I WAS DRIPPING, MY LEGS TREMBLING, AND I COULDN’T EVEN STAND PROPERLY AFTERWARD - Infidelity Stories

do you always let your seat belt do the driving Ryan's teasing voice broke the silence in the driveway as he leaned against the passenger door of my car a crooked grin playing on his lips I looked up from the driver's seat where I had been battling a stubborn seat belt that refused to budge very funny I said dryly tugging at the strap again it's stuck I've been trying to fix it for 10 minutes Ryan chuckled his dark eyes sparkling with Amusement move over he said opening the door and motioning for me to scoop back let

me handle this before you injure yourself I hesitated unsure if I wanted him so close but the seat belt wasn't going to fix itself and Ryan had a knack for solving problems with an ease that always managed to make me feel both grateful and mildly annoyed fine I said sliding back slightly but be careful it's before I could finish he ducked into the car his body leaning over mine as he reached for the seat belt the space between us evaporated in an instant I could feel the heat radiating off him the faint scent of his

cologne woodsy and clean wrapping around me his arm brushed against my shoulder as he worked to free the jammed buckle and I held my breath suddenly hyperaware of every inch of him there's your problem he muttered his voice low as he tugged at the strap his face was inches from mine and when he glanced at me his eyes met mine in a moment that felt far longer than it should have you okay he asked his voice softer now almost hesitant I nodded quickly looking away just just hurry up Ryan smirked but didn't say anything his

Focus shifting back to the seat belt after a few more seconds he freed it with a triumphant click there he said sitting back slightly but still close enough that I could feel his presence good as new thanks I said my voice quieter than I intended he didn't move right away instead his gaze lingered on on me his expression unreadable but charged with something I couldn't quite name my heart was racing and I hated how much I wanted to stay in that moment how much I wanted to let myself lean into him but I didn't shouldn't

we get going I asked forcing a lightness into my tone as I glanced at the clock Ryan blinked as if snapping out of a trance and nodded yeah letun go the car ride was quieter than usual Ryan usually filled the Silence with stories about his day or playful banter that never failed to make me laugh but tonight he seemed distracted his hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than usual I wanted to ask him what was wrong but I was afraid of what he might say afraid of what it might mean so instead I

stared out the window pretending not to notice the way his eyes flicked toward me every so often as if he wanted to say something but didn't know how by the time we reached the family gathering the tension between us had sett settled into an uneasy truce Ryan opened my door for me his hand brushing mine as he helped me out of the car the touch was brief but it sent a spark up my arm that I couldn't ignore thanks I said my voice barely above a whisper he nodded his gaze holding mine for a moment

longer than necessary anytime as we walked toward the house I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted between us something I wasn't ready to face later that night as I lay in bed I replayed the moment in the car over and over again the way his arm had brushed against mine the warmth of his body so close to mine the intensity in his eyes when he looked at me it was all too much I told myself it was nothing that I was imagining things that I was reading too much into a simple act of

kindness but deep down I knew better something had changed and I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop it Ryan didn't stay away for long the morning after the family gathering I was in the middle of tidying up the living room when I heard a knock at the door my heart jumped a silly reaction really but I couldn't deny the thrill that ran through me when I opened the door to find him standing there a confident grin on his face good morning he said holding up a paper bag thought you might like some coffee good

morning I replied trying to keep my voice even you didn't have to do that he Shrugged stepping inside as if he belonged there I was driving by anyway I raised an eyebrow but said nothing taking the coffee he handed me I wasn't sure why he'd stopped by so early or why my chest felt tight with both anticipation and unease Ryan didn't seem to notice or maybe he did and chose to ignore it he settled onto the couch stretching out like he owned the place and gestured for me to sit down so what's on your agenda

today he asked his tone casual just some cleaning I replied sitting down across from him the usual you should let me help he said leaning forward I don't need help I said quickly maybe not he said his voice softening but you don't always have to do everything on your own there was something in his tone something gentle but firm that made my chest tighten I looked away focusing on the coffee cup in my hands I'm fine Ryan I said quietly are you he asked his voice barely above a whisper the question caught me off guard

and when I looked up his eyes were steady on mine there was no teasing in his expression no hint of the playful charm he usually carried he looked serious concerned I'm fine I repeated though the words felt Hollow even as I said them the silence between us stretched heavy but not uncomfortable Ryan leaned back on the couch his gaze never leaving mine you know you can talk to me right he said after a moment I know I replied my voice softer now good he said a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth because

