Invisible Autistic Struggles

as a late diagnosed statistic adult there are so many struggles in my life that I've kept hidden from pretty much everyone sometimes even including myself I'm only just now coming to understand some of the frustrations that I've had for a lifetime so I'm sharing this list with you today including some other examples sent in from people within this beautiful Community this list isn't meant to be Diagnostic and not every autistic person is going to experience things on this list but my hope is that by sharing it if you're also on this late diagnosed autistic Journey

you will feel less alone because there really are so many other incredible incredible people on this journey with you so many of them are here within the mom and the Spectrum Community and if you want to be a part of that it's super easy just click the Subscribe button and you'll stay up to date with all of the cool stuff that we're doing around here the first thing on my list is something that I made a real about last week and it blew up and there were so many comments like oh my gosh me too

okay I have trouble accessing I don't know how else to say it okay accessing part of my brain when anyone else is in my house that might sound wild but if anyone else is here breathing unless it's my cat existing in this space it's like I can't tap into a certain part of myself a certain part of my brain power just going to leave it at that would love to know more in the comments if you experienced this strange phenomenon as well the next thing is understanding how and when to join a conversation and also

how much brain power it takes to continually try to navigate this so it's kind of like I I feel a little silly mentioning this does anybody else have trouble getting on escalators and off escalators cuz I do and I overthink it and I'm like looking watching the stairs like do I get on now do I get on now okay maybe not everybody but that's how it is for me in conversations it's like I'm constantly watching listening trying to ascertain when can I say this and then by the time I find an entry point it's like

the conversation has changed and we're not talking about that anymore the other thing that I'm adding because of comments that came in is also how to leave how to wrap up conversation and leave I don't know how many of you have been stuck in conversations forever because you're like o now I'm just sitting here really awkward I don't have any anything else to say or contribute but I have no idea how to leave the next thing on my list is picking out something to wear that is appropriate and what I mean by that is there's

this intersection it seems like there's kind of three hemispheres that's not possible cuz the hemisphere is okay so there's three different spheres one is the weather according to the weather what should I wear today the other one is my sensory needs you know what is feeling good today do I need something loose do I need something tight and like compression what texture is feeling good to me and then the third thing would be what does the situation actually call for so is this business casual how do I know you know what's how am I supposed

to present in this situation so trying to find the intersection of all three of those things and what to wear is like so overwhelming every day and I actually I have so many cute sweaters that I haven't worn that I got for Christmas my best friend and my mom just like nailed it this year and every year but I tend to just gravitate towards stuff that feels good all the time like this big oversized sweatshirt and this is this is actually my new favorite piece of clothing and I'll this is my comfort sweatshirt I'll put

the link in the description they're one of the companies that I'm an affiliate of um words today and this is like a weighted sweatshirt the the fabric is really thick I have never worn a sweatshirt like it I'm serious so I'll put the link in the description if you like to wear things that feel good all the time and you can get 15% off just by using that link I'm also wearing the sweatpants and yes it is dirty because I haven't washed it cuz I just wear it all the time I mean I have watched

it since I okay we're getting on a tangent here but my executive functioning is low and laundry is hard and I wear this all the time next Point okay the next thing is probably something that you've heard me talk about if you've been around the channel for a while it's having trouble understanding what I'm feeling so this can be referred to as Alexia where you have a hard time putting emotions into words and this is something that autistic people typically struggle with I mean it's a generalization but a lot of us do not only that

but then communicating our feelings so let's say that we do actually figure out how we're feeling congratulations let me know in the comments your tips and tricks for doing this um but then actually putting that into words and sharing it with other people in a way that is well received okay so here's a personal example I can share that might help illustrate this it's a medical example and I'll share just because I know that a lot of us deal with medical issues and have a lot of trouble in that area actually that could be another

invisible struggle that we could add to the list that would be a whole another video okay um so I've been trying to diagnose this pelvic pain or have a medical professional help me diagnose it I've seen many different professionals and all these tests come back negative negative we don't know what it is and I keep saying I think it's a hernia and everybody's like no you'd be like they're very painful you'd be in a lot more pain if this is a hurne and I'm like I am in pain like I'm hurting and it's like how

do you want me to present my pain to you how how should I present it so that you understand that I'm hurting anyways I had an ultrasound uh I requested one finally was like can we please just roll out hernia and there actually we had an ultrasound and they're like there's a hernia and the doctor's like well actually I just got the lab report back okay so it's that feeling of okay taking forever to figure out not that this is an emotion but to figure out how do I communicate this so that it's received and

