The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works) | Mel Robbins

you know I've heard a lot of experts say that fear isn't real that is such a bunch of baloney fear is so real in fact there are probably things that you're afraid of doing right now in your life in your relationships and work and the fact that you're afraid that's robbing you of all of the experiences that you want to have in your life I mean if you're afraid to fly that's going to limit your ability to travel and see the world or go visit friends if you're afraid of public speaking that's going to really

limit your ability to express yourself and share your ideas if if you're afraid of talking to your boss or asking for a raise that directly impacts how much money you make or what if you are dreaming of starting a business or you've already started a new business but you're afraid to talk to people and you're afraid to share your business with people I mean fear is something that stops us all and that's why I'm here to talk to you because it doesn't have to fear is real but I am going to share a secret weapon

that I have used for years to beat every single fear that used to stop me now first before we get into this secret weapon I just want to cover a few facts about fear What It Is What It Isn't and some things that you may may not know about fear so first thing fear is a physical state in your body that is exactly the same as excitement let me say that again fear and excitement are the exact same physical state your heart races you might sweat a little bit you might feel tightening in your chest

you might feel a pit in your stomach uh you have a surge of cortisol it's basically the way that your body goes into a hyperaware State because it's readying for Action Now what's the difference between fear and excitement really simple the only difference between fear and excitement is what your brain is doing as your body is all agitated if you're excited your brain's going oh wow this is going to be so cool to ride this roller coaster if you're afraid your brain's going oh no way there's no way I'm doing that this is dangerous get

out of there don't do that it's saying something different so what's critical about understanding this is that we're going to use the fact that your mind is either working for you for excitement or against you with fear to your advantage and I'll tell you about it in just a minute how you're going to do that second thing I want you to understand is that you may have heard the advice Feel the fear and do it anyway you may have heard the advice oh just try to calm down think positive thoughts it doesn't work does it

and there's a reason why it doesn't work so let's go back to fact number one when you're afraid your body is in a state of arousal and agitation and your heart is racing and you're all like amped up and you're hyper aware of what's going on and you're freaking out a little bit what is it like when you're calm you just kind of chill right you got like this low arousal State very very difficult to go from a state of agitation of being all jacked up and excited and weirded out and to a kind of

state it doesn't work it's like trying to stop a train by throwing a boulder on the tracks it's going to make the train jump off the tracks it's going to cause a disaster in fact they've proven in research that when you try to ignore your fears it actually makes them worse and they've also proven in research that positive thinking alone also can make your fears wor worse so what do you do what do do you do when you're about to go talk to your boss and you feel afraid what do you do when you have

to get on a plane and you're actually terrified of flying what do you do if you got to give a presentation and you are afraid of public speaking here's what you're going to do you're going to use a strategy the same one that I use that has helped me beat every single fear and turned me into somebody that is terrific when it comes to a high stress situation this is how you do it you're going to use my 5-second rule in combination with what I call an anchor thought and that is going to reframe what

your mind is doing so that your mind goes from feeling agitation and making you afraid to reframing it from agitation to excitement it works like magic now I have used this technique for years literally for years and one of the ways that I want to introduce you to it is I want to take you backstage I want to take you back stage to a speech that I delivered this year and what you're going to see is you're going to see me behind you know the major set I'm about to walk out you can kind of

hear the crowd roaring my introductory video is playing my body is in a state of arousal I am literally my heart is racing my arms are sweating like it's like you're going to see this I'm going to tell you about it and you're going to watch me use this same technique I'm going to teach you to reframe my nerves into excitement check this out all right I'm about to go on stage there are 7,000 people out there and it's so exciting because what they don't know is they're about to learn the 5-second rule and their

lives will never be the same again now I got to tell you my heart is racing um my armpits are sweating I have the exact same physiological feeling as when I'm afraid but I'm not afraid I'm excited excitement and fear is the exact same thing in your body it's just what your brain calls it here's a trick that's proven by science that I use every time I speak when I start to sweat when I start to have butterflies when I start to have my heart race I say I'm excited I'm excited to get out there

