all kinds of problems when people are not in control of their bodies so like in the worst case scenarios we get things like incontinence and so in the same way that we can sometimes lose control of our body we lose control of our mind and so if you look at this person what they're what they end up with is a mind that does whatever it wants to and we're going to dive into why it does all of these

things everything is kind of stitched together but there's one major principle to understand see we have to understand what the Mind wants so what does the Mind hate more than anything else what it hates more than anything else is boredom so in the absence of stimulus the mind will run out of energy see in order for the mind to gain energy it must have some kind of stimulus so very simple thing like let's say I'm walking down the street and I see a fight break out in front of me oh my God this is so

much to think about or forget about walking down the street if you look at the internet what do we see all the time we see drama why why does the internet love drama right some someone particular person does something someone makes a post about it they said oh I this person is not actually a saint they did this to me and then everyone talks about it and then they react to it and all this kind of stuff right this kind of stuff is going on right now with someone where an article came out that was

talking about something bad that they did why does the why does the why does the internet love this because our minds love it why do they love it because if there's a stimulus then I get energy in the mind and if the mind has energy it runs right so this is what also confuses a lot of people that a lot of people are really confused why does my mind why is my an mind anxious all the time I don't feel good that's because the mind will take any kind of energy it can get and anxiety

produces a lot of energy see anytime you add tension to the Mind any time you try to wrestle the mind the Mind actually loves it it gets way stronger because you try to control the anxiety and then you wrestle with it for a while and the anxiety comes roaring back twice as strong and then the mind is going again right so the more anxiety we have the more more that the Mind activates so the first thing to look at is what happens to the energy of the mind with all of these things the energy of

the Mind increases see look what what what's Happening Here created entire anthologies of imaginary events oh my God the mind has discovered a way to feed itself this is like an infinite money glitch for your mental energy multiple imaginary girlfriends now I can engage with my thoughts I don't require an external stimulus I certainly don't require a real girlfriend right because I can create a stimulus by myself there's an inner monologue that becomes their entire reality so they get absorbed in the mind and then as the energy of the Mind increases they lose control of

it because now it's like a gigantic bull that thinks whatever it wants to whenever the [ __ ] it wants to and screw you so then we run into a couple of problems so as the energy of the Mind increases there are a couple of other things at play so as we become thinkers we start to become worse at life right because thinking is useful so when thinking is combined with experience this is when things go well right so let's say I'm playing a game of League of Legends or valerant or Dota or Starcraft or

whatever sf6 we're going to pick sf6 today so I can Theory craft all I want in Street Fighter 6 it doesn't actually make me good at the game and if all I do is I play mindlessly I'm also not going to be good at the game if I never think about my games I'm never going to be good so success in life comes from the combination of thought plus experience but what happens with the The Thinker is that they don't have any experience they just have thoughts right their inner monologue becomes a substitute for reality

so the first thing is that the Mind loves this energy because this person this person is a 25-year-old thinker they've been a thinker for way longer than just this year they didn't become a thinker at 25 they've been think thinking more and more and more and if you're a 25-year old think girl you'll notice that this pattern probably started in your teenage years and then as you grew more and more dependent on thinking you got worse at life because you started using thought as a substitute for experience so then your actual experience goes down your

actual performance goes down and then you're you end up here right oh my God if only I knew everything that I know now then then I could start living your life think for a second you know everything that you know now you can still start living your life right you can start living your life at 25 oh but I'm behind and so now we get to a really really important problem of this okay so why do we why do we imagine going back in time so let's think about this right so you have all this

knowledge now so start living but then the Thinker says why not well because if I start living now then like I don't know I'm behind and this is where we get to a huge problem with the Thinker another major major major problem which explains this and this and this and this so generally speaking the more that we think the less emotionally connected we become and as we have negative emotions that pile up right because now I've lived a life where I'm not doing anything for 25 years I'm behind this leads to negative emotion not having

