Everything Wrong With Bruce Almighty in 19 Minutes or Less

[Music] foreign but today in 40 seconds of logos and they are attempting to set a record by making Buffalo's largest cookie Buffalo's largest cookie not the countries not the worlds buffaloes largest cookie the Kowalski's sin is their complete lack of ambition also does buffalo have its own record book for this after losing four straight Super Bowls was the town like [ __ ] all this losing we're making our own record book and now Frank down the street is like I made a Triple Decker PBG can I get in the book yeah Frank congrats on your

record interesting that they keep the bagels covered to store them longer but every other type of they make is just out here on the Shelf fair game for flies to grading by the minute there's no way this cookie isn't just raw dough in the Middle with this kind of depth in those giant pools of chocolate or third degree burns waiting to happen this thing is an health code violation it's a death trap sitting on the floor in a scrapbook on a tiny table like this with the beverage and candles this is a recipe for ruined

or lost pictures back problems and that pins and needles thing where your legs feel like they're on fire and also being sliced by razor blades at the same time let's watch it one more time no just once more no please no this guy who doesn't understand the word no is going to be given the powers of God oh Grace the dog yelling for someone else to solve the immediate problem that you were closer to be be carrying your Terry is in the film well they need my blood I have a very rare blood type I'm

AV positive wow it is fairly rare a B positive is literally the least needed type of blood for donation because not only are the only people that can use it other a B positive people but other a B positive people can use every single other blood type wow this is some of the most obviously stage traffic I've ever seen it's a nice story Bruce but we're gonna go with Evan's piece a local news organization that pays to send a reporter producer and Camera person out to a story and have someone fully out of the piece

when they might not even air it wait was that just a plain piece of baloney and cheese between two slices of bread no ketchup or anything this just in your sandwich sucks couldn't you have paid Jim Carrey a little less money and actually filmed this at Niagara Falls so fake looking The Parting of the tomato soup later in the movie looks more realistic than this our beloved Pete Feynman is retiring and we could think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter movie wants us to believe that this would be a normal way

for Bruce to get sucker punched about not getting this job but there is zero chance this happens without a coordinated effort to hurt him as badly as possible Bruce should just leave town immediately because every single person he works with is an [ __ ] who hates him and there is no other explanation for this absolute troll job going down like this what's going on oh shut up Jack you knowingly sent Bruce out on an assignment without telling him that Evan was getting the job and put the announcement right before his piece the idea that

Jack is a good guy in this movie is a Philip Baker Hall of Lies why did you throw the blue Heart of the Ocean Jewel over the railing of the Titanic did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown while you were safe floating on the big door could you have taken turns Bruce would be the almightiest at CinemaSins why do you think I didn't get the anchor job hey man I don't want any problems I don't is it my hair Bill honestly this broadcast should have already been cut once it was clear Bruce

was going to rant about not getting the anchor drop so everything that comes after this is on inspector Bookman back in the production office for letting this go on any further I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News back to you curse in the real world this man transitions the viral Fame he's sure to get into a talking head slot on one of the major news channels complaining about cancel culture while making six-figure appearance fees in this movie he transitions it into a chance to be God and I'm not sure which is more ridiculous hey we've got

your things seriously these five characters were named Hood one through Hood five in the script it's crazy how racially unaware we were in the 60s beautiful I really wish he'd stop trying to make Bea beautiful a thing this is all because of that alrighty then [ __ ] being so popular you know that everything happens for a reason that's just something indoctrinated people say God has taken my burden my bush blaming God for your personal grooming habits God is a mean kid sitting on an ant hill with a magnifying glass and on the end kind

of harsh until you read the Old Testament I'm not okay with a mediocre apartment hold up this apartment is [ __ ] rat I'm not okay so here's where he went too far I think we can all agree but sending the photo box flying across the room is legit an early warning sign of an abusive relationship so I'm sending this movie for having him do this to further underscore the importance of the unfinished photo album well not even remotely acknowledging that this is abuser Behavior smite me oh mighty smiter is Jim Carrey comically brilliant or

gratuitously overacting who can know what the answer to this mystery this guy couldn't live in a more obvious Studio Backlot if a giant WB water tower was in the background what is that what is that the puddle was pretty obvious and Bruce just needs to look where he's going which might be part of the overall theme of the movie or not having God in any incarnation in any situation for any reason whatsoever wear a [ __ ] Yankees hat people underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor confusing the labor itself is the reward instead

of the purpose behind it Bruce goes flying again because of this drawer are we sure God isn't a sadist three two four nine six eight one well apparently we know where God stands on the is the thumb of finger question I mean he's wrong but whatever the fact that this old man sees this and still stays quiet is kind of a big deal because Bruce will go on to reap all kinds of Fame and the dude from up here has first-hand knowledge that Bruce has superpowers excuse me I need a spoon funny yes but shouldn't

it have just appeared in his hand I think the real power making this happen is from the screenwriter look I'm just trying to get the lay of the promised land here do some Powers require more Focus From God to some Powers result in more peripheral Grandeur like doors opening and wind blowing things around why is The Parting of the red soup any more Majestic than the telekinesis thing of the sugar earlier in order to account for The Parting of the soup the amount of CGI soup in this bowl is greatly reduced and all they had

to do to avoid this is not fill the bowl so goddamn full in the first place insinuating that you wouldn't know you've walked out onto the water until a boat goes by it's almost like these movies think because we can't see it we believe the characters can't see it either no one else sees this Bruce immediately uses his powers to destroy public property Marilyn Monroe a woman without consent and steel clothing I'm beginning to think he might just be an [ __ ] yo Brethren what that's Baptist both he and the monkey survive this twice

also I'm gonna send the actual God in this movie here as well for letting Bruce do all this vigilante I am ready roll credits that moon is way too big destroying an entire star system so you can get laid not only does he use his God powers to seduce his girlfriend and literally give her a long distance orgasm but he does it to avoid having to finish their argument from last night it's at about right now that the sexing soundtrack changes from Barry White to Fatboy Slim do I really have to further explain why I'm

adding Us in here there's no way this dog is peeing in this toilet from this position can't pee downward like a human man so that stream was pointed right at the back of the toilet seat or drenching his own front legs yep he used God powers to make his girl's boobs bigger I'm honestly not sure he's going to use the god powers for any good reason this whole film but I'll keep pointing out all the selfish and sinful ones along the way oh nice car man except those noisy skateboard punks saw the beat up car

just a few seconds ago did they see the car change did he erase their memory all this horsepower and no regalup you live in Buffalo I guess every dog has his day and every day has its way of being forgotten Mom it's my birthday seems to be in tune let's do this taking the long route to spitting in someone's eye as you can see behind us the body is being carefully exhumed that body is still 92 covered by dirt how the [ __ ] did you determine it was Jimmy Hoffa the body was found buried

with a birth certificate and complete set of dental records and you didn't think that was suspicious and instead of checking the DNA you just declared it [ __ ] hotha how did the dental records help when his face is still covered by dirt moments later he busted a local news camera crew with 220 pounds of marijuana someday not too far down the road this moment will make as much sense as kids in a movie from the 50s being arrested for playing a pinball machine we want you back Bruce we decided that you lucking into a

big story is a clear indication that your mental instability and the giant FCC fines you caused are no longer important this guy back here is absolutely grabbing the [ __ ] out of his nuts right now why is he here why doesn't he Shuffle off camera or Squat and crawl Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as I would think Mr convenient would be more appropriate or Mr in the right place at the right time or Mr he clearly did a voodoo curse or deal with the devil there's no way the public would just keep accepting

that this is him being a scoop Master this doesn't even make any sense but it's not even any incentive for Bruce to God teach the dog to hold the paper let alone read it okay look I would quarantine this media Creator immediately not let all the chefs from the [ __ ] nearby chili cook off into the crater for a photo op that can only happen via helicopter God [ __ ] damn and he told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our entire lives first of all men should never say this to

their Partners it is impossible to live up to second of all I witnessed most of the sex you guys had a few nights back and that seemed like it would be more memorable than even getting proposed to it's not clear that Evan Baxter ever did anything wrong to Bruce other than some office banter he merely got the job Bruce wanted so now that Bruce is God he'll use those powers to utterly humiliate A co-worker he probably wrongly labeled as a foe but don't worry kids in the end he does a single sacrificial thing and that

redeems all this selfish [ __ ] apparently and any of the production employees asking why Bruce Nolan is here in the booth leaning against the wall and acting [ __ ] weird so much for the real interfering with someone's Free Will Rule they cut away seconds after Bruce set a swear on the Maid of the Mist but they let Evan speak in tongues for more than half a minute and take no action Grace yes I got anchor this movie's idea of misunderstanding is to have the person act exactly as if they are doing the thing

the other person thinks they are doing even though it is in no way related to the thing they are actually doing fake out proposal is all of the contrived [ __ ] a bag of cow chips is this heaven not be the top of Mount Everest because I cannot see the colorful remnants of the living who got here and planted Flags or the Dead who died near the top only to become stairs you should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time Max prayer post dude learns the lesson about the limits of physical media

storage but then immediately chooses a different form of physical media storage that has even less ability to be tracked and monitored but all the Post-its in the world can't cover up the fact that there are seven lit lamps in this one shot [Music] even when this movie came out Yahoo was a dinosaur but they were so stuck on that Yahweh joke ripping on the Yahoo jingle they kept the dated joke out of spite so he's got 1.5 million unread prayers and that has to still just be upper New York yeah of course the Christians I

see on TV the most don't seem like the kind to do much praying hmm send it anyway Bruce uses the power of God to get fresh coffee direct from Juan Valdez instead of just answering some of the prayers he's been emailed Bruce continues to be a terrible person super speed flashing email answering scene this is where I earn my keep kids frame by frame button don't let me down everything starts off okay with a prayer from Tom Cassidy about needing rain and then need rain gets marked as yes on the answer line but the next

one is about a lost cat which appears to have already been answered yes at the top of the screen we then get Harold O'Brien's more money requests which makes it clear we are now working our way down the list from the top even though Bruce is still marking the emails further down this continues through make me smarter make me thinner friends at school and English test but then we start the entire cycle over with the need rain lost cat and so on and so forth more than holy [ __ ] did I just completely ruin

this movie for you you're welcome Bruce is so lazy he replies yes to all his emails just so he can stop having to deal with emails and wow this is part of his being goddess hard journey and this is still some [ __ ] [ __ ] that deserves punishment Bruce shows up to the party literally turning water into wine and still no one objects or says what the hell i'll like the Sabers coach prays a lot how would you know see he's leaning on a golden calf this is exactly the kind of subtle biblical

illusion that resulted in millions who saw this denouncing their own Greed for a life of Simplicity leading to the overwhelming peace and goodwill we see around us through the world and on the internet today here's the dumbest ever he calls her and leaves a message asking her to come to the party then he uses his God powers to get the dog to persuade her but then he what forgets he's God and decides to let Susan Ortega eat his face like he doesn't know his girlfriend is coming here soon you want the Moon just say the

word and I'll throw a lasso around and pull it down explaining your references I wonder who stayed single Bruce yells this at God as though relationships are hard am I right when he was literally just caught kissing another woman by his living girlfriend an unusually high number of lottery winners has New York officials concerned there's forced news position and then there's pretend everyone at a fancy party had a TV on and tuned into the Evening News forced news position also multiple lottery winners is the main problem from answering yes to everyone's prayers I saw Wonder

Woman 1984 I know it gets much worse than that how do you make somebody love you without affecting free will you [ __ ] don't I don't think a selfish person would even ask this question she goes out jogging leaving her sister's house and finds that Bruce's carved messages in the graffitrees to get her to come back to him and that is absolutely psychotic behavior stalker Behavior and the fact that she takes him back in about 23 minutes of movie time is a crime can we get a small coffee to go who goes to a

trolley car diner for a small coffee you work at a preschool or Elementary School that place definitely has coffee kids so he shows up at her work in the middle of her doing her job which is exactly what Ross did FYI and hopes he can just use words to get her back and even if you want to go to use words only option showing up unannounced at your ex's job is a huge red flag that you are in fact a selfish [ __ ] prickly dickheaded heel would it help if I just said that I

was a complete ass No in fact that's kind of the whole problem here you are a complete ass like the movie is going to try and change my view of you here in a second but I'm afraid your character is just like the Twinkies two for one coupon I just found in my wallet probably a bad idea in the first place and no longer redeemable [Music] [Music] violent the scene nearly turned violent after nearly everyone won the lottery all at once and that violence would have been on the real God not Bruce just want to

make sure we keep our eye on the true culprit doomsday prophesied did someone pray for a terrible graphics artist excuse me I will prophesy that no one was able to prophecy the spelling error because the Sabers have won their first championship in 22 years the Sabers have actually never won the Stanley Cup I have no idea what this movie is smoking here for something with so much actual Buffalo baked in it's odd this line went unchecked [Music] see he's almost crushed by his own Giant Eagle this is the kind of subtle metaphorical message that has

resulted in millions who saw this denouncing their own narcissism for a life of empathy leading to the overwhelming peace and good will we see around us through the world and on the internet today not as easy as it looks is it son it's God Business movie tries to make me feel sorry for God I get that mopping the floor is metaphorical for cleaning up the mess on Earth at least in Buffalo but this is a vacant floor how dirty because that's gotten in a single week with no one occupying it all righty then I give

all the sins back if Morgan Freeman turned around and spoke the rest of the scene with his butt that's everybody's problem you keep looking up what the hell does that mean God's all like don't ask me I just work here here we finally see finally inside of Bruce that considers other people and he's looking at the photos and then he reverts right back to selfish Bruce by finishing this photo album without Grace's input the point wasn't the album you dick it was doing it together reliving the occasions and vacations that the photos commemorate who have

missed the entire point unfortunately so is the movie so this will work and Grace will love it Bruce giveth Bruce take it away wait so instead of answering each prayer or just yes to alling his way through it he unplugs the prayer machine and that's a good thing so now all the prayers go out no one ever reads them at all let alone respond to them that sounds a lot like real life but I'm not sure this movie realizes it's going full atheist here lower and debase myself for the amusement of total strangers Jim Carrey's

actual inner monologue somehow makes it into the script okay Sammy let's do it right like all the other dogs it's odd that he's trying to teach his dog to pee on one of the only trees on this block like take your dog to a dog park man this plot of grass is so small do you even have any idea how fast your [ __ ] dog will fill this area with foul smelling stinking dog waste a scrapbook would totally make up for the psychological abuse you put my sister through I'll put in a good word

here in the movie will have the stocky ex-boyfriend with God Powers literally spy on her outside her bedroom as she cries praying to the real God that she doesn't want to hurt anymore that it's going to help Bruce learn and grow but the invasion of privacy here is ungivable you manipulative douchebag [ __ ] I want you to decide what's right for me weren't you listening earlier Bruce God said that our problem was looking up to him too much what's the deal with a sudden change in message here because I thought it was solve your

own cause I'm outie thus saith the Lord you want that back no I want her to be happy this here is the only measure of growth this [ __ ] makes the entire movie I actually do believe he has put Grace's happiness above his own but I also believe his own happiness is still well Above All non-grace Humans that exist on the planet she deserved for me and because this movie can't just leave it on this pretty powerful idea that person will end up being you anyway for some [ __ ] reason I get that

she might come visit him or even be upset at his condition but she's basically taking him back because she has sads about how I get hit by a car none of her issues with him have been resolved here is a syringe cookie that definitely looks like a penis I myself will have given blood twice this week no reputable blood drive would have taken your blood twice in a week standard waiting time between blood donations is 12 weeks at the least now I'm wondering if this whole story was made up was this supposed to be a

twist ending it never looked like Morgan Freeman so we weren't meant to guess it and the CGI transformation is awful but still is probably why we had to have green screen Niagara Falls scenes [Music] foreign do you like jazz Evan you like jazz I'm Rick Tamlin people seem to like me because I am polite and I'm rarely late in case I don't see you good afternoon good evening and good night you're only one around here not doing his job is you oh don't Rubble one thing I can't stand it's people groveling who are you there

is a seam here or a hollow spot oh yeah Sam am I getting through to you go [ __ ] yourself San Diego groundbreaking ceremony earlier today when an angry shirtless lady treated attendees to quite the show clap on Hercules Hercules Hercules