I'm not going anywhere his words were simple but they carried a weight that left me momentarily speechless I nodded unable to think of anything to say and sipped my coffee to hide the sudden flush in my cheeks as the morning turned into afternoon Ryan stayed he helped me sort through some old boxes in the Attic joking about the dusty knick-knacks we found and making me laugh more than I had in weeks at one point as we both reached for the same box hand brushed against mine it was such a small thing but the warmth of

his touch sent a shiver through me I glanced at him and the look in his eyes made my breath catch sorry he said softly though he didn't pull his hand away immediately it's okay I said quickly stepping back to put some distance between us but the moment lingered the air between us charged with something unspoken later as we sat on the porch with glasses of iced tea Ryan leaned back in his chair his gaze fixed on the horizon you know he said his voice thoughtful it's nice being here with you I glanced at him surprised

by the sudden shift in tone what do you mean I don't know he said with a shrug I just I feel like I can be myself when I'm here like I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not his words struck a cord in me and I felt my chest tighten that's a good thing I said softly yeah he said his gaze shifting to mine it is for a moment we just looked at each other the silence between us filled with something I couldn't quite name when Ryan finally left that evening the house felt

quieter than it had in a long time I stood by the window watching as his truck disappeared down the driveway and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was changing between us something I wasn't sure I was ready for I told myself it was nothing that I was imagining things but the truth was impossible to ignore Ryan wasn't just my late husband's son anymore he was Ryan kind charming and attentive in a way that made me feel seen in a way I hadn't felt in years and no matter how much I tried to deny it

I couldn't ignore the way he made me feel alive the days that followed felt like a slow unraveling Ryan kept finding reasons to stop by bringing groceries I didn't ask for fixing things around the house that didn't really need fixing and staying just long enough to make my heart race every time he was near he had a way of filling the Silence with easy conversation his voice a warm and steady presence that made the house feel less empty but it was the moments between the words the lingering glances the way his hand would brush against

mine the way he stood just a little too close that made it impossible for me to ignore what was happening I tried to tell myself it was nothing he was just being kind attentive the way he always had been but deep down I knew knew better one evening Ryan called me from the driveway I'm outside he said his voice calm but with an edge of something I couldn't quite Place thought you might want to go for a drive a drive I asked surprised yeah he said it's a nice night clear skies we could head out

to the lake I hesitated but the idea of sitting alone in the house felt unbearable give me 5 minutes I said hanging up before I could overthink it the drive to the lake was quiet at first the radio played softly in the background and Ryan's hands gripped the steering wheel as if he were holding on to something much heavier than the car when we reached the lake he pulled off onto a small dirt road that led to a secluded spot by the water the moon hung low in the sky its light reflecting off the surface

of the lake in shimmering ripples Ryan turned off the engine and leaned back in his seat staring out at the water I used to come here with Dad he said softly we'd fish sit by the fire it was peaceful I nodded my chest tightening At The Mention of his father he loved this place I said my voice barely above a whisper Ryan turned to look at me his expression unreadable so did you he said the weight of his words hung in the air between us and I felt my breath hitch I turned away staring out

at the lake but I could feel his Gaze on me Steady and unyielding after a while Ryan got out of the truck and walked toward the water I followed the cool night air brushing against my skin as I stepped onto the soft grass he stood with his hands in his pockets staring out at the lake I've been thinking a lot lately he said his voice quiet but firm about what I asked though I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer about you he said simply my heart pounded in my chest and I looked down

unable to meet his gaze Ryan I know what you're going to say he said stepping closer that it's complicated that it's wrong but I don't care I turned to face him my breath catching at the intensity in his eyes you should care I said my voice trembling why he asked his voice soft but insistent because other people might not understand because it doesn't fit into some neat little box yes I said though the word felt Hollow even as I spoke it Ryan reached for my hand his touch gentle but firm do you feel it too

he asked his voice barely above a whisper I closed my eyes my chest tightening as I tried to find the strength to deny it but the truth was impossible to ignore yes I admitted my voice cracking the admission hung in the air between us heavy and electric Ryan stepped closer his free hand brushing against my cheek and I felt my defenses crumble then stop fighting it he said softly before I could think better of it his lips met mine in a kiss that was equal parts tender and urgent his hand slid to my waist pulling

