how to *actually* be happy single | detach, love yourself, de-centre men & enjoy being alone

this is 2019 me she loved mail validation she jumped from a relationship to relationship and it's quite clear that her confidence and self-worth were non-existent she couldn't go out in public anywhere alone without thinking oh my God what if my soulmate is in this coffee shop she went to the club every single week because she loved to flirt with everyone she stayed in relationships that went right for her just so she would have somebody she idealized relationships and just blamed it on the fact that she was a hopeless romantic and when she did go through

breakups she would romanticize the ex that was too bad for her and the only way she would get over her ex was to attach herself to someone you and so the cycle continued for many years this is present me she now buys herself flowers she takes herself on dates to concerts restaurants picnics other cities bars museums cafes you name it she's been there alone she went a whole year being celibate no talking stages no dating no relationships at all she goes out alone most days and men aren't even on her mind because now she's so

obsessed with herself her confidence and self-worth have skyrocketed because she commits every single day to prioritizing herself and doing better for her future and once her one year of being single was over she started dating again and her standards sky rocketed they were so high because she finally mastered Detachment she prioritized protecting her piece and she knew her worth and value now I already know you can relate to my personal Journey because that's why you clicked on this video so if you were looking to become genuinely happy in your single Hood then keep watching number

one we are going to dig deep and uncover the trigger okay ask yourself why are you actually unhappy being single everybody's reasons are different and therefore their Solutions will also differ once you've found the reason as to why you're unhappy single you are then going to pair that reason with a behavior that's going to destroy that limiting thought and you already know I'm going to give you examples if you hate being alone invest in friendships and Community join a local community to meet like-minded individuals there is so much power and love in Sisterhood so prioritize

that first before you go and try and run to a man you have no self-love being single is only sad when you dislike your own company and the only way to fix this is to stop falling in love with your so write down what are your favorite parts of yourself Journal fall in love with your personality practice self-acceptance commit every day to bettering yourself the goal here is to become your own best friend you need to get to the point where you are in tune with your own thoughts and emotions you understand and love yourself

fully every single day is a fun adventure with yourself and once you get to that place you won't be constantly wishing for somebody else to come and save you you're always searching for a meet cute so you're gonna set goals every time you solo date I used to have this pattern where I would go out alone and think oh my God what if today's the day that I like meet my next boyfriend or meet my person you don't want to be committing you're alone time to searching for a man that what is the point in

even spending time alone so in order to actually have valuable time alone you need to set different goals every time you go up to solo day maybe you've been feeling down and you really just want to sit and talk to yourself work through your emotions and be a therapist for yourself be a friend to yourself maybe been super bored with life recently so you're going to take yourself out to do your favorite things go to a museum go to a bookstore whatever of your feelings maybe you're lacking inspiration and you just need to change an

environment okay you're gonna go and sit in a cafe get your favorite latte people watch all day give yourself the day off to just think and be free and do nothing peacefully when you're setting goals for solidating that means you're going out with an intention you have a mission to complete on that day and it takes away any attention from oh my God is that guy looking at me oh my God he's super cute what if we're gonna talk you have relationship Envy it's time for you to be realistic okay this is a very common

thing you know you're out and about or you're even scrolling on social media you see all of these people who are super happy and in love and get showered with affection and gifts and everything every day and you're just thinking why can that not be me reality checks first of all don't believe everything you see online or in real life okay people could be getting showered with all the most expensive gifts their boyfriends could be taking them on holidays and you do not know what is going on behind closed doors ever and lastly turn it

into a positive when I used to see couples out and about living their best lives and I was single I wouldn't think of it from a negative perspective I would think that's so cute you and that's so good for them and I know I am worthy of that love and I know that's going to come to me and I deserve that everybody's timeline's a different note okay I will get that just another day and in the meantime I'm just gonna work on myself but when you're getting this relationship envy and when you like to stare

at other couples in public remember it use it as inspiration oh I like what they're doing or they're on a really cute day use it as inspiration and to develop the list of your ideal partner in your head two your new mindset this is an essential step to make the change of being happy with single life so let's start your new minds are off with some reassurance okay trust the timing of your life just because you see other couples happy and in love doesn't mean that you're behind in Life or that you're lacking something or

