MURDER DRONES - Episode 2: Heartbeat

[upbeat techno music plays] ♪♪ [insects chirping] [thunder rumbles] - [James] We've got to curb her trips to the dump. [thunder crashes] And where is she getting the hair to play dress-up with them? Creepy.

[mysterious music plays] ♪♪ [thunder rumbling] ♪♪ [insects chirping] ♪♪ [both holler] - Oh! I-I'm so sorry -- - It's okay. I-I wasn't looking.

[gasps] ♪♪ - [wails] - [scoffs] Move it, moro-- [sickly sweet] Hiiii, Tessa! Oh, no. Another one?

[mechanical gears whir softly] ♪♪ - [gasps] [hollers] [grunts] - [Uzi] [muffled] N, I found something in here! [mysterious music plays] ♪♪ - That's weird and concerning. - Bite me.

This is probably you weirdos' fault. - I've never seen that symbol before. Wanna do an autopsy to find out?

- What'd you find? - Did you know that was a pilot hat? - I was the pilot?

! That's aweso-- I-I crashed and ruined everything. Spaceship pilot.

Origin story. - [hisses] Speaking of piloting to Earth, are we sure "murder all humans" is, uh. .

. [hisses through teeth] . .

. "morality"? - The humans sent you without a communication relay and reformatted your memories to soup.

Covering their tracks means they're past negotiating. Not like they tried negotiating with my mom. - Or, you missed the negotiations.

The humans programmed us to solve a problem. Where's proof of your backstory? The one where your kind's so conveniently innocent.

[giggles] - J was getting orders from someone. If not the company through that relay, then, uh, who? And how?

- [grumbles] Quit complicating my murder plan. ♪♪ [wind whooshing] - Yeah, just fix 'er up, 'cause -- whoops. Pretty big security risk, in hindsight.

Eh, you got this, uh. . .

"LadderBot 5000"? - [groans] Please just leave the light-- [sighs] [tools clanging] [wind whooshing] [ominous music] ♪♪ [metal clanks] ♪♪ [metal clanks] Guh! [tools clank] Eee!

[metal clanking softly] ♪♪ [heartbeat pulsing] ♪♪ [alarm blaring] [hollers] ♪♪ [steam hissing] ♪♪ [screams] [wet squelching] [blade slicing] [mellow elevator muzak playing over speakers] [door hisses] - Mr Doorman. Your daughter has been, uh. .

. absent. - Yes.

On that "kill all humans" kick -- like when I was younger. Grounded herself, and all that. - Speaking on her behavior -- - Of course, of course.

Precocious; popular; supernatural understanding of doors. Takes after her old man. - Uzi, please sit normal.

- Bite me. - Uzi. [groans] Give Braiden back his sentience.

- Bite me -- [sighs] Her. I started it. And also, I'm dumb.

- Uzi, you have to partner up. - Several people wanted to, for the record. - No, we didn't.

You freak us out. - But mostly, bite me. - Yeah, she has trouble fitting in.

We think there might be something damaged with her programming. Ho-- How is she at home? - Uh, s-sorry?

I mean, she's a little "herself," but "damaged"? I-I-I m-maybe haven't spent much time, uh -- - Mm. Mm-hmm.

- Mr Doorman, sir? T-There's been an. .

. . .

. Incident. - Ugh, I'm sweaty!

Who programmed that? ! - You good, Uzi?

- I'm good. Better than good. I am God!

[laughs nervously] - Hi -- Hi, Thad. Uh, thank you. - [chuckles] Of course, Zi.

N-and-M's. You saved my life. I-I don't think the colony is even serious about all this banishment stuff.

Uh, more just confused -- especially with -- - The fact I'm too rogue to re-enter society now? I can never return. - The recent disappearances?

A-And your murder-friend's corpse? When I went to grab your gun, it kind of looked like it. .

. crawled away? - We can return a little?

[water dripping] [light bulbs humming] - Yo, LadderBot 5000? We looked everywhere for you. - [glitched scream] [distorted, slowed speech] Hello, Tim.

Care to join me? - Join you standing eerily still over there in suspiciously low resolution? - Yeeeess?

- A'ight. [hollers] [gasps] [screams] [screaming frantically] [wet squelching] - [distorted speech] Flawless character acting, me. - Improv game for more practice?

- [chuckles] We are a monster. [suspenseful music plays] ♪♪ - Welcome back, Thad. Eh -- Uh, wait.

Isn't she grounded, or something? - Ugh, banished! Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?