I'm excited to talk to these people I'm excited to share the 5-sec rule and what that does is it sends a message to my brain that tells my brain why my body's all agitated and excited and that way I don't feel afraid remember excitement and fear exact same thing in your body the only difference is what your brain calls it that's why you want those go get now I want to give you one more example just to make sure that you really get how you can use this so a lot of you have written to

me about your fear of flying and I can really relate to that fear because I used to have the exact same fear but I use this same strategy to conquer it here's how you're going to do it so first things first if you've got to do something that really makes you nervous or that you're afraid to do before you're about to do it come up with an anchor thought what's an anchor thought well an anchor thought is something that's going to Anchor you so that you don't escalate any situation into a full-blown panic attack or

into a situation where you screw things up it's a way for you to Anchor yourself so you maintain control over what you're thinking and how you behave so here's an example with flying it's important when you're creating an anchor thought to pick something that is in the proper context of what you're afraid to do so for flying pick an anchor thought that has to do with the trip that you're taking so if I'm boarding a plane to fly back home to Michigan an anchor thought might be a picture in my mind of my mom and

I walking on the shores of Lake Michigan where I grew up that's a thought that makes me happy it makes me excited and it's also related to the trip that I'm taking if you have a conversation that you need to have with your boss pick an anchor thought about how you feel after having that conversation maybe it's you picking up the phone and calling somebody that you you love and saying oh my gosh it went so well or you know you walking out of the meeting and feeling like yeah I survived that conversation I feel

pretty good about myself so now that you have your anchor thought you're ready to beat the fear how you're going to do it is this so let's go back back to the example of the plane I'm on the plane I'm flying to Michigan we hit turbulence my body's going to start getting agitated right I'm starting to get nervous my heart starts to race one of two things can happen I can't control how my body might feel but I can always always control what I'm thinking about and I can always control how I act and so

can you so when I'm on a plane and the turbulence hits 5 43 2 1 that's step one and it's essential and the reason why using the 5c Rule 5 4 3 2 1 is essential is because that is how you switch the gears in your mind you awaken your prefrontal cortex and you trigger your brain that you're now in control of your thoughts you've interrupted the fear you've settled your thoughts and now your brain is ready for that anchor thought so then what I do after I go 54 3 2 1 is I insert

the anchor thought that I've already come up with before the flight I start thinking about walking on the beach and being with my mom and my dad and I start telling myself I'm so excited to walk on the shores of Lake Michigan I'm so excited to see my parents now something remarkable is going to happen in your brain because you've interrupted the fear and because you've used the 5-second rule to assert control and awaken your prefrontal cortex and because you have an image that contextually makes sense to your brain because you're flying to Michigan you

know your brain does your brain goes huh Mel's excited to go to Michigan because my body is in a state remember the first fact fear and excitement exact same thing what's the difference between fear and excitement what your brain is saying using the 5-second rule and an anchor thought you can actually switch the gears in your mind and reframe the thoughts of fear into thoughts of excitement and because you have a vision that makes sense based on what you're doing your brain buys it you just tricked your brain now Dana used this technique she says

she's never been so calm when she's been flying and Sarah used it too now Sarah wrote to she was petrified of flying but utilizing the 5-sec rule and 54321 with an anchor thought check out this photo of her on a helicopter tour in Hawaii Not only was the tour amazing but here's what's really amazing if fear stops you this will change your life and for those of you that are afraid of public speaking check out this photo of Carol she also had a fear of public speaking and by using this technique that I've just explained

to you 5-sec rule anchor thought reframe your thoughts from Fear to excitement something incredible happened she was able to beat her fear and give a speech to her nursing colleagues and that was something that was a life goal and also something she checked off her bucket list fear is real you can't control the feelings that are going to rise up in your body when you're on a plane or when you're talking to your boss or when you see somebody that's attractive and you you really want to go over and and talk to that person but

you can always control what you think and you can always make a decision about the actions you're going to take so the next time you feel afraid 54321 go to to that anchor thought tell yourself you're excited and that my friend is the power of how you beat fear in 5 seconds flat and don't forget I'm here to help you however I can make sure you celebrate your successes on social media using the #5c rule tag me and if you ever have a question or you need advice you can always reach us at hello melrobbins.com