I got off the topic of emotions a little bit but like being able to identify how you're feeling if you're frustrated upset overwhelmed even happy sometimes it's hard to un understand or register when we're happy so all of those things can be kind of complicated for autistic people and I have another video over Alexa Thia I made it a while ago now cuz I guess I've been a YouTuber for a little while now which is wild and I'll put a link up here to an older video that I did on alexiy if you want to

learn more okay the next one on the list is something that I've come to understand recently as an autistic adult and it is how difficult it is for me to understand expectations at work in relationships societally unless they're explicitly stated you know in school this is what we want you to do and when in relationships this is what I need from you and why you know unless it's specifically explicitly communicated it's really hard for me to infer so you've got to be very blunt and direct with me in terms of what you are needing from

me but then you know let's talk about in the workplace but then once we know those expectations and again this is a generalization but a lot of autistic people once we have those expectations clearly outlined we will be a Workhorse for you we will get done and we will get it done well like the more Direction and expectations you can give us the more we will be able to deliver now demand avoidance comes into play and that's another video that we'll get into later but yes defining expectations so important for autistic people next one on

the list is paying attention or being able to listen when there are extraneous noises and lights in the background so if there's somebody in front of me talking but there's a fluorescent light overhead I'm probably not processing what this person is saying to me all I'm thinking is holy cow that light is so bright but then that feels so bizarre to say out loud and that's why I want to make these videos like if I say I can't hear you the lights are too bright like uh what but you get it you get it if

you're watching this video you probably get it you get it the next one on the list I'm not very happy to share because I wish that I was better at this and I wish it wasn't so much of a struggle but I am really I really struggle with keeping stories concise and to the point and I'll even add interesting I don't know do I want to do that to myself yes I know I can hear myself sometimes and I'm like this story it's not interesting anymore was it ever interesting I don't know but I have

to set it up I have to give you an understanding of why I'm telling it and who's involved and like you have to know you have to know the components of it in order to really get out of it what I want you to get out of it so there's a lot of setup everybody loves a lot of setup right a lot of exposition it's the best that's life with an autistic person is a lot of exposition next one on the list is definitely something I struggle with but somebody added it in the comments and

I had forgotten to put it on my list and I was like yes okay mixing worlds let me explain mixing worlds is what I'm I'm referring to it and the way I'm referring to it is when different groups of people in your life merge I can almost not even talk about it because it's so stressful so so let's say like your co-workers and your family and your best friend it's like I have never interacted with a human before in my life that's traumatic but it's hard to think of a more stressful situation than different friend

groups merging I don't know how to interact with all of them together another thing that I really struggle with is switching my attention in the middle of a task so classic example is being interrupted at home by the kids I'm working on something mom mom mom mom not that anybody's good at it but especially for autistic people again generally speaking being interrupted when you're in a state of hyperfocus and this is especially true for ADHD or audhd people it is like warning sirens going off and you're being like no no no no it's very easy

to trigger um like upset frustration overwhelm maybe you lash out you're angry um so if you do that just know you're not alone it can help to kind of understand the context of why that might be happening in the sense that autistic people once we're focused on something it's this idea of autistic inertia and I can post a video about that as well um autistic inertia is once we start on something we want to keep going on that thing and if we're at a state of rest we want to stay in that state of rest