there's something wrong with you because you don't have that like I said before you don't know if they are genuinely happy if they will actually last as a couple or what is going on behind closed doors in that relationship relationships do not equal soulmate meaning some people are experiencing love at an early age or going through multiple relationships because those are lessons being sent to them majority of the time all of those early relationships Never Last the friends you have with the most dating experience needed that experience because they needed to experience the heartache that

came with those relationships and that's because everybody has their own individual lessons on their particular life path maybe yours isn't laid out like that if you've been single your whole life there's a reason for that maybe you haven't had a lot of dating experience or you're going through a period of loneliness because your soul mate is closer than you think and that leads me to my next point the thing that made me value my single HUD the most is the fact that you never know when you're gonna meet your person your entire life will change

that day you'll fall in love get married and maybe even have kids one day and from that point on your life will never be the same again you will never experience what it's like to be alone to be single to be your own individual person without having to constantly consider somebody else's needs ever again so don't you get what I'm saying single hood is a gift value it because unfortunately we never know when we're gonna have to give that gift away you have no idea when your time is going to be up and if you

don't value it now then one day in the future you're going to look back and wish you took advantage of your single life and that leads me on to my next Point your new mindset is going to be based on all of the benefits there are to being single for example self-growth you need to become your best self so you can actually make a relationship work you're out here craving a relationship so bad but are you even ready for it have you got the maturity have you got that emotional intelligence do you know how to

communicate healthily are you ready to prioritize another person's feelings and emotions and needs are you completely ready to stop being selfish can you handle confrontation and arguments are you ready for the possibility that you might need to commit to this for the rest of your life this leads me on to the next benefit being selfish right now all of your time money energy resources are spent on you so take advantage of it travel the world be responsible buy yourself that bag that you really want make memories with your friends shamelessly flip with everyone just because

you can and everyone needs that phase take advantage of the fact that right now you only have to look out for you finding yourself and learning yourself this is crucial and being single is the perfect environment to achieve this this is especially essential if your goal is to get into a relationship because if you don't find yourself if you don't fully know who you are then you will lose yourself once you do get into a relationship and that relationship won't be healthy trust me and I'm gonna call you out okay clearly your priorities are all

over the place because you're out here wanting to date and get to know other people and put them on a pedestal are you on a pedestal are you treating yourself as good as you would treat somebody else if you took them on a date you now need to get to know yourself okay date yourself what do you really like what do you not dislike where do you genuinely see yourself in five years time what do you need what makes you feel emotionally fulfilled in what ways do you want to grow what triggers you the list

goes on okay but your priority right now should be becoming your best self you owe that much to yourself your priority should be my investing your wildest dreams not trying to manifest a man find your meaning and purpose you are desperate for someone to come and save you and I'm not saying that to be mean I'm saying that because that was my old mindset so I know how it is and I know the emotions you're going through but once you are fully satisfied with your life once you have so much going on once you're committing

to your work your success creating so much love and abundance in your daily life then you're gonna want to keep chasing that every single day you're going to be so excited to wake up and get on with life because you've created the most beautiful life you could have ever imagined for yourself you're so excited and happy to experience life even if it is on your own because you're doing everything you could have ever dreamed of you're achieving all of your goals you're becoming the woman that you always dreamed of being and when you get to

that high level of satisfaction in your own life then your mindset becomes sure being in a relationship falling in love will be great but the right person will come when the time is right and until then I'm gonna focus on myself the universe protects me and the universe has got me I don't need to go out and Chase it because I've got so many other things in my life that I'm looking forward to trying to get a man into my life is the least of my worries and when that person comes then I'll see if