me closer and I felt myself melt into him the world around us Fading Into nothingness for a moment there was no guilt no doubt no fear only the warmth of his touch the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against mine and the overwhelming sense of being alive when we finally pulled away I was breathless my hands gripping his arms as if to steady myself Ryan rested his forehead against mine his hand still holding me as if you were afraid to let go this is crazy I whispered my voice trembling maybe he said his lips brushing against

my temple but it's real his words sent a shiver through me and I knew he was right it was real terrifyingly undeniably real the drive back was quieter than the drive out Ryan kept his hand on the gearshift his fingers occasionally brushing against mine every time it happened my heart skipped a beat but I didn't pull away when we reached my house he walked me to the door his hand resting lightly on my back are you okay okay he asked softly his gaze searching mine I nodded though my thoughts were anything but calm I'll see

you tomorrow he smiled the kind of smile that made my chest ache you couldn't stop me if you tried that night as I lay in bed I couldn't stop thinking about the way his hands had felt on my skin the way his voice had sounded when he said my name the way he had looked at me as if I were the only thing in the world that mattered it was dangerous it was wrong but it was also the most alive I had felt in years the next evening Ryan showed up unannounced I had just finished

cleaning up after dinner the house quiet except for the faint hum of the dishwasher when I opened the door and saw him standing there his hair slightly tsled from the wind I felt that same familiar jolt in my chest you didn't call I said softly stepping aside to let him in I didn't think I needed to he replied his voice calm but with an undertone that sent a shiver through me he carried a bottle of wine holding it up with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes thought you might want some company I hesitated

my fingers tightening on the edge of the door but the truth was I didn't want to be alone not tonight I'll grab some glasses I said leading him into the kitchen we sat in the living room the bottle of wine between us on the coffee table Ryan poured the first glass for me his movements slow and deliberate the way he looked at me as he handed it over made my pulse Quicken to what are we toasting to I asked my voice unsteady he leaned back on the couch his glass in hand and gave me a

small knowing smile to honesty he said simply I swallowed hard feeling the weight of his gaze honesty I repeated raising my glass we drank in silence for a while the soft glow of the lamp casting warm Shadows on the walls I tried to focus on anything but him the ticking clock the faint sound of the wind outside but it was impossible to ignore the tension building between us you're quiet tonight he said breaking the silence I'm just tired I replied though we both knew it wasn't true liar he said softly his tone teasing but his

eyes serious I looked away my fingers tightening around the stem of my glass Ryan don't he interrupted gently don't push me away his words hung in the air heavy and unrelenting I set my glass down my hands trembling slightly and when I looked at him the vulnerability in his expression undid me I'm not trying to push you away I said quietly I just don't know what to do with this this he repeated leaning forward what is this Linda tell me I hesitated the words catching in my throat but the way he looked at me patient

and unyielding made it impossible to deny what we both already knew it's something I can't ignore I admitted finally then don't he said simply before I could think better of it he reached across the space between us his hand covering mine the warmth of his touch sent a shock wave through me and I felt my breath hitch as his thumb traced slow circles over my Knuckles you're allowed to want this he said softly to want me the raw honesty in his words broke something inside me and before I could stop myself I leaned forward my

lips capturing his in a kiss that was hesitant at first but quickly deepened Ryan didn't hesitate his hand moved to the back of my neck pulling me closer and I felt myself give in completely the world around us faded into nothingness leaving only the heat of his touch the softness of his lips and the overwhelming sense of being alive somehow we ended up in my bedroom I couldn't remember how we got there only the way his hands moved over me with a reverence that made my heart ache he paused for a moment his forehead resting

against mine as he whispered are you sure I nodded my hands gripping his shirt as if to Anchor myself yes I said my voice barely audible What followed was a blur of warmth and connection every touch and kiss weaving a tapestry of intimacy that left no room for doubt Ryan was patient attentive and the way he looked at me like I was the only thing in the world made tears prick at the corners of my eyes for the first time in years I felt seen Truly Deeply seen afterward we lay Tangled together on the soft