girlfriends or boyfriends or whatever non-binary friends leads to negative emotion so not accomplishing anything in life is going to lead to negative emotion and now this is where we have our imaginary stuff come in so if we look at studies on things like maladaptive daydreaming we know that imagination is an emotional coping mechanism so then what ends up happening is we sort of have all these neg emotions and then we start imagining other things and while we're imagining how great things could be we feel a little bit better because in our brain our brain thinks

we can't actually improve we can't start now it's too late I'm too far behind I can't start dating at 25 what Ridiculousness is this I'm just supposed to I can't it's too late I was supposed to start dating when I was 15 and if I started dating when I was 15 then I would have gotten my first long-term relationship in college when I was 19 I would have had sex with at least five people by now and then since I'm 25 I would be able to like engage with other 25-year-olds on the same playing field

but it's too late now so I'm not going to engage and this hurts and then the negative emotions require something like maladaptive daydreaming or imagination to Salve our wounds but it gets worse than this so there is absolutely a mechanism of so let's think about what to add okay so the first thing is that this pattern increases the energy in the mind to the point where it's probably overwhelming but your mind is never chill right your mind is never bored if you look at this there may be some kind of like existential boredness but there

is not a boredness in the moment right so you're so you you've gotten so good at your inner monologue and and constructing things in your mind that you're not bored your mind is occupied existentially you're bored you're not [ __ ] doing anything all day so like generally speaking you feel bored but in your mind in the absence of these external stimuli your mind has created this internal stimulus there's always energy in the mind because it's you figured out your infinite money glitch of thoughts there's negative emotions and then your mind copes and the next

thing that we kind of think about is that as our experience decreases okay then we become more incapable and as we become more incapable we are left with a choice and this is the this is the real tragedy of this so I want you all to think about for a second what it's like to be this person see if you believe that you're already too far behind and that you can't accomplish anything in life what are you left with so the thought of not accomplishing anything means that you feel terrible about yourself yada y yada

and you can't fix the problem so then your brain looks at this situation and says okay it's impossible to get a girlfriend so what we're going to do instead is we're going to do the best that we can so we'll create this artificial life that will be like a shadow of the thing right we can't get the object itself but we can get a shadow of it and that's the best that we can do so internally subconsciously your brain is just doing what you want it to it's trying to work for you and if you've

decided that you can't actually do anything then what it's going to do is create imagination of those things and let's take a quick look at another example of that okay so imagine success to cope instead of actually achieving it right has no interest in any career just wants to think and this is the most damning of them all things are always better in my head so let's understand that this is what really keeps people stuck because things are better in your head so when you think about okay I'm going to go to a party and

I'm going to talk to people and like I'm going to crack some jokes and you sit down and you think about how all the jokes are going to go and you map them out and you figure everything out and then you show up at the party and then you're in the middle of telling your joke and you joke and you cough a little bit you choke on your drink you end up spewing your drink all over this person in front of you and she's pretty cute and then everyone's like ew then you're like [ __

] and then your brain is like okay well I guess that's never going to work so why bother let's instead let's cuz it feels good right when you're thinking about everything is going to play out and you're like oh my God I'm going to crack this joke and everyone's going to laugh and then someone's going to fall in love with me and then I'm going to make out with someone and then your mind is like let's go and then while you're lost in the fantasy you're lost in this emotional coping mechanism and then when the

reality hits then you're in big trouble because things don't go the right way in the real world as they do in your head and so this is really really devastating then the problem is that this becomes true right this is not like theoretical at this point now your mind has data because things are always better better in your head clearly right because in the head you [ __ ] manufacture everything and the reality of the situation is that the real world kind of is difficult and things don't go that way and so then you sort

of feel like anytime you engage with the real world it's going to you're doomed to failure and then the whole cycle repeats and you're kind of stuck in your head the real tragedy about this situation is that the 25-year-old thinker actually works way harder than someone who is successful this is the real tragedy they think oh I'm lazy I'm not exerting any effort and those people out there are so disciplined they actually work way harder I know it sounds kind of weird but let me explain so if we look at friction there are two effic