I'm ready okay I'm not desperate I'm not waiting I'm perfectly fulfilled with my friends my family my career who I am as a person all of that fulfillment love acceptance and happiness Within Myself has led to extremely high standards so when people do come I'm like you now have to bring something to the table my life is perfect I am an independent woman you need to be ticking off everything on my list otherwise I'm perfectly content on my own why wouldn't I be please remember that a relationship is meant to enhance your life not complete

it and people who constantly seek relationships always end up in the worst ones trust me you have to be fully content with being on your own to get into the healthy relationship that you desire so the way to feel content on your own is Step number three mastering Detachment and learning to let go okay so first let's talk about letting go if you are hurting because you've had to let somebody go remember that it's okay for things to come to an end every relationship has its own specific timeline and not every bond is meant to

last forever remember that it's okay to outgrow other people and it's okay if they outgrow you too if you miss someone and you're craving them back in your life ask yourself are they in the same amount of pain missing me and craving me back in their life the fastest way to disrespect yourself is to cling to people who do not value you in the same way that you value them remember to feel process express your emotions forgive yourself this is so you can effectively move on from the past leave it behind you from now on

we are no longer allowing our past hurts to influence our present actions you're out here hating on single life because of past relationship trauma or limiting beliefs like having a partner makes you whole so please heal over the heartache and start your new single life with your new positive mindset also remember that the correct action doesn't always link to familiarity just because you're used to a certain way of doing things doesn't mean you should continue doing them in that way change and adapt okay because sometimes we are needy and codependent because that was our survival

mechanism when we were younger but what we don't realize is that survival mechanism which felt comfortable and familiar back then we are now bringing into our adult lives and now it is sabotaging us and it is damaging our current relationships take time to reevaluate if what you're doing and your comfortable patterns are truly now in your best interest and instead start thinking about what you can do every single day to do things in your best interest make a plan of some new habits some small tasks that you can introduce into your daily life that will

help you get to the place that you want to be in life that has nothing to do with being romantically involved in anybody else it could be little tasks every day that helps you save up enough money to travel the world or to get the career that you want or to find like-minded people to talk to now let's talk about how you were going to master Detachment there are a few rules to this stop forcing situations and obsessing over everything the only thing you should be obsessing over is yourself nothing external Embrace uncertainty let go

of your attachment to the outcome life is unpredictable most importantly people are unpredictable and we cannot rely on them we only ever have ourselves to count on and that is why single hood is essential you need to trust yourself become your own best friend and learn that you can always count on yourself because you are the only person in this universe who will 100 of the time be there for you remember that the universe is looking out for you and will make sure that you get the happy ending that you deserve a bad day does

not equal a bad life a broken relationship does not mean you were going to be forever alone a period of loneliness does not mean there's something wrong with you and you will never get the romance that you desire just because it hasn't happened now doesn't mean it's not gonna happen except that others will just be who they are and you can't change them and that's okay stop putting your expectations on people that is the quickest way to get hurt if somebody has hurt you or done wrong by you or you can't rely on them the

only path of action you can take is to leave them the only choice we can ever make in life when it comes to other people is choosing when to stay and when to leave stop committing your time and energy to forcing other people to fit in the correct mold to co-exist with you when they are clearly not meant for you when you meet the right person it won't be so difficult and painful and requires so much change because remember that other people are not your responsibility to fix I'm gonna leave it there when you are

emotional prioritize logic over emotion just because you want to text back because you miss them just because you're feeling lonely so you want to re-download all the dating apps doesn't mean you should stay disciplined your emotions do not always know what is best for you learn when to listen to your head instead of your heart and the last rule of Detachment is when something doesn't go your way and when gets a little bit messy that's normal and that's okay you don't need to chase others for Comfort because you know you have yourself to come home

to nothing is ours in life apart from ourselves everything else is just a lesson chapter five it's time to decenter men from your life sis stop trying to get men to choose you I used to do this all the time and sometimes not even consciously like through the way I would dress what I would speak about how I would act how I would carry myself not a cute look and when I think about it it's like I wasn't even existing for myself because I was so concerned with impressing somebody else or other people when you

are trying to get men to like you and choose you and obsess with you and blah blah blah blah blah you are also ruining your own life in the process you are giving away your power confident self-worth and most importantly your self-respect because now you're not even prioritizing yourself you're giving yourself away so this other person will choose you because you haven't even chosen yourself yet you don't even love yourself yet you haven't even accepted yourself yet so the key to decentering men in your life is to Center yourself in your life again yes that's

right be self-centered don't be afraid to be selfish being selfish is the best thing I ever did for myself every single decision you make on a daily basis must be based on how it would make you feel how it would contribute to your future and your success how it contributes your emotions your satisfaction Etc also you owe everything to your younger self and your inner child they are counting on you all of the time and when you try to give yourself away to man and try to get them to choose you you are letting yourself