glow of the bedside lamp Ryan's arm was draped over my waist his fingers tracing lazy patterns on my skin are you okay he asked softly his voice low and soothing I nodded my head resting against his chest I think so I said though my mind was a whirlwind of emotions I couldn't yet name you don't have to decide anything right now he said his lips brushing against my temple just know that I'm here no matter what his words brought tears to my eyes and I closed them tightly trying to hold on to the moment for

as long as I could but as the first light of dawn crept into the room reality began to settle over me the weight of what we had done pressed down on me like a stone and I couldn't ignore the questions that began to swirl in my mind when Ryan stirred beside me his eyes fluttering open he smiled softly his hand brushing against my cheek good morning he said his voice rough with sleep morning I replied though my voice trembled slightly he seemed to sense my unease his smile fading as his gaze searched mine are you

okay I don't know I admitted my voice barely above a whisper later as I stood by the window watching him drive away the house felt quieter than it ever had before I wrapped my arms around myself the memory of his touch still lingering on my skin I knew we had crossed a line that couldn't be uncrossed and the weight of that realization was almost suffocating but beneath the fear and doubt there was something else a flicker of Hope fragile but insistent for the first time in years I felt like I was standing on the edge

of something new something terrifying something wonderful the day after I couldn't focus my hands trembled as I folded the laundry the feel of Ryan's touch still Vivid against my skin every room in the house seemed to Echo with his presence and my mind replayed every moment from the night before I had crossed a line I never thought I'd cross and while a part of me felt alive in a way I hadn't in years the weight of guilt and uncertainty pressed down on me like a stone when my phone buzzed on the counter I jumped nearly

dropping the shirt I was holding Ryan can I see you later I stared at the message my heart pounding part of me wanted to say no to give myself time to think to breathe but the thought of him of the way he had looked at me made it impossible to resist me okay he arrived that evening just as the sun was dipping below the Horizon I opened the door to find him standing there his expression calm but serious hi I said softly stepping aside to let him in hi he replied his voice equally quiet we

stood there for a moment the silence between us heavy but not uncomfortable finally Ryan broke it are you okay he asked his gaze searching mine I don't know I admitted my voice trembling I feel conflicted I get that he said stepping closer but I don't regret it not for a second his honesty made my chest tighten and I looked away unable to hold his gaze Ryan this is so complicated I whispered only if we let it be he said his voice steady we sat down on the couch and Ryan leaned forward his elbows resting on

his knees talk to me he said tell me what you're thinking I hesitated my hands twisting together in my lap I'm scared I admitted finally of what he asked gently of everything I said my voice breaking of what people will think of what this means of losing you you're not going to lose me he said firmly his hand covering mine I'm here Linda I'm not going anywhere the certainty in his voice made tears prick at the corners of my eyes how can you be so sure I asked my voice barely above a whisper because I

know what I want he said simply and I want you before I could respond Ryan reached out his fingers brushing against my cheek the touch was so gentle so full of tenderness that it made my breath catch you don't have to make any decisions right now he said softly but you don't have to push me away either his words broke something inside me and before I could stop myself I leaned into him my forehead resting against his I don't know how to do this I whispered we'll figure it out he said his voice steady together

when his lips met mine the kiss was slow and deliberate as if he were trying to reassure me without words his hands slid to my waist pulling me closer and I felt myself give in completely the world outside faded into nothingness leaving only the warmth of his touch and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against mine we moved together like we had the night before but this time it felt different more deliberate more certain every kiss every touch was a reminder that I wasn't alone that I didn't have to carry the weight of my doubts

by myself afterward we lay Tangled together on the couch couch the soft glow of the lamp casting warm Shadows on the walls Ryan's arm was draped over my shoulders his fingers tracing lazy patterns on my skin are you okay he asked softly his voice low and soothing I nodded my head resting against his chest I think so I said though my mind was still a whirlwind of emotions you don't have to be scared he said pressing a kiss to the top of my head we'll take it one step at a time his words were meant

to comfort me but the weight of what we done was impossible to ignore the days that followed were a mix of Quiet Moments and unspoken tension Ryan continued to visit his presence a constant reassurance but as comforting as it was to have him near I couldn't shake the fear that lingered in the back of my mind what would happen if someone found out what would people say one evening as we sat on the porch Ryan turned to me his expression serious I've been thinking he said about what I asked my chest tightening about us he

said about what this means I looked away my fingers twisting together in my lap it's not that simple Ryan I said softly it can be he said if we let it be his words stayed with me long after he left that night I knew he was right that the only thing standing in our way was my fear but letting go of that fear felt impossible like stepping off the edge of a cliff without knowing if there would be anything to catch me the next time Ryan came over over he didn't bring groceries or a toolbox

he brought a question what do you want Linda he asked his voice steady but filled with emotion not what you think you're supposed to want what do you actually want the question was simple but the answer wasn't I looked at him my chest tightening as I tried to find the words I don't know I admitted finally then figure it out he said his hand covering mine because I'm not going anywhere and I'll wait as long as as it takes as he left that night I stood by the window watching his truck disappear down the driveway

the house felt quieter than ever the weight of his words settling over me like a heavy blanket I didn't know what I wanted but I knew I couldn't keep running from the truth the morning after Ryan's visit I woke to a quiet house the sunlight streaming through the curtains felt warmer than usual but it did little to ease the heaviness in my chest his question from the night before go in my mind what do you actually want for years I had lived my life according to the expectations of others first as Bill's wife then as

the stepmother who kept the family together after his passing but in Ryan's gaze in his words I saw a challenge to break free from those constraints the problem was I didn't know if I had the courage to take the leap I spent the day busying myself with household chores trying to avoid the inevitable spiral of doubt and fear fear that loomed over me but the memories of the last week kept creeping in the way Ryan's hands felt when they brushed against mine the softness in his voice when he reassured me the way he looked at

me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered by the time the sun dipped below the Horizon I had reached a breaking point I couldn't live in limbo anymore I picked up my phone and dialed Ryan's number he answered after the first ring Linda his voice was calm but there was an undercurrent of concern can you come over I asked my voice trembling slightly I'll be there in 10 minutes he said without hesitation true to his word Ryan arrived quickly when I opened the door he stepped inside without waiting for an invitation

his eyes searching mine what's wrong he asked his voice steady but gentle nothing I said softly stepping back to let him in I just I needed to see you relief washed over his face and he nodded his lips curving into a faint smile I'm here we moved to the living room where he sat beside me on the couch his knee brushing against mine the closeness felt comforting grounding and for the first time in days I felt like I could breathe I've been thinking about what you said I began my voice barely above a whisper Ryan

turned to face me fully his gaze intent and and you're right I admitted my throat tightening I've spent so much time worrying about what other people think about what's right and wrong that I've forgotten to ask myself what I actually want his hand found mine his fingers lacing through mine in a gesture so simple yet so profound that it made my chest ache and what do you want he asked softly I took a deep breath my heart pounding in my chest I want this I said my voice trembling I want you but I'm scared Ryan

I don't know how to do this we'll figure it out he said his voice steady and reassuring together for a moment we sat in Silence the weight of My Confession settling between us then Ryan leaned forward his forehead resting against mine you're not alone he whispered you don't have to do this alone the tears I had been holding back spilled over and I closed my eyes letting the weight of his words wash over me for the first time in years I felt like I could let go of the guilt the fear the expectations when I

opened my eyes Ryan was watching me his expression open and unguarded I'll follow your lead he said softly whatever you decide I'm here that night as we sat together on the couch I realized that the answer to Ryan's question had been there all along what I wanted wasn't just him it was the freedom to live my life on my terms to embrace the love that had been quietly growing between us no matter how unconventional it might seem I didn't know what the future held but for the first time in a long time I wasn't afraid

to find out oh a week later Ryan suggested we take a weekend trip just the two of us a fresh start he called it his eyes bright with hope I hesitated at first the weight of my doubts still lingering but as I looked at him at the steady reassurance in his gaze I felt a flicker of Courage okay I said finally his smile was immediate and the way he pulled me into his arms made my heart feel lighter than it had in years the day we left for the trip I stood by the window watching

as Ryan loaded the car the house was quiet behind me but for the first time the silence didn't feel oppressive as I stepped outside the sunlight warmed my skin and I felt a sense of hope I hadn't allowed myself to feel in a long time Ryan held the car door open for me his smile soft but full of Promise ready he asked I nodded my chest tightening with both anticipation and a sense of possibility letun go I said stepping into the car and buckling my seat belt this time I didn't need him to fix it

for me