it's really hard to get out of it so yeah nobody likes to be interrupted when they're focusing but this causes it can cause so much disregulation for an autistic person to the point where I don't know you you might lose words you might start stemming you might just be like oh my gosh why am I so anxious what's happening so it can cause a reaction in us so if you if if this is news to you I hope it helps you kind to understand why why that might be a frustrating experience for you the next

one on the list was sent in again by someone in the comments and I loved it so being responsible for another person now let me explain I believe autistic people generally are completely capable of being responsible for another person good thing because I'm a mother and I have two children and I love them and adore them and they're my world I'm totally capable of it but whenever I am in charge of another human being like chaperoning at school events oh my gosh it's it's all consuming if I'm responsible for another person it's at the expense

of myself and that maybe that sounds obvious maybe you're like yeah if you're in charge of somebody else yes I know but it's like I forget I don't even know how to the words for this maybe somebody can help me in the comments it's just like I had this feeling when I became a mother and it's going to sound so generalized okay but autistic people help me put words to this is just this realization that like my life will never be the same like I will never not be in charge of another human being and

in this way it's like a part of my brain is always switched on and yes it's that's true for non autistic parents as well listic parents as well but there's something about being in charge of another person for an autistic person it's just I think we have this sense of Duty this sense of responsibility and Justice generalizations I'm making but it it just goes into hyperdrive when we're in charge of another person and it is like so exhausting so it's been really hard for me to admit that things like School field trips those are those

are incredible L difficult for me not because I can't do it you know but I I look back and my mom was at everything at school she lived up at school she was at all the events and I thought that I would just step into that like oh that's what moms do but it is so freaking hard for me to do that and again it's not because I can't it's just because it takes such an incredible deal of concentration and focus from me that I'm depleted afterwards so I just have to be extra careful about

the things that I say yes to especially when it involves being responsible for other people the next one on the list got a lot of feedback from people in the comments when I originally posted this on Instagram um eating in front of other people this is so difficult for me I don't like it so there's so much sensory overwhelm because food can be a very overwhelming experience eating can be a very overwhelming experience for an autistic person period even when they're by themselves because of the texture the food quality the flavors the smells it's a

very sensory experience but then you add in the social component of having another person with you juggling the conversation another person who is also chewing and making sounds and then watching you so this idea that I've talked about on the channel a little bit of being perceived another person is now watching you and aware of you while you eat and that can really just mess with an autistic person's brain so a lot of feedback on that in the comments I'm curious to hear how else that affects others in our community cuz yeah it seems like

this is thing eating in front of other people is really difficult oh and by the way I keep forgetting to mention this this is my omnipresent fidget that I always have on my desk it's an Ono roller and it's totally silent it has a great weight to it I I use it all the time I'll put a link in the description and there's a discount code if you want to check into it for yourself I love it okay I added this one to the list kind of last minute I have trouble with thinking small let

me unpack this one thing that I've come to love about the autistic brain is that we're so good good at making connections and I think there's even been studies of this done of I I don't have the specific studies to point to but where our brain will just like light up with connections it's kind of like when you see a power grid on the map and all the lights are like across the city just so if somebody suggests something it's like I can't just keep it small and do that one thing wish I had a

good example for this but um it's like immediately once I start thinking about it or approaching the idea or the project or the task it's like it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and I'm going to do it really well and I'm going to do it really thoroughly and it's going to be at a really high level but then you mix this in with the ADHD like hyperfocus and it can get really out of hand really quickly in the sense of like this was supposed to be a 5

minute task and now it's taken 3 weeks you know and that's not even an exaggeration like there's some things I've wanted to do for the channel whether that's a video or a resource where it's like Taylor this is going to be one PDF and now it's like a 10 video series you know so yeah I have trouble taking an idea task responsibility anything and keeping it small maybe that plays into the responsibility of watching others like I just can't that's not like a small thing it's just like okay anyways I'm stressing myself out next one

on the list a very important thing that I love to talk about on the channel something that's difficult for me is knowing what I want and what I need this can be a really hard thing for autistic people and I'm not a medical professional but I believe that this experience of having trouble identifying what we want and need within the autistic Community a lot of times can stem from trauma it can stem from people pleasing it can stem from being hypervigilant and always on Guard we're always trying to be aware of what other people want

