REENCARNAÇÃO

-Are you ready? -Not completely. You must know we get a bit anxious about reincarnating.

I know. You'll be reincarnating in 3, 2. .

. Wait, wait, my Lord. I'm sorry, God.

-What is it? -Did you write it down? Yes.

You want to reincarnate as a soccer player. -That's it. -Shall we?

Reincarnating as a player for Desportiva do Espírito Santo -in 3, 2. . .

-No, hold on. -What's wrong? -No.

-What do you mean? -What did you say? -Two?

-No, before. -Three. -Before the countdown.

-Desportiva do Espírito Santo. -Oh, come on. -What is it?

-My Lord, I was hoping to go to Europe. -You see? -No can do.

So I could play in the Champions League, in the Premier League. I could play for Manchester, Chelsea. .

. You cheer for PSG, you understand. -Even Porto I can handle.

-I can't help you there. -No can do. Sorry.

-Why not, my Lord? A lot of people want that. If someone wants to play for Arsenal, Chelsea, or Liverpool, he had to.

. . have been a blind nun in Sudan in his previous life.

-In Sudan? -Or in Parada de Lucas. But you were not a blind nun in Sudan or in Parada de Lucas.

-No. -Exactly. -I was a dentist.

-That's right. The kind that buys those huge speakers to play shitty music by the beach and wakes everybody up. Pissing everybody off.

-But that's not a sin, my Lord. -No, it's not. -It's worse.

-Really? You're reincarnating thanks to me. Fine.

I can get you playing for Vasco. How's that? Can't You find me something else?

I'm sure You can find me something good, my Lord. If you don't want to play for Desportiva do Espírito Santo, for Vasco, nor for Sport Recife, you could come back as a sea roach. -What?

-A sea roach. -Reincarnate as a sea roach. -That's not real, my Lord.

You're making that up. It's a joke. Those sea roaches, you know?

-That's not real. -You know rocks on beaches? They're full of those little brown roaches.

Urca's full of them. -That's not good. -In your opinion.

If you play for Desportiva do Espírito Santo, for Vasco, for Sport Recife, what'll happen? You'll have a tough childhood. That's normal.

You'll need to take several buses to get to the training grounds. You'll be mediocre and will not make it to the National Soccer Team. -I won't?

-No. What do you get? Three, four months of late paychecks.

There'll be no water. Your career will be over when you're 35 in a team on the Second or Third Division. When you're 40, you'll have arthrosis, arthritis.

A cirrhosis of the liver, because of the drinking. There's a lot of gout. -Sometimes depression.

-Oh. . .

Syphilis, chancroid, ostracism. When you're 70, there'll be a post about you on Milton Neves's blog. Remember that "Where Is He Now?

"? How's the life of that roach again? They eat algae and have a 2-year lifespan.

Can I live in Leblon? Sure. Here we go.

Reincarnating as a sea roach in 3, 2, 1! Next! Several players are on Liverpool's penalty area.

Manchester City is trying to break that barrier. De Bruyne. Agüero wants a pass.

Walker on the right. What a match! Now we can see their strategies.

Here comes Manchester City! They want to score a goal!