uh coefficients of friction there's something called the static coefficient of friction and the kinetic coefficient of friction which means anytime you start moving something the process of getting something moving is way harder than keeping it moving so usually the kinetic coefficient of friction is lower than the static coefficient of friction so if I'm trying to like push a box across the room getting the box to start moving is the hardest part and then it moves on its own so if we look at life acceleration is what takes energy and this is true in physics as

well right f equals ma the force exerted equals mass time acceleration velocity doesn't enter the picture at all very important to understand so at the 25-year-old thinker what do they do they start and they stop let me try to go do something and then they stop and they work themselves up they push they push they push they push they overcome that coefficient of static friction and they get things moving but their velocity is not very good and they look at other people who are moving along very fast at high velocity and they think to themselves

oh my God I'm moving at 1 km per hour and this other person is moving at 60 km/ hour there's no way in which I'll catch up and so then they slam on the brakes which is also exerting energy so this is what I've seen as a psychiatrist the people who move forward in life it's not about catching up or falling behind or anything like that it's simply about not quitting see I want you to just think about this for a second how far are you going to get if you're driving a car and I

slam on the gas and then slam on the brakes and then slam on the gas and then slam on the brakes and then slam on the gas and then slam on the brakes how far am I going to get and how much gas am I going to use versus someone who starts slow just gentle pressure on the brakes I mean on the on the on the accelerator right you start to pick up a little bit of speed but you're not pushing very hard this is the real tragedy of the Thinker is that the Thinker actually

exerts way more effort because even doing a small thing requires so so much energy because the brain is telling you oh you're not going to be good at this it's better in my head life ends up sucking yada y y blah blah blah blah blah and this is what I see in the people who are stuck and this is why I believe so you guys think like oh my God Dr K believes in everybody he has such a heart of gold that he has faith in us and I'm so [ __ ] far behind I

don't have faith in you because of whatever positive whatever the [ __ ] I have faith in you because of physics because if you start accelerating the same laws of physics apply to you as everybody else in the universe the same laws of psychology apply to you as everybody else this is how I'm able to I feel personally attacked and oh my God this is me and whatever like why do you do you guys think I'm actually telepathic you think because people may even watching this 30 days from now and they're like oh my God

this is me do you think I am so amazing that I telepathically read your mind in the future 30 days from now and I have such amazing Insight oh my God look at this guy's [ __ ] psychic how is this guy stretching across time and space to read my mind oh my God no no come on on chat that's not I'm not psychic it's just the [ __ ] the mind and our brains adhere to principles and if you understand these principles then you can fix your life the reason that y'all are stuck the

reason that the 25-year-old thinker is stuck is because they have all kinds of erroneous conclusions and they have a mind that is not working for them if you have a car without a steering wheel or the steering wheel turns whatever the [ __ ] way it wants to go which is literally what happens in a 25-year-old thinker right today it wakes up and we're like hard right turn let's go slam the gas let's let's pump the Nitro hard right turn and then tomorrow you wake up and you're like let's slam the brakes and hard left

turn you start you stop you go One Direction you go the other direction and then what does the Mind conclude the Mind concludes this [ __ ] doesn't work so instead what I'm going to do I'm going to sit on my ass and I'm going to think about imaginary things because when you think imaginary things then you control the laws of physics that's the whole [ __ ] that's the advantage of imagination like you get to control both sides you get to ask someone out and they get to say my God even though I'm dating

someone I I need you I'm so torn because I really love you but I'm in this relationship with so and you're like oh my God yeah that'd be great you get to control both sides like what the [ __ ] so it doesn't obey the laws of physics and we get stuck in this crap so how do we overcome this first thing is don't quit just don't quit there's one thing to understand which is that in this part your mind is really really going to dislike it because the mind now think about what it's got

It's got a very refined it's leveled up its imagination capability you're level 100 at the imagination skill and so the Mind anytime you go to reality this is the whole [ __ ] problem right is you go into reality and things are always better in my head so there is a very subtle Point here but as long as you are expecting things to be as good as in your head it's never going to work so interestingly enough what a thinker needs to do the first thing they need to do is take the L you have

to acknowledge that for some amount of time this is going to be bruising this is going to be rough because remember that real progress comes through thinking and experience and then unless you are practiced which by the way and we'll get to practice in a second unless you are practice things aren't going to go well so I can imagine myself doing a backflip if I try to do a back flip but my body didn't flip the way I I imagined it so how do you bridge the gap between what you think and what reality is

how can you make reality what you think practice practice practice practice practice and now we see why there is such a gap between thought in reality for these people because they never experience they never actually do so they're never actually practicing and so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy the one thing that they need to make their imagination a reality is experience experience is the best thing for them because they have none of it and experience will do a couple of things the first thing that'll do is it actually make you better and then your performance

will closer approximate what goes on in your head the second thing that'll happen is that as you gain experience the inputs of information your axioms will change see the reason that you feel so emotionally bad when you're a 25-year-old thinker is you have this idea of what you should be but this is Theory crafting it's not data and so the other way to move forward what is the best way to disabuse someone who is Theory crafting in a game hey bro if you think it [ __ ] works ceue up and show us right get

to grandm or Champion or Challenger or Immortal or whatever the [ __ ] Divine whatever Chad mode sandes whatever whatever rank you want the proof is in the pudding and what happens when Theory Crafters start entering the real world with their theorycrafted wonderfulness they get a reality check and then they moderate their expectations and this is the really beautiful thing see people who are 25-year-old thinkers think that what they really need to do is live up to their expectations that's not what you need to do what you need to do is demolish your expectations because

just think for a second if you had no expectations no burden of being behind no idea of what an imaginary relationship could be if you could annihilate all of that and you could actually start over you can do that today you can start over today but the starting over that you need to do is not going back in time it's to annihilate all these [ __ ] Castles in the Sky that you built and actually start living life and then something beautiful happens see once you annihilate your expectations and you're getting your inputs from experience

then the gap between imag ination reality shrinks see the pain of the world is not that the way that the world is the pain of the world is your imagination about the world what the world should be and the reality of what the world is see once we annihilate our expectations and then we see the world as it is then we can proceed forward and this is where if you're not careful you're going to get blackpilled and you're like what are you saying that the world is all a piece of [ __ ] no because

that's an expectation that is born of your mind you'll discover quite the opposite that the world is actually a pretty decent place so the real tragedy of 25 old thinkers is that the very things that they use as solutions to their problems are not the solutions that's actually what propagates the problem and even they have some hint of that right because I think over here there's all this kind of stuff about analysis paralysis you know there's all they sort of figure out that things are always better in my head and yet they never they never

leave their head this just creates a huge problem so step number one start experiencing give yourself data instead of theory crafting step number two stop slamming on the gas and slamming on the brakes and I will bet you that if you're a 25-year-old thinker you do this you know you do this the frequency of it may decrease but you do this you'll get really excited about something you'll try something right because this is not working even with your 250 IQ you recognize that this is not sustainable so you try to go out into the real

world and when you do that you end up quitting slamming on the because how hard is it to go on the into the real world very difficult you have to push that gas a lot and very easy to slam on the brakes and the last thing be careful about which things feed the mind so anytime you have a thought or a line of thinking that leads to more thought or line of thinking that is the wrong way to think this is literally what we have here see they have all the observations analysis paralysis what is

analysis paralysis it is thought that leads to more thought you think down this way but that doesn't work so I'm going to think down this way and that doesn't work so I don't actually act and as long as I don't act my mind continues to think you see it's it's the infinite money glitch again the the moment that I act there's resolution and then I don't get to play with the problem anymore the game's over so in your life cultivate things that lead to a resolution of thought not just an annihilation of thought I'm not