- Genocide robot? ♪♪ Ohhh, all right. Just don't do it again.

Get in here, ya goobs. [ominous music plays] ♪♪ - Yeah, where's Khan? 'Cause this looks, uh.

. [cringes] . .

. non-ideal. - Parent-teacher conference?

Something about his daughter being more important than building a door in this hallway. Ugh. Kind of cringe.

- Eww, yea-- [gags] Oh, give me a minute. Ah, yeah. Okay.

Almost threw up. - You good? - I'm good.

Stop asking. ♪♪ - Any forensic. .

. things. .

. over there? Do we have fingerprints?

[menacing music plays] ♪♪ - I mean, you don't think it's my. . .

parenting, do you? I left her for dead ONCE. It sounds like she's bored in your class, and the other kids suck.

Call her damaged again, and I will install a door on your face! - Where are your folks? ♪♪ - [speaking Russian] - That was the joke, idiot.

[knocking on door] That girl is. . .

gorgeous, right? I'm gonna let her in. [suspenseful music plays] ♪♪ - You guys.

. . .

. . do that often?

- Ha-ha, no. I'm very concerned, but, also. .

. pretty frightened, a little bit. - Hey, Zi!

What's this thing? - Hey, isn't that your special eye? - Don't call it that.

♪♪ 'Absolute Solver'? 'Reboot'? Does this have something to do with how you grew your head back?

-[giggles nervously] I actively avoid unpacking how that works. - New material can't be pulled from thin air. If the wound is severe enough, this "Solver" might be some sort of auto-run program to collect more matte-- [metal clicking softly] [suspenseful music plays] ♪♪ - [hollers] [screams] [frantic music plays] ♪♪ - I want a frickin' ninja star!

[both grunt] [both holler] - [wails] [screams] [both groan] - You good? -Ugh, stop asking! Chainsaw-hand time?

- Yeah, cool-cool-cool. [intense music plays] ♪♪ - [screams] - [distorted audio] Yes, and, hello! [audio clarifies] It's me, Ted!

Um, can I get a location? I heard "dentist's office"! I'm Thad at the dentist's office.

Come over here for your. . .

teeth. - Predictably terrible work, J. Why do you look so -- - Great!

You look great, J. - No, no. Wait, guys.

It's really me! [audio glitching] [voice distorting] Is that a freakin' ninja star? ♪♪ - Kya!

- Whoa! Ugh! [exhales sharply] Lifesavers again!

Thanks. SUPER invited to my shindig next weekend. Cool kids only.

- [gasps] Eee! - Aaaah! - [Solver]: [female automated voice] We're busy then, anyway.

So, whatever. So lame. - What's with the voice, J?

- [Solver]: Oh, J's not here. We are trying to repair that host as per our directive. - So you are a program?

- [Solver]: More like, you are our cute puppets. It hurts our feelings you don't remember us. - N?

What's with the mom hologram? - [Solver]: Easier to assimilate than explain. - Not happening.

- [Solver]: Fair, but poor choice. Now we will have to do something shocking. - [grunting] - Whoa -- Hey!

- [Solver]: Goodbye, Dad. - Aagh! [dark music plays] ♪♪ - W-What?

- [Solver]: Wait, what? - Uzi, shoot! Or give it to me!

- [Solver]: Close one. Snarl. - Uzi, you good?

- No. - [Solver]: [chuckles] Pranked, idiot. You big stupid.

- [grunts] Lucky for you, it's snack time. Time to go into my mouth now. [lights crackle] [alarm blaring] - [Solver]: Ow.

And please, don't. And, also, I was using those. ♪♪ [sound muffles] [high-pitched ringing] [rubble clattering] - [groans] [hologram warbles] - [breathing shakily] W-What was -- Which parts of that were real?

[metal clanking] - [Solver]: Sneaky, sneaky. Sneaking away. Get snuck-up on.

Ow. Ow. [glitched audio] Ow.

Ow-o-ow-o-ow. [muffled approaching shouting] [melancholy music] - [gasps] What. .

. are you things? ♪♪ [indistinct chatter] - Uzi?

♪♪ What are you doing h-- [grunts] - [whimpers] ♪♪ [mysterious music plays] ♪♪ [bug chirps] - Gorgeous, right? I'm gonna let her in. Ah!

Jesus. Sorry, industrial-strength-ghost, or whatever. Settle.

[mysterious music plays] ♪♪ ♪♪ - [clicks tongue] I hate your personality normally, but this is somehow worse. What am I being punished for?