and expect and need from us to the point that we don't actually ask ourselves what we want and need and when we get used to doing that rediscovering what we want and need can feel like this insur insurmountable challenge of when did I ever know what I wanted or needed so I'm here for you with that like a lot of the videos that I create and a lot of things I'm wanting to explore here in 2025 are working on helping us identify what we want and need because what what what is life if we don't

know what we want or need right let's start identifying those things and bringing them into our lives I'm here to help you with that I actually do have a current offering that I can plug here I wasn't even thinking about this it's called unstuck ay your life so this is kind of if you like kind of worksheets and questions and papers that you can fill in with answers I'll put a link in the description to unstuck ify your life which a big component of that is figuring out what you want and need so check it

out if that resonates with you next one on the list is one that I added again based on something sent in from the community that's being able to process multiple questions in a row okay hold up you just okay let's focus on the first question okay let's talk about that and then we'll go to second if you start hitting me with just question after a question I will just slowly kind of and then leave the conversation mentally but you'll be like where did Taylor go she's here but she's not talking to me don't ask me

multiple questions in a row please and now that I'm thinking about it when I when I'm trying to figure out how to enter a conversation a lot of times for a lack of better word neurotypicals will do this where they'll ask each other a question and like they'll start answering it but then they don't ever finish it and somebody else will jump in with a diff with a new idea okay now I'm new idea and it's like well okay but that was a good qu ah another one from the comments getting stuck on a metaphor

that someone shares in conversation and then losing track of the conversation I also wanted to add idiom in here so like different turns of phrases like um I guess is an idiom an apple a day keeps the doctor away stuff like that where people will just say stuff and you're like wait how I idioms are so confusing to me and if you share one or like this person in the comments mentioned with the metaphor if you insert one of those into the conversation it's like hang on hang on hang on hang on how do we

get here how does this fit okay I'm good and then by the time I'm back in the conversation it's like Oh wait we're not here anymore we're not here anymore idioms are so weird and lately when I try to State an idiom because I've been now that you mention it um I've been thinking a lot about idioms and I've heard them all my life and lately when I've tried to like restate an idiom I can't do it correctly it's like I I've heard it a million times and I can hear it in my brain but

like I can't find the words say it correctly does that make sense to anybody else okay let's keep going oh my gosh following verbal instructions like I've just now started to realize how overwhelming that is to me I mean I've always known it's overwhelming but as soon as someone starts on something like that I'm like okay either please write this down or let me get a pen and pencil or let me put this on my pen and pencil paper and pencil and let me or let me you know type this on my notepad on my

phone because I no and then the last one I think so many of you are going to be like um I'm picturing the meme or the GIF I say GIF instead of GIF whatever of David Rose from shitz Creek where he's going okay so the last one I'm picturing everyone doing that the last thing on the list that's a struggle for me and apparently others autistic people thank you is not correcting people when they share something that's factually incorrect it's like I know it's not it might not even change anything in the conversation it might

not make anything better it might not maybe they can share the whole point that they need to share without me needing to correct it and it'll be fine and everybody will survive but I guess it's kind of like when somebody shares an idiom okay then I'm not thinking about anything else that somebody that you're saying until we figure out okay why did you share that statistic that's not our that's not actually true that's not what happened you know it's like okay I don't know anything else that you're saying now so can we go back to

that please and then sometimes people think we're being mean or snarky or whatever it's like no it's just there's if it's not right it's like it's nothing against you it's not a judgment against you I'm not judge I don't think that you're dumb or stupid or whatever I just like can we just need to fix it it's just okay got to shake it off might need some emotional regulation over here to help me process the frustrations that I I guess willingly voluntarily brought up for myself by making this list but at least I'll be an

a comfortable weighted hoodie while I figure it out so let me know in the comments which ones resonated with you and which ones you'd add to the list like the video subscribe and I'll see you in the next one bye