saying go get high and get lost in Oblivion resolution of thought and then you may discover something but I don't know how to resolve my thoughts because there is no answer oh interesting maybe you should just try something just do something get more data because the data set that you have you can't solve this equation right it's yxal ALS a you don't have enough data but [ __ ] 25-year-old thinkers will keep on playing around with it over a equals B YX over b equals a and they keep on like moving around the the numbers

around trying to figure out okay like YX / AB equal 1 okay that's interesting right and yall keep on playing around with it and you just don't have enough data so then you don't live in the world because you're scared of it and emotions and all the other stuff so look at the things that lead to resolution of thought and then do those things and once you have resolution of thought followed by resolution of thought followed by resolution of thought you will have nothing left to think about and you will be done being a 25-year-old

thinker yeah so someone's asking can you give us an example of annihilation versus resolution of thought please sure so I'll give you a simple example let's say I don't know where my keys are so I can hypothesize about where my keys are as much as I want I can get so frustrated about where my keys are and then I can decide to just obliv my thoughts by queuing up for a video game and because in that hour that I'm playing the video game I'm not thinking about where my keys are but the moment that I

stop playing the video game the thoughts return so when you change your internal state to get rid of thoughts the thoughts are just waiting to come back they don't really go away they just get put on pause so resolution of the thought is to find the keys because then there's no thought left so most resolution of thought or not most some of it comes from action but some of it also comes from acceptance so if I'm like oh my God like let's say I'm I I want to I need to tell my partner that this

relationship is not working for me it's not that I want to break up but that I'm unhappy in the relationship let's say you're faced with this problem and so what people will do is they'll run through all kinds of scenarios in their head if I say this then they could be upset and then they could be upset and then how do I how do I say this to them without making them upset see that's where the problem is see the moment that your mind says I want this outcome without someone being upset how do I

make a million dollars without spending any effort how do I break the news without hurting their feelings so if you're really careful this is what paralyzes us anytime our mind is unwilling to accept the consequences of our actions your mind will be paralyzed and you can you can find this very very very easily just pay attention to your thoughts that are dodging a consequence you're looking for some kind of perfection how do I do this without this doing this oh that's that's not hard but I want to do it without this other thing how do

I break the news to them without hurting their feelings I'm not saying going around and being an [ __ ] but I'm saying that you can't necessarily control the feelings of another person I'm not saying that you should act without compassion and so if you pay attention to your mind all these caveats that you add in your own thinking you can literally write down your thoughts and you'll see this all the time then what you have to do is accept that that's a potential consequence and then you have to decide okay if I want to

act this could happen right so someone I I recently wrote a book Joel should really check out it's a good book teaches you how to talk to people bonus if you've got young kids or nieces or nephews because it also teaches you how to teach them healthy video game habits but really it's the best guide to communication that I've written so far and all the communication stuff works for just about any relationship I wrote this book and someone asked me the question as it was about to be released are you nervous and I said no

and they were surprised by that they were like what if it doesn't do well I was like then it doesn't do well see if I was worried the right time to be worried about whether the book does well or not is when I'm writing it after it's written that ship is sailed right so the moment that I decided to write a book I opened myself up to the consequence of writing a shitty book if you want to avoid writing a shitty book 100% the best way to do it is not write one oh shocking look

at what we did we chose not to write one see the only way to truly protect yourself from failure is to never try I'm going to tell y'all something pretty wild okay I have a 0% loss rate in Street Fighter 6 I have a 0% loss rate in Minecraft I have a 0% loss rate I've never lost a game of CSO never not a single game this is what happens when you're the 25-year-old thinker you're shooting for that Perfection but that's not something you can get so the moment that you act you open yourself up

to failure and you just accept that right then you try to do everything that you can to make it as successful as possible not everything that you can everything that you're willing to do because I could have made the book better if I was willing to make additional sacrifices but I made enough sacrifices and so this is the resolution of thought comes through acceptance so you just accept Okay I'm going to try to say this in As Nice of a way that as I as I can but feelings may be hurt right so the moment

that you started dating someone is the moment that both of y'all opened yourself up to particular feelings being hurt all right so once you board the ship the waves can be choppy [Music]