go in the process and let's not forget about your future self your future self is currently talking about you right now you better shut them up and get your ish together once you let go of other people's opinions of you once you are no longer concerned with a man's perception of you you will gain so much more freedom and power over your life and that in itself will change your mindset about what it means to be single a lot of people hate the thought of being a alone and being single because of the meaning and

the negative connotations around that term but when you're no longer concerned about what other people think about you it doesn't become this dirty word anymore chapter five consistent self-love and solo dating this is all about learning how to truly enjoy being alone a lot of the things I've already spoken about in this video like learning about your personality your likes your dislikes Getting to Know Yourself becoming your own best friend will contribute to this solo dating is something a lot of people struggle with you know anxiety with going out in public eating in a restaurant

alone because that's not always normalized and I say this to everybody who is worried about starting to solo date you are never gonna gain that confidence until you start you think I was confident when I went on my first holiday you didn't think I was so scared and I was so concerned with everybody around me and their opinions of me I thought everyone was judging me I thought everyone was wondering what my origin story was the reality is nobody gives an app you cannot let the fear of what other people might think about you take

your life and the choices you make every day and if confidence isn't thing you really struggle with when solidating then I highly suggest you watch my confidence video super popular video so yeah practice makes perfect okay work your way up start with a coffee shop date start with going to the cinema you're set in the dark take baby steps be slow be gentle with yourself do what feels comfortable in the beginning and when you're doing these small things like going to a cafe alone which you might never have done before then you're like oh that

wasn't so bad nobody said anything to me and I actually had a good time you know I got to do my favorite things with myself and it was peaceful and I got to people watch and I'm also so blessed and privileged that I get to take the time out of my schedule to have that time off and spend that time with myself but the only way you're gonna get that is to start in the first place to sit with those feelings of discomfort to accept them and push through anyways 100 of healthy habits feel horrible

in the short term but you'll be thanking yourself in the long term self-love as well is crucial if your end goal is to end up in a relationship because when you're truly content with yourself then when the right person comes into your life you'll be sure of them because you're sure of yourself your needs what you want what makes you happy aside from my confidence video I also have a full guide on solo dating advice and if you follow my Tick Tock I post self-love tips every single day and the last chapter dealing with the

discomfort it's painful to create new habits and behaviors it's painful to stray away from what feels comfortable and familiar but it's necessary so always have your mission in mind difficult feelings are gonna arise okay they'll come and they'll go but when you have your mission in mind when you know you're doing something for the greater good to look out for yourself to be there for your future self and your inner child it will keep you going it will give you that motivation if you feel lonely sit with the feeling accept it understand that it's normal

and it's gonna come and go and on top of this change the narrative and create a habit solution so whenever you feel lonely you are then gonna have your habit solution which is behavior that you always carry out you must always consistently do when that loneliness feeling arises for example when I feel learning what makes me feel really good is I have to get dressed up so I'm feeling myself my confidence is at an all-time high and then I go out and I do some shopping because that's my favorite activity and I'm also around so

many other people I get to people watch and it really allows me to change my environment and not just be held up all in my room feeling alone and not actually seeing any other human beings if you feel bored or unfulfilled because you feel like single life is so Bland and you know you should be going on dates and experiencing life and stuff every time that feeling arises you are now going to go out and experience life on your own you're going to take yourself to a museum you're going to take yourself to a concert

you are going to take the train to another city and explore it the entire day on your own it's the best feeling and you will love yourself so much more for it trust me and that brings us to the end of this video I thought this would be a great video idea as it's the month of love I actually only have one more Valentine's Day themed video coming up and it will be the Vlog where I take myself on a solo day on Feb 14th on Valentine's Day which I've been doing for the last few

years in a row I'm honestly so excited to spend Valentine's Day alone and also share that with you guys so make sure you subscribe so you don't miss out that video and also check got the description I have all of my links to my social media and everything in there and also important announcement I have something very big coming very soon and I don't want anybody to miss out on it okay go to the description click on the link next to the don't miss my announcement piece of text click on it put in your email

and you will be the first to know anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this video if you did make sure you give it a thumbs up and comment down below let me know what you thought or what you'd like to see next and I'll see you guys in my next video bye [Music]