Make her work for it: don't just hand it over

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is make her work for it so you've probably heard the fact that women disproportionately end relationships like they break up and divorce at significantly higher rates than men do now there are many many reasons why that might be the case but today I'm going to talk about a relatively unappreciated one namely most women don't have to work for the relationships they have what do I mean by that women make men work for sex they are not just

handing sex out on street corners to all interested parties women demand that men be sufficiently attractive which could take years of hard work that they engage her emotions and demonstrate authentic interest for the person inside her body and buy her drinks and meals and make an effort and wait until she feels ready at etc etc on the other hand men often do not make women work for investment I mean that in a lot of cases men are offering women relationships resources attention and commitment on a silver platter men will jump through their own butts trying

to give a woman what they think she wants in order to secure a sexual relationship with her they surrender the duties and privileges of gatekeeping the relationship in their unwillingness to potentially jeopardize the sexual opportunity Now relationships aren't much different from many things in life it's easy come easy go if it doesn't take much effort if it doesn't take much sacrifice if it doesn't take much resilience for a woman to secure a relationship with a man she is not going to Value it very much this not only means that she is more likely to end

a relationship she hasn't really worked for relative to a man but that she will likely end a relationship sooner and with less provocation as well on the other hand a woman who has worked to secure a relationship and has done so at some cost to herself isn't going to throw it away at the first sign of trouble she is much more likely to try to make it work because she's pot committed that's a term from poker it means that you've already bet enough of your money that you functionally have to play the hand For Better

or Worse most women are not pot committed because most men don't give them the opportunity to invest so what can men do instead I'm so happy you asked men if your goal is to have a peaceful satisfying relationship with a woman you need a woman who really wants to be there she needs to think that you are her very best option and she needs to be highly attracted to you when these two things are in place she is going to perceive being with you to be intrinsically valuable and a privilege and this will motivate her

to make an effort to secure and maintain the relationship remember people don't think that things that are given freely are valuable this is just how perception works like expensive things aren't necessarily better but the more expensive something is the more likely we think that it's good research has even shown that more expensive placebos are more effective than less expensive place this means that a woman cannot perceive your commitment to be free in fact the more expensive it is to her the more valuable she will perceive it to be and the more she will desire it

all things being equal you have to make her work for it if you appreciate the insights on this channel I would highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of my book the value of others over the course of 432 pages I delve deep into my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual Marketplace once you read the value of others

you'll never look at relationships the same way again now available an ebook audio book and paperback formats the links are in the description now the way to do that as a man in the sexual Marketplace the way to encourage women to make an effort is to practice Catch and Release don't focus on women and absolutely do not Target one to the exclusion of all others instead focus on being attractive to many women to ascending to your captaincy to building an emotionally compelling lifestyle to understanding seduction and intersexual Dynamics women will circulate in your Ambit and

if like you can initiate sexual relationships with them and just leave it at that if a woman wants more then she'll have to work for it just like you had to work for it in order to get laid it's actually kind of fair both sides get to gatekeep it's just that in the Modern Age where sex precedes commitment women gatekeep first which can lead less successful men to conclude that men don't gatekeep at all the legendary Patrice O'Neal had this great bit about how men like to fish for sport which is very different from fishing

for food I'll put a link to his routine in the description it's definitely worth checking out if you haven't seen it they catch the fish because it's exciting and fun and pleasurable to catch fish and then they throw it back into the water now some fish are going to be upset at being put back into the water they will feel as though they were just a passing object of the fisherman's fancy and resent being hauled out of their element but to be fair these fish often did little to hook the fishermen which is why they

were potentially thrown back into the water they just thought it was enough to be caught which isn't true however every once in a while some fish that was put back into the water is g to jump back into your boat now men you don't have to have a relationship with any old fish that jumps back into your boat again women don't just give sex to every guy who makes an effort but you absolutely should only choose to have a relationship with fish that jump back into your boat these fish are making an effort and doing

so at some cost or expense to themselves after all there are presumably other boats they could have potentially jumped into the benefits of doing this should be obvious a fish that is chasing you isn't leaving you like it's not physically possible to do both at the same time a fish that is investing in you isn't criticizing you it's very difficult for people to put something down that they've poured their heart and soul into in fact they will typically go out of their way to reframe their flaws and failures as features and virtues men who insist

that women demonstrate through their actions a repeated commitment to securing a relationship at some cost or expense are significant ific more likely to end up with women who value the relationship this is because these women literally created that value through their investment do not Rob women of the opportunity to do this finally these men also understand that any woman who bul at the necessity of making the effort does not really want the relationship and therefore is not worth the men's investment women insist that you invest before sex and sex in today's Marketplace is insanely cheap

men you need to insist that women invest before commitment it is the far more valuable commodity a fish that doesn't want to jump back into the boat wants you to join it at the bottom of the sea don't let Sebastian fool you it's better on the boat it is better on the yacht than in the cold dark oce and the fish know this that's why they let themselves get caught so do not go down to the fish have the fish come up to you and any fish that doesn't want to do that can keep swimming

around in the ocean they're not worth getting wet for do you understand men this is your best chance of securing a loving and satisfying relationship with a woman choose someone who has made the consistent repeated effort to choose you give her the opportunity to jump back onto the boat and until that happens don't take it personally if a fish swims away just keep on with the Catch and Release and enjoy your day on the water it'll happen eventually what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below

and please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message as its Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow and anyone looking to join my free Weekly News newsletter or book a paid consultation can do so on my website the links to everything are down below as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening