MEN need to have a PLAN WITH WOMEN: preventing relationship creep

I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is men need to have a plan with women this is a very very important topic for men it's probably the primary reason why men more commonly than women end up in relationships that don't serve them my general orientation to the men that I work with is that a man should clarify his intentions with respect to Any Given woman in his life before he interacts with her the system for clarifying those intentions is the subject for another video

and the man doesn't necessarily have to be explicit in Sharing what those intentions are but you the man absolutely need to know what you want from a woman before you engage with her this allows you to have coherence with respect to your words and actions and it makes it much more likely that you will get what you want from the interaction the fact of the matter is that most men don't have a plan with women Beyond getting laid and just to be clear I don't have a problem with that as an end goal but if

that is your end goal then you have to treat her like a lover and not like a girlfriend or a partner on the other hand most women have all kinds of plans for the future many of which you likely know nothing about because they tend to have relationship goals and those relationship goals are often very long term not always but often so we see this huge asymmetry between men's short-term goals of getting laid and women's long-term goals of having relationships listen carefully if you do not have a plan for your life then you are a

part of someone else's plan and while that doesn't necessarily mean that being a part of someone else's plan will work out poorly for you I guarantee that being a part of someone else's plan will not be as beneficial to you as creating your own plan will when you create your own plan that plan will be custom tailored to your needs and wants and that only happens out of sheer dumb luck if you're a part of someone else's plan so if men don't have plans with respect to the women in their lives but the women do

you can see how this could potentially create some issues for both parties further down the line what typically happens is that the man increasingly feels trapped in a relationship he didn't explicitly negotiate because he just sort of went along with the woman's intentions and further down the road when there is a marriage or a mortgage or children isn't really the time for a man to finally come out and be honest about what he needs and wants from the woman in his life and this likely won't benefit the woman or children if there are any now

before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message it's Word of Mouth referrals like that that really help to make this channel grow you can also hit the super thanks button and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you derive from this video I appreciate your support the way that this tends to happen is through a phenomenon that I call relationship creep if a woman has long-term relationship plans and it becomes clear that the man doesn't the woman will

begin to move the relationship in subtle ways in the direction of her goal and this usually happens in very small behaviors the stereotypical example is leaving a toothbrush at your house it could look like scheduling a dinner with your parents or inviting you to a get-together with her friends or planning a romantic vacation for the two of you and again none of these is necessarily a bad thing but if you don't actually want a long-term relationship with that woman you should kind of prevent her from steering the ship in that direction failing to do so

means that you will kind of slide into a long-term commitment and this is very different from entering into such a commitment with purpose and intention which is what I would recommend in any case a lot of guys fall prey to relationship creep and this is often because well there's nothing too objectionable about a toothbrush is there so it can feel hard for men to object to relationship creep unreasonable grounds he could also provoke an argument by holding that boundary the potential downside for relenting is low and the potential downside of objecting is high so a

lot of men just don't think it's worth it to say anything it seems like such a minor thing in isolation however hundreds if not thousands of these little concessions sure tend to add up over the years an airplane can be off by just one degree and miss its Mark by hundreds of miles indeed over time the plane can be deviated off course to such a degree that it will arrive at an entirely antipodal destination that's relationship creep in this way 10 years can go by and if he's not careful a man can find himself living

in a situation that is almost unrecognizable from the way he wanted to live again this isn't necessarily a bad thing and it's less likely to be a bad thing if the woman is virtuous with high integrity however it's definitely an abdication of frame and is likely a Bad Thing captains if you built the ship then in the vast majority of situations you should be at the helm the antidote to relationship creep is knowing what you want from women and remaining unswervingly committed to your purpose doing so kind of allows the women who come into your

life the choice to either opt in or opt out and while this generally requires some honest communication with the women in your life it requires even more honesty with yourself you need to know who you are what works for you what doesn't work for you what you want what you don't want without that self-knowledge and without the willingness to act in alignment with that Knowledge from the very beginning of the courtship process you likely will not end up at your intended Port remember men if you do not have a plan you will be part of

a woman's plan and that will only serve your best interests out of sheer done luck what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening