5 days ago, I was training in my local gym, punching the boxing bag. But to the right of me, I saw a young lady training alone as well, throwing a kettle bell around in the air. So, I continued doing my workout, but then 5 minutes later, we were both interrupted by an old man who'd just walked up into the boxing stretching area.
He was stumbling along. He was breathing out loud really heavily, and he was drenched in sweat. Clearly, he had just finished his workout.
So, I looked at him, he looked at me, I nodded, he nodded, and we both exchanged the signal of, "All right, mate. " So, I continued doing my workout for the final time because I only had 3 minutes left. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this old man grab a yoga mat in this pretty much empty gym and plunk it down right next to this young lady training.
So, the young lady takes out her earphone, puts her kettle bell down, goes to say something, and I'm watching from a distance, pretending to hear the boxing back. thinking, "Oh no, this is going to kick off into a big argument. She's not going to be happy about this.
" But then she says to the old man in a joking voice, "I'll try not to hit you. " To which the old man, now in an all four position with his legs stretched out, looks up at the young lady and says, "Do you know what? It might knock some sense into me.
" And then he moves his mat out of the way. So she laughed, he laughed, and I laughed. And suddenly the social harmony was restored.
And here's what that interaction has made me realize. If you can light-heartedly poke fun at your own flaws and weaknesses without being too self-critical or putting yourself down. In other words, if you can be self-deprecating, you'll not only improve the relationship you have with yourself because you'll take yourself less seriously, meaning all of that tension you hold in your shoulders due to the constant criticism you throw at yourself will be encouraged to melt away.
But you'll also make other people laugh in the process and encourage them to take a much more light-hearted approach towards you as well. Because I'm not sure about you, but whenever I hear someone else be self-deprecating, it makes me think, "Ah, this person doesn't take themselves too seriously, that means they're up for a good time. " But zooming in just quickly, why would it be important for you to encourage others to take a more light-hearted approach towards you?
Well, it's because in my experience, I found that the quickest and easiest way to build a bridge of connection between you and another person, especially in this day and age of people constantly peacocking and posturing in order to show their perfect brilliance to the world. The easiest way to build this bridge of connection between you and other people, is to demonstrate something like this. By the way, um I know sometimes I see confident, I seem confident, but yeah, I'm just as human as you.
meaning my list of weaknesses, flaws, and quirks is just as long as yours, if not longer. So, there's Connect. So, try it.
The next time you're in your local cafe and you're carrying a tray of coffees over to your table and someone looks at you, get their attention and just say, "Oi, how much do you want to bet? I these everywhere. " Or the next time someone asks you, "So, what are you good at?
" your head back and say, "Not toot in my own horn, but if procrastinating and then cramming everything in at the last minute were an Olympic sport, I'd probably be world class by now. " Or the next time you're late to something, instead of arriving and then apologizing 30 times and potentially making the vibe awkward, you say, "Sorry I'm late. My uh time management skills are still in beta testing.
" Or finally, the next time someone does bump into you on the street and they say sorry, turn around and say, "Don't worry. " In fact, it's probably knocked some sense into me. And I guarantee doing that will build a bridge of connection between you and the other person.
But if you're wondering how to be self-deprecating without being all wo is me to other people, I've got four tips for you. Target quirks, not worth. You're just mentioning harmless habits or situational slip-ups.
You're not talking about your character. For example, I'm so good at losing my keys, I should add it to my CV. Great.
Forgetting something, being clumsy, losing something, not I'm such an idiot. I always lose things. Which leads us into point number two.
Deliver it with playfulness. Imagine if that old man in the gym said to that young lady, "Yeah, well, might knock some sense into me. " No, he said it as if to say, "Don't worry, love.
Might knock some sense into me. " You want to deliver it as if you're winking at the person, you know. Number three, pair it with competence.
Balance the joke by showing you've got things covered elsewhere because you're mentioning a flaw. So couple it with confidence. You might say something like, "Listen, I cannot poach an egg to save my life, but my scrambled ones, Michelin star.
" Sorry, I just gave half of you the ick by doing that. Finally, laugh with, not at yourself. You're just sharing a moment of amusement.
You're not seeking reassurance from other people so that they say, "Oh, don't worry. You're not really like that. You're fine.
" No. What are you demonstrating with all of this to the other person? I'm fine with my quirks.
I'm cool with them. And I invite you to be cool with yours as well. Final note, don't be self-deprecating in every single moment of every conversation.
know if you say it 10 times in a conversation then people will start to think something's going on. Maybe do it once or twice. So try it and I guarantee you will build a bridge of connection between you and the other person.
Because remember, in this modern world of people peacocking and posturing to show their all too perfect brilliance to other people, the bridge of connection will be walked by those few individuals who can demonstrate to other people, hey, I am just as flawed, messy, and human as you. That's vibe. That's the bottom line of this video.
Comment a comment down below of you using self-deprecation towards other people or people using it towards you cuz I'd like to see some different examples of it being used. If anything comes to mind, let me know. Thank you very much for your time and attention.
Stay disciplined, playful, and dangerous. Did I miss anything? No.
Catch us.
